Author's Note: I'm back! Thanks for waiting, and answering the Bella question. I really appreciate it and I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. I am the world's worst updater…you have my permission to flame me. The delay was caused by the great difficulty I had writing this; I don't know if the story will lose readers after this chapter. Ah, well, we'll just have to see. Happy reading.
Disclaimer: Seeing as this chapter was driven completely by music, I don't own any of the songs, lyrics, or bands mentioned.
Tempting the Lion
"Tough Love"
I found solace curled up on my bed, absorbed in the music of one of Charlie's old CDs. I blared the song through my headphones until every one of my limbs vibrated with the beat. Alice had left me a half an hour ago to deal with the rest of her family downstairs. I knew there'd be yelling at some point, either by the parents or children, and I didn't want to hear it. I rested my head against the wall as I whispered the lyrics over and over again, yearning to shout them out as the song ordered.
I wanted to shout at my stupidity. I wanted to rewind the whole day and start fresh. I wished I'd refused Edward's invitation to his house so he could've hunted with his family. Then, I wouldn't have felt so audacious, and I wouldn't have been bitten, and I wouldn't have been recovering in bed with growing trepidation of another attack. I had to admit that I was terribly frightened of what would happen if Edward came upstairs. I rubbed my clammy fingers on the bedspread, chewing on my lip anxiously.
The sudden touch on my shoulder jolted me out of my intense musings. I jumped, flinging my arms out to keep myself from rolling off the bed. "W – What is it?" I blurted. The headphones slid over my eyes and I yanked them off.
"You're one of the most spastic humans I've ever met," Alice chuckled. "Hey, is that Tears for Fears? They were huge in the 80s." I nodded in agreement and drew my knees as far up to my chin as possible. She plopped down at the end of the bed, looking around the room. I watched her for some moments, wondering if my silent persuasion would make her confess. I knew if anyone, Edward especially, stared at me for an extended period of time, I would tell them everything I knew. Apparently, it wasn't working in Alice's case, since she remained mum the entire time.
I resorted to asking her very casually what happened.
"A lot happened," she began, hesitating, "but that's not important. The main thing is that Edward wants to see you."
My stomach lurched in apprehension. "Right now?"
"If you don't mind," Alice replied, flicking imaginary dust off her jeans.
"Um, well…" How in the world could I let Edward see me like this? I looked like a car-crash survivor. I scraped my fingers through my knot-infested hair, trying unsuccessfully to smooth the tangles. I massaged my face, taking care not to disturb my nose, to restore the little bit of color I had before the afternoon.
"You look fine," Alice reassured me, smiling. "You know Edward won't care."
"I guess… but this," I indicated my bloodshot eyes and bloated nose, "he'd worry about."
"I'll go get him," Alice whispered, bouncing off the bed. I grabbed her arm before she disappeared out the door.
"Is he – I mean, he's not hungry, right?" I asked sheepishly. Alice grinned and patted my shoulder.
"Esme and Jasper took him out to hunt. He's perfectly fine," she answered. "He'll be up shortly." And then, she was gone. I sat there, stricken with fear. My arms encircled my knees and squeezed. What in the world was I going to say to him? I started weighing my options – start crying and beg forgiveness the minute he walked through the door, give him the cold shoulder, or greet him as if nothing happened between us. None sounded too tantalizing. I waited, listened to how many beats it took before my heart gave out all together.
The faint creaking of stairs filled my ears.
My grip around my knees grew rigid.
My breathing was suspended for what seemed like eons when a knock on the door reminded me I was losing oxygen.
"Come in," I called breathlessly. My voice caught in my throat after that. The door opened slowly; I averted my eyes, stretched my legs, and focused on the CD player in my trembling hands. I kept repeating that this was Edward – how could I fear him?
"Bella," I heard him say in his tantalizing voice, though I knew he didn't mean for it to sound that way. My stomach flipped at the warm familiarity of him, and I relaxed somewhat. I heard the click of the door as it closed shut and felt the bed move slightly when he sat on the edge of it. "Bella," he repeated, and I felt one cool finger brush against my jaw and settle under my chin. My flesh tingled with pleasure. I whimpered involuntarily and restrained my eyes from straying to his. Gently, my head was tilted back, and I was forced to look at him, the gorgeous angel of darkness. He was the unflawed Beauty, and I was the gruesome Beast. We didn't fit together.
I noticed that his eyes had paled to the light gold that I was used to seeing, but they were distraught and I couldn't bear seeing him like that. It wasn't in his nature to appear so weak. His brow furrowed, much like Carlisle's, as he absorbed my afflicted features. I squeezed my eyes shut to repress the onslaught of tears. Both of his hands slid up to cradle my burning face in his cold palms. "I'm so sorry," he wavered, and I shook my head.
