Chapter Three – Stan's POV:

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

I buried my face into my jacket as I began to quickly walk home. What had I been thinking? 'I'm having some people over tonight.' Why did I even say that? Now I had to round up a whole bunch of people, get movies, food and drinks and somehow convince my parents to leave the house for the night without inducing suspicion.

"Nice going, braniac," I muttered to myself, frowning and trying to figure out how I could get this all to work. It was already four, if I was going to have people over I only had a few hours to prepare. What was it about Kyle that made it impossible for me to keep my head screwed on right?

My thoughts were interrupted by the shouts of Eric Cartman.

"Oi! Wait up!" he bellowed as he huffed and puffed to catch up with me. I waited for him to catch up, then continued walking at a quick pace.

"What's this about a party? You weren't thinking about not inviting me, were you?" he glared at me threateningly.

The last person I wanted around me was Cartman. I swear to god, he was the only person in this entire town I didn't miss one bit. Then I realized something – he didn't know this was a last minute preparation. He was convinced that I had invited everyone else but him, so maybe I could bribe him into helping me a little.

"I'll only invite you on one condition."

"Goddamn! I knew you wouldn't let me rip on the Jew!"

I actually hadn't thought of that. "Well, since you mentioned it, that too."

"Oi! I –"

"Cartman, your mom will do just about anything for you if you whine enough, right?"

"Ey! My mom-"

"I need drinks. Lots of drinks. We're all underage, but I bet you could get your mom to buy some for us. Just whine a lot."

Cartman thought about this for a moment. "I dunno if I can get my mom to do that, she's pretty strict about drugs and alcohol."

I patted Cartman on the shoulder. "Drinks, or no go." I turned and left with Sparky, heading back home.

"I'm not making any promises!" he shouted after me. I smirked.

"DRINKS, OR NO GO!" I shouted back as I continued walking. I heard him cuss me out, but I didn't care. That was one down – now to take care of getting my parents out.

I had just begun to think of a plan involving a calculator, chicken pox and the end of the world when I had reached my doorstep. I was just about to turn the doorknob when my mom opened it from the inside and just about walked into me.

"Stanley, there you are!" she exclaimed. I blinked at her. She was all dressed up. I also noticed my father behind her, who was dressed up too.

"Uh, where are you going?" I asked casually, trying not to sound excited at the possibility they'd be out for the night.

"Oh, your father and I are going out for the evening – dinner and a musical. We won't be back until later."

"In fact, if things go well, and I have a feeling they will, we won't be back until tomorrow," my father interjected, winking at me. I shuddered as my mom playfully smacked me dad, saying "Randy!" The last thing I wanted to think about were my parents doing THAT.

Mom turned her attention back to me. "Are you sure you'll be okay for the night? Shelly will be around if you need anything." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Mom, I'm eighteen. I've been at university for the past four months. I think I can handle being home alone for the night."

She patted my shoulder consolingly. "Of course you can," she said absentmindedly.

"Oh, and feel free to have a few friends over if you want. I'm sure you miss them all, especially Kyle." My father winked at me, leaving me feeling a bit confused. What was he implying by that?

"Thanks. I might just do that," I smiled as I watched them get into the car and drive away. The second they were out of sight, I did a little happy dance as I praised the heavens for getting rid of my parents until tomorrow. Next step – operation get my sister out of the way for the night.

"Oh Shelly?" I called out ever so sweetly.

"What do YOU want?" I followed her voice into the kitchen. Over the years, she had really changed in appearance. She had outgrown her headgear and now had perfect teeth. She was slender and tall; in fact, at 5'10, she was only three inches shorter than me. She was sitting on the counter, eating a bowl of cereal. I approached her carefully.

"Why would you think I wanted anything, dear sister?" I was almost disgusted with how sweet my voice sounded. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for the evening."

"No, and why the hell do you want to know?" she demanded, eyes narrowing.

"Oh no reason. I was just thinking since you've been away for a while to college and all, that maybe you'd like to go spend the evening out with your boyfriend. I mean, you haven't seen him for a while, right?"

"Kevin doesn't get back until tomorrow. And why do you want me out of the house so damn bad?" he eyes opened in realization. "Oh shit Stan. If mom and dad catch you-"

"They're not gonna catch me. They're out until tomorrow."

She glared at me. "And what's gonna keep me from tellin' them, turd?"

I was prepared for this. "Twenty bucks," I responded.

"Twenty bucks? The hell am I going to do with twenty bucks for a whole evening?" I was prepared for this too. "Double that and I'll disappear for a while."

I pretended to think about that for a while, before glowering and pulling out my wallet. If I gave in too eagerly, she would have forced me to increase the bribe. "There," I glared at her as I said this. "I hope you're happy."

"Oh believe me, I am," she snickered at me before flouncing off to her room. I breathed a sigh of relief before darting into my room and turning on my computer. Within ten minutes, I had sent out a mass email to everyone, save Kyle and Cartman, stating that there was to be a party at my place at seven and everyone who wanted to come had to bring food or drinks of some sort. I would be able to deal with pizza on my own. I then went downstairs to call Kenny, who, despite having a scholarship, could not afford a computer. After I hung up with him, I checked my watch. Shit. Nearly 5:30 and I had to go out to get movies. Since my parents had the car, that meant that I would be walking tool, further cutting in on the small amount of time I had left. This party was seriously gauging out my bank account. I cursed myself once again for blurting out anything to Kyle. Just as I was about to leave to rent movies, I heard the phone ring. I dashed over and picked it up.

