Act III Scene IV

"Okay, so I invited Hinato over, he said that he's coming, but why wouldn't he? I'm so pretty, right? Right, Ino?" Sakura paced about the garden nervously. "Oh, I am so in love! I am pretty enough, aren't I?"

"Yup," Ino replied unenthusiastically.

"Oh, you're hopeless at flattery! Where's Lee?"

"He's coming. But I think he's gone crazy, m'lady," Ino sneered.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" asked Sakura.

"You'll see…" Ino giggled. "Look, here he comes!"

"M'lady. Pretty as usual," Lee bowed to Sakura, grinning like a maniac. Ino burst into laughter.

"Lee…" Sakura wanted to say something about his outfit, but quickly changed her mind. "Well, I sent you for a sad occasion. As you may know, I measure to see how much my hair grows everyday. It has only grown a total of 1.5 centimeters this month. Now, last month, it grew 2 centimeters, and the month before, 3, so the pattern seems to be that… Lee, are you even listening!"

"I could be sad, Lady, but looking at your lovely face always makes me happy. Did I mention how pretty you look today?" Lee grinned.

"I'm not pretty today! I'm just a freak with a big forehead who will never have long hair again!" Sakura bust into tears.

"But still pretty." Lee waggled his eyebrows.

"What's the matter with you! Can't you see I'm sad! You never act like this normally!" Sakura shrieked.

"Lee, just quit while you're ahead," Ino told him between giggles.

"You're just so amazingly beautiful!" Lee declared. "I look pretty good in my new clothes, too, don't I?"

"I don't have time for this…" muttered Sakura.

"Lady Sakura! The gentleman from Duke Naruto's is here!" Sakura's servant Iruka entered the room and announced.

"Good, take me to him. Ino, Lee is obviously not well. Go find Chouji and put him in charge of Lee," Sakura instructed and left with Iruka. Ino nodded, still giggling, and went to find Sakura's cousin.

"Oh yeah! I'm the man! She totally digs this outfit! She's totally fallen for me!" sang Lee as he danced around the room. "And now he's sending Chouji so I can be rude to him!" Ino came back with Chouji and Shino in tow. They took one look at Lee and burst out into laughter.

"Okay, okay, what'd Sakura want?" Chouji sniggered, wiping his eyes.

"What an idiot!" even Shino was crying in mirth.

"Go away, you losers! You're the idiots! Leave me alone!" Lee shooed them.

"You're in charge of him now, Chouji," said Ino. "Do whatever you want."

"Okay!" Chouji went and caught Lee by the ear.

"Ow! What's your problem!" Lee demanded. Chouji dragged him out of the room.

"Go to your room! I'll deal with you later!" he told him, slamming the door.

"You're all inferior pieces of meat!" Lee yelled through the door before stomping upstairs. Shino, Chouji and Ino all laughed for another good five minutes.

"So what are you going to do with him, Chouji?" asked Ino.

"You know that room in the basement that doesn't have any windows or working lightbulbs?" said Chouji.

"The one that's infested with rats?" recalled Ino.

"It had an outbreak of cockroach infestation last year, didn't it?" added Shino.

"Yeah. I hear that room calling Chouji's name. Sakura already thinks he's crazy, so I don't think she'll object," Chouji rubbed his hands together. "This is gonna be great!"

"I'm finished!" Shikamaru announced, entering the room. He waved a scroll he had in hand.

"Let's see," Chouji took it from him and unraveled it. "To Hinato, Naruto's baka lapdog."

"Very classy," Shino remarked sarcastically.

"Keep your paws off Lady Sakura! I saw her first, and I like her more than you! We'll have a fight to determine who gets her. We'll duke it out when you depart from your next visit to Lady Sakura. Don't chicken out! Sincerely, Shikamaru," read Chouji. "Good letter! You get straight to the point! I'll give it to him myself!"

"This is great timing. Hinato is visiting right now, so we should see him soon," said Ino.

"Go wait outside, Shikamaru. If you see him, draw your kunai and start fighting, okay?" Chouji pushed him out the door.

"I will! By the time this is over, you'll never call me a wuss again!" Shikamaru snarled, slamming the door behind him.

"Are you going to go find Hinato now?" asked Shino.

"Are you kidding me? My cousin will throw me out the second she hears about this! Besides, I bet Hinato would just ignore the letter, being the little know-it-all he is. No, I'll tell him, and call him a wimp if he doesn't participate. I want my entertainment!" decided Chouji.

"Here he comes," said Shino.

"Let's go hide. We'll tell him when Sakura leaves," said Chouji.

"We still have to talk about our wedding plans, Hinato," Sakura twittered happily, hanging onto Hinata's arm.

"Um… Naruto-dono really likes you… it would break his heart…" Hinata was still hard at work trying to convince Sakura.

"Here's a scroll for you. It's my portrait. Keep it." Sakura took a decorative scroll off the mantelpiece.

"But he really loves you!" Hinata cried.

"Pffft. I hate him! He is so gross! I have to go measure my hair again, so I'll see you tomorrow," Sakura hugged Hinata. "Remember, we belong together!" She left the room. Hinata shuddered.

