My lips tingled long after our first kiss. It wasn't what one would call a passionate kiss, but just a soft slow romantic kiss. It didn't last very long, only a few seconds, but to me, it seemed to have lasted a lifetime.
By the middle of November, it was announced that the Fellowship, consisting of two men, a wizard, an elf, a dwarf and four hobbits, would be leaving at the end of December. I was mildly happy with the decision because I had more time to spend with the one I was falling in love with more and more every day. Still, I knew that it was hopeless and that we would never be together in this lifetime.
One evening as I sat waiting for Frodo to finish discussing matters with Bilbo so that we could go for a midnight walk, Lord Elrond entered the parlor and I immediately rose and bowed gracefully. He bowed in return and sat when I invited him to do so. Without hesitation he said, "I notice you and Frodo have been spending a lot of time together. I even noticed the two of you kissing the other morning as you met in the courtyard."
I nodded and bowed my head shamefully. I felt like a daughter receiving a punishment from her father, which is actually what was taking place.
"You do know that he leaves in a month for Mordor."
"Yes, my lord."
"And you do know that you leave for the Undying Lands within the next couple of months."
I started at this. I had completely forgotten about the place I held on the ship for the Undying Lands.
"My lord, I don't think I can leave Frodo here. I must wait until the war is over."
"The next ship to leave for the Undying Lands will not be leaving for a long while. You must make up your mind whether you want to leave or wait."
"I shall wait."
"I thought you wanted to see the Undying Lands."
"I used to, my lord. That was all I could think of. But lately, I've been thinking a lot about Frodo. Is there any hope that he will survive?"
"You do not know what he carries."
"The One Ring," I answered after hesitation.
"How did you come to know this?" he asked as he jumped from his seat and stared into my eyes. "You were not to know this."
"I overheard the council, my lord," I replied hastily. "I apologize. I have told no one, my lord. Please do not be angry with me. I do not want it. But how will it be destroyed without Him knowing that Frodo is present in His lands?"
"It is the last hope we have."
Suddenly, the door to the parlor swung opened and in walked Frodo. When he saw that I was speaking with Lord Elrond, he tried to make a silent retreat, but Elrond had already spotted him.
"Enter, Ringbearer. I was about to take my leave."
If Frodo was curious about the conversation between Lord Elrond and myself, he said nothing of it as we walked hand-in-hand under the stars of Rivendell. We really didn't say much to each other and spent time in each other's arms holding one another close or softly kissing. Throughout our walk, all I could think about was the ship that was to leave for the Undying Lands. My desire to see that fair place had vanished in only a few weeks and was replaced with a desire to abandon my immortality and marry the one who was holding me so close that evening.
When we returned to my chambers, he stood at the threshold and whispered, "I love you" into my ear as he held me close to his warm body. He then gently kissed my lips and I whispered the same words to him as he stroked the side of my face gently with the palm of his hand. After a few more soft romantic kisses, we said good night to one another and slowly he left me almost in tears.
The next morning as I was out in the courtyard reading, Frodo approached me rather quickly. I glanced up from my book and smiled, but he did not smile in return. He did not even say good morning.
"Why didn't you tell me that you were immortal?" he demanded.
"I thought you knew."
"I didn't," he exclaimed as tears began to form in his eyes. "I know we have no hope of being together, but I would never have dreamed of falling in love with you if I would have known you were immortal."
That was the first moment he admitted to being in love with me. He had told me that he loved me, held me, and even kissed me, but never had he admitted to actually being in love with me.
"I told you that I was beyond mortal years. I assumed you knew by my saying those words to you."
He looked at the grounded, somewhat embarrassed.
"You did say that, didn't you."
I nodded.
He looked up towards the sky as if to find the courage to say something and sighed heavily.
"I have talked with Lord Elrond and he says that you will be leaving in a while for the Undying Lands."
"I am not leaving…"
"You must, Berythna. We've enjoyed ourselves but it was only for a short while. We cannot go on pretending that everything is fine and that we are going to be together someday. Elrond tells me that the next ship to leave Middle-Earth will not be for some time. I will not have you here in Middle-Earth waiting on a false hope that I will come back from Mordor and that we will marry. There is a war outside of these safe walls, Berythna. And I do not want you to get involved in any war. I love you too much to ask you to wait on a false hope that I will return one day and become your husband."
As he spoke, his voice became quieter and quieter until it was barely above a whisper, and tears were streaming down my face.
"You must leave, my love. You have no other choice."
He kissed me gently then, barely brushing his lips against mine. Without another word, he turned abruptly and left.
I spent the remainder of the day in misery. I knew that elves could die of a broken heart and I thought I would die the moment he left me standing out in the courtyard with my own thoughts. Perhaps he was right. He would not survive Mordor and the Ring could never be destroyed. Why linger here when hope did not.
I returned to my chambers in a state of depression and lay on my settee, weeping softly. I didn't even hear Lady Arwen enter, but I felt a soft hand on my bare shoulder and glanced up to see her look down on me with concern.
"What is it?" she asked gently. "What is troubling you?"
"I am leaving for the Undying Lands at the end of January."
"Are you?" she asked astounded.
I nodded, tears falling rapidly down my cheeks.
"I wanted to leave, but then I fell in love. I do not want to abandon him now, even though there is no hope of him surviving this war."
"There is always hope, Berythna. I do not doubt this. Even when times are at their worst, there is still hope. I have no doubt that it is possible that Frodo may survive this war."
I glanced back up into her eyes, shocked that she had known whom I was speaking of. The look on my face must have given my surprise away because she laughed her clear crystalline laugh and said, "My dear, all of Rivendell knows that you two have been seeing quite a lot of each other."
I actually laughed with her and then became serious as she said, "If the Ring is not destroyed, no one will survive this war much longer, not even Aragorn. And you and I can face the end together."
I smiled and held her as I continued to cry the last of my tears.