Authors Note: The only beginning note I have for this chapter is that I'm very, very sorry for keeping you waiting. I am horrible at updating with reasonable timings, but I can't help it! I am feeling myself overwhelmed with school, work and whatnot! But I will always find time in my hectic schedule to dedicate to this fic and to all of you who read it. Thank you so very much! Love and hugs to you!
I have decided for this to be the absolute last chapter. (other than the epilogue) After this one, there will be no reason to continue the story. The epilogue will conclude everything, and I'm sure I'll finish this chapter and the Epilogue before February is over! Hopefully sooner. Well, here is the last chapter. I really do hope you enjoy!
Chapter Nineteen: BlissfulIgnorance is my Sanctuary
x.x.x.x
Harry sat alone in the Gryffindor Common Room, his eyes gazing at the flickering flames of the golden fire. With a soft sigh, he looked away, his eyelids shutting, covering the dim emerald orbs.
Winter was over, it was already the end of February and Harry's life had become a repetitive mess. Hogwarts had lost its liveliness in the midst of the war, instead becoming a grey pit of mourning emotions. It was as if Hogwarts itself had lost its soul.
Fingering the embroidery on the amber blanket that stretched over him, Harry began to think about his past years at Hogwarts. He had always been carefree, but not like the others. He had always had a stone weighing down his heart…
Sighing, Harry lifted himself off the cushiony armchair and walked towards the window where mild frost lingered. It was as if the frost that marked the window was a stubborn hint of winter, one of Harry's reminders that wouldn't leave him alone.
It was constant.
Leaning his head against the window, the Gryffindor watched as the stars shined on the castle grounds.
And all Harry could think of was Draco Malfoy.
x.x.x.x
"Mr. Potter, I do believe daydreaming is not part of the procedure for his particular potion."
Harry awoke from his reverie, his eyes clouded with exhaustion. He very slowly let his arms uncover his raven matted head and stared at Snape intently.
"Sorry, Professor."
Severus Snape looked down his nose at the Gryffindor before walking away, muttering a low "10 points from Gryffindor" as he did so.
Harry's eyes fluttered to the Slytherin section of the classroom. His eyes scanned cauldrons and students until he found the certain blonde he was looking for. Just as always, he found the icy stare gazing back at him.
Though, it wasn't a friendly practice, the slight acknowledgements they made of each other. Every couple of days, one of the two would find them staring at the other, quickly shaking themselves from the confusing dreams that had somehow captivated them.
However, as every look, every tiny watch, started, it was always finished the same: With an arrogant sneer or deadly glare.
Just as always, like a certain tradition taking place, Draco sneered slightly at the raven-haired boy and said boy found himself doing something equally as polite back.
Then they both went back to their tasks at hand.
It had been a month and some days since Draco Malfoy had returned to his beloved Slytherin. In that time span, Harry had found himself drift steadily away from his friends, eating less and spending dozens of nights just staring at the burning ashes of the Gryffindor fires.
He had found himself wondering about the Slytherin .Thinking about him constantly…Almost obsessed.
But to be obsessed with one like Draco Malfoy was a most absurd idea.
Especially for Harry Potter.
The days continued and Harry became more and more distant from his circle of friends as Draco gradually became closer with his.
And even so, the light stares and the wondering glances, usually sent to one another in secret, continued. Almost even stronger than ever.
Then, of course, it had come to the point where Draco would stop Ron, Hermione and himself in the hallways to have a quick banter. The world couldn't have been anymore normal, what with the blonde Slytherin picking useless fights and Harry standing up for what he believed in.
Only to be followed by something of a quick fist fight, or Draco Malfoy walking away haughtily.
Harry was beginning to think that maybe it was time to phase Draco out of his life, stop the curious glimpses of one another and move on from the childish rivalry they had with each other.
Just as the snow was beginning to melt.
And Harry was the kind of person who knew when something remarkable was over.
