The A.D.D Chronicles

XO'MagickMoon'OX

A/N: This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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The Ninth Chapter of Insanity

Riku decides that he and Sora should go to relationship counseling for no reason other than that he was bored and thought it would be fun to play "How Long Does It Take to Traumatize the Counselor?"

They end up seeing their good old friend, Hercules. "WHY DID CLOUD LEAVE MEEE? WAAAAH!" he says with his booming voice. Riku and Sora enter the room and boot the weeping demi-god out so that they can play with the nice, unsuspecting counselor.

Riku: "Mwahahaha…"

OMG the counselor is DRACULA!

Counselor: "Good evening." Then, he pulls off his Dracula mask. "Just kidding." Riku and Sora do an anime-style sweatdrop. They exchange classic "WTF?" looks while the counselor introduces himself. "My name is Mr.————" (says something in Japanese that no one without an Asian heritage would be able to pronounce) "and I will be your counselor. So, where should we start? What brings you here today?"

Riku and Sora begin their act, pretending to be a very dissatisfied, bitter couple.

Riku scowls at Sora. "He's horrible in bed."

Mr.————: "…" Mr.———— writes something in his notebook that seemed to look like a stick figure holding a stapler. Hmmm… "Ahem. So, Sora, what do you have to say?"

Sora glares at Riku. "He's a bad kisser. He never brushes his TEETH!"

Riku makes a face. "I do too brush my teeth!"

The counselor makes a face at Riku. "Ahem, do you have an pets?"

Sora: "Well Counselor, you could be mine if you like." :walks over and sits on the counselor's lap:

Mr.————: "…"

Riku mutters, "Man-whore."

Sora: "What was that, Riku?"

Sora suddenly looks very threatening as he brandishes his Keyblade, but of course, Riku isn't intimidated…at all…because he's cool. Sora tried to be cool by doing one of those trippy Matrix moves. Riku only blinks and says, "Fascinating."

Mr.———— (now that Sora has detached himself from the counselor): "So, Sora, you say that Riku is a bad kisser?"

Riku: "Am not! I'll prove it!" Riku pounces on Sora and begins making-out with him, right in front of Mr.————. Soon, the couple ends up on TOP of Mr.————.

Mr.————: "…" O.O;;

And then, Leon and Cloud burst through the door, flushed and out of breath. Riku snickers.

Leon: "Get your mind out of the goddamn gutter! We're running from—"

Hercules: "CLOOOOUUUD!"

"—SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

Shane: "Where?"

Hercules proceeds to chase Cloud around the small room, succeeding in knocking over a desk, a bookshelf, a statue of Julius Caesar, a scratching post (for cats), the Empire State Building, and the Eiffel Tower.

Yes, all of which are in that small room.

Anyway, Hercules becomes depressed and jumps out of a four-story window. And loses his memory of past events, therein letting him get over Cloud and find his new soul mate, Mickey. And from this point forward, Mickey and Hercules shall be honeymooning in Hawaii, where Locke chases them around with his flamethrower.

Locke: "NYAAAAAAAA!"

AAAAAND back to the therapy.

I mean… "couple helping."

Riku :cough, cough: "Ahem, anyway."

Mr.————: "So, what else is troubling you?"

Riku: "Sora has an issue with my mother."

Sora (to Mr.————): "Well, yeah, if YOUR mother thought you were sexy, wouldn't you be just a LITTLE disturbed?"

Riku: "Nooooooooooo…"

Mr.————: O.O

Riku: "Well, YOU think I'm sexy."

Sora: "But I'm your boyfriend, she's your MOTHER."

Riku: "… Soooooo?"

Sora: "So that's NOT RIGHT."

Mr.————: "Neither are two guys going together."

Riku and Sora: O.O

They grab Locke's flamethrower and totally ROAST Mr.———— for being a homophobe.

Riku and Sora stomp out of the room, thoroughly offended, and set off to fulfill every yaoi fangirl's dream and destroy all of the homophobes in the WORLD. They get ready for the battle by putting on SPANDEX! WOOOO! Actually, only Riku wears his sMexy Heartless spandex; Sora just looks adorably intimidating in his red jumpsuit. :D

Gates: Fine. I see how it is Cohick. Just TOTALLY reject my ideas. Psh.

Lindsey: -heart-

Gates: Punk.

Anyway, first the duo sets off for… Atlantica. (Leon and Cloud are back at the relationship counselor's office, beating the homophobe into oblivion.)

Gates: ddivian? WTF?

Lindsey: O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N.

Gates: W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R. Just 'cause I can't read ur handwriting… and I like being a pain-in-the-ass. :)

Lindsey: XD

Anyway. Riku and Sora decide that Atlantica is boring and go bake apple pies.

Gates: NO, they go and bake BLUEBERRY pies. :slaps Lindsey: Get it right.

Ummmm… okay. They then decide to sell their BLUEBERRY pies to make money for their masters—I mean, authoresses.

Gates: Teehee… Yes… money. WORK SLAVES! Oh… ahem, I mean, our dear, valued, loved characters.

Riku/Sora: -.-;;

Suddenly, NARUTO appears.

Riku: "You're in the WRONG fanfiction DUMBASS!"

Naruto shrugs and uses his Sexy no Jutsu to turn himself into a BEAUTIFUL, BUSTY, BLONDE girl.

Riku/Sora: "AHHHHHHH! MY EYES!" :cling to each other:

Naruto: "You better believe it!"

Lindsey slaps the producer of the American Naruto anime for giving Naruto stupid lines and a horrible voice actor.

Gates: FINALLY Lindsey slaps someone. 8O.

Anyway, after getting their eyes blinded by the GORGEOUS female Naruto (YAOI power!)…

Riku and Sora run away as fast as they can, still clinging desperately to each other, to get away from the straight person.

The straight GIRL, no less. Although, one would have to wonder if the person who invented a jutsu to switch their gender is really straight…

Sasuke: "Damn right, he's not straight!"

Naruto poofs back into his loveable, male self and is promptly dragged away by the collar, courtesy of Sasuke. Naruto waves cutely. :)

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.End Ninth Chapter of Insanity.

TBC.