smell

You know what I remember so clearly about my first ever rescue? Not the broken and bloody bodies which scattered the streets, some staggering, clutching bloody wounds. Not the dense clouds of thick black smoke that wafted into the air above. Not the screaming of the injured, the terrified, the lost. Not the harsh crackling, grumbling and frequent explosions that punctuated the constant roaring of the fire.

It was the smell.

Burning…whether it is rubble, wood, vegetation…even flesh. The smells were trapped within my nostrils, shocking me more that anything I could hear or see.

I guess I should explain. Being trained as an astronaut, my primary role is space rescues. Scott, Virgil and if he's needed, Gordon, tend to be the ones that take care of the landside rescuing. But at base, I always sort of experience the rescue on some level. I can see the scene they are facing, whether it is daunting or terrifying or even sometimes, a bit of a relief, it's not as bad as they'd feared. I can hear them talking between one another, can hear the background sounds, the crumbling of walls, creaking of sagging buildings…sometimes even their own scared yells or pleas for help.

On my first rescue, the sights and sounds that greeted me were nothing new.

But I'd never smelled a rescue. And all of a sudden I realised that when I thought I had experienced the stress, the fear, the anguish of a rescue, I had been sadly mistaken. Suddenly all my senses were experiencing the rescue, I could see the blistered skin, I could hear the gasped wails of agony…I could smell the seared flesh.

I had never felt so sick. I wanted to get out of there…run away.

But I couldn't. I'd signed up for this and what was I expecting? Rescues weren't rainbows and butterflies…no they were scary, they were ugly and they were sickening. I felt ashamed as I watched Scott and Virgil talking to the firemen and police officers on site, discussing how our equipment could be best used. They seemed so unaffected, so desensitized to what was happening. I was awed, watching them in a kind of horror until Virgil touched my shoulder gently.

"Hey Al," he said. "We're in the Mole." I followed him, taking a seat behind him in the cramped cockpit as he manoeuvred the vehicle towards the drilling zone.

He noticed my uncharacteristic silence and glanced over his shoulder at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded quickly, not wanting to be shown as some kind of weak link in the chain. I could bet that everyone else that had been in this position had not felt like such a baby, wanting to cry, wanting to puke, wanting to run…

"Y'know, Gordon was exactly the same as this on his first rescue," Virgil commented, adjusting the controls to set the drilling angle and depth. I looked at him in silence.

"He was?" I asked finally.

"Uh huh," Virgil confirmed. "Real quiet, not wanting to talk to me, scared, confused, overwhelmed."

"I'm not scared!" I retorted, but Virgil knew fine well I was lying. He was good enough not to challenge me however.

"And my first rescue…I was absolutely terrified. I was shaking so badly when I was waiting in the cars, just waiting for that plane to land on top of me. I honestly thought I was going to mess up, people were going to get hurt…or that I'd get hurt…or worse…especially when the car I was in overturned and all I could see was this auto-bomb hanging above me, mocking me and the idea that I'd saved the day or something…it was one of the scariest moments of my life." I glanced at my hands, not really having expected Virgil to be so honest with me. But then, he'd justified my feelings perfectly.

"I just didn't expect it to be like…like this," I said after a moment of listening to the rumbling of the Mole powering through the soft sandstone rock around us.

"It's the smell right?" Virgil asked, a knowing smile appearing on his face.

"Uh…yeah? How…?"

"Because watching the fires tearing through those buildings or listening to the explosion, that's almost commonplace with television now. And okay, it's more shocking seeing it in person, but it's nothing you haven't seen or heard before. The smells…that's the new one. I know Al, because I felt the same, Gordon felt the same. Even Scott felt the same." Scott was the same…well that's a new one. I can't imagine Scott feeling like this, so maybe Virgil is just trying to make me feel better by saying that.

"I didn't think being able to smell it would make me feel like this though," I confessed.

"Smell is the underrated sense," Virgil told me matter of factly. "Alan, rescuing isn't pretty, but…well follow my lead on this one and I might be able to show you why me, Scott and Gordon can do this, no matter what we see, what we hear, what we smell…"

Virgil was right. I carried out a little girl from the rubble and gave her to her parents. I'd just saved her. I'd just reunited the family. They were crying, they were so happy. Their smiles through the tears were so heart-wrenching and all I could see was this scene before me. The sounds and sights and smells of the devastation that had brought us here were no longer at the fore front of my mind. There was a happiness, a great fulfilment with my actions were previously there had been fear and disgust at my feelings. I felt someone move up beside me and turned to see Scott, his eyes following mine towards the reunion taking place. He looked tired, dishevelled, but he smiled at me.

"Hey, I can't smell the burning anymore," I said.

"Yeah kiddo, the fires are out," Scott said, putting his arm around me and walking me back towards the Thunderbirds.

"We're done?" I asked as we picked our way across the rubble.

"Yeah, we're done here. You did really well today, it's not easy and that burning smell isn't pleasant with it being so suffocating, but you got through it. Good one Al." He patted me hard on the back as he made a mock salute to Virgil, telling him he'll see him back home, before jogging to his Thunderbird, revelling in a job well done.

And I got through it. And I knew then that I wanted to rescue, keeping in the family business. Virgil glanced up at me as I helped him pack away the last of the equipment into the pod. My smile, white teeth almost dazzling in contrast with my blackened clothes and face, told him exactly that.

Next landside rescue, I'm there.