Unhurriedly retrieving the ingredients for the potion, Harry glanced quickly at the clock that was ticking away slowly.
x.x.x.x
"You spend too much time here."
Harry's vision slowly met, with much surprise, a blonde head looking back at him. With a frown, he turned back to the calming waters of the lake as the trees of the forest on either side reflected into the chilly, mysterious, inky well.
"And how exactly do you know that?"
Draco seemed to consider what Harry said before sitting down beside him, much to Harry's discomfort.
"There are many other places to go, Malfoy, many other people to grace with your presence."
The Slytherin stared at the lake for a moment before shrugging. "I like it here, Potty."
Feeling himself burn with rage at the old nickname, and the unfortunate reminder of Peeves, Harry stood up abruptly, brushing his slacks off and gathering his cloak.
"Leaving already? I'd never have thought that you'd surrender your haven so easily." Draco's voice was smooth, taunting and curious.
Feeling the bubble of rage slowly expand within his chest, Harry grabbed his wand from his pocket and flicked his wrist so the slender piece of wood was aiming straight at Draco with perfect precision.
"I don't want to hear it, Malfoy."
The Slytherin's lips pressed together tightly as he stood up, his eye carefully watching the wand.
"Don't blame me just because you've changed, Potty."
Harry's eyebrows narrowed. "I haven't changed." The lie escaped his lips easily.
Malfoy took a step forward, his eyes landing on the wand once more. "Lies are easy to tell, Harry. I've told many myself."
Harry's eyes widened slightly at hearing his name.
"You remember, don't you?"
Narrowing his eyes slightly, Harry took a step back. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Well, of course you don't remember, but you must be feeling something…" Draco said slowly, almost as if he were talking to himself. Then, he took another step forward and Harry was reluctant to move.
Finally being close enough, Draco straightened his arm and pushed Harry's arm back, the wand now pointing to the ground beneath them. Then, with hesitant movements, he let his fingers slip the Gryffindor's glasses off his nose.
"Feeling something, anything…"
Harry's throat suddenly felt very dry, and just as he was about to push the blonde away he felt soft lips descend upon his own.
Shock numbed Harry's body as the flesh of Draco's lips moved against his own rather inexperienced ones. A slow, familiar, heat trembled through his veins as the Slytherin's tongue gently lingered against Harry's lips, which opened almost on their own accord.
Tentatively, a pale hand moved to cup rosy cheeks, which continued to gradually grow pinker as the slow, tender kiss continued. Draco's tongue continued to move against Harry's, and an unexpected rush of emotion settled itself in the pit of his stomach.
The only one that Harry could uncover was desperation.
It was then the Gryffindor let his arms entangle Draco's neck as the tips of his fingers slowly entwined the hair at the base of the pale neck. Feeling Draco's nose touch his own slightly, Harry made a soft sound deep within his throat, his fingers thrusting into the warm roots of the Slytherin's hair.
Draco's mouth moved faster against the raven-haired boy's as their tongues collided and the smooth hand that rested only moments before on Harry's soft cheek was slowly making it's way towards his warm neck.
Breaking apart the kiss, Draco stared at Harry, his usually pale skin decorated with an appealing pink. He was panting loudly, his warm breath fluttering across Harry's face. A slender arm encircled the Gryffindor's waist as affectionate, tender lips leisurely met his once more. Letting his fingers trail slowly along Harry's hip, Draco felt a gentle hand make its way across his back and he continued to desperately devour the boy against him.
Almost as if just realizing what was happening, Harry pushed himself off the blonde and moved a few steps back. His eyes were wide and quick breaths were escaping from his mouth. Looking near-furious, he turned around and began to run towards the castle, tripping slightly over the roots of a tree.
Draco let himself slide to the ground, his lips numb with the feel of Harry, his body still tingling with Harry's lingering touches, and his heart still heavy with love that belonged to Harry.
x.x.x.x
With a soft sigh, Harry turned towards his potions homework, his fingers delicately picking up his quill. They trembled as he slowly began to write, his letters messy and splattered against the parchment clumsily.
