A/N:
Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. They make me so happy.
Unconditional
Part 3
The quietness of the room was unnerving. Dean paced the room nervously for the first hour, hovered over his brother's still form and stared for the next, then went back to pacing. When morning came, and Sam didn't even stir, Dean began to worry.
"Is he supposed to sleep that long?" Dean demanded from the first nurse he caught the moment he stepped out of the door.
"Emm, let me see," the petite nurse smiled friendily, but Dean wasn't in the mood for nice talks.
He waited impatiently and when she returned, he fixed her with a demanding stare.
"Don't worry, your brother is heavily sedated," she said quickly, "It's normal for him to be sleeping that long. Pain killers and sedatives doing their work, that's all."
"When is he supposed to wake up?"
"Anytime now," the nurse provided, "it depends on how his body processes the drugs in his system. It shouldn't take long for him to wake up now, but if he sleeps longer than usual, don't worry, it's normal. Also, you should know, his injury is pretty serious, and we're keeping him on sedatives for a while, which means he's going to be groggy and disoriented most of the time."
Dean didn't look happy to hear that, but to his credit, he remained silent.
"It's for the best," the nurse explained, "The pain is quite bad in cases like your brother's injury, and the drugs will just help him cope with it better."
Dean nodded.
"I'm sure he'll be allright."
"Yeah," Dean agreed, running a hand through his hair, "I hope so."
The nurse was about to say something else when she was interrupted by the appearance of nurse Layne. Dean stared at the woman who practically took care of his every need since the day he himself regained consciousness at the hospital.
"I'll take it from here, Dona."
Dean watched silently, as the petite nurse left without argument.
"How are you holding up?"
Dean shrugged his shoulders.
"Dean," Layne stepped closer, "You need to rest."
"I'm fine," Dean said in tired annoyance.
"No you're not," the old nurse retorted, "For goodness sake, you just woke up from a coma! You're not even supposed to be walking around yet. You didn't finish your physical therapy course, and you're not eating. You're exhausting yourself."
"I'm fine," Dean repeated, firmly this time.
"It won't take long for your body to shut down again, and then you won't be any help to yourself or to your brother."
Dean refused to meet her eyes, and just kept staring at the floor, silently wishing she would just leave him alone.
"Sam's going to need you, Dean," Layne pushed further, "he's going to need all your help and support to get through his recovery. You can't give him that if you're flat on your back."
"I'm not."
"You will be if you keep that up," Layne snapped.
"What exactly am I supposed to do?"
"For one, get yourself something decent to eat. After that, get some sleep, and it wouldn't hurt if you get some exercises done while you're at it."
"I'll do that," Dean promised, "after Sam's awake and I get a chance to speak to him."
"Sam will not be in any condition to talk," Layne revealed, "he'll be pretty doped up from all the sedatives we're giving him. He might not even know you're around."
"Still, I want to be here when he wakes up."
"Fine, but I'll get you something to eat, and you're going to eat it now," she said as she turned to leave.
"Thanks," Dean said with a gesture of his head, and she smiled at him before she left. Dean wondered briefly why the woman gave a damn about him in the first place, before his mind went back to his brother.
O0O0O0O0O0O0O
"Common Sammy, open your eyes, I know you're awake."
Sam's eye lids began to flutter and he moaned as the first string of consciousness began to tug at his mind.
"That's my boy."
"Shut up," Sam slurred, and he wondered why he was finding it so hard to speak let alone to focus.
Dean watched as Sam blinked his eyes open, and waited patiently until his brother managed to finally focus on his face, which took awhile. Sam's eyes were glassy and slightly unfocused.
"How are you feeling there, kiddo?"
"'m fine," Sam said groggily, "feel tired."
"Yeah, it's because these nice doctors and nurses did nothing but shoot you full of drugs since you came here. I don't think they like your voice that much, little brother."
"How long?"
"Almost three days now."
Sam closed his eyes tiredly.
"You were a little out of it yesterday," Dean smirked, "too bad I didn't have a camcorder on me."
Sam managed to throw him, what he hoped was, a dirty look.
Dean was smiling, looking happy, and Sam wondered for the briefest moment if everything he believed happened was just a dream. If everything was back to normal again.
"Sam?"
Sam opened his eyes again, but this time refused to look at his brother.
"We need to talk, little brother," Dean started, sounding suddenly serious.
Sam licked his lips, he knew the moment would come, but he wasn't ready.
"Tell me what happened, Sam," Dean said softly, but to Sam it was nothing short of an order.
"Sam, look at me."
Sam still refused to meet Dean's eyes. He heard Dean sigh, then shift nervously in his seat.
"Sammy, come on. We got to talk about this. I know it aint fun, but we got to okay?"
"There's nothing to tell, Dean," Sam said so softly, Dean had to strain to hear it.
"What happened? What did he do to you, Sam?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Other than the beating I mean."
"Nothing."
"Sam?"
'Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him,' Sam's mind kept repeating, but one single thought stopped him. One single thought scared him to death and freaked him out.
"Sam?"
'Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him,' and Sam decided he should. Getting it out and over with was what he should do.
Sam opened his mouth to speak, then realised that his brother was looking at him worriedly, only to discover a moment later that he couldn't breath.
"Dean," Sam gasped, as his eyes widened in shock and his legs thrashed in panic, "I can't breath!"
"Sam, take it easy!" Dean was way past the verge of panic himself as he watched his little brother struggle to breath.
Dean opened the door and screamed something, he wasn't sure what, but he did scream something. A second later a doctor and two nurses stormed into the room and rushed to Sam's side. A nurse quickly fixed the oxygen mask nearby and placed it over Sam's nose and mouth, while Sam still struggled wildly and wheezed excitedly. The other nurse injected something into Sam's IV, while the doctor stood over Sam and held his shoulders. "Sam, just try to breath okay? Here, follow me, it's going to be okay, just follow me. Try to relax, son. Here. That's it. That's good, very good!"
Dean stood close, watching silently. When Sam began to calm down and his breathing became regular again, Dean felt himself release a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"You did good," the doctor said encouragingly, as he squeezed Sam's shoulder. Sam closed his eyes tiredly and a moment later, his breathing evened out, and he was asleep, ...or was it unconscious? Dean didn't know and frankly didn't care. All that mattered to him, was that Sam was okay now.
The nurses left and the doctor motioned for Dean to step outside, so they can talk.
"What happened to him?" Dean demanded the moment they were out of the room.
"Your brother had some sort of a panic attack. Now, I'm sure you've been told about your brother's condition, but it's unlikely that such physical trauma would not tag along with an emotional one. Another attack could lead to serious damage, Mr. Pickard. It's best if Sam doesn't get subjected to any kind of stress for the time being."
"Will he be okay?"
"I believe the fit passed safely. He'll be okay, but as I warned you now, no stress."
Dean nodded wordlessly.
"If you'd like, I can arrange an appointment with a psychiatrist, it would help him."
Dean shook his head right away, "No, I can handle it."
The doctor shrugged, "I'll leave the offer open."
When Dean got back inside, Sam was deeply asleep and unaware of his presence. Dean felt guilt eat at him. 'Way to go Dean, you almost had your brother killed."
Although Dean knew his father would disapprove, he knew he wouldn't approach that subject with Sam again. He was not going to cause his brother any more pain. Dean felt his hatred and anger toward the demon escalate. He didn't know what was wrong with Sam exactly but he knew that demon did something to him, and Dean feared that 'something' had affected his brother deeply. He feared not being able to save him. He feared not being able to get his brother back.
Dean watched Sam sleep as he rubbed his own eyes, exhaustion and fatigue taking their toll on him. His muscles hurt and his head was going to explode. Also, his stomach grumbled fiercely. He was starved. He should get something to eat then rest a bit, and when Sam wakes up again, he'll be there.
O0O0O0O0O0O0O
When Sam woke up again, he could feel a presence nearby, and knew without a doubt it was his brother. Sam kept his eyes closed, contemplating whether to open them or to keep them shut.
Deciding he couldn't keep them closed forever, Sam gathered enough courage and opened his eyes, only to find that Dean was slumped in a chair beside his bed, mouth open, sleeping soundly. That scene almost brought a smile to Sam's lips, 'almost.' He shifted uneasily in his bed. His mind was still groggy, and his limbs felt strangely heavy and weak. Sam eyed the IV attached to his arm accusingly.
He stared at the ceiling, reminding himself of what a coward he turned out to be. God, how pathetic was he? To panic like that in front of everyone. How he wishes ... To think of what Dean would think of him... to think of the look on Dean's face when he knows how low he had sunk!
"You're up already," Sam turned slowly and he was met with his brother's eyes looking intently at him, "Boy, I thought you'd sleep forever!"
"Maybe that's for the best," Sam blurted before he could stop himself.
There was a moment's delay of comprehension, before Dean's face crumbled with a menacing frown, "What the hell is that supposes to mean?"
"Nothing," Sam was already regretting saying that out loud.
Dean had to mentally remind himself that Sam shouldn't be upset. Although the thought of what his brother meant disturbed him, Dean decided to drop the subject.
"You hungry?"
"No," Sam almost shrieked, but caught himself just in time.
Dean frowned. "Hey man, you haven't eaten a thing in God knows how long."
"I'm not hungry, Dean," Sam pressed, "probably from all the meds they're giving me."
Again, Dean decided to let the subject drop. The promise to not get Sam upset was harder than he thought.
"How you feeling? Anything hurt?"
"I'm kind of numb right now."
Dean nodded in understanding. "They've cut down the dosage on the sedatives. You'll feel more alert soon. 'And more in pain,' Dean thought grimly.
Sam licked his lips and Dean scratched his head as awkward silence enveloped them.
"Can I get some water?"
