Talora

by soylentOrange

The Earthican government passes a doomsday weapon tax, prompting Prof. Farnsworth to send his private stash off planet. Umfortunately, unbeknownst to the crew of the Planet Express ship, other people have their eyes on the dangerous cargo in their hold.

5. Part 5

Part 5: Retribution

Chapter 35

The little escape pod came to rest in the boughs of what looked remarkably like a terrestrial oak. A hiss of air filled the cockpit, and the canopy popped free. Mike, who had been cheerily instructing the poor delivery boy on the escape pod's safety features ever since the Minnow's cockpit had been jettisoned, informed Fry that the air was breathable. "It has been a pleasure serving you, and we hope to see you again. Thanks for choosing Ivanair." Fry scurried out of the craft as fast as he could, desperate to get away from the maddening computerized voice.

It was a long way down to solid ground. Fry spent a couple of tense minutes climbing through foliage and shimmying down the trunk. About five feet off the ground he lost his grip, and suddenly found himself falling through the air. He landed on his ass. Fry stood up and brushed himself off. A quick check of his body yielded no injuries. "Like Leela always says, any landing you can walk away from is a good one." The redhead stretched his stiff muscles and took one last look at the remains of the craft that had ferried him halfway across the galaxy.

A few minutes later Fry was running through the forest in, so he hoped, the direction of Ivan's crashed ship. A dense hardwood forest blocked any good view of the sky, but Fry thought he could see a plume of smoke through tiny gaps in the canopy. Before long, the panting redhead came across a broad clearing. With the trees gone, Fry could see a little more of the world he had been cast onto. A range of small mountains, little more than glorified hills really, reared their heads a few miles ahead. Two columns of smoke rose skyward, a small one to Fry's left, and a large one straight ahead on the other side of the mountains. The smaller, and closer, plume was probably from the Minnow. The other one could only be from Ivan's ship, or an unbelievably coincidental forest fire. "Well, I'd better get going," Fry exclaimed with a cheerfulness that he didn't feel. He started running again, straight for the big smoke column.

Running through wild forest is not an easy thing to do, especially when you're clumsy and out of shape. Fry was only able to run a half mile before lack of stamina, coupled with nature's tendency to place tree limbs at the height of the human nose, forced him to slow to a walk. To make matters worse, the sun started to go down six hours after the crash. An exhausted, not to mention scratched and bruised, Fry finally had to stop for the night when the darkness sent him blundering straight into a mass of brambles. This particular planet had no moon, and the starlight was feeble at best. There was no way Fry was going to get to Ivan's ship before he became hopelessly lost in the dark.

This was the first time that Fry had ever had to spend a night in the woods alone. The closest thing he had ever come to roughing it was the trip through the desert on Talora, and even then there were tents and hot meals. "Ok, I can do this. All I have to do is remember what they taught me in Webelos. First, make a shelter." Fry could just barely make out a couple of boulders that formed a tiny cave between them. "Ok check. How about water?" A quick search of the makeshift campsite yielded a face-plant in the dirt courteous of a badly placed tree root, but no water. "Nope, no water. Next up, food." Fry looked around him. He couldn't see more than a dozen paces in any direction, and there was no way he was going to go wandering away from his 'shelter'. "Ooh! I've got it!" The redhead reached down and picked up a short stick. "It'll be just like the old Webelos days, before they kicked me out." Fry put the hunk of wood in his mouth and bit down. He chewed for a moment, grimaced, and spit the stuff out. "Oh man, yuck! That's not oak, its maple!"

.One cold and lonely night later, the delivery boy emerged from between his two boulders and yawned. Fry was cold, sore in places he didn't know existed, and ravishingly hungry. "Yep, that's a typical campout for ya," thought Fry as he tried to stretch out the kinks in his spine.

With the sun up, Fry continued his hike. A bush covered in tiny spherical red berries came into view after a few minutes. "Alright! Food!" The starving redhead rushed over to stuff his face, but paused before he could shove the tiny fruit into his mouth. "Wait, what was that rhyme I used to know? Red berries fuel your cells, blue berries ring funeral bells? Or was it, blue berries are good on bread, red ones will kill you dead? Hmm…" Fry pondered for a moment, then shrugged. "Oh well. Down the hatch!"