Dropping his quill he leaned back on his chair, his head pounding vigorously. Hesitantly, Harry let his fingers brush against his lips before closing his eyes almost painfully. Feeling he could no longer concentrate on homework, as something was preoccupying his mind, or rather someone, the brunette threw his work on the floor and lay on his bed tiredly.
"You remember, don't you?"
Harry's eyes flickered closed and his breath came out in a soft, shallow pattern.
"Well, of course you don't remember, but you must be feeling something…"
Following the soft breathing, Harry's heart thudded in a similar pattern.
""Feeling something, anything…"
Oblivious to the sleeping Gryffindor, a small smile placed itself on his lips.
x.x.x.x
Why am I so confused? Harry thought sullenly, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Lips. Harry's eyes reached the ceiling as he realized just why he was so confused. Draco's lips, although comforting and warm, did not belong on his own.
But there was certainly one thing he couldn't deny…
He had felt something. In fact, that something was so strong, it left him breathless.
Left him feeling as though he did belong in Draco's arms…
On his lips.
"Harry?"
The Gryffindor let his emerald eyes wander to the girls staircase, where Hermione's soft voice echoed off the decorated walls.
"G'morning, Hermione." He said in a monotone voice, his head drooping back to stare at the palms of his hands.
"You're up early," she said, her voice carrying a false cheeriness. "Though Ron isn't, of course." She smiled, her eyes carrying something akin to pity.
"Mm. Yeah… Nice day outside."
Hermione looked briefly out the window, the bright sun sending shards of jagged light through the thick glass, casting a shadow of light around her friend.
"It is."
A comfortable silence enveloped them as Hermione sat next to him on the loveseat, propping her elbow on the desk as she did some quick calculations on one of her arithmancy equations. Her face was in a deep frown, reflecting full concentration on her work as her bushy hair framed her adolescent face. She was constant, Harry thought immediately, one thing that wouldn't change in his life.
Unlike his so-called enemy.
Feeling a mild tingle in his lips once more, Harry turned towards the window, his eyes squinting at the burning rays of sunlight that attacked his eyes. A nice day it was, indeed.
"Hermione, I have a question." He said suddenly, turning his searching eyes towards his companion, watching her through the sharp ends of his hair that landed uncomfortably in his eyes.
The intelligent witch glanced at Harry through her pleasant brown eyes and sent him a questioning look. Letting his fingers brush against his fringe, he felt his vision clear and a surge of bravery leapt through his chest, telling him to ask the question he didn't want to know the answer to.
"What was I like," he paused, watching Hermione's face for any sign of confusion. Of course, there wasn't any.
"What was I like before I regained my memory?"
Hermione let out a sigh, her eyes watering slightly as she remembered the shell her friend had reduced himself to. She quickly swiped a hand at her eyes, her lips forming a wavering smile.
"That bad, huh?" Harry asked, seeing his friend's obvious distressed state.
"No-no…" Her eyes, still moist, found Harry's and she let out a breath she had been holding. "You hadn't remembered any of us, of course. The only thing you did remember was the war- slight fragments of memories. Those same memories had reduced you into only the skin of your former self. You weren't Harry; you were scared, helpless and felt alone. Though… maybe not so much alone," her eyes bore into Harry as if she was willing him to tell her his deepest secrets.
Harry caught the look and felt his head fog up with confusion, a puzzled look on his face. Hermione sighed and turned around completely, facing her friend and taking his hands in hers.
"Do you not remember anything, Harry, Nothing at all?"
Harry watched Hermione's eyes that willed him to remember. Slowly he let his hands grip hers slightly as his gaze fell to the floor. "I do. I remember feelings."
Hermione looked ecstatic as she nodded enthusiastically. "Feelings." She said knowingly, biting her lip. "Do you know for what? For whom?"
