Author's Note: Finally, another chapter! I'm actually slighty proud of myself.. I updated within the same month! Hurray for me ;P Well, this chapter probably isn't a favorite. And I know it's summer and I'm constantly writing about winter, but I hope you agree, that it fit's and that if I were to start writing about summer and how sunny it were outside, the story's mood would definately be different. I'm not sure if the story's almost done or not. I usually get my ideas late at night, curled inside my covers and may I add, way to lazy to get a piece of paper and write them down. Some of them stick though, and I might find something more to add to the story. I've become very attached to it, and am rather enjoying writing it. Romance and Angst are as good together as Ice cream and cake. Or dare I say, Harry and Draco.
Well, enjoy the chapter. And an amazing thanks to all my reviewers! Notes are at the bottom. You guys are truly wonderful, and your support is what makes this story. Without you it would probably be as facinating as a block of cheese.
Chapter Fifteen: Our white winter
x.x.x.x
Soft pillows cushioned his head while he could feel a silky material fluttering in his clenched hands. Gusts of wind seeped through what must have been an open window, flickering across his face, sending shudders down his spine. Finally, he opened his eyes, his vision blurry. Taking in a deep breath, he sat up, noticing he was not in his dormitory nor in St. Mungos, the last place he remembered being in. He was also not at Grimmauld place, the manor he expected to wake up in.
Shivering slightly, cursing the open window that let in the chilly winter air, Harry reached over to the night table that lingered beside his bed and scooped up his glasses in his hand. Placing them securely on his nose, he closed his eyes yawning, finishing with a long stretch that seemed to awaken his weak limbs. Finally blinking his eyes open, and clearing his vision, he took a look at his surroundings, feeling a gasp leave his mouth and a sudden jolt of joy spread through his chest.
"Hogwarts?" He whispered, letting his fingers trail across the silky bedspread of the familiar hospital wing. He could recognize that room in under two seconds, having spent more time there than any other place in Hogwarts.
It was unbelievable, being back in the large castle that had been home to him for so many years. He gave a watery smile to himself, as he felt the cotton of the nightclothes sit in folds on his body. Looking intently at himself in a mirror sitting across from him, he sighed, noticing how he had lost weight and looked more sickly then he ever had.
But he did notice, however, that his scar was still firmly in place on his forhead. Grimacing, he put his head in his hands, thrusting his fingers in his hair. "It's still there?" He asked himself, his voice ringing out in the silent room.
"Is what still there, Harry?" Answered a kind voice, surprising the raven-haired boy immensly.
Looking up, Harry found himself staring at an old wizard that had been his guide and mentor for so long. Smiling just slightly, he sighed running his hands against his forhead.
"My scar."
His voice was bitter, yet understanding and he sat back down on his bed, feeling the warmth of the cushions spread through his limbs.
Dumbledore smiled and sat down on the bed nearest Harry's. Slowly he exhaled, ready to explain any questions Harry had, knowing he would remember nothing of the past few months.
"Your scar will always be there. It's a part of you now, Harry."
Harry's smile dissolved as his eyes looked thoughfully around the room. "It's a memory."
"Your memories are you, Harry. They'll always be a part of your past, but the past is history. You'll remember it, but you cannot let it guide your life. Live your future based on the present, not on what happened long before." Dumbledore said softly, hoping to guide the conversation away from memories, memories that seemed to control the youth's life.
Harry gave a small snort. "The wars over, the world needs me no longer. And they'll always haunt me, all those deaths-" A pained expression swept across his face before he looked pointedly away. "They'll always remind me of what happened and why it happened--"
"None of those deaths, Harry, were your fault." Said Dumbledore sternly.
"Hmm." Harry said absent-mindedly, staring out the window. His tired body slowly stood up and felt himself wince with the effort. When had he become so unhealthy?
After what seemed eternity of silence, Harry sighed, letting his fingers trail lazilly across the frosted pane of glass. "When did I get here?" He asked softly, his fingers stopping in their slow movements.
Dumbledore thought his answer over a few times, before taking a deep breath. "A few months ago."
Harry's head whipped around, his fingers sliding down the cold window, creating scar-like patterns. "But-but I woke up in St. Mungo's just last night-- I..It was only..." Looking closely at Dumbledore, he let his fingers slide back into place by his sides.
Dumbledore nodded, clasping his hands together. "I brought you to Hogwarts the next morning, and you've been living here ever since. But you had lost your memories of all the years before while in your stay at St. Mungos..." Dumbledore said slowly, hoping Harry could comprehend what he was saying.
"You mean, I didn't remember anything?" Harry's voice said, slightly trembling.
"You'd remember some things, but very horrible things." Dumbledore said absent-mindedly, hoping Harry caught on.
He seemed to have understood for his eyes slowly drooped as he walked towards his bed, sitting with his back faced to the old wizad. "How did I forget?"