"…Don't say that," I stammered, sniffling. I glanced at him, before slipping from his grasp and wiping my wet eyes. "This – was – my – fault," I spoke into my hands and peered at him through my fingers. He hung his head low; his forefinger and thumb pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was stupid."
"We both committed the wrong," Edward growled. "It's not based solely on me, since I did not control myself accordingly, nor are you the only one to blame, because you overstepped your boundaries."
"But I started this – "
"No!" Edward interrupted, and I cringed at the volume of his voice. It seemed as though the beast hadn't been fully shackled yet. He rose from the bed, pacing and massaging his temples furiously. I watched him, unable to pacify his overwrought nerves. He resembled a lion in its cage, striding back and forth quietly, brooding over the predicament it had trapped itself in. He paused at one point and turned his brilliant golden eyes to me. His lips were pinched at the corners and if he clenched his jaw any harder, he would shatter it. "I never meant to bring you harm. I promised…and…" he sunk down into the rocking chair opposite the bed, his hands pressed to his head in utter confusion.
"People make mistakes, Edward," I shrugged in a half-hearted attempt to ease the ever-growing tension between the vampire and himself.
"You call nearly murdering someone a mistake?" he cried involuntarily.
"Yes," I replied firmly, meeting his livid gaze. "Like you said, we weren't thinking rationally…"
"I broke my promise to you, Bella. How can you disregard that simple fact?" Edward continued.
"I'm not. You got what you wanted: I'm not dead and I'm not a vampire," I sighed. "You promised not to harm me, and you didn't," I glimpsed down at my bound elbows, felt the gauze chafe my neck, and winced at the persistent ache in my nose, "extremely. It's only a couple of bruises." I braced myself for Edward's outburst.
"A couple of bruises? I almost broke your nose and every bone in your body. I poisoned you. I made you bleed. How can you say I didn't hurt you extremely?" He had risen and was approaching me. I half-wondered if I could make it to the door in time. Just as I was about to commence my escape, he touched me ever so gently on the shoulder. "You have every right to fear me. I've caused you such pain." I shuddered as his hand absentmindedly stroked a stray curl near my collarbone. "It felt liberating, almost, to be a predator. I just gave in so quickly. When I stopped you from leaving, I didn't know I had pushed you so hard. And I saw the blood…"
"But you stopped, Edward. That shows you were somewhat in control of yourself," I said confidently, though I felt sick inside. I didn't want to hear his side of the story; I was there, both physically and mentally, and I remembered every detail. The incident was seared into my memory and it wasn't going to fade. That's why it felt so odd having Edward sitting next to me, stroking my hair, when a few hours earlier, he had me pinned to the floor, lusting for my blood. I didn't feel safe in his presence.
"I don't want to lose control like that ever again," he said.
"It's over now, anyway," I murmured. A frown marred his perfect, ethereal features. He didn't seem to understand what I meant. "What happened earlier today, I mean. We don't need to keep brooding over it because it's done."
I was contradicting myself. Edward could see past my façade.
"I don't believe that's an option, Bella. We have to resolve this matter before it worsens."
"I know," I whispered.
Edward swallowed harshly and gazed around the room. "I think…" he began.
"We should stay apart for a little while," I interrupted. I couldn't wait for him to say it…he would take too long suggesting it in the nicest way. Edward's eyes flashed up to mine and I was unnerved by the grim uncertainty he had plastered on his face.
"All right," he managed to agree after a few disquieting moments, though I could hear in his tone that he was not at all pleased with the idea.
"It's for the best…and, well, I think, I mean, I'd like…" I hesitated, lowering my eyes to the bedspread, "to go home."
"You're already home, Bella," Edward faltered. I pressed my fingers to my closed eyes, repressing a fresh wave of tears from making its appearance. I heard Edward breath in sharply when he realized I meant Phoenix. "That's quite a distance."
"I know," I sniffled, "but I miss my mom, and I haven't visited for a couple of months…"
"You shouldn't have to go," Edward said suddenly, and I looked up at him, bewildered.
"What?"
"I should leave. This is your home, you've only just arrived; a year is certainly not enough," he explained, each word laced with mounting anxiety.
"I've visited every summer since I was little," I responded. "You've been here, what, two years? You can't just pick up and go. You've finally settled down…it's not fair to you or your family. You fit well in Forks."
"You still have senior year to finish, Bella," Edward persisted, adopting the tone of a condescending parent. His golden eyes flared, catapulting me into a fit of fleeting desire instead of rage.
"Edward…" I said through clenched teeth. He was testing my nerves. Couldn't he support me for once?