There was a long silence before Harry mustered up the courage to tell the witch in front of him who exactly had left him so confused. "You won't ever believe this, but," looking once more at Hermione, Harry sighed. "Malfoy!"
Hermione flinched slightly at the shouted name that reached her ears. The room echoed with the name as Harry's chest heaved with frustrated breaths.
"Draco."
Harry's glower was replaced by a look of bafflement. Watching Hermione, he let his hands fall out of hers as he looked at the wise eyes that observed him so intently.
"Harry, listen to me. Something happened to you and Draco over the Christmas break. You had stayed with him over the vacation," Hermione held up a hand to stop Harry's indignant comments, "Ron and I, regrettably, could not."
The raven-haired boy noted the sincere regret in her voice, so let the matter drop. He slowly reached a hand to fumble clumsily with his messy hair. "I stayed with him…"
A feeling, one like nothing he had ever felt, enveloped his chest and he let out a long breath. "I stayed with him?" He repeated.
"You stayed with him," Hermione confirmed, her eyes watching his. "Something changed then, Harry. Something big- Don't you remember how strange he was acting when we saw him only few months ago! When you were in the infirmary regaining your conscious after you recollected your memory, Draco approached Ron and me… He was worried about you."
Harry's eyes watered, and he turned away from Hermione, wiping them slightly. "But- but why?"
Hermione's eyes reflected only sympathy as he stared into them. A startled noise reached them and they looked to find Ron walking down the staircase. Hermione sent him a knowing look and he turned to Harry worriedly.
"That's for you to find out, mate." Ron said softly, his eyes locking with Hermione's.
Harry watched his friends, grateful for their presence in his life, and slowly nodded in their direction before grabbing his bag and running towards the portrait.
Before leaving, however, he sent an appreciative glance towards the duet behind him.
And a gentle, "Thank you."
x.x.x.x
Dumbledore looked at the boy he had grown to love like a son with complete shock, a look that did not become of the old headmaster at all.
Harry watched his professor with a sad smile that had placed itself upon his forever tingling lips. "Please understand, professor," he said softly. "I have to do this."
"But Harry, you do realize that you will remember nothing once more!" The old man stared at his favorite student with a puzzled frown. "Your life, everything you have ever achieved will be locked away."
Harry looked wistfully out the window, watching the sun shine brightly as summer approached the castle. "No, professor," he said, his voice containing a hope that Dumbledore had not heard for a very long time. "No, I will remember everything."
It was then Dumbledore knew Harry needed his mentor no longer. Now he needed someone who understood, someone who let him decide his matters himself. Right now, he needed something he had never been given. A wish that had never been granted.
Freedom.
Feeling himself start to understand, Dumbledore allowed himself a small smile and perched his fingers delicately on his desk. "Wisdom is something that hardly anyone ever allows themselves to have; usually ignorance is what most turn to," he stopped mid-sentence, a twinkle showing itself in his bright-blue eyes. "I'm happy to say I taught you well, Harry, for ignorance and wisdom has both left you and you're left with only the slight delusion of love. A power that is more valuable than the mind which knows everything and the mind which refuses to know anything. Always let your love guide you, it will always lead you in the right direction.
Just remember, Harry, that you cannot reclaim your memory ever again. The pensieve will be of no use to you any longer. One day you will regain your full memory, my boy, but that may not be for a very long time."
And with Harry's understanding nod, Dumbledore took the velvet covering off his pensieve and allowed the puzzled Harry to relive the most important moment of his life.
Not the short moments he had spent with his parents.
Not the lively moments spent with his best friends.
Not the soaring moments filled with Sirius' haunting memory.
Not the moment that declared the defeat of Voldemort.
The moments filled of love.
Those wonderful moments filled with Draco.
x.x.x.x
The infirmary was something Harry was used to waking up to, so when he noticed the familiar ceilings and furnishings of the hospital room, Harry allowed himself a gloomy smile.
