Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the Wizard of Oz. But I do own the blow dryer that Envy uses every morning to make his hair stick out so much. It's pink with Barbie!

Lust, Edo, and Birdy stared in shock at Mustang's clumsiness. And obvious stupidity.

Mustang stared down with dotted eyes.

Mustang: "Uuuhhh… I can fix that!" He bent down and started to swish the potions around with his gloves. Making the mess much worse than it was to begin with.

Edo: -giant blood vein pops out- "HOW IS THAT FIXING THINGS?"

"Shock!" Mustang said shockingly. "Y-you yelled at me…"

Sweat drops formed over everyone's heads.

Edo: "uuummm…yeah…"

Lust rested her head on her chin. "So what do we do now?"

Birdy: "………"

Edo: "………."

Mustang: "……………"

Lust: "…………"

Birdy: "….well…….we should probably try to clean this up before-"

"KYAAAAAAAH!" Mustang held his hand in pain. Apparently, the liquids were acidic to human skin. He burned himself while touching the potions.

Birdy: -sigh- "-someone gets hurt."

Edo: "A bit late for that now isn't it?"

Birdy: "Oh just shut it. Anyways, let's go off and find a mop or something."

And so, our "Three Musketeers" set off on a new journey.

They must find a mop!

Edo: "GYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHH! We've been walking forever!"

Lust: "Edo, it's only been five minutes. And the door's right there." Lust pointed down the hallway at the large door leading to Mustang's office that was directly behind them.

Edo: "Oh."

ANYWAYS:

The three of them began to wander around Central HQ. And they saw some pretty interesting sights too.

Edo: -stops at a large statue of the Fuhrer- "Oooooh… What's that?"

Birdy: "A large statue of the Fuhrer."

Edo: "Oh."

Edo: -walks up to the Fuhrer- "Oooooh… What's that?"

Birdy: -looks at Edo with a peculiar expression- "Uuuummm… that's the Fuher himself."

Edo: "Oh."

Edo: -points down at a dog- "Oooooooohhhh… What's that?"

Birdy: -grits teeth- "That's…a… dog…"

Edo: "Oh."

All of these spectacular and unusual sights, and having to stop and explain what each one was to a very confused Edo, they finally had a lead!

Edo: -walks up to the secretary at the front desk- "Excuse me, but do you know where we could find a mop?"

Secretary: -points down the stairs- "Down that flight."

Edo: -looking very confused- "Flight? Are you sure?"

Secretary: -looks suspiciously at Edo- "Yes…"

Edo: "Okay." -walks a few steps away, then walks back up to the secretary.-

Secretary: "What now?"

Edo: "If it's on a flight, then where's the plane?"

Secretary: "There is no plane!" -smacks Edo so hard on the head that he goes stumbling down the stairs and miraculously lands right in front of the door that leads to the cleaning supplies."

Birdy: -throws hands into the air.- "Yay! We found it!"

Lust: -does happy dance.-

Edo: "It's a 'magic door'!"

Birdy: "No you dipstick, it leads to the mop that we were looking for!"

Edo: "Oh. Really? You sure?"

Lust: -still doing happy dance.-

Birdy: "Yes. I'm sure."

Edo: "Because she said-"

Birdy: "You idiot! There was no plane!"

Edo: "Oh! Then why'd she say there was one? I'm confuzzled!"

Birdy: "………YOU DARE CONTRADICT ME?"

Edo: "Eep!"

Birdy: -eyes are now flaming.- "Fine! I'll prove it to you that she wasn't referring to a plane!" Birdy jumped onto the door handle and tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge.

Lust: "Hmmm… that's strange, why won't it open?" By this time, Lust had stopped doing her "happy dance". She just wasn't feelin' the "happy dance" groove anymore.

Edo: "Maybe it needs a password! OPEN-SESAME!"

"Ooooh…" Birdy and Lust stared at the door with hope that it might open. But it didn't. It didn't budge one little bit.

Edo: "Dang."

Lust: "Maybe it needs to be oiled on the hinges."

Edo: "Maybe it hates me…-cries-"

Birdy: "This is stupid. I'm hungry."

-SEVERAL HOURS LATER-

Our three heroes were now at a loss.

They found the mop, but this tenacious door would not open!

Edo: "GRAAAR! Tenacious door! Why won't you open?"

Edo tried pushing the door with as much force as he could. But that stupid door still would not open!

"Oh!" Lust turned her eyes towards Edo and the "Evil Door". "Maybe we should try pulling it!"

Edo: "Oh suuure! That's what the door wants you to think! And then as soon as you do, that's when they get you!"

Edo walked up to Birdy and got right in her face. "SPAP! Then they've got you!"