"I've already done the high school experience. You only have this once. Therefore, I'll go to Alaska or some other – "
"Stop!" I interrupted rather severely. I couldn't repress anything anymore. I heaved, shocked by the sudden intensity of my voice; I'd never yelled at Edward like this before, not with so much animosity. It felt invigorating for a moment, assuming the upper hand, before the good feeling finally settled into overwhelming guilt. Edward's eyes bore into mine, utterly speechless. This is what Alice had forewarned me of. I was yelling at him; I had to let him down gently. "Please, please, stop being so goddamn stubborn," I pleaded; I noticed my hands were clenched into the tightest of fits and that my eyes were burning from the fresh onslaught of tears impairing my vision. "I want to go, Edward, don't you see? You can't protect me forever. It'll be better for both of us if you… just let me go."
He didn't speak for awhile – that gave me enough time to cool down. After I regained most of my composure, I reached over to touch his pale face, which seemed dangerously translucent. He leaned into my warmth, the circles under his eyes darkening as he tilted his head and pressed his cold lips to my palm. I couldn't read the emotions tarnishing his perfect face. I pulled my hand away, massaging the warmth back into it before folding it across my stomach.
"I don't want to lose you again, Bella," he answered roughly.
"You won't," I assured him in barely a whisper, though I wasn't entirely sure, "and…I'll be careful. Trouble is inevitable for me, but living here has definitely taught me how to sidestep the most dangerous situations."
My attempt to brighten the severity of this issue brought a faint smile to the corner of Edward's mouth. He shifted, and the smile slowly straightened into an unresponsive line. "Edward?" I questioned feebly, desperate for some response from him. I knew how he felt, but I just wanted him to say it.
He glanced up suddenly, not at me, not at anywhere in particular. "Your father's here." It wasn't what I was waiting for, but it was something.
"Where will you go?" I asked. He could have climbed out the window and left; instead, he retreated to the rocking chair across the room, folded his arms across his chest, and closed his eyes.
I laid back in bed, wiped the excess tears from my cheeks, and prayed that Charlie wouldn't have a fit when he discovered Edward was in my room. Mom was a little peeved in the hospital when Edward was there, but how would Dad react?
The stairs creaked and I could hear muffled voices growing clearer. "Come in," I called when the soft knock on my door announced Charlie's arrival. Carlisle opened the door, stepping aside to let Charlie in. My father was disheveled. His uniform was drenched from the torrential downpour outside and his eyes were wide with alarm.
"Hi Dad," I murmured, forcing a weak smile as he strode to my side and kissed my forehead. He ruffled my hair, analyzing my face much like Carlisle and Edward did. Only this time, he looked right about ready to cry, which, of course, made me want to start sobbing. "I'm sorry," I croaked. Charlie embraced me, taking care not to disturb my bound elbows. He patted my back sympathetically, assuring me that everything was going to be all right and that he was glad to see I wasn't injured tremendously. He glimpsed at Edward from time to time, as if he were trying to catch him in an offending act. I bet he wanted to.
"Dad," I whispered after he shifted to look at Edward for the fifth time.
"What is it, Bells?" Charlie replied. "Are you in pain? Do you need medicine? I'll go get some Advil."
"No, no, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, completely sure," I grinned. I groaned inwardly. And then I told him my plan. Go back to Phoenix, live with Mom and complete senior year, visit Forks for Thanksgiving and Easter, and return for college. I explained all of this rather fast, without any breaks. Charlie listened quietly and then politely told me to relax. Though he didn't look disappointed, I heard it in his voice. I told him I loved him, and I loved Forks, but I wanted to go to Arizona for awhile, and I would return. He stole a dubious glance at Edward.
"It's not because of Edward," I stated firmly. Charlie turned back to me. "I'm not leaving because of him, Dad. He didn't do anything to me."
We discussed my move for a couple of minutes, before Charlie thought it best to let me rest. He told me it was okay if I wanted to leave and he would start looking into upcoming flights to Phoenix. I thanked him as he left, and he patted my head gingerly and said he loved me.
The door shut with a soft click as Edward's eyes opened slowly. He didn't make a move to rise; he merely rested his copper-colored head against the back of the rocking chair and gazed at the ceiling. I slid back into my position on the bed, dragging the covers up to my chin and staring into the dim glare of my end-table lamp. My whole body seemed to sink into the downy mattress, swallowing me up in a cozy abyss.
The distressed sincerity of Edward's voice jerked me back into reality, and I gasped, startled.
"Alice told me you were going to leave, and no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to stop you. I denied it, thought I could sway you…" His smooth eloquence broke there. "I'll miss you terribly, Bella, more than you'll ever know."
I buried my face in my pillow, the ache in my nose steadily conquered by the throbbing ache in my chest. Tears stained my pillowcase, set my eyes on fire, but I could not suppress such violent emotions.
I had shot out at Edward when he sought to keep me in Forks. I had murdered the lion… and there was no way I'd be able to resuscitate him.
Author's Note: Again, I apologize for the wait. I hope this chapter entertained you somewhat. Poor Edward, poor Bella :(, though I did enjoy writing that spontaneous outburst of Bella's. As always, I love reading what you, the readers, have to say. So, if you want, leave a comment! The final chapter will be up next week. :)