"You chose to forget."
Harry frowned, resting his hands on his knees. "It can't be that simple."
Dumbledore sighed. "You somehow locked your past away, Harry, you didn't remember anything. It was as if you were born again, with a few memories of a past life."
Harry snorted. "Then now, all of a sudden, I remember? What did you do? Dig through my head and force me to? You realize I don't want to remember, Dumbledore. I want to forget."
The wizard nodded, remembering the conversation he had with Harry long months ago in St. Mungo's hospital where Harry had explained this exact thing to him. The next day, he was found with no memories of his past what-so-ever.
"Wait a minute, then..." Harry said suddenly, his voice leaving it's angry tone and replaced one that Dumbledore was relieved to hear. His usual curious, yet concerned tone. "Why don't I remember any of this?"
Dumbledore chose his next words carefully, while Harry slowly turned around to lock eyes with the old headmaster. Finally, he nodded, and cleared his throat. "We brought back your memories using the pensieve." He started slowly, watching the pale youth's face for any change in emotion. "It erased all your new memories and replaced it with your original memory. Harry, everything is back to normal now, everything is fine. The war is over, Voldemort's gone, live your life like a free man." He said softly, watching as Harry took a deep breath.
Suddenly, looking slightly joyful, Harry turned fully around, his spirits still high at the fact he was back at Hogwarts. "Where are Ron and Hermione?" He asked softly, a small smile on his face.
Madam Pomfrey chose that moment to bustle into the room, with two very worried looking student's behind her. "Only five minutes, you two." She said sternly.
Ron rolled his eyes at Hermione before stepping closer to Harry, who noticed with soaring spirits that both his best friend's hands were linked, gripping onto each other. "Hey, mate." Started Ron nervously.
The raven-haired boy turned his gaze from Ron to stare at the whitish snow that still poured down on the Hogwarts ground. Pale, white and stormy. For some reason, the picture brought a surge of warmth through his bones and he smiled, the cold, grey of the winter weather melting into a caring warm blaze as the wind flickered against the milky sky. It was as if the sight was a memory in itself, a memory of soft touches, warm kisses and soft grazes from the hair of purest white.
"Hi Ron..." Harry said dreamily, before turning his gaze back to his friends.
x.x.x.x
Draco sat himself at his usual seat, right in the middle of the Slytherin table, with an air of elegance and superiority. Just like always, he was proud and dignified, ignoring the strange looks he got from everyone at every other table.
For, Draco was sitting completely alone. The rest of the Slytherin's had migrated to other portions of the table, keeping at least five seats between them and their former prince. However Draco ignored it, collecting himself some toast and lightly spreading some marmalade ontop of it. Looking as if he thought nothing was out of the ordinary, he bit into it, before pouring himself some tea.
Soon, the regular gossip started to bubble around the room and Draco sighed, keeping his posture and looking almost bored. The other Slytherin's sneered at him, but he ignored it, keeping to himself and politely continuing his meal. Finally, feeling the staring dissolve, Draco felt it safe enough to meet those emerald eyes that made him feel like everything would be fine; that everything was fine.
He hadn't seen the object of his affection for two days, and was feeling almost desperate to see that pale face filled with poorly hidden adoration and a need greater then anything he'd ever seen. With an almost invisible smile, Draco let his cool facade melt into a true emotion, one that he'd show only to Harry alone.
He let his silver eyes take in the form that left him breathless. It was almost funny how Draco found the scrawny, messy-haired boy who looked incredibly sickly, breathtaking. But he did. He found everything about the Gryffindor pure and gorgeous. Meeting those emerald eyes was all he needed for now, all he needed was to see the familiar care that was always showing itself, and he'd know that everything was worth it. That Harry was worth it.
Suddenly frowning, Draco noticed something. Something that he hadn't before- Harry was talking to Hermione enthusiastically, and both looked quite happy. Granger, Draco noticed, looked so happy she was on the verge of tears.
But that wasn't right. Harry chose to talk to Draco and Draco alone because he trusted him. Sure, he must have trusted Ron and Hermione a time before now, but not anymore. At that moment, Harry should have been talking to only him, only him because he cared for him above all things.
Just like Draco felt Harry was the only thing that mattered.
Feeling a bit worried and neglected, Draco went back to his breakfast.
x.x.x.x
"...great to have you back, Harry. We've missed you so much." Hermione said in her watery voice, as she continued to pile pancakes on Harry's plate.
The raven-haired boy smiled slightly before lifting his gaze to meet his friend's. "I guess i'm just glad it's over. We can finally move on, you know?" His voice was raspy and faded, but as he continued his conversation, it started to regain the strong, boyish tone.
Hermione nodded the mood shifting slightly into one that was more mournful. They paused for a minute, Harry taking a huge bite of his food. He ate his breakfast as if he hadn't eaten in months, which he remembered, was highly possible.
