After visiting Alyssa's mom, Alison doesn't go back to school. She goes straight home and spends the rest of her day there. She couldn't be bothered with going back to school only to be tracked down and questioned by Emily about why she left. Especially in the way that she left.
She doesn't really have any answers for that and she has until school ends to figure out what she's going to say to Emily because Alison knows Emily well enough to know that she will pay her a visit if she doesn't hear anything by the end of the day.
Alison writes in her journal about everything going on with Alyssa and Emily. She feels so many different things about what's going on but right now she's most worried about what's going to happen when Miss. Clark confronts Alyssa about what she heard from her today.
Alison knows that the conversation will only make things worse for her at school if Stacey can't do something about it. She doesn't know how that will affect her and Emily either. Emily was already grabbed during an altercation because of how jealous her ex had become. Alison feels sick at the thought that she might have put an extra target on their backs by going to Alyssa's mom about her behavior.
Alison leaves her room after journaling to watch some television in the living room. She needs to get her mind off thinking too much about the future and pass the time before Emily inevitably shows up to talk to her about what happened.
Alison didn't text the other girl and she doesn't plan to, which means Emily will either be angry with her or worried about her. Possibly both but regardless of that, Alison doesn't know how this conversation with Emily will go down. All Alison really hopes for is that this won't become a big thing between them.
Alison is in the middle of watching an old episode of Riverdale when she hears feverish knocking on her front door. At first Alison doesn't clue in to who could be banging on her door. It takes a few extra seconds for her to put two and two together and she prepares herself for the chaos that may end up ensuing.
"I'm coming" Alison calls loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear when the knocking stops. Alison pauses the episode but leaves the tv on. She takes a deep breath in and out before pulling the door open.
She comes face to face with Emily who looks both concerned and confused. The concern washes away as Emily takes in her appearance. Alison doesn't have red and puffy eyes. Her makeup isn't ruined and she generally looks fine and uninjured as far as Emily can see.
Emily and Alison just stare at each other for a couple of seconds. It makes Alison fidgety that Emily hasn't even spoken to her yet. Emily, on the other hand, doesn't know what to think. She'd made up all these reasons for why Alison would bail on school and leave without sending her a text to explain. It makes her angry that Alison has likely been at home all day relaxing.
Emily pushes past Alison who is still standing in the doorway with the door open and slips into the house. "C'mon in, why don't you," Alison says sarcastically. "Make yourself at home," she adds after she closes the door and walks into the living room where Emily is.
Emily doesn't make herself at home. Instead she paces up and down the space in between the coffee table and the couch. Alison watches her with curious eyes. She has no idea what's going on with Emily and that scares her. She can't prepare herself for whatever is going on if she can't read Emily.
"Did you come here to talk to me or just stand around?" Alison asks when she can't handle the silence from Emily any longer.
Emily stops pacing immediately and her head snaps to look directly at Alison. Something in Emily's expression shifts subtly. "I wasn't going to do this but now, I don't feel bad about it. You're clearly fine so I won't hold back. Why did you storm off earlier? We were having a conversation and you just walked away and left me to stand there wondering what the hell happened."
"I was angry. I was angry that you didn't tell me the whole story when everything happened and I was even more angry with Alyssa for putting her hands on you. If I didn't walk away I probably would have gone to look for her and that wouldn't have ended well. It would have been ugly and I didn't want to cause a scene like that. Especially for something personal that didn't need an audience."
Emily seems to accept the answer much to Alison's relief, but she isn't done with her questions though. "That doesn't explain where you went after you left."
Alison fights the urge to say that it doesn't matter. She fights the words "it's none of your business" not to slip from her lips. That kind of response and attitude wouldn't help anything between them and she doesn't want to fight with Emily. She's had enough of fighting for a long time.
"I was going to head home but I made a pit stop somewhere before I did." It's vague and Alison knows Emily will want to know more about it than what she's getting from her but Alison isn't going to tell her everything. All she needs to know are the basic details. The same kind of details that Emily obviously thought would be good enough for Alison when she fought with Alyssa.
Emily gives Alison a long look. She squints her eyes at Alison as she studies her. "You made a pit stop?" she asks carefully. The look on Alison's face tells Emily everything she needs to know. "What did you do?" Emily asks quietly.
Alison rolls her eyes harshly. She hates that Emily can read her as well as she can read Emily. The door going both ways doesn't often work out in her favour. This being one of those times. "I didn't do anything," she denies. Old habits of lying about things she doesn't want anyone to find out about dying hard.
Emily crosses her arms over her chest. She groans in frustration with Alison's reluctance to tell her the truth. "Just tell me where you went and what you did so we can get on top of this before it gets any worse than it already is."
Alison's voice is sharp when she says her next words. "I went to her house to shut down her disgusting and unacceptable behavior."
Emily automatically knows who Alison is referring to even though no name was said. "What does that mean exactly?"
Alison shuffles her feet. This is far more uncomfortable than she imagined that it would be. "I told her mom everything that she's been doing. She said that she would handle it."
