Lois looked Richard straight in the eyes. She wanted to be strong in this moment that would likely change her future forever.
He looked at her expectantly. Lois had longed to tell him the truth, but now that the moment had arrived, she wasn't sure how to continue.
"The other day. After Superman came back. You had asked me if I had ever been in love with him. I said no. That wasn't entirely true."
A sad smile crept up on his face and Lois felt a pang of guilt. "I know that, Lois. You've been, well different, since he came back. More closed off, like you were when we first met." Then he continued, the trepidation evident in his eyes, "You answered one of the questions I asked you that night. What about the other?" He was, of course, referring to her infamous article title, I Spent the Night with Superman.
"I did spend the night with him. Not that night but others. A lot of nights. We, uh, were lovers," she blurted out, astonished that she'd managed to push the words out of her mouth. "When I first met him, he saved my life. I was on a helicopter that..." Richard nodded, knowing the story. "That was the first time he revealed himself. I was mesmerized. The whole world was.
"Then, later that evening, he came to my apartment. I was the first one to speak to him, interview him. He seemed so idealistic. He wanted to help us, and didn't expect anything in return. He was beautiful and perfect. I was completely infatuated." Lois placed her half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray, the tip of which broke off.
"From that day forward, my whole life changed. Nearly every week, Perry would ask me to write about him. Everyone seemed to think I had the inside story. And perhaps I did. I was the only one who could get him to talk.
"As time went on, I could sense this dynamic between us. He was such a strong person, but there was a vulnerability about him that intrigued me. Then one night we made love." Lois' voice broke a little, as she closed her eyes and remembered the past. "We were together for almost a year. And then one day, he just vanished.
"At first I thought something must have happened to him. But I think a part of me knew better. That he had left without letting me know if he would ever return. Richard, there's something I've been keeping from you. I kept it a secret not because I didn't trust you, but because it was safer for you, for all of us, if you didn't know." She braced herself before she continued. "It's about Jason."
"He's Superman's son, isn't he." Richard said, finishing her thought. For some reason it didn't surprise him. Both of them sat in silence, the weight of the revelation hanging between them. "Does Jason know?"
"I haven't told him," Lois said. "But he knows he's different. When we were trapped on Lex Luthor's boat, he, uh, threw a grand piano at a man trying to hurt me."
Richard's jaw dropped, and Lois could hold in the tears no longer. He cupped her cheeks with his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "Lois, it's going to be all right. I understand why you didn't say anything, I really do. I've always loved Jason as if he was my own son, and this changes nothing. You and he are my family. I love you both very much."
"I love you too, Richard."
"But do you love me as much as you love him? I saw the way you looked at him on the plane, Lois." His pained expression betrayed what he believed her answer to be.
"Those feelings are in the past. Things changed."
"Have they? I mean, for you and him?"
"He's been gone for five years. We can't just pick up where we left off. I'm not sure I'm the same person anymore. Hell, I'm not sure I want to."
"He's Jason's father, Lois."
"You're his father!" She yelled, more loudly than she intended. "You are in every way that matters."
While he was grateful for her words, he couldn't help feeling like they wasn't completely true. He stood up and grabbed his keys and wallet off the kitchen counter.
"You're not leaving, are you?" Lois asked incredulously.
Pausing, he let her question fly. "I can't help but wonder if he is the reason that you haven't wanted to set a wedding date. That a part of you has been waiting, hoping that he might come back."
"Richard…"
"I want to marry you, Lois. I want us to be a family. But I don't think you know what you want. And so I am left with a dilemma I know of only one way to solve." He grabbed his suit jacket that he had draped over a chair and slipped it on. "You need time to think. And you can't do that while I'm around. I'll be over at Perry's tonight. And I think under the circumstances that Jason should sleep there too."
Lois nodded gently, not knowing what to say.
He left the house, his mind and heart racing. So it was true after all. He had always suspected they had an intimate relationship but a son? Not only did he have to stand toe to toe with the man of steel to vie for the woman he loved, but also they had a son between them. How could he ever compete with that? He tried to decide how he felt about the whole situation. Anger at Lois for lying to him? No, that wasn't quite it. He understood why. But the fear brewing inside him was all too real. He wondered if just held her in his arms for the last time.
Then there was the matter of Jason. He could lose him, never mind what Lois had said about him being Jason's father in every way that mattered. His real father was Superman, a man that could crush him like a bug in half a dozen different ways. A man that could watch him without him ever knowing, and lie in wait for him to screw up. He would be expected to carry his secret to his grave. He felt the weight of his enormous responsibility, but it was a challenge he was willing to face.