"Hello?" I said breathlessly.

"Hello Stan, is your mother home?" It was Mrs. Cartman.

I blinked, confused for a moment as to why she would call. "'Fraid not, Mrs. Cartman."

"Oh, well could I ask you a question then sweetie?"

"Sure."

"Are you having some sort of party over there tonight? My son seems to think that you are, and that he expects me to buy alcohol for him. You know my views on drinking, Stanley." Shit. Cartman's mom had become less of a pushover over the years. I prayed to God that she was just as gullible as well. I thought fast.

"What? Why, I was merely planning on having a few friends over, Mrs. Cartman. We were maybe going to get pizza, and hang out, you know, maybe play a few rounds of Yahtzee, or Scrabble. I am terribly sorry if I gave your son the impression that there would be alcohol here. ALCOHOL, of all things! I assure you, you have nothing to worry about, Mrs. Cartman." Please believe me, please, please.

Mrs. Cartman paused for a moment, thinking on the other end. "So there will be no drinking then?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"No of course not. But I do appreciate your concern," I replied, trying to sound as sincere as possible.

"Oh all right then. I'll let my poopykins know. Have a good evening, hun."

"Same to you," I replied and I hung up. Crap. This wasn't looking good. Sure, one or two people may bring a few drinks, but it would be nearly enough for everyone. There was a usual habit in South Park that when you invite a few people over, half the teens in town turned out, if not more. I racked my brain over and over again, and I could still only think of one solution: Shelly.

I knew I'd be pushing it by asking her, but what other choice did I have. I sighed and headed up the stairs as I heavily cursed Cartman for screwing us over. However much this cost, he owed me that. Or else I would pound his fat ass into pulp, I assured myself. I reached out and knocked ever so lightly on Shelly's door.

"What NOW?" she demanded when she saw me come in with a pleading look in my eyes. She was at her mirror, putting on makeup. "I've called up some friends and we're going out clubbing. I gotta get ready."

"Erm, Shelly?"

"I already said what!"

I gave her a puppy look. "You're my big sister, and you'd do anything for me, right?"

"Depends on how much you pay me," she replied.

"Well, Cartman was supposed to go out and get drinks, but his mom found out –"

"And now you want me to go out for you, is that it?" I nodded ruefully.

"Well too bad. I have to leave soon."

"Shelly, you don't understand! I need you – I – I'll do anything!"

She turned around and looked at me, hand on her hip. "Tell you what. Give me forty dollars PLUS money to buy the drinks, and I guess I could work something out."

My eyes bulged and my mouth dropped open. Was she insane? "Shelly – "

"Fine, no deal then." She turned back to the mirror.

"Wa-wait! GOD! Fine then! And I hope you rot in hell!" I snarled as I pulled out my wallet once again, handing her $100.

She looked at it. "Jesus, how much alcohol are you planning on consuming, twerp?"

"Depends on how many show up." Cartman owes me sixty bucks I made a mental note.

Shelly rolled her eyes at me. "Whatever, let me get my keys. What do you want?"

"You decide; I have to run to the movie store," I said, turning to leave.

"Wait! If I'm going out, I might as well drive you to the store as well. Just let me finish getting ready." Shelly's car? The only other person I'd ever seen inside that thing other than her was her boyfriend – she totally freaked if anyone so much as touched it. I swear, she loved that thing even more than Kyle loved Blitzkrieg.

"Thanks." I smiled at her as I headed back downstairs. I dialed Cartman's cell number to avoid getting his mom.

"What?" I heard him respond after the third ring. Nice greeting.

"Hey fatass, you nearly screwed me over with your mom and all."

"Ey! I told you I she wouldn't go for it-"

"Whatever. I got Shelly to get them. But if you want to come, you owe me $60."

"Sixty dollars? What the hell? Why?"

"Because, Cartman, I'VE JUST SPENT EIGHTY DOLLARS BRIBING SHELLY INTO DOING IT, AND I STILL HAVE TO GET MOVIES! IF YOU WANT TO COME, YOU SURE AS HELL BETTER BRING THE MONEY!"

"Hey! I'm not going to be the only one at home tonight!"

"WELL THEN YOU BETTER SURE AS HELL BRING THE MONEY."

Pause. "I hate you so much Stan."

I smiled. "I hate you too fatass," I replied. I hung up the phone before I could hear his protest that he wasn't fat, he was big boned.

Shelly came down the stairs. "This better be quick," she said.

"It will be, I assure you." Especially since we have less than an hour now.

Shelly raced me to the movie and liquor store. Although the man glanced at us suspiciously, seeing as how much alcohol we bought, he said nothing. She dropped my off at home at quarter to seven, just a few minutes before her friends came to pick her up. One of them winked at me. Exhausted, I collapsed on the couch, and decided we could always order pizza later. I moaned as I thought about how much money I had spent over some stupid thing I said to Kyle. If only I hadn't opened my mouth, none of this would have happened, and I would have been able to keep my money. I heard the doorbell ring, and I thought to myself, this is going to be a long night.