South Park – Chapter 8
Well chapter 8 is up! Hurrah! New angle this time! Angle being MSN chapter, basically to introduce Stan's girlfriend and to get some details outta the way. It'll be a little different from the others, enjoy!
Coffeey is the winner of my contest. I was originally going to write her into the story but I have no idea how that'll work and she hasn't responded to me soooooo Coffeey, you win an artwork of any sort whatsoever. It doesn't even have to be South Park if you don't want. But get back to me and let me know what you want, a'ight?
Oh! And the chant that Kyle does later on in his mind – it's an actual chant coined from the one and only university of waterloo. I ripped it off my accounting friends and even though I'm not in math, I enjoy screaming it.
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Chapter 8 – Fun with MSN - KSPOV
I got home around 6 pm that evening. My mom immediately came into the room, scolding me for staying so late at Stan's. Thank God I had told her the night before that I was sleeping over at Stan's, or else she probably would have decapitated my head and stuck it on a spear in a freaky Lord of the Flies reenactment. I liked my head still attached to my shoulders, thank you very much.
"Where have you been all day? I was expecting you home this afternoon!" my mother scolded.
"Sorry, I guess I just lost track of time." Always best way to deal with my mother: become passive and apologize. I learned that over the years.
"Well what were you doing?"
"Playing video games."
Mom rolled her eyes. "Don't you think you're a little too old for that? Of all the juvenile things, Kyle Broflovski!"
"Sorry." Did I just apologize for playing video games?
"Don't you remember you promised your brother to take him to his indoor soccer game today?"
Oh right. I checked my watch. There was a half hour until the game started. "I'll just take him now."
"You better make sure he doesn't miss a second!" My mother said, narrowing her eyes at me. I guess her happy, 'I'm so glad my son is home' attitude had died down since yesterday.
"He won't," I assured her. I left to find Ike. He was in his room putting on his uniform.
"Hey kid, we're leaving soon," I told him. Ike beamed at me.
"I thought you'd forgotten," he said.
"Forget? Nahhh," I responded confidently, while I brutally beat myself internally. Ike was twelve years old now, and nearly an adult, according to himself anyways. Having entered kindergarten a year early, he would be graduating from the eighth grade this year.
"Finish up and let's go."
----
We came back later that evening, Ike with victory in his eyes. He had scored the winning goal of the game, and his teammates had lifted him up into the air while chanting his name. It was one of the toughest leagues in the division, and Ike couldn't resist but tell me, and everyone else, the exact specifics (exaggerated, of course) as to how he managed this 'near-impossible' feat.
The first thing Ike did when we got home was run straight to mom and dad, to relay his version of what had happened. I was still getting over my exhaustion from three sleepless nights, so I decided to head upstairs and turn in early. As I was going up the stairs, I could hear him saying "So it was me versus all three defense men, plus the two midfielders closing in on me…"
I entered my room and collapsed on my bed. Within moments, I was asleep.
----
I awoke the next day feeling fully rested – a sensation I hadn't felt in a long time. A new, natural source of energy began to replace my previous permanent caffeine buzz, and it felt good. Really good. I felt like doing something. I turned over towards the clock – it read 2:00 pm. I'm surprised my mother didn't come in here at some point in the morning, scolding me for sleeping in so late.
I did the calculation in my head; I had been asleep for about sixteen hours. Dude. It felt good to know that, so I announced it loudly to my room.
"I've been asleep for sixteen hours!" When was the last time I had done that? Probably never.
My attention drifted to my laptop sitting at my desk. I walked over to it, turned it on, then signed into MSN. I spotted Stan's name first, then Kenny's, then Cartmans.
Before I had a chance to start a conversation with Stan, a conversation window popped open with someone I didn't really want to talk to: Bebe Stevens.
(l)Your ass will be mine(f) says:
Hi Kyle!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Hi.
(l)Your ass will be mine(f) says:
What are you doing?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Nothing.
Please leave me alone, please, please.
(l)Your ass will be mine(f) says:
Hee hee you're so cute! What are you doing tonight? We should totally like hang out or something!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Sorry I'm busy. Anyways, gotta go, ttyl.
BLOCKED!
That was always the best tactic, say you have to go then block the person. That way, Bebe won't know I blocked her, and she won't throw a temper tantrum at me next time I see her.
I became interested now with the orange flashing block at the bottom of my screen.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Hey dude.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
You there?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Sorry dude, I was busy telling Bebe that I had to go and blocking her.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
What's up?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Haha that slut just can't leave you alone can she? And not much really.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
I think she'd rape me if she had the chance.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
She'd have to think up a pretty cunning plan to trick Mr. Harvard into sleeping with her.
Haha. Always with the Mr. Harvard joke. Brilliant.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Ugh, don't call me that!
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Why not? It's true.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
So what are you doing right now?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Talking to you.
I smirked.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
No shit dumbass.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Well, actually I just woke up like a few minutes ago.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Haha! Who's the lazy one now?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Shut up dude! At least it wasn't four o clock!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
So what's going down tonight?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Anything and anybody you want darling. ;)
I felt a blush creep to my face at Stan's insinuation. I knew he was teasing, but I somehow couldn't shake the feeling that he was half-serious. I decided to play it right back at him.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Really? Because I really need something to take the stress off of me.