-SMACK!- Birdy smacked Edo in the face for doing that to her just now.

Birdy: "Edo! Have you been watching Envy's 'C.S.I. Miami' tapes again?"

Edo looked down shyly, put his hands behind his back, and started making little invisible circles with his left foot on the floor. "…no………yes…." He said sadly.

Birdy: "Oi… You know that watching too many of those can kill your brains don't you?"

Edo: -throws fists down to his sides in protest.- "But I wanna be a cop!"

Birdy: "….watevs."

Edo: "Yay!"

Birdy: "Oh, I almost forgot." Birdy pointed her finger at the door. "PULL THAT DOOR!"

Lust and Edo stiffened their posture like soldiers. "Right!"

Edo ran over to the door and pulled it open.

Edo: "Success! Huh?"

Birdy: "Oh god-."

The entire contents of the cleaning closet fell like an avalanche, and everything fell on top of Edo's blonde little head!

HORROR!

Birdy rushed over to Edo's side to see if he was hurt.

Birdy: -grabs Edo's hand- "Oh Edo! Are you hurt?"

Edo: -looks up at Birdy with weak eyes.- "I…don't think…that I…can….live…much longer…..Birdy…."

Birdy's eyes were filled with tears.

Birdy: "Oh Edo! Don't die on me! Don't die! Please!"

Edo: "ugh…."

Lust: -hits Birdy lightly on the head with a feather-duster. "That's enough you two. Cut the 'sad movie death scene' act alright?"

Both of the two extremely pathetic wannabe actors looked sadly at Lust with watery eyes.

Both: "We hate you Lust!"

Lust: -sweatdrop-

-CLAP!- Edo clapped his hands together and used his alchemy to clean up the avalanche of stuff.

Birdy walked over and dove into the pile of stuff like a scuba diver, even though it only piled up to her ankle.

She reached up with…a mop! HOORAY!

Birdy: -jumps up- "I found the mop!"

Lust and Edo: -throw hands into air- "HOORAY!"

Then they all had a party to celebrate this memorable moment!

And then it ended.

But not because they were bored, but because Edo had accidentally ate some of the confetti.

Birdy: "YOU FLIPPIN MORON! DON'T EAT THAT!"

Edo looked up innocently at Birdy with sad, innocent eyes. "But… it looked so pretty… and…I thought that it might taste good…"

Birdy crossed her arms and closed her eyes in frustration "Well DID it taste good Edward?" Birdy never called Edo by his full name unless he did something really stupid. And of course, this was.

Edo: -looks down in shame- "…no…" -bursts out into tears and glomps Birdy's leg.- "Oh I'M SO ASHAMED!"

"HEY! LET GO OF ME! YOUR STUPIDITY MIGHT RUB OFF!" Birdy shook her leg incessively attempting to shake Edo off.

Lust: "Let's go already!"

Edo and Birdy: "Oh. Right."

Birdy: "TO THE OFFICE!"

Birdy, Lust, and Edo rushed off to Mustang's office!

On the way, Birdy noticed that Greed was still talking to the plant…-sigh-

"WE MADE IT! WE ARE HERE TO SAVE THE DAY MUSTANG!"

Birdy threw open the door so fast that it came off it's hinges!

…And smacked Edo square in the face.

Lust: "Poor Edo. Prone to accidents."

Mustang turned around gleefully.

"Oh thank goodness you're here! I thought you might've died on that dangerous journey you all went on to find a mop!"

Birdy: "Oh yes. It was a dangerous journey indeed! There was an avalanche!" -starts making strange hand gestures in the air and hits Edo in the face by accident as soon as he gets up.-

Birdy shrieked with fear.

"Edo! Are you dead!"

Edo: "….no."

Birdy: "Oh. Okay then!"

Knowing that Edo was not dead, she completely forgot about the entire incident.

"CHAAAAAAARGE!"

Birdy and Lust (Edo was still on the floor) ran over to attack this dastardly puddle of acidic potions with their faithful mop!

"FEAR MY MOP O' DOOM!"

Birdy smacked the mop onto the puddle, causing a couple of splashes of the acidic potion to get on Mustang's face.

"KYAAAAHH! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!"

"Oh…crap."

Lust: -points at Mustang's face.- "Quick! Mop up his face! His face!"

Birdy: "ROGER!"

Birdy threw the mop onto Mustang's face trying to mop up the little specks of potion, but neither of them realized that since the mop had acid on it from being in the puddle, that it would actually make things worse.

Mustang: "AAAAAH! IT BUUUUURNS!"

Birdy: "…dang."

Lust: "What should we do? There isn't any way to clean up this mess!"

Suddenly, a flash of light appeared behind them. But nobody really noticed…….