Fry started walking again. The ground became steeper and more treacherous. By the time Fry reached the summit of the mountain, he was climbing on all fours and wheezing loudly. A few feet from the top he took a moment to catch his breath. Long experience told Fry that cresting a mountain peak on an unknown planet nearly always resulted in a sight that led to a collective gasp from everyone present. He knew that if that happened now while he was out of breath, he would end up passed out on the ground.

When the delivery boy was breathing a bit more easily he stood up and climbed the last dozen or so feet. As expected, he gasped loudly.

Fry had had a good idea as to what he would find below him. In the best case scenario, Ivan's ship would be badly damaged, at worst it would be a smoldering crater. Reality was somewhere in between. The stingray shape was completely gone now. The entire front quarter of the ship had buckled in on itself like some gigantic aluminum can crushed underfoot. Pieces of debris littered the ground all around the crash site. One wing lay upside-down a quarter-mile away. An ugly hole near the rear of what was left of the main ship still belched a thin streamer of foul black smoke. Fry could just barely make out people in brown uniforms running to and fro.

A sigh of relief escaped from the redhead. People had survived the crash. That meant there was hope that he could still rescue Leela.

Chapter 36

"Hee-ya!" A pony-tailed missile flung itself at the door for the hundredth time. Leela's kick connected squarely with the target. The door still refused to give way. "Ugh! I am so sick of this! I want out of here dammit!" The frustrated PE captain gave up her futile assault and paced her tiny room.

The crash had been spectacular. Even though Leela hated him or her with a passion at the moment, she couldn't help but respect the skill of whomever had been driving this godforsaken ship. Somehow the pilot had used the aerodynamic properties of the vessel to create some lift, preventing the spaceship from crashing into the ground at a deadly speed. Still, when the impact had come it had been a doosy. The ship's bow crumpled in a fraction of a second. All personnel that had not been able to heed Ivan's order to retreat into the center of the ship were crushed instantly. Leela had been thrown about her cell like an action figure in a washing machine. Luckily she had been in a protective body position, or things would have gotten very ugly. Leela only wished that the toilet had not been there with her. A layer of dirty water now coated every surface of the room.

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Ivan had appeared an hour or so after the crash. What Leela had rightly guessed was a door creaked open with a shower of sparks. The scarred arms dealer walked into the room and pointed a very ugly weapon at the cyclops. He was obviously not a very happy person at the moment. Cuts and scrapes crisscrossed his face, there was a second degree burn on his right hand, and a purple bruise across his face, neck, and presumably chest, marked the precise instant when a restraint had saved his life.

"You survived the crash did you? Alright then, you purple-haired pain-in-the-ass, listen up. You're red-headed friend has proven to be a bigger problem than I gave him credit for. Luckily the little trick he used to knock us out of the sky also did the same number on him. If he managed to eject before the impact killed him, he'll most likely do the stupid thing and walk straight here."

"Fry is here!" Leela was astonished, partly to hear that not only had Fry survived, but also come to her rescue. Mostly however, she was astonished that Ivan would have any reason to let her know. "Wait, why are you telling me this?"

"Simple, my dear. As soon as my scouts spot Fry, I'll have you led out into the open and tied to a tree. You're a smart woman, you'd have realized I was using you as bait, and who was being baited. This way however, I got to see your expression when I told you that your dear friend was still alive. That will make the expression you make upon seeing Fry blown to bits so much more delectable. I told you once before that you would watch your shipmates gunned down in front of you. Unfortunately there was no time on Talora for me to carry out my promise without ending up dead myself. That is why I dragged you halfway across the galaxy, you see. Now I have another chance to get my revenge. I was hoping that your whole crew would be involved, but Fry will have to do."

"Go f&k yourself."

Ivan laughed and walked out of the room. The door closed behind him with a creak.

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Ever since Ivan had left Leela had been trying to escape. She knew full well that her slow-minded friend would fall for Ivan's trick, and she had to escape before the trap could be set. "If it wasn't for this damned invincible door…"

As if on queue, the door creaked open again. Two burly men swaggered in armed to the teeth. Leela was still in midair when thug one raised a weapon and shot her square in the neck. A tiny dart injected its toxic cargo into her bloodstream. The PE captain's suddenly unresponsive body collided with her target.