As he stepped off the mattress and onto the stone floor, he looked beside him, wondering what he had done this time to have ended up in the peaceful infirmary. It was then he noticed another presence in the room, his heart lifted at the thought of seeing Draco perched up beside him.
Instead he saw the old headmaster whom he had learned to respect.
"Ah, Harry! You're awake." He stated while a small smile formed on his lips.
Harry nodded, his eyes scanning the room wistfully, looking for those gorgeous platinum locks of hair.
Dumbledore knew that Harry had forgotten once more, and looked sadly at the window. It was then another shocked expression overtook his solemn one. Harry followed his gaze and noticed nothing peculiar about the fresh snow falling down towards the floor in large heaps. He shivered slightly and wondered why on earth he was wearing only his boxers and a large shirt.
"Harry!"
The boy looked towards the door where Ron was wearing a wrinkled jacket and earmuffs. "It's snowing! Thought we wouldn't see this till next year!" He said cheerfully, tossing Harry his winter garments.
Sending a confused glance towards the boy who called himself Harry's best friend, Harry walked timidly to the door after Dumbledore's slight nod.
Suddenly excited to play in the snow that reminded him so much of the one he loved, Harry ran out the door with a slight laugh, leaving Dumbledore and Ron with thrilled expressions on their faces.
"Making good improvement, isn't he?" Ron said, more to himself than anything.
Dumbledore smiled at his student, taking a seat on the previously occupied bed.
"He is. I especially like the way his eyes have begun twinkle."
x.x.x.x
The End.
Please watch out for the Epilogue, where most questions will (hopefully) be answered!
I will send review replies over the nifty new reply button, and send emails to those who have left one. For those who did not leave an email, I want to thank you for reading and reviewing, your replies are at the bottom:)
-x-Rachelle-o-: I'm sorry you almost forgot about this fic, I know I'm terrible with updating:\, but I hope you can forgive me. I also hope you enjoyed the last chapter! They did end up together (I wouldn't have it any other way, haha.) But thank you so much for reading and sticking by my horrible update schedule. I hope you enjoyed the fic in all, and have time to read the Epilogue (which will be out very soon, I'm sure of it!)
Juniper: Thanks for taking the time to review! I, myself, read many stories on ff . net and am not as frequent a review as I'd like to be. I'm just happy that you are reading the story and enjoying it:) Here is the happy ending I promised since the beginning! Although it may not seem so fairy-tale-ish at the moment, the Epilogue will be posted in a few weeks time and there, I hope, it will reach your expectations for the end of the fic! I'm flattered that you call this one of the best angst fics you have read, it really does make me feel appreciated as a writer and I'm just glad I'm writing something you take pleasure in, if only for a little while. I hope you enjoyed this update, although it's a bit late.
James's: Aw, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! Hopefully, now, it's a bit more sweet than bitter! Thank you for reading the fic, and I'm very glad you enjoyed it! Please stay tuned for the Epilogue, which I hope you will also enjoy!
Nony: Brilliant? Do you think so? I've always thought my work couldn't even be compared to some of the more exquisite writers out there, and I'm glad you think so! It makes glad to know that you're enjoying it :) Thanks for reviewing and reading, I hope you enjoyed the fic!
JOANNE: Aw, thanks! I hope you were hooked enough to stay with me through all my horrible updating! I also hope you enjoyed the fic and have no disappointments! Thanks so much for the review, and I hope your further questions are answered in the Epilogue!
All the rest of the review replies will be emailed! Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed the story! It has become a big part of me, since it took so long to complete… Although I'm sad to see it finish, I'm also happy that I've reached the end. A part of me has loved the experience of this fic, but another part of me can't wait to start another amazing writing adventure!
I hope you enjoyed the ending, and I also hope you will read the Epilogue, which should be posted soon!
I love you all! Thanks for reading; it means a lot to me.
Love always,
Shadow.
x.x.x.x