Disclaimer: When I own the world I will own High School Musical as well…I'm just biding my time……
A/N: Ok…..so it's stupid, pointless and ridiculous……deal with it!
I'm Dreaming of Guns and A Bottle of Aspirin
Things were not looking good for our eight…..correction, nine heroes, as they headed into hour two of being trapped on an elevator. Tempers were flaring, deodorants were wearing off, and there was an all-around creepy feeling that everybody was getting from Gabriella.
Troy was searching desperately on hands and knees for something that even remotely resembled a hair tie, whilst Gabriella was leaning in close to his ear, whispering sweet, creepy nothings into his ear.
Gabriella: Troy…
She whispered in a voice that she believed to be raspy and sexy, but sounded more like a Ben Stein with smokers cough.
Gabriella: Do you like tacos?
Troy: I'm more of a bratwurst man myself…..
Gabriella looks at him for a moment before bursting in to storm of wet and very loud tears.
Gabriella: You were supposed to be my god damn fairytale, bitch!
The wails continue on, throwing the entire elevator into dismay.
Ryan: Good God, turn her off! Turn her off!
Ryan would be pulling out his hair right now if Gabriella wasn't doing it for him.
Zeke: Satan, douse this flaming inferno!
All the chaos stops abruptly as all eyes turn to Zeke.
Zeke: Uh…….I-I mean……praise Jesus?
Viewing this as a good enough answer, the mayhem ensues (and by mayhem, I mean the insistent crying, of course.) Until finally, Sharpay, deciding to solve the problem, takes off her 6 inch heel, and chunks it at the crying girls head. Gabriella is out cold and once again the world is a much better place.
Sharpay: Ding dong, the bitch is dead……
Sharpay sings whilst filing her nails.
Kelsi: You are my hero, Sharpay.
Sharpay: Well, if I am your hero, then get down on the ground and worship me properly, lower being!……..and give me a pedicure while you're down there.
Kelsi does so.
Ryan: Whipped…….
Sharpay: Ryan! The air is still musty……fix it!
Ryan jumps to his sister side, and once again begins to try to "fix" the musty air.
Kelsi: Hypocritical bastard……
Taylor: Now, I believe that if we all put our heads together we can come up with a brilliantly logical plan to get us quickly and safely out of this bind…..jenkies…….
Taylor beings to twitch.
Zeke: Burn in Hell she-devil!
All eyes, except for Gabriella's of course, turn to Zeke once more.
Zeke: Uh…..I-I mean……Praise Jesus?
Everyone shrugs
Troy: Ryan, I love you. Can't you see that?
Ryan: I believe I asked to speak to Katharine Hepburn, Not Troy Bolton.
Troy: Oh why don't you go…….go……..
Not being able to think of anything witty to say, Troy begins to pout. Ryan hands Troy a second cookie. Troy giggles and begins to work on his Katharine Hepburn impression.
Chad who had been sitting in a corner the entire time smelling his toes, quickly stands up in a wave excitement.
Chad: Oh! I know! Lets do a sing-a-long!
Troy: Oh, you mean like we do in that movie that we're in…that we don't actually know that we're in…but would explain all our new cars and gold plated mini bars…….but we aren't supposed to know about those…because if we knew that would be breaking the fourth wall…….which I don't think you're supposed to break….even though I am doing it right now…..which I don't think I am supposed to do….which-
Ryan: Christ! Will you shut up!
Troy curls into a ball in the corner and pets his cookie.
Troy: And to think I wanted to make out with you!
Kelsi: Hey look-it, I found a hair tie.
She replies quite nonchalantly.
Troy: Oh! Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Kelsi: What's the magic word?
Troy: I'll slaughter your entire family if you don't and mail you your dogs head in a box?
Zeke grins at this
Kelsi: But I don't have a dog….
Troy: How bout a cat?
Kelsi: No.
Troy: Snake?
Kelsi: Nope
Troy: Ferret?
Kelsi: Nada
Troy: Gold fish?
Kelsi: No! Not Goldie!
Kelsi hands over the hair tie, just as Gabriella begins to wake up. There is an all around groan from the elevator, the writer and the audience.
Sharpay chunks her other shoe but, unfortunately, Gabriella dodges this one.
Gabriella: Missed me! Missed me!
Gabriella dances around cackling.
Everyone else shudders.
Gabriella: Hey Troy?….Have to ever seen someone dressed like a cross dressing carrot do a flamenco dance…. ?
Troy: Yeah, once…..good times.
Gabriella: How bout someone dressed like a cross dressing asparagus do a flamenco dance?
Troy: Uh…No?
Gabriella: Would you like to?
Creepy feeling is back.