Thug One spent the next several seconds cursing as he tried to extricate himself from his assailant. Thug Two just stood there and laughed at his companion, not even attempting to help. When Thug One could finally stand again, he walked over to the limp woman and gave her a savage kick in the side. Dignity restored, he nodded to his still-chuckling buddy. Thug Two bent down and grabbed the fallen woman around the waist. He tossed her over his shoulder and followed Thug One out the door.

Chapter 38

A short distance away, Fry lay concealed behind a large boulder. So far, he didn't think he had been spotted. No one was shooting at him anyway, which was a pleasant change of pace. Still, he couldn't get any closer without blowing his cover.

Fry spent a few minutes trying to figure out what to do next. If he went barging in there right now he'd just end up shot. "What would Leela do?", Fry wondered. "If she was here she'd come up with some perfect plan that would save the day." Of course, if Leela were there with him then the whole situation would be moot. "Maybe if I wait until after dark I can sneak in before anyone sees me. Then I just have to search a gigantic crashed ship that I've never seen before for a person that's probably being held under heavy guard…"

The delivery boy's thoughts trailed off as he became aware of what, or more accurately who, was being led out of the wrecked spacecraft. It was Leela!

As the ecstatic redhead watched, two of Ivan's men tied the cyclops to a tree, and then proceeded to turn around and re-enter the ship. Every other crewmember that was at the crash site followed them in to the smoking hulk a minute later.

Ivan had been accurate in his prediction of Fry's response. The delivery boy leaped out of his hiding place without even a second thought and ran pell-mell down the mountainside toward his drugged captain. He made it almost halfway there before laser blasts drove him back into cover. At first Fry assumed he had been spotted, but another blast never came near him. Instead, a volley of laser fire pelted the crash site. It continued for a few seconds, and then ceased abruptly. When the dust cleared Fry was relieved to see that no stray shot had come close to Leela's tree.

A moment later a familiar ship descended from above. The hovering vessel was a bright white, with two engines on fins at the bottom and docking stations on small arms on either side. A large white and black grate gave the impression of a ridiculous grin across the bow. Bold black letters painted on the ship's flanks proclaimed its name: Nimbus.

Fry groaned. "Oh Geez. Not here. Not now. Please god, not…"

A loud booming voice rolled out from under the ship's belly. "Hello-a. My name is Zapp Brannigan, captain of the DOOP ship Nimbus. You are all under arrest for violation of interstellar directive B-10.8-1, Brannigan's law. You are trespassing on a forbidden world-a. If you don't leave this planet immediately, I will have to put you under arrest. You have 15 seconds before I open fire!"

"Umm sir?", enquired a weak voice. Lieutenant Kif Kroker addressed his captain aboard the Nimbus. Unbeknownst to either DOOP officer, Zapp had accidentally turned up the gain on his loudspeaker, thereby transmitting their conversation to everyone within a five mile radius.

"What is it Kif, old friend?"

"How are you going to arrest them if you blast them into vapor?"

"I'm glad you asked. See, life is like a box of chocolates, you can't count your chickens before they hatch."

"Sir, that made absolutely no sense whatsoever."

Brannigan put on a mysterious air. "Didn't it? Or did it make all the sense in the world?"

Kif just sighed heavily.

Fry's gaze returned to Leela just in time to see one of Ivan's men throw the still-limp cyclops over his shoulder and hurry back toward the relative safety of his ship. Brannigan was too busy proving his stupidity in front of his first officer to notice what was going on. The delivery boy jumped up and once again started running, but it was too late. Leela's purple hair disappeared behind a closing hatch before Fry was close enough to do anything.

Before Fry had a chance to decide what to do next, Zapp made the decision for him. "You there, with the red hair," boomed Brannigan's disembodied voice, "the penalty for standing on the planet's surface is death. You have damaged Gillegyn's fragile ecosystem with your very presence. Now I will execute you in the most eco-friendly manner imaginable-a: with my main laser cannon!" On the bridge of the nimbus, Kif Kroker let out another patent sigh.