"Yeah, sure," Dean jumped and half filled a cup of water and after tossing a straw in, he approached his brother. Dean helped Sam to a few sips before he eased him back on bed.
Sam shifted uncomfortably a moment later.
"What?"
"I need to use the bathroom."
"Well, you can't," Dean told him, and he winced at the look of horror that crossed Sam's face.
"What do you mean I can't."
"Sam, you're not allowed out of the bed right now. You can do it right where you are. There is, umm, some diapers underneath. I can give you some privacy."
"Dean, I don't want fucking privacy! I want to use the bathroom," Sam snapped, and Dean reminded himself again to keep it cool.
"You're not getting off the bed, Sam."
"Well, it's not your choice," Sam grumbled, as he sat upright in bed, and proceeded to rip the IV needle from his arm.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Dean yelled, as he grabbed his brother's wrists and stopped him from what he was about to do.
"I want to go to the bathroom," Sam repeated stubbornly, and Dean rolled his eyes.
"I kind of wish they kept you under those previous dosages."
"Dean!"
"Let me check with them first. See if we can pull this off with 'minimum' damage," Dean turned to leave, pausing briefly at the door, "Don't dare do anything stupid, I mean it Sammy."
"It's Sam."
Dean left with a beginning of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
Maybe things could go back to normal after all.
O0O0O0O0O0O0O
Dean did get permission to get Sam out of bed, but when the nurses said they better do it themselves he refused, saying he'll do it himself. However the IV stays on, Dean stressed to Sam, and Sam agreed unhappily.
At first he couldn't feel his legs at all, but a few minutes later he could, and they felt like jello, unsteady and weak. Dean had to bodily support most, if not all of his weight, for five whole minutes before Sam regained his bearings and was able to stand on his own.
"Change your mind yet, little brother?"
All Sam could manage through the tremendous effort was to shake his head violently.
Dean sighed and continued to support his brother's weight. They managed to get to the bathroom safely, IV pole tagging along for the ride.
"I can handle it from here," Sam stood his ground at the door, shrugging Dean's hold off.
"You sure," Dean didn't look convinced.
Sam's answer was to turn and step inside the bathroom by himself, then close the door after him.
"You're welcome, by the way!"
"Thanks."
Dean smiled slightly at the closed door, then went back to the chair and stretched. God, he was so tired and sore.
O0O0O0O0O0O0O
There was no pain, Sam was glad, only numbness and weakness. His limbs worked better now that he had moved them, and he dragged himself forward with effort. When the door was finally closed, and he was alone, Sam was initially awashed with relief, then just as fast the feeling fled away. He was soon reminded of what had been done to him, ...and of what he had done.
'Don't think. Don't think. Don't think ...' but Sam couldn't help it as images of what had happened assaulted his mind with force, and drove him to the ground in a heap.
'God, please let it stop,' Sam squeezed his temples hard, trying to shut off the thoughts and images that were playing in his mind unsuccessfully. The pain returned, much worse, and Sam gasped as he began to thrash and struggle to get away. He brought his arm down and stared at it hauntedly. God, how he wishes he could rip it off right now. Sam wanted the pain to stop, wanted the thoughts to stop, and as he unconsciously began to claw and scratch at his arm, he realised the pain was slowly melting away. His struggles lessened as he stopped thrashing and gasping and just silently stared at the blood seeping steadily from his arm with a weird sense of contentment.
Dean had almost fallen asleep, but then a slight sound from the bathroom reminded him that Sam was still in there, and needed him. He stood up and walked to the bathroom door. "Hey Sam, you're done yet?"
Dean heard no reply, and right away, a sinking feeling started to well up in the bit of his stomach. He began to knock on the door with force. "Sam?"
Dean's voice jolted Sam back to reality. He stared at his bleeding arm helplessly. 'Dammit! Dammit! What had he done? If Dean sees this, he'll ask questions again. He has to do something.'
Sam used the wall for support and climbed to his feet with a grunt. "I'm okay!" Sam winced at the shakiness of his voice. "I just need a minute."
Dean frowned at the trembling sound of his brother's voice, although he was somehow reassured by it.
'Okay, wash the blood off. That would work.' but then he looked down at his bleeding arm again. The image of his own blood made him sick, and before he knew it, he was on his hands and knees retching and heaving violently.
This time Dean didn't bother to knock, and instead, stormed into the bathroom with force. He was momentarily frozen in shock as the sight of his heaving brother greeted him, then the shock wore off and he rushed to his brother's side in a flash. "Sam? Sam,what's wrong? Answer me."
O0O0O0O0O0O0O
A/N:
Hmm, this chapter was quiet long, no? And nothing much happened in it, well except, you now know there is something very wrong with Sam ( I know most of you already guessed that). I also know that there are many unanswered question and many things that don't make sense right now. The coming chapters will hopefully solve part of the puzzle. Again, I apologize for all the mistakes in this chapter. I will edit it as soon as I can. Oh, and please let me know what you think. Cheers!