Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia... or do I? (dun dun dun)

Chapter 2

"Zelos… you mean to tell me that your new life-goal is to get Lloyd to kiss you?" Sheena asked slowly, as if trying to comprehend Zelos' logic.

"Of course Sheena; I mean, he's just too cute." Zelos responded quickly, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

Sheena frowned. "He's…dating Colette though. That'd break 'your sweet little Colette's' heart. Shouldn't you be more worried about that?"

Zelos sighed. "I understand that it'd break my sweet Colette's heart, and I've gone over this in my head a million times…" Sheena snorted loudly. Zelos glared at her. "... and in doing so, I've discovered something. I don't give a crap about Colette anymore. She's dense and stupid. She may be cute, sure, but she lacks intelligence."

Sheena snorted again. "Zelos, Lloyd lacks intelligence too. He's everything Colette is; excluding the fact that he's a boy and that he uses swords."

Zelos knitted his brow in thought. "Now that I think about it… you're right. I think I just don't like her in general."

Raine walked in, at that very moment, in that very second. Why? Because she's cool like that. She's hep, man. "Who don't you like, Zelos?"

Zelos looked up. "Umm…everyone and no one?"

Raine sighed. "Must you really hide everything from me?"

"Of course I do, hunny."

Sheena walked out of the room giggling. "Raine, everyone hides stuff from you."

Raine looked as if she'd had an epiphany; an important epiphany. "Because I hide stuff from everyone, they hide stuff from me, is that it!" She exclaimed.

Zelos looked horrified, and then muttered: "No… you just freak everyone out." He stared wide-eyed at Raine, who'd obviously heard his statement. Zelos inwardly wondered how in the Hell she'd heard him. Then, it hit him; she was a half-elf.

Raine, the horrifying scholar, the crazy half-elf, glared threateningly at Zelos. "Did you just call me freaky?"

Zelos, looking for a way to get himself out of his new predicament, yelled: "No! I said… umm… get freaky!" Then he started break-dancing.

Now, some of you might be wondering: 'What does this have to do with Zelos' side-quest?' others might be thinking: 'This is hilarious as fuck.' And some of you might just be thinking: 'Why the hell am I reading this again?'

I have answers to these questions. Answers that I won't give out unless you give me cookies. No cookies? Too bad.

Anyway, back to the story…

Zelos switched from break-dancing to doing to moonwalk and grabbing his crotch. Raine looked scared, but danced nonetheless. She did the running-man. That's right; the running-man.

At that moment, Lloyd decided to come in. Why? Because Lloyd loves walking in rooms at awkward moments; it's a scientifically proven fact. "What the hell are you two doing?" Lloyd asked.

Raine spluttered, "I-I-It's not what it looks like, Lloyd, I swear." She raised her hands.

Zelos, whose hand was on his crotch, pointed at Raine with his other hand and said: "It's her fault. She did it. It was all her idea, I swear."

Raine smacked Zelos. "You're the one who said 'get funky'!"

Zelos fake-sobbed, "Lloydie... I'm hurt again, can you kiss it better?" He put on his super-puppy-dog-eyes and pouted cutely.

Lloyd shook his head.

Zelos walked up and started cuddling Lloyd. "Please?"

Lloyd's eyes widened, then he screamed. "NOOOOOOO! I'M BEING RAPED! HELP ME!"

Zelos immediately let go of Lloyd and ran.

Regal, Presea, and Genis, who were all just watching this strange turn of events, laughed loudly; except Presea, because she's too emo to laugh.

The last sight anyone saw of Zelos for a week was him, running away from the A.C.R.A (Anti-Child-Rape Association).

A/N: Oh em gee... my chapters are so bloody short. Oh well, I love to make you all suffer. (cue maniacal laugh) Anyway, more crack-humor and that makes ya'll happy, doesn't it? It made my sister/beta laugh, especially the A.C.R.A thing...

R & R, peeps. The more reviews I get, the quicker I update. It'll give me motivation. (cheesy salesman grin)