Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Summary: When Booth begrudgingly agrees to go out on a blind date that his mother has set up at his insistence that Brennan is just a friend, and said blind date turns out to be a Temperance Brennan fan, he discovers that his feelings for Brennan may not be as platonic as he has been trying to convince himself.
Rating: PG. At the moment, anyway… I'm thinking I may have to bump it up a bit for the next chapter…
Author's Notes: The lyrics in this one are from Nick Lachey's "Outside Looking In"… Also, I forgot to mention last time that the title actually comes from the Drake Bell Song, "Found A Way". So, yeah, in case you couldn't tell already, I pretty much have the most fickle taste in music of anyone. Ever. I will, and do, listen to anything and everything… As you could see if you ever got the chance to glance through my 500+ CDs. And that's where Drake Bell comes in… The song kind of inspired the story. Or completely, rather… It's what I was listening to when the idea popped into my head…
And to Kristie, I have to say, I read your review, and then pretty much laughed my ass off… I was actually eating a jelly doughnut when I read it… It was priceless… lol…
Thanks to everyone for the reviews, and I hope you like this one! I should have the next one out relatively soon…
Outside Looking In:
Paper houses and fallen angels
Sometimes you can't see in front of you
Wasted moments trying to be someone
I never wanted to be for you
The knock at her door pulled her out of the trance she had been in and she sighed deeply. For most of the night, she had been considering postponing their date. As much as she enjoyed David's company, she simply wasn't feeling up to a dinner date. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to stay exactly where she was for the rest of the night. Unfortunately, she hadn't cancelled and so she was stuck.
With another sigh, this one of resignation, she hit the stop button on the remote and moved to the door, pulling it open to reveal exactly whom she had expected. David. With a tiny smile that wasn't entirely sincere, she allowed him to place a kiss on her cheek before she stepped back to let him in.
"I'll just be a minute." She informed him as she shut the door and moved back to her living room, hitting the power switch on the television.
"Not a problem." He gave her a smile as he followed her, his eyes falling to the DVD box set that sat on the end table closest to the television. He gave her a curios look as he lifted it from the table, looking it over with more intent than was entirely necessary. "The X-Files?"
She glanced up at him then, the look she wore never quite making it to full blown embarrassment, but pulling a close second. "Booth mentioned it once, and since he's the one who's been nagging me about the TV, I thought… Well, I don't know what I thought, exactly. I just saw it, and it seemed appropriate, so I bought it."
She really was embarrassed now, the pink that tinted her cheeks giving her away, and she didn't miss the way David's eyes moved from the box set in his hands to the photograph that had sat beside it. One of Booth and herself. It had been taken by Angela, on one of their many outings to Wong Foo's. A new camera had been the culprit, and neither Brennan nor Booth had known it was coming. They had been sitting in the booth, his arm draped around her shoulder as he leaned over to whisper something in her ear. She couldn't remember what he had said, but whatever it had been, they had both come away from it with laughter in their eyes and smiles painting their faces.
She felt guilty then, watching as David studied the picture for a moment. Had she been asked, she knew she would have no explanation as to why she had framed and displayed the photo of the two of them. It captured no significant moment; no preconceived pose. Nothing that set it apart or made it special. But then, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was exactly that which made it special. Because that photograph held the very definition of her relationship with Booth. With Booth, nothing had to be planned or perfect; she didn't need some big event or pretty pose to be happy. When she was with him, it wasn't necessary to pretend. He was willing and ready to accept anything and everything about her without question.
"Right. Booth." His tone was even. There was very little emotion behind it, and as he spoke, he never once met her eyes.
She let a little smile cross her lips, not entirely sure why, as he wasn't actually looking at her, but she felt it necessary to offer him some form of reassurance. His words were sounding less and less bitter now when he spoke of Booth and in place of that bitterness, she heard resignation. An air of discomfort settled over her at the realization, and she crossed her arms tightly over her chest as she continued to watch him. For the first time that night, she was wishing they could hurry up and get on with the date they'd had planned.
