Rating: K+
Spoilers: Siege 1
Pairings: Tiny, weeny hint of Lorne/Weir
Summary: Elizabeth needs a laugh so she borrows Carson's Blackadder DVD's.
Disclaimer: I own none of the Stargate characters or the Blackadder ones they belong to Richard Curtis, Ben Elton and Rowan Atkinson.
Authors Notes: This is a not-quite-a-companion-piece to 2 beers 1 slice of lemon and 1 large gold brick. Thanks to Fawe for the idea, it came about when Queenie's execution line was quoted and the bunny bit again.
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Dr Elizabeth Weir was fed up because things were not going well. SGA-1 were on a trading mission and after their last three missions she wasn't holding out much hope, she'd wanted to send Major Lorne and his team but they'd only just returned from a mission to secure a pseudo coffee bean.
She rubbed her face and tried not to think about the mess John was bound to make of this. Elizabeth had been seriously thinking about putting together a properly trained diplomatic team to negotiate for supplies as she was fed up with John and his team coming through the gate under fire when she had been promised, faithfully, that the population was peaceful. She stretched and switched off her computer, she needed to laugh and the best thing for that was British comedy, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Red Dwarf, Vicar of Dibley or, better still, Blackadder. She had come across Blackadder one night on a visit to London and had been immediately hooked, it was just so silly and unlike anything from home but who would be the most likely to have a copy on DVD, the first place she would try was the kitchen.
"Evening Dr Weir, what can we do for you?" said Mick the chef
"Is the Chief around?" she asked and Mick pointed to the office,
"Dr Weir, is something up?" said Alex the head chef
"Nothing's wrong I was just wondering if you had a copy of Blackadder I could borrow?" she said. Alex shook her head
"No I left mine at home, I had to choose between that and Dinnerladies and Victoria Wood won, you more than welcome to borrow that if you want?" replied Alex
"Not tonight, do you know if anyone has one" said Elizabeth. Alex stuck her head out of the office door
"Any of you fella's bring Blackadder DVD's with you?" she called
"I'm pretty sure Dr Beckett has a copy" said Charlie
"Thank you" said Elizabeth and left the kitchen.
"Dr Weir, what can I do for you?" asked Carson Beckett
"I've been told you have a copy of Blackadder, can I borrow it for tonight I need something to make me laugh" she said
"Aye, of course you can love, laughter has been proved to benefit health" he said as he led her out of the med bay, down the corridor to his quarters. They entered his room and Carson went over to the shelf and picked up a set of DVD's
"They were Peter's" he said with a half hearted smile "we'd spend a lot of time watching these and he said...ye know...if anything happened he wanted me to have them". Elizabeth squeezed his hand, even after a year Peter's sacrifice still hurt,
"I'll bring them back in the morning" she said as she left.
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Elizabeth stopped by her quarters and grabbed a bottle of wine and some chocolate and made her way to an empty TV room. Major Lorne could hear laughing from a little used TV room on the North Pier; no-one used it much except when some scientists using a nearby lab wanted a break. He peered around the door and saw Dr Weir laid on a couch watching some comedy show on TV, it was good to hear her laugh he thought, things had been hard for her lately.
"Major, come on in and join me" Elizabeth said
"I wish I could Ma'am but I'm on duty" he said cursing his luck and Colonel John Sheppard
"Oh that's a shame, another time" she said offering him a piece of chocolate
"Thanks and I'd like that" he said "anyway duty calls, enjoy the show". He left her giggling at some antic on screen and went on his way cursing God, the Ancestors and the Ori for lousy timing.
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The next morning Elizabeth was feeling much better, people had given her a few odd looks as she was still smirking at some of the scenes playing around in her head. She had particularly like the Beer episode where Queenie had plotted to infiltrate a boys drinking night, those memories had kept her giggling all night particularly Queenie's execution line, if she ever came across Koyla again she planned to used that exact same line with the same look on her face.
"Incoming wormhole" said Chuck as he bought up the iris, Elizabeth came to stand next to him,
"Atlantis this is Sheppard open the iris we're under attack, repeat we are under attack" said the breathless voice of Atlantis' military commander, Elizabeth nodded and Chuck lowered the iris. Arrows, rocks, spears and large clods of earth came raining through the gate as John, Teyla, Rodney and Ronon dived through,
"Close the gate" yelled Sheppard. Elizabeth glared down at them; great strike another potential ally off the list she thought
"Colonel Sheppard, you and your team in my office now" she called.
John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon filed sheepishly into the office
"What went wrong this time?" she sighed
"Well things were going well until Colonel Sheppard decided to put his hand on the knee of the chief's daughter, who then screamed and slapped him" said Rodney, Elizabeth groaned and put her head in her hands, why couldn't John keep his libido in check.
"I didn't know she was going to do that" said John "although what happened later did explain why she screamed"
"Oh God, what happened later" said Elizabeth.
"Well it seems that men aren't her thing" Teyla blushed "she tried to seduce Teyla that night and she threw her, literally, out of the tent. Kelna, that was her name started screaming blue murder and the villagers came to see what the noise was about, Ronon thought they were attacking Teyla and waded in, that's when we, well, I decided it was time to leave" explained Rodney. Elizabeth sighed and breathed deeply trying to keep her temper.
"I see, you do realise this is the third trading negotiation you four have ruined in a month
"I wouldn't say ruined exactly" said John but..."
"Enough!" shouted Elizabeth "now I'm going to have to think of someway to make you pay for making a mess of yet another trading mission". A gleam caught in her eye and she grinned wickedly
"Uh-oh" muttered John
Elizabeth stood up, picked up her coffee mug, put her hand on her hip and grinned
"First I'm going to have a little drinkie and then I'm going to execute the whole bally lot of you" she said as she drank the whole cup in one go.
John, Rodney Teyla and Ronon gulped, they knew she was upset with them but...she wouldn't...would she? Elizabeth burst into laughter at their panicked expressions
"I knew you were joking" gasped Rodney.
"I often think about having you executed, just to see the look on your face" said Elizabeth still chuckling "Dr Heightmeyer"
"Yes Dr Weir" said the city's therapist into the radio
"I'd like you to clear a couple of afternoons to help SGA-1 resolve a few issues they have" she said,
"Yes Dr Weir" Kate replied. The four team members looked incredulously at her,
"What issues?" said John indignantly
"Your libido for one we've lost too many allies and trading partners due to you not being able to keep your hands to yourself". John opened his mouth to protest "then there's Ronon inability to resist a fight and Rodney's desire to outsmart everyone, Teyla's the best at keeping out of trouble but it's group therapy and she's part of the group, dismissed" she said. SGA-1 filed out arguing among themselves about whose fault it was this time; Elizabeth chuckled to herself, picked up a letter opener and looked out over Stargate operations
"Now this is a disguise I'm really going to enjoy" she cocked her head on one side "if I can just get the voice right".