A yellow line of death chased Fry, who screamed all the while, to the shelter of some obscuring trees. The redhead dove to the side a split second before the laser could turn him into cooked hamburger.

"Now then, the rest of you have fifteen seconds to leave the planet, starting now." There was silence for exactly the amount of time Zapp had specified. "Very well. Since you refuse to leave, you give me no other option but to send wave after wave of my own men at you." "But sir," Kif broke in, "wasn't the plan to use the lasers?" "Why, yes it was-a, but I like this new plan a lot better."

What happened next was a sight familiar to Fry, who had once been pressed into service under the command of the intolerable Brannigan. Zapp was fond of the element of surprise, only he had gotten the meaning of the phrase confused somehow. The giant Nimbus descended to hover eight feet off the ground in a small clearing devoid of rubble, about three hundred yards from the crash site. Giant doors flew open on the bottom of the white ship, sending fifty or so unsuspecting troops falling onto the battlefield. The Nimbus then proceeded to fly away from the battle, ostensibly to watch from the safety of orbit.

The fifty DOOP soldiers wasted no time getting ready. They broke up into five separate squads and dashed for whatever cover they could find. At the same time, the remains of the Drakos began to swarm with defenders. A lucky shot from one of Ivan's men caught a DOOP soldier in the side moments before the man reached safety behind a piece of wreckage.

Chapter 39

The battle picked up in intensity very quickly. The DOOP soldiers, although slightly more numerous, were also slightly outgunned. Evidently some of Ivan's private weapons stash had survived re-entry. Whatever the case, this fight was showing signs of being a real meat-grinder. Fry was now in a very serious situation. Between him and the ship was a small army of men that wouldn't think twice before shooting him. Meanwhile, another small army that wouldn't think twice before shooting him was slowly, but steadily, closing in. If he didn't do something soon, he could easily end up caught in the crossfire. Then again, if he tried to stand up and leave the cover of the low bushes he was crouching in, the delivery boy would be cut down before he could take two steps. One of Ivan's people walked within a few feet of the delivery boy's hiding place. The woman caught sight of Fry and leveled her rifle, but was picked off by a DOOP soldier before she could shoot. Fry trembled for a few moments at this latest close call. When the soldier had moved off, Fry scrambled out of his shelter and picked up the woman's small pistol, which had fallen from her hand. He made it back to his bushes before anyone spotted him. "Now if someone wants to shoot me, at least I can shoot back," muttered Fry darkly

Tense minutes passed. Things exploded and vaporized all around the poor delivery boy until so little cover remained that Fry was forced to leave his hiding spot. What followed was a blur of motion and raw instinct. Fry ran forward, ducking just in time to avoid a projectile of some kind. Men in green DOOP uniforms approached from the rear, zapping away with their charged positron shooters. The delivery boy knew he couldn't shoot the soldiers. After all they were the good guys, well under normal circumstances anyway. Fry altered course and took off toward the only cover that was nearby, the tortured ruin of the Drakos' hull.

The DOOP was gaining ground. Only a few men remained to defend the exterior of the ship. They fell one by one as Fry ran. Only two defenders were left, standing at the ship's closed airlock. Fry shot at them wildly as he ran toward a spot downhull. The two men were forced to take shelter behind a makeshift, waist-high barricade that was propped up in front of them.

Once at the ship, Fry threw himself behind a giant twisted hunk of metal that lay propped up against the Drakos' outer skin. The two men that had been chasing Fry broke off their pursuit to engage the men standing at the airlock. Both DOOP soldiers were promptly cut down. Fry tried to line up a shot on the two defenders, who were less than twenty paces away, but the attempt was soon proven unnecessary. A compact sphere of antimatter screamed through the air and smashed into the airlock door. An intense flash of gamma ray nullification advertised the destruction of not only the airlock, but the two men that had been guarding it.

This was the chance that Fry had been hoping for. Before whatever shred of logic that he had could instruct him otherwise, the delivery boy bolted from his hiding place and made a dash for the still-smoking hole in the ship's hull. DOOP weapons fire buried itself in the ground and hull in an attempt to wipe Fry from existence, but failed. The remaining soldiers were too far away to get a bead on him with small arms, and antimatter cannons took far too long to reload. Fry made it into the ship with relative ease.