"Where's Ron?" He asked finally, his voice devoid of emotion. He didn't want to let these deperessed emotions show, not in front of those who expected him to be strong and full of courage. Not in front of people who thought him as their savior.
There was another pause as Hermione slowly filled Harry's goblet with more pumpkin juice. "Writing a letter to Mrs. Weasley, I expect" She said softly.
Harry seemed to have understood because he pressed the subject no more. Then, Hermione casually shifted the subject to school, homework and how much they'd missed Harry. Harry smiled slightly, before feeling a burning gaze directed at him. Immediately, he suspected Snape and rose his head to stare at the staff table. Though Snape was talking to a short, stalky man that Harry didn't recognize. It was then he remembered most teacher's were part of the order, and most of the order was dead.
His throat closing, he turned himself away from the painful sight and felt the gaze intensify. Turning his head, he caught a flicker of white, but as soon as it had blurred his vision, it had disappeared. Harry looked towards the enchanted ceiling, noticing the snow kept falling, and somehow, he felt more at ease.
x.x.x.x
Draco leaned against the corridor wall that led to the Gryffindor entrance. He was hoping to catch Harry just after his free period, knowing Ron and Hermione were in classes and the boy would be alone. Just as he suspected, Harry walked around the corner, his head staring downwards and his shoulders slumped.
"Harry?" The blonde whispered, his voice laced with affection and warmth.
The Gryffindor's eyebrows knit together in a frown, before he lifted his gaze and saw Draco standing against the wall to his right. His frowned deepened when Draco smiled softly at him.
"Malfoy?"
Pain seemed to well up in Draco's chest, but ignored the peculiar behavior of the usually affectionate boy.
"Are you feeling alright?"
Harry noted the question was said with acutal concern. He frowned before answering. "How do you think?" He said sarcastically, looking closely at the Slytherin in front of him.
White hair, grey, stormy eyes and the most pale, milky skin he'd ever seen.
The smile was off Draco's face in a matter of seconds and was replaced with a sort of bewildered, hurt, angry expression. "I guess... Well, after all you've... I mean- Harry you're acting very strange." Like always, frusteration got the best of Draco and he stared at Harry almost accusingly.
"Me? I'm acting strange?" Harry said, the stress and closed emotions he'd been holding in, slowly seeping through his emotionless, montone voice. "What about you? Asking me if I'm feeling alright, when everyone knows the Great Draco Malfoy could care less."
Draco blinked in surprise, before slowly stepping closer to the only person he had adored and cared for more then he could have ever cared for anyone else. He was trembling slightly, as if he wished it all to be some sort of sick dream, willing the hurt in his chest and the pain slowly spreading through his body to go away. Willing Harry to stop acting like this, like he didn't remember anything. Like they were enemies once more.
"Harry..." He said desperately, reaching for the boy's hand. "You're- you're not in your right mind... You should probably get rest and-"
"-Stop it!" Harry cried furiously. He wanted everything to go back to normal... He didn't want Draco Malfoy, of all people, to give him pity. Pity that he surely did not need. Pulling his hand away, and staring at Draco almost revolted, he turned away. "Stop it."
Then he disappeared down the long hallway, leaving Draco quite alone.
Slowly seating himself on the hard floor of the corridor, Draco stared in front of him, his eyes wide and his chest rising in panic.
His white as snow hair; pale as the wintry sky, skin; and furious as a storm eyes, slowly melted into one thing.
Pain.
A pain so terrifying, he didn't want to face the world.
A pain that hurt so immensly he felt his body numb.
The pain of something he'd wanted for so long, something that he'd grown to love, ripped away from him.
Pain of the worst kind.
The pain of betrayal.
x.x.x.x
A/N: I love my reviwers/readers! Thank you very much, hugs to you. I'll try to get the next update A.S.A.P
redfox13: It seems bad for Draco doesn't it? Well, I'll have to fix that ;) This review made me laugh, you're quite the hyper one aren't you? Thanks for the tip, I'll be sure to stuff my face with sugar at the first opportunity I get. Though, I've been rather fond of peanut butter lately... And marshmellows ;P As for your question: I had no idea it was a DDR song! I'll have to make sure I find that one and get my friend to play. (She's much faster with the footwork than I.) I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll try to update more often. :)
AislingSiobhan: Aw thank you :) Well, lets just say Harry wont be brushing off Draco for long. Well, not that long ;) Thanks for the review, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Dark Angel Kira: Haha, your reviews are way fun to read. I love them. Thanks for making me laugh ;) Here's the update, and thanks for the cookie. (Sorry Spike ;))
Like Totally Like: Aw thank you! I love you for reading and reviewing. You're very sweet :) P.S I'm rather fond of peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies. ;) Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Zoomaphonethepirate: You know, I'm finally getting used to typing your pen-name ;) Thank you for the wonderful compliments, they were very sweet and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope this chapter is up to standards.
enns: Aww! Thank you so much! Have you read HBP yet, though? I know a lot of people who have changed opinion about Draco because of the book. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, you are way too sweet. I hope you liked this one as well!
