Summary: Sirius on how he and Remus became SiriusandRemus.
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling; I do not own anyone within the Harry Potter universe, as much as I would love to. Because if I did, my house would be a wonderful place.
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Okay, I know snooping is wrong, (how many times did Lily yell at me for that after catching me in the girls' locker room?)…(this being back in about third or fourth year) but that time, I just had to find out what the hell was going on. I mean, why the fuck would he suddenly start avoiding me as if I had the plague or something? No, I had to find out and that meant I needed an ally, maybe two.
"You have to help me."
"Not gonna happen."
"James!" I got down on my knees. "I'm begging you!"
"I see that." My best friend shut his book with a snap before gazing at me over the top of his glasses. "Have you tried talking to Remus?"
"Of course I have! But any time I get within fifty feet of the guy he runs in the opposite direction! He goes to bed before me and wakes up at dawn." James seemed really worried about this as he opened his book once more, (note the sarcastic voice). "James, he told me he didn't want me in the Shack this weekend."
THAT got his attention, considering that I had spent every single full moon with Remus since we first became Animagi and waiting outside the Whomping Willow for him before then. There was even a time I was in a Quidditch accident and stuck in the Hospital Wing and I snuck out so he wouldn't be alone (James was visiting his parents for a funeral of some random cousin and I didn't know or care where Peter was).
"What did he say exactly?" my bespectacled companion demanded.
"I believe it was, 'Sirius, I really don't want you to stay with me during the next full moon.' I opened my mouth to say something and he goes, 'I mean it, just stay away from me.' We haven't really spoken since then and that was three weeks ago!"
James looked out for the window. The portrait hole opened behind us and Lily Evans, James's girlfriend, walked in.
"Hey, boys," she said cheerfully. "What's going on?"
James sighed,
"I'll help you, Siri."
Thus, I found myself combing through Remus's things while Lily and James kept him busy studying in the Library. I had no clue what I was looking for; I think I expected a sign to pop up saying why he was avoiding me but nothing. Nadda. Zip.
This type of evasive behavior is not normal Remus behavior, and I would know, I've made a complete study of Remus Lupin's behavior. If you asked me, I could write an entire book on him. Don't misunderstand me, I'm no stalker, I'm simply a boy in love with his best friend. While love itself is never a bad or wrong thing, being in love with your best friend is simply not an option.
Oh wait, what's this? Why, Remus keeps a journal! He must either trust us very much or is not as smart as I thought considering that there's no locking charms or anything on it. Let's see what's inside, shall we?
18 December 1975
I don't know how I'm going to survive the rest of the year with that face everywhere I look. God above, everything about that body turns me on. (Remus has a crush! Holy fuck!) I think it's the eyes that got me, so passionate about everything but especially life in general. I wonder how they'd look if they were staring at me with such passion. (I'll tell you right now how'd they look, Remmy boy, like they wanted to eat you up). This is going to kill me but I've finally made my decision: I'll avoid him. (Moony's gay? Moony's gay! Commence with the Sirius Black happy dance). He must never, ever know that I love him, no one must ever know that I love-.
"Sirius? What are you doing?"
I dropped the book as Remus's quiet voice echoed in our empty dorm. Gulping slightly, I turned slowly.
He still looked as edible as ever, carrying his books against his chest, his eyes still tired.
"Remus….I was…..er…."
"I'm waiting, Sirius."
Aw, fuck, he's getting angry with me now, aw, fuck.
"I was just trying to find out why you've been avoiding me!" I blurted out.
His books clattered to the floor.
"Well now you have! Are you satisfied now, Sirius!" he yelled. I was shocked, Remus doesn't yell. "Well? Are you?" He was towering over me since I was still crouched on the floor, his journal open at my feet. "Are you happy now that you've found out my real secret! Are you happy now that you KNOW!" He spun around quickly. "You know what, just fuck you, Sirius, I'm too tired. I'm gone."
With God as my witness, I felt like crying just then. With all the crazy shit I've made Remus do, put him through (including the time I told Snape about him), he's never just…abandoned me. Just walked out of my life. My head dropped, the too long dark strands framing my face. Through the blurs, I saw something that looked like my name on the crisp sheets.
In the morning, there would be worry over the three-inch scratch on my cheek, but at that moment I barely felt my ring do the damage as I cleared my eyes and lifted the journal once more.
"He must never, ever know that I love him, no one must ever know that I love Sirius Black."
Holy shit.
Holy shit, Rem loves….
Holy shit.
Holy shit, Remus loves….
Me.
I think I plowed down some first years as I rampaged down the boys' staircase and into the common room. James was sitting at one of the tables with Lily and I detoured to him.
"Sirius, what the fuck-!" he demanded as I up-ended him backpack.
"Ah ha!" I exclaimed, placing my wand on a familiar old bit of parchment. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I ignored the look of wonder on Lily's face and the despair on James's as well-traced lines appeared.
Oh shit, he was on the cliffs. I took to the halls but even my record speed wasn't fast enough. In a deserted corridor I transformed into Padfoot, four paws are definitely faster then two feet, even if those two feet belong to the record holder for the foot races at Hogwarts on Muggle Field Day. I'm sure faculty and students were surprised to see a giant black dog tear through the halls (I remember Filch shouting something), but I didn't care.