Chapter 40

The interior of the Drakos was in a much better state than the outside. Bits of miscellaneous rubble lay strewn hither and thither and the deck was tilted at a slight angle, but most of the craft was more or less intact. The only signs of the ongoing disaster were the flashing emergency lights and the acrid smell of smoke mixed with fear and weapons discharge.

Fry had expected an unfriendly welcoming committee, but saw no signs of human life. He supposed that whoever had been guarding the inside of the airlock had succumbed to the same fate as their two comrades on the outside. It would not be long, however, before this hallway became a raging bloodbath.

A small hatch drew the redhead's attention. The words "service tunnels" were emblazoned on the hatch's surface in red letters. Fry gave it an experimental tug; it opened. Footfalls could now be heard racing toward the compromised airlock. Outside the ship, voices could be heard giving orders. Fry tucked his pistol into the inside pocket of his tattered jacket, grabbed a pipe above the hatch, and used it to swing himself feet-first through the hatch and into the space beyond. Landing with an "Ow!", the delivery boy reached behind him and pulled the hatch closed, moments before Ivan's reinforcements ran into the corridor.

A long, dimly lit crawlspace swung into view when Fry finally managed to get himself turned around. Many colored stripes were painted on the floor. Next to each stripe was painted a location in that stripe's color. Amidst the tangled rainbow was an orange stripe, marked 'Brig'. "That's probably where Leela will be," reasoned Fry. "If I use these tunnels, I'll be able to stay out of the fighting. Maybe I'll even be able to surprise the people who are guarding Leela."

What followed was a slow, uncomfortable trek through the guts of Ivan's ship. It seemed like an eternity before Fry found himself at his destination. The tunnel that Fry had been using ended in a hatch identical to the one he had used earlier. Fry put an ear up to the cold metal surface to listen for the sounds of someone on the other side. Everything seemed quiet. "I guess the coast is clear," muttered the delivery boy as he cautiously opened the hatch. Before the hatch was even halfway open it was torn from his grasp. Half a moment later Fry found himself faced with the familiar sight of a laser rifle being leveled at his head.

"I'm boned," sighed the poor redhead.

Fry presently found himself in a small square room. On one side of the compartment was a closed hatch, while the opposite end was open to an adjacent corridor. Standing in the middle of the room was a tall human male with a dark scar. Fry had finally come face to face with the man he had chased all the way from Talora. Unfortunately, the crewman that had captured him had been smart enough to search him for concealed weapons. Fry's pistol had been quickly confiscated.

"So, my redheaded friend, what brings you way out here to Gillegyn Five?", asked the scarred lunatic.

Fry fumbled for a believable excuse. "Umm, well see, the thing is, I was on this three hour tour right? And, well anyway, my ship, The Minnow, got caught up in a solar storm…"

"Silence! I know why you're here, and I know it was you in the ship that attacked me. I must say I applaud you for getting this far all by yourself. Leela told me herself that she thought you were too stupid to do anything on your own."

"No I'm doesn't! And anyway, Leela wouldn't say that. She's hard on me sometimes, but she's too good a friend to say things like that without me present."

"Heh, maybe so, but the fact remains that you still failed miserably in the end. Lieutenant Carter? Bring in the woman".

A tired and bruised, yet still fiercely uncooperative, purple-haired cyclops was half dragged into the compartment from her cell two doors down. The neuro-repressor had worn off soon after Leela had been locked back up in her tiny prison. The guards had had the foresight to leave the hand and ankle cuffs on her. The furious woman emitted a continuous string of curses, many of which Fry would have to look up later, before she finally caught sight of her attempted-rescuer.

Fry's goofy grin was met with a look of joy mixed with disbelief. "Fry? Is that really you? They told me that Zapp killed you."

"Yep Leela, it's really me! Zapp Brannigan is no match for my boundless wit." Several of the nearby guards couldn't repress a collective snicker.

"Oh, Fry, you have no idea how good it is to see your face right now," Fry's grin broadened.