"Hello, Hinato!" Chouji and Shino reentered the room.

"Oh, hi," Hinata bowed.

"You seem like a bigshot that can take care of himself in a fight," said Chouji.

"Oh, no, you're completely wrong!" Hinata blushed, shaking her head vigourously. "I'm nothing like that!"

"Have I got the deal for you! My cousin is really popular, so she has many admirers. Many of them won't take your engagement to her lying down. One of them is offering you a challenge. Why don't you go fight him?" offered Chouji.

"No, I couldn't," Hinata declined.

"Why not? Are you a wuss?"

"…Yes."

Chouji and Shino exchanged looks of disbelief.

"Who is he, anyway?" asked Hinata.

"Oh, he's a Jounin who can use anything as a weapon, and use them effectively, too! The path behind him is paved with corpses, and everyone he goes, he leaves behind a scene of massacre! He is a shinobi to the very core! He wouldn't even think twice about slaying his own flesh and blood!" Chouji bragged.

"Sabaku no Gaara?" Hinata paled.

"No, but he's just as talented!" fibbed Chouji. "He won't take no for an answer! You'll accept? Good! Go with Shino while I get him, okay? We'll meet you outside!" Chouji dashed off. He found Shikamaru waiting by the front door.

"He's a demon, Shikamaru. I tested his skill, and he almost broke my arm. His skill rivals Gaara's," Chouji hissed to Shikamaru.

"Oh, great! What did you get me into? I'm too young to die! I want out!" Shikamaru decided.

"Well, you can't. He wants your blood. Shino can barely hold him back. He wants to fight, Shikamaru," lied Chouji.

"I thought he was a total wimp! If I die, you're getting the funeral bill!" Shikamaru punched Chouji.

"We're here," announced Shino, coming out the front door with Hinata.

"I want a word with Shino before this starts," said Chouji. He and Shino reentered the house.

"So? Is he ready?" asked Chouji.

"He's scared half to death and practically wetting himself, but other than that, sure," replied Shino.

"It'll have to do. I want my entertainment, and I want it now! Shikamaru beat Hinato for sure. He's a better fighter than he lets on," shrugged Chouji. They re-exited the house. Shikamaru and Hinata was eyeing each other nervously.

"Shino, I really, really don't want to do this," Hinata whispered to the servant.

"You'll do fine," Shino assured Hinata. Shikamaru and Hinata were both guided onto the road.

"Okay. Let's start," Shikamaru took out some shuriken, and Hinata did the same. Shikamaru threw one at her.

"Stop!" a kunai flew over and knocked it down. Tenten entered the scene.

"Who are you?" demanded Chouji.

"What do you think you're doing! I'm responsible for this man! Why are you picking on a poor stranger? Leave him alone!" Tenten yelled at Shikamaru. In that moment, he honestly thought she looked just like an ogre. "Put your weapons back!"

"Okay! Okay!" Shikamaru quickly obeyed.

"Oi! It's her!" someone shouted from down the street.

"The police are coming," Shino informed them.

"Crap!" Tenten yelled. "Gotta run! See ya!"

"Hold it right there!" Officers Asuma and Kurenai, who were on duty at that moment, stopped her.

"Tenten, I arrest you for trespassing in a land you were exiled from!" Asuma declared, snapping handcuffs around her wrists.

"Wait! You've got the wrong person!" Tenten protested.

"Naruto made a huge fuss about you. We'd know your face anywhere!" said Kurenai.

"You're busted. Promotions for us!" added Asuma. "Come on, let's go. Off to prison with you!"

"Before they take me away, can I have my money back?" Tenten asked Hinata.

"What?" Hinata blinked.

"The money I lent you," Tenten reminded her. "Come on! You can't have forgotten!"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have no idea what you're talking about. I appreciate your kindness in stopping me from getting hurt, but I don't know who you are!" declared Hinata.

"Oh. So that's how it is." Tenten frowned at her. "I salvage your miserable existence from the sea, risk my life to accompany you here and give you plenty money so that you can enjoy your stay here. But you won't even give back the wallet I lent you! Some friend you are, Hyuga Neji!"

"Let's go!" said Asuma.

"Fine! Good-bye, you traitor!" Tenten glared venomously at Hinata, and left with Officers Asuma and Kurenai.

"Wait… did she call me Neji? Is he… could it be possible that he's still alive?" gasped Hinata.

"Shall we continue?" asked Chouji.

"No way! My brother's alive! I'm going to find him!" Hinata dashed away.

"He is to Sabaku no Gaara as you are to Twiggy!" Shikamaru spat at Chouji.

"So he was a little more of a coward than I expected," shrugged Chouji.

"If he's not a coward, nothing is! You had me frightened half to death for nothing!" Shikamaru smacked Chouji.

"At least you know you can beat him," Shino offered.

"Damn right I can! I'm going to hunt him down and give him the beating of his life!" Shikamaru announced, starting off towards the direction Hinata went.

"This is going to be fun," Chouji snickered as he and Shino followed Shikamaru.