His reply came back quickly:
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Bet I can think of a few things that might do that.
My face went even redder at this. What the hell is wrong with me? I thought to myself. This was Stan. STAN. Stan, my best friend. Stan, the male icon of heterosexuality. Of course he'd been only teasing. But deep down inside, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed about that. Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here. Wait! That's what Stan says! When have I ever said that? Okay Kyle. Chill out. Way out. Think about other things.
Pi3.14159
Hah.
SIN! SIN! COS SIN SIN! THREE POINT ONE FOUR ONE FIVE NINE!
…
My mind is a strange place.
Before I could type anything else, I got another message from Stan.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
One mo. Mandy's talking to me.
There it was again. The flash of jealousy that oh so prominently showed itself whenever Stan mentioned his girlfriend. I always felt somewhat abandoned whenever he brought her up, which was stupid. Stan was allowed to have girlfriends, as was I. It just hadn't happened for me yet.
I was distracted by a message from Kenny.
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
Hey dude, what's shakin'?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Not much. I have all this pent-up energy now because I slept too much.
I want to run around and scream. Hah. 'Like a little eight year old.'
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
There's no such thing as sleeping too much.
Oh really?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
I think I discovered it.
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
You would, freaking genius.
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
So did you sleep over at Stan's last night?
Blink.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
…no, I slept in my own bed. Why would I sleep at Stan's?
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
Well, you two seemed to be getting pretty cuddly on his couch after the party.
This sent a rapid flow of memories coursing through my head of that night. Stan, rolling around on the floor and laughing his ass off. Stan, trying to drink that nasty smoothie. Stan, playing with my hair. Stan, wrapping his arm around me.
He had thought I was asleep at the time. I'm sure of that, or else he wouldn't have done any of that. I'm not sure how I ended up on top of him, but it felt really good so I didn't move. I felt our chests rising up and down at the same time and had kept my eyes closed, feeling the movements, basking in the rhythmic motion created by our bodies. And even though this sounds really gay, I enjoyed it. I was startled by Stan's fingers in my hair, but didn't flinch. It felt soothing, in a way. And then his arm dropped haphazardly on me, curling around me, which felt really strange. Like this action suddenly made our current positions very wrong, and we were doing something we shouldn't have been doing.
I wonder what it would feel like to have Stan's fingers in my hair for an entirely different reason…
DUDE!
Stars of bright light immediately burst before my eyes and I felt a sudden heat rise through my whole body. I tilted my head back in an attempt to be rid of this strange sensation that had suddenly consumed me.
Think about math! Think about school!
Butterflies!
Algorithms!
Javascript!
Error: data entry not found.
I'm sorry, Mr. Broflovski's brain has apparently shut down for the moment. Please be patient, and thank you for flying Air Canada.
Fe! Iron! He! Helium!
Kroxyldiphivic!
It took a few moments for the sensation to pass. I couldn't help but release a breathy sigh before opening my eyes again. I stared at the screen, forcing myself to focus on Kenny's words.
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
It was almost cute.
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
Almost.
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
Hello?
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
You there?
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
Kyle, I know you're totally orgasming over the memories of being on top of Stan, but you have to snap out of it.
Play it cool.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Is orgasming even a word?
#$No woman can resist the Ken factor$# says:
It is according to me. And don't change the subject.
I see another orange box pop up at the bottom of the screen.
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Hey Kyle!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Yo Wendy. What's up?
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Not much. Actually I just had a quick question that Bebe wanted me to ask you.
Oh shit.
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Are you blocking her?
I am innocent. I am a victim.
I am toast.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Now, why would I do a thing like that?
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Because you don't like her.
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
I don't blame you really. I mean, I love the girl and all, but if she was coming onto me like she did to you and Stan, I'd be blocking her too.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
She was hitting on Stan too?
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Yeah. At the party. Before you got there.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Oh.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Haha.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Could you possibly do me a favour Wendy?
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Depending.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Could you just tell Bebe that I just went offline on your MSN?
Please, Wendy.
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Alright. Just for you, and just this once
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Thanks Wendy. I owe you.
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
You better believe it ;)
Soon to be world dominator;) says:
Toodles.
-------
I regretfully stared at the screen in front of me. Mandy was, once again, pissed off at me. And over nothing too! That girl had the uncanny ability to make a big deal out of nothing. Why does she always play me out to be the cheater, like I'm doing something wrong?
Our conversation went something like this:
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Hi honey!
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Hey Mandy. What's up.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
I miss you.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I miss you too.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
I miss you more (k)
Oh god. Not the stupid coochie-coo games. Barf.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
What have you been up to?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Not much. Sleeping. I had a minor get-together with a few friends the other night.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Oh yeah? Who came?
Here starts the jealousy.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Some friends from high school.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
No really. 8-) Give me some names.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Um, well, my best friend Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Wendy, Bebe, Craig, I dunno, a whole bunch of others.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
How do you know Wendy and Bebe.