Back in the house, Lois dumped the ashtray in the garbage, another one of her token efforts to quit smoking. She'd thrown away a lot of ashtrays in the last couple of years, but she still couldn't break the habit. As she was standing by the kitchen sink, she heard a swoosh and saw a familiar flash of red and blue through the window. She walked out the back door to face Superman.
"Good evening, Lois." He was standing a few feet from the water's edge, his hair and cape blowing gently in the breeze.
"Jason isn't here. He's spending the night with his uncle." His face fell a little. "He'll be back tomorrow. I'm sure he'll be excited to see you. He doesn't stop talking about you." She tried to be strong, but her voice betrayed her sadness.
"Lois, what's wrong?"
"I told Richard. About you, and me, and Jason." Superman nodded. Although it was not unexpected, even necessary, he couldn't shake the feeling of resentment that he felt toward the man.
"He's a good man. I didn't want to hurt him. But I did. And now he's gone."
"He left?"
"Yes, for now anyway. It depends on me if he comes back."
"Do you want him to come back?" His question was two-pronged. On the one hand, he would be perfectly happy if Richard simply vanished from their lives. But he also knew that he was good for Lois and their son. He could give them a stable life. And Lois and Jason obviously cared for him deeply. He couldn't deny the love Richard had for the pair, especially after he risked his life to save them. With that Superman was truly impressed.
Lois shut her eyes and answered, slightly hurt, "I don't know. I don't know what I want! You disappear for five years, never telling me if you'd ever be back. I find an amazing man who's given me everything that I've ever wanted. The problem is I wanted those things from you, not him! But I can never have you, can I?"
"Lois…"
"I know what the right decision is, but it's not the one I want to make. But this isn't just about me anymore. I have to think about Jason." And Richard, she added silently. He doesn't deserve second best. But she suspected that's how he felt.
Lois watched him, perplexed. "Can you humor a whim of mine?"
"Yes?"
"Kiss me?"
"What?" The look on his face was priceless.
She pushed her fingertips into the neckline of his suit and pulled his mouth toward hers. Their kiss was deep, probing. He responded eagerly to her touch, and she was flattered that she could provoke such a reaction in him. The passion that had been there five years ago, if there was ever a doubt, was still afire inside them. Their kiss grew deeper, and Lois was searching, for what? His hands glided from her face to her neck and shoulders. How she had dreamed of this moment for the last five years.
But reality didn't match the dream. As they kissed, she recollected on the pain and heartache she had suffered at his hands. It was too easy to fall back into familiar patterns, she needed more than he was willing to give. She broke off the kiss.
She felt it beneath her to ask her next question, hoping that he would say something first, but she felt compelled to do so. "Is there, uh, anything that you want to say to me?"
He furrowed his brow and replied, "I don't understand."
"You don't understand." She repeated his words, but didn't believe them. She had hoped that he might apologize for brainwashing her before he left. But as she stood there staring at him, it suddenly dawned on her. He didn't know she remembered! She thought it odd that even as Clark he kept his distance. Before he disappeared, they had been at most friends and at the least partners before she discovered who he really was. It took every ounce of self-control not to lash out at him.
Superman noticed her change in demeanor, but couldn't place its cause. Somehow, he had hurt her all over again.
"Let me ask you something," Lois began, reeling in her emotions. "If Richard wasn't here, do you think it could work out between us?"
He turned his back on her and replied in a soft, low voice. "I don't know. The truth, Lois, is that we can't be together, not like you and Richard."
"And why not?"
"I can't give you that kind of life. But I do want to be a part of it. Yours and Jason's."
She smiled weakly and shut her eyes, stripping the disappointment from her face. For all the hours that she imagined this conversation in her head, this was the one answer she didn't anticipate. She didn't know whether to laugh out loud or cry.
He looked over at her with his beautiful blue eyes, the sadness in them matching her own. "I guess this is it, then." She spoke softly.
"I'm sorry, Lois. I never meant to hurt you."
"I think you should go." He nodded sadly, and she watched him fly away. Her heart swelled with all the emotions that had been stirred during the evening. She went to bed, only to stare at the hands of the clock, ticking away. She was painfully aware of the empty, cold space beside her where Richard usually slept.
Just before dawn she got dressed, and walked outside to watch the sunrise out across the water. She loved Richard, but her heart belonged to Superman. But what did that mean anyway? She was angry with Superman for practically writing her off last night. He wasn't even willing to fight for her. Oh she knew that he'd never pursue her while she was with Richard, but why in the hell couldn't he at least admit that he loved her? Maybe he didn't. She'd had that thought pass through her head intermittently in the years that he'd been gone. But some part of her, even now, refused to believe it.
She put in a call to the Daily Planet, leaving a message with Perry White. She was taking the rest of the week off. She left no explanation.
TO BE CONTINUED