"Aaaaah….but there is something that you can do!" said a mysterious voice.

But, nobody noticed…

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" The mysterious person threw a stone at Edo's head to get everyone's attention.

Edo: "Hey! That hurt!"

"-ahem- As I was saying…there IS a way to fix all of this!"

Birdy: "Really?"

Lust: "Well, what is it?"

"Well, gather round children and I shall tell you."

The mysterious person whipped out a few logs from behind his back and started a campfire. The lights went out as Edo, Lust, Birdy, and Mustang gathered around the luminous fire.

Mustang: "Preach oh mighty one!"

Birdy: "…Mustang…he's not a god…"

Mustang looked confusingly at Birdy. "Oh? He's not?"

Birdy: "…no."

Mustang: "Oh. Okay then!"

The mysterious man began his enthralling story.

"In a town far faaaaaaar away, there is an alley. This alley is filled with…" The mysterious man looked over at the eager Mustang with piercing eyes. "-ahem- …real wizards."

Obviously, Mustang didn't realize that this comment was aimed at him, for he was bouncing up and down with excitement. Actually, the only thing that was really on his mind right now was how he would look in a wizards outfit.

Birdy: "So…what is this 'far faaaaaaar away town' called?"

"It's called…"

Edo: "Yes?"

"It's CALLED…"

Lust: "Yes?"

"IT'S CALLED…"

Birdy: "YESS!"

The mysterious man covered his eyes with his dark colored cape.

"DIAGON ALLEY!"

Edo looked up at the man mysterious man who was obviously NOT hoenheim and asked:

"So…how do we get there?"

"Well, is there a fireplace nearby?"

"No. But there is a desk." Edo pointed to Mustangs desk which was cluttered with a mixture of spell books, and "A Dating Guide For Dummies".

"THAT WILL DO!"

"yay!" All the idiots said in unison.

"Now…to Diagon Alley!"

The mysterious wizard, Edo, Birdy, Lust, and Mustang all gathered under the desk tightly.

Edo: "Birdy, get your ass out of my face!"

Birdy: "Get your face outta my ass!"

Mustang: "I WANT MY DOLLY! Oh, here it is!"

Lust: "…Mustang…"

Mustang: "What?"

Lust: "…that's not your dolly…"

Mustang: "Then what is this squishy thing?"

Birdy: "WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS STUPID!"

Lust: -stares blankly at Mustang-

Mustang: "Oh! So that's why it had two heads."

Lust: "THOSE AREN'T HEADS!"

Birdy shrugged sarcastically at Mustang's stupidity. "Well, I guess that's one way to put it. I guess."

Lust crossed her arms annoyed. "Let's just go already."

The mysterious man pulled out a small pouch of magic dust.

Mustang and Edo clapped their hands excitedly, with bright child-like eyes. "Ooooh! Pretty colors!"

"To DIAGON ALLEY!"

-FWOOSH!-

-FWUMP-

Lust, Hoenheim, Mustang, Edo, and Birdy all landed in a pile on the floor in front of an old fire place.

Edo: "What is this place? Is it an old bar?"

Then a large burley man walked up to them. He had a moustache. Edo looked up at the large man upset about the fact that he was over 7 feet tall, while Edo on the other hand was barely reaching 5ft 5in. And that's including his elevator shoes, his antennae, and the several layers of extra padding that he put in his shoes to add a few more extra inches.

But sadly, even after all these things he has done, he was still no match for this mans height.

So to make himself taller, he began jumping up and down as high as he could. Yet he still couldn't even reach up to the man's elbows.

Hagrid: "My name is 'agrid, and yer' in Diagon Alley!"

Mustang: "Yay! We're here!"

Birdy and Lust: "Finally…"

Edo: "Yay! Cake!"

Mustang, Lust, and Birdy all looked at Edo like he was a moron. "Cake? Is that all you can think about!" Birdy asked.

Edo looked down at the ground shamefully. "Well…I couldn't think of what else to say…"

Mustang threw his hands in the air: "YAY! CAKE!"

Sweat drops formed over Lust and Birdy's heads.

Birdy: "soooo…what should we do now? Ask for directions or something?"

Hagrid: "Just come 'wit me and I'll show ye' where ya' need ta' be."

So everyone started following Hagrid through Diagon Alley, hoping to find some more answers.

And there u have it! The third chapter of my story! Sry I haven't updated in so many weeks, but I just didn't feel like it. But now im back into it. Sry if this chapter isn't as good as the others that ive got up, but oh well. I was working all through writers block when I wrote this chapter, so this was the best I could do. Please review! oh, and don't flame cuz just like all my other stories, flames R NOT welcome here.