When Brad and I finally got into the car, we were both quiet for a good ten minutes until he said, "I'm glad you did that for Darry today. I think, sometimes, that he needs us more than any of the younger ones put together because he never seems to understand that he's still so young himself."

I nodded, looking straight ahead as we followed the funeral procession, the back of Darry's head visible in the driver's seat in the car in front of ours. "Yeah, I'm glad too," I said softly, remembering the look on Darry's face when we'd finally let go. He stared at me with a hint of fear in his eyes as if he were worried that I might say something to make him feel even more vulnerable, but I'd just given him a small smile and motioned for him to walk with me as we left the church. And as we walked out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the church, Pony came over to us and slung his arm around his oldest brother, also not saying anything. I was glad to see that he realized that Darry needed taking care of too.

I was hardly paying attention when Brad said, "I'm worried about how Soda is going to handle the cemetery. Will you help him? I'll help Steve. I think Darry and Pony are going to help each other."

I nodded. He was right. That was exactly the way this would have to work. We talked about school the rest of the way there, but we had to park very far from the gravesite, so we walked quickly, no conversation possible in our hurried steps. We arrived just after the service started, and fortunately, the boys were hanging at the back of the small crowd, trying to look as though they hadn't been waiting for us. I moved to stand next to Soda, and Brad stood beside Steve. I saw the Darry and Ponyboy were already standing very close to one another.

None of us moved or spoke or made any sort of noise until we heard the first shovelful of dirt hit the coffin. If there is any sound that is likely to send chills down my spine, that's it. Even standing in the warmth of the sun, I shivered, and Soda moved closer to me. I glanced at him quickly and noticed that he was biting his lip. Slowly, I put my arm around his waist, and he put his around my shoulders. It only took a moment before I felt him start to shiver. It wasn't cold outside, but there was a chill that seemed to be spreading amongst us. Darry and Pony already had their arms around each other, Steve was standing as close to Brad as he possibly could without touching him.

And then Mrs. Mathews lost it again. That woman was the cause of every breakdown that day because she always tried to be so strong, and hearing her break was the worst thing any of us could imagine. I swallowed hard, aware that Soda may have still been biting his lip, but it wasn't doing him much good anymore as the tears spilled down his cheeks. He reached up with his free hand to wipe them away, but then he left his hand covering his eyes, and I couldn't just stand there any longer. I moved out from under his arm, and he removed his hand in surprise. I looked at him with tears in my own eyes, and his face crumpled as he put his arms around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I stroked his hair as I felt him shaking with silent sobs, and I noticed that Darry and Pony were finally hugging, and this time, they were both crying. Darry wasn't even trying to hide his tears, and Pony was holding on to him as tightly as he could. And on their other side, Brad had his arm around Steve, who stood with his head hanging down, his own shoulders shaking.

None of them calmed down until the service ended and everyone else moved away. They didn't want to leave their friend. Nothing seems more final than the walk away from a grave, and if anyone knew that, it was these boys who'd already had to do it too many times.

Finally, with our gentle urging, we got them moving. We agreed to meet back at Brad's house. They needed to be with us in a normal setting, and this one would be both private and comforting. It seemed to be our best bet. I just hoped they would be able to relax a little.