"Alright you two, that's enough catching up. I have precious little time before The DOOP breaks through my defenses and I have to get to my shuttle. I intend to use every last moment evening out the score." Ivan's face gained a sinister quality. "You, crewman! Drag Leela over there." Ivan gestured to a spot on the side of the room opposite Fry. "This time, I am doing this the short and easy way. No more slipups. No more just-in-the-knick-of-time rescues. This time I will have my revenge. You won't distract me into giving longwinded monologues about my superior cunning, for my superior cunning will spot any attempt by you to stall for time. You will not make a mockery of me, daring to defy me by continuing to live. Yes, I will enjoy this execution more than any I have carried out in a long time. In all my life, I have never come across a pair of individuals that have caused me more trouble. Even the DOOP never came close to loosing me a prized shipment and destroying my flagship. Now I'm bankrupt, and possibly cornered, because of your tiresome meddling." An ensign checked his watch. "And furthermore…"

Laser fire broke out all around. Several DOOP soldiers had heard a loud ranting voice down a corridor and zeroed in on its location. Fry hit the deck immediately, and was soon followed by Leela when the guards who had been supporting her were each shot in the chest.

Lieutenant Carter and the one remaining guard returned fire, killing two of the three soldiers. A positron beam hit the lieutenant directly in the chest. Carter screamed and fell to the ground, sending her laser pistol skittering across the room in the process. The remaining DOOP soldier blasted the legs out from under Ivan's sole remaining man. Ivan shot the soldier in the head a fraction of a second later.

"Goddamnit no! This is not going to happen again!" The scarred madman stomped over to Fry, who was still laying face-up on the deck. "Fry, you die now." Ivan raised his weapon. Leela screamed. Ivan pulled the trigger. Fry kicked him in the shin. HARD.

The kick threw off Ivan's aim. The shot went wide, missing the delivery boy by mere inches. Fry rolled out of the way just in time to dodge the follow up shot. Suddenly there was something cold and metallic pressed up against his right hand. Fry rolled again and brought Carter's discarded laser pistol to bear. Ivan's eyes grew wide.

Fry grinned. "I've always wanted to say this. "Hasta la vista, baby!"
"Why, you little son of a bi…"

Ivan never got a chance to finish his sentence. A white-hot ball of plasma struck him in the chest, and kept on going. The lifeless body fell to the ground with a wet smack.

Chapter 41

"Whahoo! I did it! I saved the day! Take that Ivan, you creepy jerk!" Fry jumped around the room, firing wildly in celebration. Various wall fixtures, light sources, and pieces of equipment vaporized accordingly.

"Fry! Listen to me!" Leela glared up at her rescuer after a random shot singed the end of her ponytail. "First of all, stop blasting everything in sight. I really don't feel like dying at the moment. Second, find the keys to these damned handcuffs before someone else shows up and decides to mop the floor with us."

Fry grinned sheepishly and lowered the pistol. "Uhh, yeah, sure thing Leela."
The keys to Leela's restraints were hidden deep in one of Ivan's trouser pockets. It was a good thing that the plas-pistol had hit him in the chest rather than in his waist, or there might have been no key for the delivery boy to find. Still, it was a gruesome business rummaging around in a corpse's pockets, especially when said pockets were soggy with blood. Fry was more than a little relieved when Leela's restraints were off and he could throw the gory key away.

Leela experimented with standing up. The cuffs had cut off a lot of her circulation, and the cyclops was annoyed to discover that both of her legs were half asleep. She almost stumbled once before she got control of herself, but she prevented her body from betraying its temporary weakness through sheer will. It was already intolerable enough that Fry had been the one to rescue her, rather than the other way around. There was no way in hell that she was going to play the helpless damsel in distress anymore. Now that she was back in action, it was time that she take charge again.

"So, what now Leela?" Fry had come to the same conclusion as his captain. He knew full well that he was no hero. Sure, he'd gotten lucky a bunch of times and managed to save Leela's ass for once, but Leela was the born leader, not he. It would be best to let her be the one to make the decisions from now on.