SBR: Thank you! You could be a great summarizer, you know. Your review pretty much summed up that chapter ;) I hope some of your questions were answered in this, because if I answer the other ones.. Well, you wont have any suspense! I'm glad you like the story, and I hope you like the next few chapters (and this one) as well :)
SLNS: I'd never! They're just too cute together for me to break them up. Heh, thanks for the review :)
Manny2003: You got it exactly right! I like to be mean to Harry and Draco, don't I? Oh well, I'm sure they'll be happy soon...;) Here's the update, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the review ;)
Makalani Astral: Thanks for the review :) Here's the update! Hope you enjoy it!
xox-Rachelle-xox: Aw thank you! I think admitting your love is a huge step in a relationship, that's why when I finally get them to say it, it's all dramatic and huge. ;P Here's the update, I hope you enjoyed the chapter :) Thanks so much for the review!
Miriam Mrirund: Aww! I'm glad you thought the wait was worth it! I know, I'm horrible at updating and it's good to know that you're still reading, no matter how annoying I get with my gaps in posting, heh. And you're reading it over! That's a huge feeding to my ego, I can feel my head getting bigger as we speak ;) Thanks for reviewing!
Anux: Aw thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying the fic! Here's the update, it's not quick, I know, but I'm trying heh. I'm horrible with updating :\ I'm sorry!
AloraBraken: Aw thanks for the compliment and the review! Did you enjoy the HBP? It was different, hey? (It was rather slashy, without being slashy.. you know what I mean? I was expecting hundreds of fics to come out for the sectusempra chapter.) Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
SaintEmo: Oh wow, thank you so much! That review definately made me blush, it was so sweet! Now, I can only hope that this chapter was up to your expectations, and hope you enjoy it :) Thanks once again!
WritersPassion25: Oh don't kick me! I like hugs a lot better (for future reference ;) I'm glad you're staying neutral, and I hope this chapter was up to your standards... I know, i'm worse to Harry and Draco with every chapter, but that only makes the ending that much more dramatic! Don't you think? Anyway, thanks for the review and for sticking with the story :)
AmorLunaris: Here's the update! I can't stand unhappy endings, so this will probably end happy enough, heh ;P I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and I hope this one is up to expectations.
Nony: I tried to update sooner this time! I hope this isn't too huge of a gap! I'm terrible at updating but I'm glad you're still sticking with the story! Thanks for the review, and I'll try to update faster :P
Silver Emerald Eyes: The length of your review was flattering before I could even read your words. Praise or critism someone who spends time giving me a review that actually has paragraphs makes me giddy! I know exactly what you mean though! When school was still going, I was beyond stressed, and all that public speaking didn't help at all! ;P Aw thank you your compliments are going to have me red all day! I know, my spelling is horrible, but i'd say it was pretty good for not using word and a measley internet spell checker heh. But you're right, my spelling does need tweaking. LOTS of tweaking :P Thanks so much for the review, you've left me with a sated ego! I adore you!
Volleypickle16: Thank you! Hope you enjoy this one as well!
Son of twilight: Aw thank you! And a bag of cookies! Boy my reviewers are going to get me all fattened up! Here's the update ;) Hope you enjoy!
ConfusedHeart: Aww thanks so much! I know, Harry's life has been hell hasn't it. And you've given me some very nice compliments all the way through my story, and I'm very grateful! BTW, did you like the HBP? Lots of shipper moments, hm? Well thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
LenJade: Ack, sorry. I hope you're not dead, I hate when I accidently murder people ;P I hope you enjoyed the chapter (If you're still alive that is . !) Thanks for the review ;)
theTigersfire: Aw thanks so much! And you're welcome (You're very polite you know)
Princess Of the Tomb Robbers: Aw thanks! Here's the update not too quick, but quicker then the last! Hope you enjoy it!
TabbyMogpuss: I like writing sad things, obviously ;P Thanks for the review! I'm really gald you're enjoying it :) And HBP was good, wasn't it! It's going to be so sad when it's all over!
DarkRemembrence: Aw thanks:) And ri is a very cute nickname for Harry, I must say! You're very sweet ;P Thanks so much for the review and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
AncientHistory: Okay ;P! Here's the update, enjoy!
itsasledgehammer: Aww thank you very much! I'm glad you find it all those things, and I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations! Thanks for the review!
Edwards-Ebed: Thank you! I hope you this was fast enough for you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I loved your review! And I don't mind if you cling to me ;) Thanks so much!
Shadow