Emily tries not to flip her shit at the confession. It's hard and she wants to scream. She runs her hands through her hair and she tugs slightly to get some of her anger out. "You told her mom?" Emily exclaims loudly. "I thought we agreed that we would handle this together?" Emily inquires softer this time.
Her voice is steady when she answers Emily. "We did but I couldn't stand back and watch her mistreat you and everyone else. I was tired of her getting away with everything and I did what I thought was right. I'd do it again if it means that she won't hurt anyone else again."
Emily can feel her emotions getting the better of her. "Why do you always feel the need to fight my battles for me? Do you not think I can deal with them myself? Do you think I'm so weak that you have to step in for me every time someone does something hurtful to me? I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need your help."
"Wow," Alison responds. "First of all, I didn't do this to fight a battle for you. I did this for me as much as I did it for you and everyone else that she's tormented. I've been on her side of those things. I know how I made people feel. I wanted to take down a bully. There was no intention of trying to take something away from you or make you feel like I didn't think you were strong. The fact that I went to see Miss. Clark had nothing to do with you. I wasn't motivated by making you feel small or weak. I'm actually offended that you think I went there as a way to demean or undermine you."
"You've done it before so why would I think this time was anything different than this?" It's a reflex that Emily realizes she hates because Alison's face hardens and she knows that this is going to get nasty.
"Throwing my past into my face when I've tried everything to get away from that image?" Alison questions rhetorically. "Nice. I admitted to all of my wrong doings from years ago and when I stood up for you back then, it was still out of love. I never did it to harm you. I never did anything with the intention of hurting you."
"You never did anything with the intention of hurting me?" Emily asks rhetorically this time. "That's rich. You did so many things that hurt me. You must have diluted yourself into thinking that all the times you caused me pain wasn't at least a little bit on purpose. You did so many things that hurt me and now you say that you didn't intend for that to happen? You pushed me away time and time again when I got too close to you. You never gave me the chance to experience what I hoped was underneath the surface."
Emily doesn't know when she started to cry but she can feel the wetness on her cheeks and around her eyes. "We could have been so much more than we were if you'd have let me in. I was in love with you and I'd have done anything you asked me to do but you pushed me to the side when our connection became too much for you to handle. You wanted to get rid of those feelings and by doing that you got rid of me. You tossed me to the side anytime something better came about and for years I tried to understand why you'd do that to me. For years I accepted that I'd never matter to you the way you mattered to me. It broke me. You broke me every time you'd flirt with me and then go out on a date with someone else the next day. You treated me like dirt but still expected me to love you and be there, waiting on you when you came back."
Alison stands as strong as she can. "I couldn't handle my feelings for you back then but I've grown since then. I'm not the same person as I used to be. I'm not the same person who treated you like that. I want you to know that I'm sorry for all of that. I loved you, I did but I wasn't ready to believe that the person I thought I was wasn't real." Alison soon starts to cry as well. She's hated herself for so long. She knew back then she was hurting Emily but she couldn't find a way to choose Emily and still keep her reputation.
If she'd known that being open about loving Emily wouldn't have changed anymore, she would have been herself sooner. She kicks herself at night for not ever trying to see if things would have been the same sooner.
Alison pours her heart out to Emily. "I couldn't fathom that who I was turned out to be a lie. I didn't realize until it was too late that you loved me the way I always wanted you to. I couldn't let myself hope that when you told me you loved me it was in the way I felt about you. I was scared about what everyone would think but I'm not anymore. I've been out for three years. Those aren't thoughts I have anymore. I love who I am now. It's my past that I'm ashamed of."
Emily takes a few deep breaths in and out. "I'm ashamed of who you used to be too" she whispers sadly, "but I'm most ashamed that your past behavior towards me makes it hard for me to believe what you say now."
Alison reaches out to grab Emily when she starts to walk away but Emily moves out of the other girl's reach. "Please, don't," she says earnestly. Alison doesn't reach out for the brunette again but her hand twitches with the urge to do so. "Emily…" she trails off. "Please, what can I do to convince you that I'm serious this time?"
Emily shrugs her shoulders and fresh tears fall from her eyes. "I don't know if there's anything you can say anymore." Emily starts to walk over to Alison's front door but Alison rushes over and stands with her back against the door.
"Please don't leave me," Alison pleads solemnly. Things can't end like this for them. This isn't how it's supposed to go.
Emily wipes at the tears on her face. She shakes her head. "I need to go Alison."
Alison shakes her head too. "I can't let things between us be this way before you leave."
Emily tries to calm Alison down. "I'll be back. I promise, but right now I need some space to see where we go from here."
Alison looks into Emily's sad brown eyes and she nods shortly. "Okay," Alison rasps out slowly. "Can I have a hug before you go?"
Emily wants to say no. She wants to decline the request but the truth is she could use a hug and she wants to be wrapped up in the blonde's arms. Instead of verbally answering, Emily steps into Alison's outstretched arms. Alison wraps her arms around Emily's neck and Emily's are on Alison's waist. They both cry as they hold each other tightly. When the hug ends Alison's breathing is horse and Emily's nose is stuffy. Alison reluctantly moves away from the front door and Emily walks out without another word.