Did I not already say that?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I know them from high school.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Why the hell are you always so difficult to talk to?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
How am I difficult to talk to? I know them from high school! That's all!
If I told her Wendy and I used to be an item, she'd totally spazz!
Okay, now time for her to switch to a different tactic.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Did you meet any girls at the party?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
No not really.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
What the hell is that supposed to mean!
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
It means no, not really. I didn't meet any other girls!
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
You don't have to get all snippy with me!
How can you hear snippy on MSN?
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Why aren't I in your name?
Random.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
My MSN name? Um… because?
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Don't you love me?
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
I thought you did!
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
You told me you did!
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Does that mean nothing to you?
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Huh?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Mandy, calm down. Of course I love you.
Actually, I'm starting to have doubts about that.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Calm down? I AM CALM!
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
You know what Stan? I'm sick and tired of your shit!
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
My shit? What about YOUR shit!
Bad move.
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! Says:
Fuck you!
Mandy-dandy – Stan's luvah 4 life! has signed off
I shake my head. Dear lord. That girl is going to give herself a seizure one day.
She wasn't always like this. Not when we were first dating. Her previous boyfriend had cheated on her though, so now she freaked out over every little thing. I've pretty much only stuck with her for the past month in hopes she might change back into the cute thing she was before.
Man, I ditched Kyle to get screamed at by my permanently PMSing girlfriend?
I quickly popped our conversation back up.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Sorry dude. I just got bitched out by my girlfriend.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Over what?
Was it just me, or did Kyle seem to take delight in my relationship problems?
Nah. That's just me being weird.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Nothing.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Seriously.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Seriously man. Nothing. Mandy's been a severe pain in the ass lately.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Why don't you break up with her then?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I don't know. I guess I've been hoping it was only a phase.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Dude, she's been this way for like over a month now, isn't it?
Damn you and your good memory.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Yeah I guess.
I suddenly didn't want to talk about Mandy anymore.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
So back to topic. What do you wanna do tonight?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Iunno. Any good movies out?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Um… well… the only one I can think of right now is Mission Impossible 3
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
I said good movies. Tom Cruise is such a douche.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
But it's got explosions and car crashes!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Anything else out?
I check the listings.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Not unless you wanna see a romance or some lame cartoon.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Alright. Fine. MI:3 it is.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Good. It's a date.
Why did I say that?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Oh hoh, a date now is it? Should I get all dressed up in my best outfit? Put on some cologne?
Ah Kyle. Always the one to see past my stupid remarks.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
You bet your ass. Maybe we shall partake in a candlelit dinner for two afterwards!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Under the moonlight.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I'll pick you a rose.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Dude. No wonder Kenny thinks we're gay.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I think he's just joking around dude.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Sometimes I wonder about that kid.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
So it says the stupid movie is playing at 8:15 and 10:30. What do you think?
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Meh.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Oh. Wow. Now that's helpful.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
8:15 then dude. There's nothing you can do about it.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I like the 10:30 better.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Arrrgh fine then.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
I thought you said there was nothing I could do about it!
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
I lied.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
You're far too leniant when it comes to me.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Lenient.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Whatever, Mr. Genius.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Well I'm out. I'll ttyl.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Where are you going?
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Dunno. I have all this energy right now, and I need to get rid of it somehow.
Bet I can think of a few ways how to do that.
Woah, dude. My brain is messed up.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Alright. Well good luck with that.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! Says:
Seeya later.
Marsh – home (Party was freaking awesome) says:
Yep.
Kyle - Happy Christmakwanzuhhah! has signed off
I sign off too. I check my watch. It's 2:30. So I had … eight hours until my date with Kyle. Which would apparently be in formal wear. With dinner under the moonlight.
I wonder if Kyle would find it funny or be weirded out if I actually followed through with that.
I'd probably be weirded out.
Maybe.
What am I going to wear?
Why am I thinking about what I'm going to wear? Kyle doesn't give a shit what I wear on our date.
Why am I calling it a date?
Because it is. A hot, sexy date.
God, I sound like Kenny. My mind is not my own lately.
I wonder what Kyle will wear on our date?
Who gives a flying fuck what Kyle wears! And stop calling it a date!
Maybe I like the word. Date. Date. Date.
Maybe you like Kyle.
Or maybe I just like the word.
Kyle.
Date.
Kyle date.
On a date with Kyle.
"Alright, that's it! I'm done!" I yell at my walls. I've had enough of this senseless internal battle that means nothing.
It means something.
"Goddamnit shut the hell up!" I bellow.
"Stanley, who are you talking to?" Shit. My mom heard me. Maybe I'm going insane. Maybe I have a blood clot in my brain.
"Um, no one mom. Sorry."
Pause.
"Well watch your language honey."
"Will do."
You're going on a date with Kyle, and you LIKE that idea, you sick perv.
Maybe I AM going insane.
---
Wow! How's that for senseless banter? But I had fun with this one!
Don't you love it when the boys talk to themselves?
Please leave a review! Each one makes me smile!