Chapter 9 : The Loopy Overachiever.

.

.

.

Nightmares were a crazy concept to me.

Some cultures see nightmares as warnings of some sort.

I mostly saw it as unnecessary cruelness.

Sure, sometimes a nightmare can be about a thing you worry about subconsciously. You'd have a bad dream about said thing and wake up thinking "I knew it, something is up with that" and think of yourself as a seer of something.

But most of the time nightmares are just an opportunity for your brain (ft. unconsciousness) to channel its excess energy into creating an illusion to entertain itself.

Sweet dreams are made the same way, but there's just something (probably the emotional vulnerability) about trauma and anxiety that attracts nightmares.

And because brains are creative, these illusions don't just stick to past traumas, memories and fears.

No.

The brain, ever the overachieving bitch that it is, creates new 'scenarios' and possibilities that you'd never thought of before.

It picks and chooses events that would twist the knife in deeper, lulls you into a false sense of security just to sadistically pull the rug beneath your feet.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think my brain was gunning for the first place in 'top ten anime betrayals' or the 'best horror movie of the year' award. Although, I was its only viewer so maybe it contented itself with lasting impressions, sleep deprivation and emotional scarring.

Speaking of movies, I missed movies. I should make popcorn, I want soda. Junk food too, some chips would be nice...I want some KFC chicken, so hungry right now.

I was so tired of fish, I'd never even liked fish why did only fish live in freezing water? why not chicken?

I mean chickens used to be dinosaurs and there were definitely water dinosaurs, so why were there no water chickens?

Were chickens and fish different types of dinosaurs?...Are fish actually chicken cousins? But then what came first, chicken or fish?

No, it's chicken or egg dummy…dummy is such a funny word hehe…dummy dum dum dummy hehe.

"Haku-Chan, what's so funny?" My mother frowned at my dazed eyes.

I snapped back from my sleepy thoughts and unconscious laughter with a blink.

Nightmares had been kicking my ass since my parents had announced my new sibling's arrival.

Almost every night was haunted with a nightmare, rendering my brain constantly sleep addled and sluggish.

Luckily, I was too young and had good genes so I didn't develop dark circles or eye bags.

So, the only proof of my nightly terrors was my sleep deprivation, emotionally all over the place-ness, tiredness, weird thought trains (train thoughts?) and jumpiness. All completely convenient side affects. Totally.

My eyes focused on my mom's face and I gave a reassuring smile.

"Nothing, just remembered something Shiro-Chan said." I picked my chopsticks up, taking a bite of rice and steamed fish (I still want chicken).

"Ah~ Shiro-Chan~ she's Shin's little sister right? She's very cute." Mom said in a teasing voice.

I grimaced, knowing exactly where this was going and not liking it one bit.

She was asking questions she already knew the answer to (after all, Shiro and Shin were the only kids around the same age as me in town).

She was giving me that mom look, the 'don't be shy, talk to mom' look paired with the 'my baby is cute' tone of voice.

These two attacks combined together with the subject of conversation (Shiro) to create a combo I did not appreciate, it was the 'Mom knows you have a puppy crush, so spill'.

My poor and battered (overachieving bitch) brain was too tired for this shit, and it was only breakfast. I wanted to cry or sleep, I could do both, I'm a multitasker.

Shiro was a cute kid, but for fucks sake I had the mind of an adult.

I had no intention to date or have feelings for anybody before hitting at least twenty (again).

I was more likely to have a crush on aunt (not family) Shizu because she was built like a (hot) mountain. Hell, I was more likely to have a crush on elder Todo (the fucking blabbermouth) than on Shiro.

"Mhm" I hummed as a response, taking a sip of hot tea to wash away the fishy taste.

A beat of silence.

Mom's expression turned serious, she crossed her arms over her chest then she said with a decisive nod : "Mom approves of your relationship."

Obviously, I didn't blame my her for thinking I had crush on a little girl (ew). Mom did not know I was basically a twenty year old female imposter wearing the skin of her (probably) long dead son-

So, I (of course) responded reasonably and diplomatically.

I spit the tea I sipped right back out.

Because, excuse me ma'am, what the fuck?

I almost said that out loud too, but thankfully my lack of japanese cursing vocabulary saved the day.

"Mom…what…?" is what I ended up saying in a weak voice.

How did we go from 'she's cute' to 'relationship' so fast?

Mom's wind shim like laughter rang in the dining room, she covered her mouth with a hand and waved the other at me.

"Ara~ Ara~ I was only teasing you honey!"

I sighed, my brain really couldn't deal with… anything at that moment.

I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep, I had enough of the waking world.

I looked at the ceiling, oh to be dad at this moment, sleeping in until the afternoon.

He worked overtime last night so he had an excuse, I just needed to find mine.

I looked out the window, it was sunnier than usual, the sky was mostly clear. Just my luck that today was one of the rare good weather days. I can't even claim that it's too cold to go out. That's a no go.

I looked down at my food, everything was fresh and clean. It would be an insult to my mother if I pretend the food was bad. Another no go.

I looked at the chair beside mine, where my backpack laid. I can't say I have no 'school', Shin and Shiro will rat me out faster than I could say 'sleep'.

What do you know? Another no go!

I looked back at my mother, she was slowly working through her breakfast, expertly removing fish bones with an ease my pudgy fingers could only dream of.

Her belly wasn't showing yet, the pregnancy still in its early stages but she had a glow about her that was hard to miss. She noticed my staring and looked up at me, cocking her head to the side in a silent question.

Fuck it.

"Mom, I'm so tired I want to go back to sleep. Can I please?" I asked.

Her eyes widened in slight surprise, then they narrowed on me, scrutinizing and analyzing my micro expressions.

I had no skill in the famous puppy dog face and I frankly couldn't muster up the effort to even attempt it.

Instead, I let all my fatigue and warriess show on my face on display and unrestrained.

She observed me for a little while longer, then, like the angel she is, she nodded her head. She didn't even ask questions, I felt like crying.

"Okay. Finish your breakfast first, then you can rest up."

"Thank you!" I let out a relieved breath and dug into my food with more gusto.

"And I don't want to see any fish left in your bowl. Don't think I didn't notice you hid it under your leftover rice last time!" She added in a scolding tone.

I grumbled but kept eating. Eating fishy fish was a small price to pay for beautiful, holy sleep.

…fishy fish…hehe…funny word.

.

.

.

Author's notes :

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it!

Let me know what you think in the reviews, follows and favorites are always appreciated :)