There are two things in this world that I never questioned, my love for Remus and the fact that I'm going to Hell. Religion's not big in the wizarding world but I've been to church once or twice with Remus or Lily and that was enough for me to realize that if the place exists, I'm headed straight down.
But that day, that day there was unquestionably an angel watching over me because I found Remus just sitting on the cliffs that over look the lake and the school beyond. I snuck up behind and transformed back into my usual sexy self, grateful that the approaching storm had driven everyone else indoors.
"Get the fuck away from me, Sirius, I don't want your pity or your promises."
Damn it, its three days till the full moon and he heard me. Oh well, direct approach it is then.
"No." He snarled something that I can't remember now but I know it was something about killing me. "No, I won't leave."
Before I could stop myself (not that I really wanted to), I stepped up, wrapped my arms around that wonderful lean body, and kissed his bare neck. His head immediately lolled, the first sign that he was being held up by me.
"Sirius," he whispered.
"I won't leave nor let the best thing that ever happened to me walk away before we truly have a chance." He moaned my name once more. "You say that you don't want my promises, how about an exception?"
My lovely werewolf pulled away to gaze at me, those amber eyes daring to believe.
"I'm listening, Siri."
I carefully brushed some of his light brown hair off his face and behind his ears,
"I promise that, if you give me a chance, just one chance to show how much I love you, then you will never spend another full moon alone, you will never shed a tear without my shoulder to lean on, you will always have me to hold your hair back when your drunk, andI will always love you."
I forgot to breath as he reached up on tiptoes to close the two inches between us, brushing his lips lightly over mine. Of course, I couldn't let him get off the easily, so I grabbed his ass to hold him right there, against me. And let me say right now, Remus J. Lupin has one of the most incredible asses I have ever had the pleasure of holding.
"I take it that's a yes then?" I asked.
"You bet," he whispered, leaning in once more. "I'm never letting you go, Siri."
"You never will, I promise."
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"Siri? Why are you still up, love?" Remus wrapped his arms around his lover from behind. "Whatcha doing?"
"Just writing about us," Sirius replied, turning a bit to kiss him lightly on the lips.
This soft kiss did not satisfy the werewolf however, cause he pushed himself up onto the study desk and proceeded to snog Siri half senseless.
"Can I read it?" Remmy asked, nodding toward the forgotten parchment.
"Nah, not yet…you can read it when Harry finishes his chapter on us in his book."
"But, Siri," his lover whined, "I wanna read it now."
"We don't always get what we want, Moony."
"You sound like my grandfather, he used to say that."
"A wise man," Sirius laughed, standing and rolling up his parchment. "Come on, let's go to bed."
Remus leaned forward and kissed him lightly.
"Number five hundred and sixty eight."
"Been watching Rent again, have we?" The amber eyes went wide and innocent real fast. Siri slid his arms around his werewolf's waist, humming slightly. "With a thousand sweet kisses."
"When you're cold and hungry," was the reply.
"I'll cover you. With a thousand sweet kisses."
"You've got one nickel only."
"I'll cover you."
"With a thousand sweet kisses," Remus sang, nuzzling his lover's neck as they swayed.
"When you're worn out and tired."
"I'll cover you. With a thousand sweet kisses."
"When your heart has expired."
"Oh, love, I'll cover you. Yeah. Oh, lover, I'll cover you," they crooned, foreheads together, laughing.
"And I always will," Sirius whispered. He kissed Remus's forehead. "Go on to bed, love, I'll be up in moment."
"'Kay."
As Remus ascended the staircase of their lovely little cottage, Sirius bent over to pick up his quill once more.
I broke my promise to Remus twice, once will my false imprisonment at Azkaban and again when I recklessly followed Harry and fell through the Veil at the Ministry. He forgave me both times, thank Merlin, though I had to pry him off the Potter twins, Harry and Ryanne, when they rescued me from said Veil.
But both of those incidents were years ago, now a days, you rarely see me without my better half and if you see Remus, he's probably rolling his eyes because I've done something incredibly stupid (like the time I decided it would be a good idea for Padfoot to chase a double decker bus. He had to get me out of the pound after that little shenanigan.) The point is that I got lucky, my mate has stuck by me through thick and thin, through all the shit I have pulled in our nearly fifty year friendship and our forty three year relationship as lovers.
Thus, I'm going to do something that I should have done years ago (and would have had the Ministry not been full of dickheads). I'm going to ask Remus to marry me. Yeah, we're nearly seventy, but we have many, many years ahead of us. And if he's put up with me this long, I'm hoping he'll want to until we draw our last breathes. Cause the gods know, without him…the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats, life goes one, but I'm gone, cause I die without him.
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Okay, so the Rent references may be a bit much, but the words in it have always struck me as the most apt description of people in love. I don't know, anyway, I hop you like it. Uh…Ryanne Potter will be explained in one of my other stories. I just kinda have to iron out some details. Like, who's shagging whom, I keep changing my mind with every interesting pairing I stumble across. Anyway, stay tuned for more stories from me, Sxekat7188, and don't worry, most of the others, will have MUCH shagging.