David's demeanor changed then, and suddenly he was back to himself, clearly trying his best to push away all thoughts of her partner. "So, The X-Files… You like it? 'Cause I would've thought it'd be a little too irrational for you." He questioned with a smile, placing the DVD set back where he had found it as he looked to her for an answer.
She smiled at him then as she gave a little shrug. "As illogical as it may seem, it's really a fascinating series. The character dynamics are wonderful. I'm enjoying it."
"Glad to hear it." He gave her another smile as he reached out an arm for her expectantly. "You ready to go?"
She nodded, a half smile touching her lips as she grabbed her purse from the couch and allowed him to lead her out of her apartment.
Reaching out into unknown spaces
With nothing left here to blur the view
Now I know I've got to find
This picture frozen in my mind
And find the life I never knew
She had been surprised when David had led her to Wong Foo's for dinner… And she couldn't quite keep herself from being a little irritated with him for bringing her to a place that she was beginning to think of as hers and Booth's. She didn't like the fact that David seemed to be making every attempt to erase everything special in her life that was reserved for her partner. This was their place, and in her mind, she wanted it to have nothing to do with the man who was currently sitting across from her. Somewhere, deep down, she knew how wrong the thought was, but she couldn't quite seem to shake it.
How he even knew of the place, she wasn't sure. She was fairly certain she had never mentioned it, but she got the distinct feeling that he knew exactly what it was to her. Maybe she was simply being paranoid, but his jealousy toward her partner was beginning to annoy her more and more… And what scared her most was the fact that, in the back of her mind, she knew that he had every right to be jealous. Here she was, irritated with her boyfriend for bringing her to a nice restaurant, one that she rather enjoyed, no less, and all she could think of was Seeley Booth. Of course David was going to be jealous. How could he not?
When the waitress set their food before them, Brennan gave her a little smile of thanks, before glancing to the counter where Sid stood, watching her. She couldn't quite read his expression, but if she had been forced to guess, she probably would have assumed it was disappointment she was seeing; and that was something that confused her. Did he know something she didn't? Maybe Booth had said something…?
Shaking it off and chalking it up to an overactive imagination on her part, she turned back to David with a forced smile. They had hardly said two words to one another the entire time they had been there, and yet, the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them was still more comforting than actually having to hold a conversation with the man. She cared about David, she really did, but lately it seemed as though he wanted to discuss nothing but her relationship with Booth.
It had begun after he had read her manuscript. The dedication. She was sure that that had been exactly what had done it. He had assumed that her recognition of her partner, the man without whom she never would have even been able to write her books in the first place, meant more than it truly did… She owed much of the experience and expertise required to make her novels believable to her partner, and it only made sense to give him a little credit for it… But then, even she was beginning to realize that it wasn't the 'partner' part of the dedication that mattered. It was the 'friend' portion…
Friend. A word she reserved for a very select few, among whom David did not even exist…
She knew she should feel guilty for that, but she was incapable of controlling her feelings in this case, and the fact was, she simply didn't know him well enough to let him into her heart. Not the way she had Booth, anyway. Or even Angela, for that matter.In reality, David remained a stranger to her. They went out sometimes, sure, but she had yet to put any true emotional investment into the relationship. She wanted desperately to believe that her lack of commitment was simply due to her own emotional restrictions, rather than the fact that she found herself wishing more and more often that it was Booth she was with when, in truth, it was David. With Booth, emotional investment had come easy for her. With David, it seemed that their relationship had been suspended in time. It was going nowhere…
But I feel my world coming back to life
My eyes are finally open again
Now I see it all in a different light
I'm standing on the outside
I'm finally on the outside looking in
David was talking to her now, and yet, she heard nothing. Her eyes had been drawn to the door through which Seeley Booth, the very man who had managed to capture her every thought, was making his way into the restaurant. She averted her eyes the moment she realized she was staring and tried her best to focus on David, who was talking about… something. She had yet to figure out what. And then she heard Booth's name and she fought to keep her eyes from rolling. He was on that again. Sure, she had just spent the better part of their date ignoring David and mentally exploring her feelings for Booth, but that didn't stop her from being annoyed. Maybe if the man wasn't so stuck on the subject of her partner, her thoughts would stop drifting to him every few seconds… And then she realized that he had simply been asking about their caseload, and she instantly felt guilty for her irritation.