Leela, who was leaning against the wall but hiding it by pretending to use it as cover to look around the corner into the corridor beyond, turned to her friend and gave him a warm smile. She had known Fry long enough to be familiar with his thought process. In his own way he had just told her that he still had confidence in her, even after seeing her cuffed and helpless on the floor. She realized that being weak in his eyes would be something she couldn't deal with. She would feel as though she had failed him.

Strength finally replenished, Leela pushed these thoughts out of her head for the moment. "Hmm…" The cyclops crossed her arms and tried to think. Presently she said: "I've been unconscious or locked up in a room by myself for awhile, so I don't really know what's going on. The DOOP is here evidently…" Leela glanced over at one of the fallen soldiers, then froze as the ramifications sank in. "Oh god, please don't tell me that HE's here!"

The delivery boy grimaced. Leela and Zapp were not exactly the best of friends, although the moronic captain of the Nimbus had not as yet caught on to this fact. "Yeah, Zapp's here." Before Leela could groan accordingly, Fry added: "but he doesn't know I'm here, or well, he knows some guy with red hair is here because he tried to fry me with that giant laser thing on his ship, but he didn't get close enough to see who I was. That means he doesn't know you're here either!'

"Oh thank god! I don't know if I could restrain myself if I had to deal with that windbag right now."

"But shouldn't we let the DOOP guys know we're here? I didn't before because I didn't want to take up a lot of time explaining things to Zapp Brannigan while Ivan was deciding to kill you, but now..." Fry shrugged.

There was a noise. Leela jumped behind some equipment in a corner, dragging Fry after her. Footsteps and coarse language approached from down the hall, followed by the two men that they belonged to. Two hours later the soldiers would wake up in the Nimbus brig to powerful headaches and no recollection as to what had happened.

Leela dislodged her boot from her target's face, stood up, and brushed herself off. "What were you saying Fry? Oh right, the DOOP. No, lets not let them know we're here unless we have to. This mission is already a candidate for the biggest fiasco of my adult life, let's not seal the deal by getting Zapp involved ok?"

Fry nodded his agreement.

"Didn't Ivan say something about a shuttle?", continued Leela. "We can use that to get out of here."

Getting to the shuttle bay was much harder than it had any right to be. It was in a part of the ship that had not faired well during the crash landing. The tormented ship's support structure had been compromised to the extent that many corridors and compartments, as well as all of the servicing tunnels in the area, were inaccessible. To make matters worse, a full scale boarding action was going on all over the ship. Damage from high explosives was evident everywhere. Fry and Leela spent many tense minutes trying to find a path through the rubble, stopping every once in awhile to duck out of the way of the occasional DOOP patrol. The DOOP was mopping up the last of the resistance, which was making its last stand several decks away. Leela knew that she needed to get to the shuttle bay before Ivan's men were completely overrun. Once the DOOP soldiers ran out of people to shoot, they would start to comb the ship for survivors. If they came across Fry and herself, they would either shoot first and ask questions later or send them off to the Nimbus' brig to deal with Brannigan. She hoped they chose option one.

Leela was just about frustrated enough to give up and take her chances with Zapp when Fry disappeared from sight with a cry. He had been walking across a fallen beam that bridged a hole in the deck when he lost his balance. Soon he was lying on his ass, smiling up at an annoyed cyclops from the deck below.

"Are you alright Fry?"

"Yeah I, OW!" A few pieces of loose rubble rained down on him from above. "Yeah, I think so."

Leela jumped down into the hole and surveyed the surroundings. They were in a compartment of some kind, though it was too damaged for its identity to be discerned. One thing did gain Leela's attention however. Landing gear and part of an undercarriage were silhouetted behind gaps in a partially collapsed bulkhead.

Chapter 42

It was just a short run to the shuttle's airlock. "My god," thought Leela, "we're actually going to make it out of here without getting cau…"

"You there! Stop running and put your hands up-a!"

"Oh lord… Why do I never learn?"

Fry and Leela stopped in their tracks. Leela did as the voice demanded, but hesitated to turn around. "Maybe if I don't look, he'll just go away." Not likely.

A moment later a large male hand appeared on Leela's right shoulder.

"My my, what have we here? Trying to escape, like rats from a burning wig? Not while I, Zapp Brannigan am in charge!" Zapp took a step back to look over his captives. From the rear they both seemed somehow… familiar. He addressed the one with the purple hair. "Say, you wouldn't happen to be related to…" The PE captain turned around to face him. A fire capable of igniting a small star was burning in her eye.

"Leela!" Zapp was stunned. "No, it can't be." Zapp crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes before addressing the woman again. "What are you, some kind of Leela android? Who are you working for! What is your purpose? What have you done with my buxxomy swan!"

A sigh emanated from somewhere in the shadows behind Zapp. Kif Kroker's green form coalesced out of the darkness and walked up to his captain's side. "I'm sorry that we startled you captain Leela." Kif acknowledged Fry's presence with a nod. "But, what are you doing here? This is a forbidden planet, and we didn't see your ship."

"It's a very long story Kif, and I really don't want to go into it right now. Let's just say we didn't want to be here, and in a couple of minutes we weren't going to be here anymore. I was really looking forward to that second part. Please, this has been an awful week, can't you just let us go?"

"Well gee, Leela, I don't know. I guess we could let it go this time but…"

Zapp butted in before his lieutenant could continue. "No! Interfering with undeveloped worlds is a violation of Brannigan's Law, which I am sworn to protect! Since Kif and I both saw you here, I'm afraid that I will have to put the both of you under arrest-a."

A devious look came into Leela's face. "But you never saw us here," Leela continued under her breath, "or at least that's what you'll think in a minute."

Kif saw the change in the cyclops' stance and decided he would simply forget the next ten seconds.

"Ah, but I'm afraid we did see you here, right Ki..?" A black boot collided with Zapp's face, the only feminine touch the man's mouth had seen in years. The DOOP captain practically melted under the blow, transforming into a veritable puddle of velour goo and sliding to the deck. Leela kept kicking him. There was a lot of rage to work out, and she had learned through long practice that there was no better way to dissipate excess rage than by damaging Zapp's body. It had somehow become… therapeutic.

Fry eventually had to pull his captain away. He enjoyed seeing Zapp get his ass kicked as much as the next guy, but they still had escaping to do. When Leela regained her composure she turned to Kif. The lieutenant was staring off into a corner. He turned to face her when he noticed her gaze

"Don't worry captain Leela, I'll tell the jackass he slipped and fell or something." He looked down at the limp form of his superior officer. There was no readable expression on his face, but both Fry and Leela knew that seeing Zapp unconscious on the floor was the highlight of the lieutenant's week.

Fry had a question that had been bugging him during this whole conversation. "Hey man, wait up. Why were you and Zapp here anyway? I mean, I saw your ship fly away from here when I was outside."

Kif sighed. "Zapp came back down here to claim credit for the battle as soon as it was obvious that we were winning. He was hiding down here in the deserted hangar to wait for the shooting to stop. He was sitting in the corner shaking when we heard voices in the next room, and then we saw you two."

A couple of voices began to echo down a nearby corridor. Kif gestured for his two friends to get moving. "You'd better go before someone else sees you."

Fry chuckled. "Yeah, we wouldn't want Leela beating the crap out of any more of your crew."

Leela rolled her eye.

"Alright, Kif we'll get out of here. Thanks for the help!" Leela gave the squishy alien a quick hug. She and Fry turned and ran.

"Tell Amy I said hi!", Kif called meekly after them.

Soon Fry and Leela were onboard their getaway ship. Leela slid into the pilot's seat while Fry stood nervously behind her. This ship was a bit bigger than the Minnow, but there was still only one seat. Fry silently prayed to whoever would listen that Leela didn't have to put the shuttle through any aerobatics. He'd been banged around enough already…

Leela powered up the ship and pointed its nose toward the hangar door. Sitting around waiting for the door to open was a bad idea, since it would give anyone on the other side ample opportunity to blow the crap out of them before they could take off. Luckily there was another way. Leela moved the joystick in a clockwise rotation and fired one of the ship's many lasers. Before Fry could ask what she was doing, Leela jammed the throttle forward, sending the shuttle crashing through the metal cutout she had just made, and a screaming Fry hurtling backward through the length of the ship into the rear bulkhead. A few wild bolts of small arms fire were all that challenged the little ship as it arced away into the sky.