She gave him a light smile as he raised an eyebrow in question, a significant amount of time having elapsed since his inquiry. "We haven't really been working on anything big. It's been kind of quiet lately."
She gave him a shrug as she reached out to play with her napkin, giving her a sufficient excuse to avoid his eyes. She had yet to tell him about her parent's disappearance or her mother's murder, and she certainly didn't think that this qualified as a good time. But then, if she was going to be honest with herself, she knew that there would be no appropriate time to bring David into the loop on her family history and the current investigation they were working on in relation. She had her team to offer support and comfort. She had Booth. She wasn't in need of pity, and she knew that that was exactly what David would have to offer her. And so she kept quiet.
When she offered no more in explanation, David dropped the issue, though she saw the way his eyes fell and his shoulders slumped just a bit. He was giving up. She could see it in his posture and in the way he looked at her; as though begging her to give him something, anything, that would lead him to believe that they were worth fighting for.
But she couldn't give him that. Because she knew they weren't.
Instead, she looked away from him, her eyes falling on her partner once more. If there was anyone in her life that she could turn to, it was him. Not David. It could never be David, and as she sat there, watching Booth, she realized exactly that. Her relationship with David needed to end. In reality, it had never even really been a relationship. From the very beginning, in her heart, she had always known that it was Booth.
And it was at that moment that she decided it was time to start giving her heart a little more credit…
I'm tearing out the page
Breathing for a change
And it's so good
To feel myself coming back to life
I'm finally on the outside
I'm finally on the outside
"Go to him, Temperance…"
His words took her by surprise and she turned back to him, confusion evident in her eyes. "What?"
"You've been sitting here, watching him from the moment he walked in." He paused for a moment, sighing deeply in defeat as he sat back in his chair, his eyes never leaving hers. "I think we both know who you'd rather be with."
"David—"
He gave a light smile in reassurance. "It's okay, Temperance. I understand… In fact, I think I knew the moment I met the two of you, but when you told me there was nothing going on, I accepted it because I wanted to believe it… As much as I care about you, I know you don't feel the same; or if you do, your feelings for him are still stronger. So I'm going to end this now, you and me, because we both know where you'd rather be, and I don't want to hold you back anymore. You deserve to be happy, Temperance, and I'm not the one who can give that to you. He is."
When she didn't try to argue with him, and instead let her eyes fall away from his to focus on the table in front of her, she felt, rather than saw, the look of complete acceptance, mingled with a touch of sadness, that washed over him. For a moment, the guilt that was building up in her chest almost made her stop him, but instead, she simply whispered a soft, "I'm sorry," as he stood, finding her hand and giving it a quick squeeze of reassurance.
"It's alright, Temperance… Now, go get him." His words were quiet; he was being careful to make sure that Booth didn't hear. She glanced up at him as he backed away, a smile full of thanks, as well as apology, gracing her lips. "You take care of yourself."
And with a final smile, he was gone, leaving her to work out her feelings for the man who sat just a few feet away, drowning his sorrows in the alcohol that sat before him and completely ignoring her…
He was upset that she had shown up here with David. She knew he was. She had noticed the moment he had walked in, and she knew he had seen her as well, but he had said nothing, taking his regular seat at the counter instead. She wanted to be upset by his lack of acknowledgement, but she knew it was simply because she had been there with David. When he had first noticed her there, with David, she had seen the flash of hurt in his eyes, and she couldn't blame him. After all, she too considered this to be their place, and she wasn't surprised by the realization that he felt the same…
And so, with a deep breath, she pulled herself from her seat and made her way over to her partner; the man she was beginning to realize she was fast falling in love with…
And I feel my world coming back to life
My eyes are finally open again
Now I see it all in a different light
I'm standing on the outside
I'm finally on the outside looking in