Title: That Damn Happiness Clause
Writer: Azure K Mello
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path, my cannon is not Joss'.
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write, of course she so busy screaming about the "fecking Prot's" that she doesn't notice.
Section rating: R
Part 15/?
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Opening his eyes hurt. The scent of pain was strong in the room, to the point where even his human nose smelt it. He started to sit up but a gentle hand was laid on his chest. He smiled at the touch though it hurt him physically. His Spike was next to him though he was having trouble seeing much right now. "I want a drink," he said trying to remove the hand.
"You can't walk, pet, you have heat blisters all over the soles your feet," Spike said as he gave him a drink of water with a straw. "Slow now, you don't want to make yourself sick." His voice was completely devoid of emotion. "Lay back down, pet, you need to heal."
"What's the matter, how long was I out?"
"Four days, three hours, forty-seven minutes, and 27 seconds," Spike said still in that cold tone of voice. He saw that Xander was about to touch his face and grabbed the boy's hand. "I know your face hurts, pet, but you can't touch it: it's covered in Vaseline."
"I'm fine, Spike, you don't have to baby me."
"Fuck you!" screamed Spike the first emotion he had shown. He calmed down and then said in that cold voice, "You're not fine, Xander. You have third degree burns that would kill a normal person. Some places you were burned right down to the bone. Thank god you were wearing leather pants, they offered the most protection to your body. You're not fine. I sat here for four days waiting for you to die. As for my "babying" you, well I'll treat you the age you act. What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking?"
"Someone had to act, I didn't think just jumped."
Spike laughed a dry laugh that scared the shit out of Xander. "The other's might believe that. But you and I both know that it's bull."
"Spike-"
"Don't interrupt me, Xander. You jumped because you'd planed to jump. You had considered the whole situation and decided that you were the weakest link and that this was a good way of helping. You could die for the cause and save the real fighters. Don't cry, please," he said, completely monotone as a tear fell from Xander's shiny cheek. "I'm not angry at you, pet." His voice broke and he was sobbing. "I'm angry at that fucking bastard for making you think that you're not good enough." He voice through his sobs was upper class British: his monotonies voice and his bad boy drawl forgotten in the face of such emotion. "Death is too good for you're a father. And there are so many things I'd like to do to that man; do you know why I don't? Because I love you and you for some reason still love him, so I don't touch a hair on his head. But god help me I want to!"
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Xander, you're a white hat through and through. Of course you'd die to save your friends and the cause. You're so good and pure, that a part of why I love you. Keep this in mind though, you die and so do I. Now, I can see you doing a mental eye role if you were well. But I mean it, you die and so do I. No, not in some emotional sense and no I wouldn't kill myself: I wouldn't have to. You get to live as long as I live but in return I get to live as long as you live. Not that I care, of course; if you die I wouldn't want to live. You're the only reason I do it in the first place, without you I'm the wandering boy with no point or life. And if I must die I'd almost like it to be you to do me in. You love me, you know me. If you stalked me there'd be a damn good reason: hate or mercy. That would be so much better than dieing at the hands of a slayer who neither knows nor cares about me. But if you kill me, please kill me out right. I can't watch you die, Xander. I was so fucking angry at you when I brought you back here, and I couldn't figure out why. Then it dawned on me: you had lied. You promised me I would never be alone, that you would be with me forever and in the minute between your dieing and my own you would have proven yourself a liar and I would have hated you. I cried on you in a public. In *public*, Xander, and you were still willing to leave me all alone. That's the one thing you should be apologizing for. Nothing else. Maybe you don't think you're as good as the rest of them, but are you willing to kill me too? Sit up a little," he instructed. As Xander did Spike brought the straw to the boy's lips. "Fuck actually dieing, I was so scared that I was going to lose my boy. Promise me you won't be so brave and righteous ever again?"
"I promise," he said with a smile. "Can you just hold me now?"
"God yes," Spike whispered as he crawled beneath the sheets he ghosted cool fingers across hot angry new skin. "I'm not angry with you. You know that right? I'm never angry with you. I can't, 'm not capable of it."
"I know," Xander said with an indulgent smile. "Why am I not dead? Why am I healing so fast?"
"Because you're linked to me and get all the perks of being a vamp without the draw backs. Haven't you noticed how well you've fought as of late? How good your balance is? How silently and swiftly you move? Sense of smell improved? Can you smell my fear? The room is rank with it. Did you realize that you could see for miles even in the dark? Hummm? Have you? Welcome to my world, babycakes. Face the slayer now and there is no doubt in my mind that she'd be dead. You get stronger all the time, there's so much power in you: all that Xandery goodness mixed with vampiric supremacy. How did that Anya girl react to you?" he asked with a laugh. "The link between us wants you to strive, it realized what you needed: confidence. That was all; this is a fucking feather for you to hold while you fly under your own power. It was always in you, Xander."
"Really? So I'm not the Zeppo?"
"You never were."
"What happened after I passed out?"
"Angel and Doyle got into the act while that girl who had a crush on you couldn't stop screaming. She was sure you were dead, it was the most painful thing I've heard in a while."
"Girl?"
"Annie?"
"She didn't have a crush on me, she just liked my pants."
"There goes the confidence theory. Why do you always rag on yourself? How can you not see that half the world wants you and the other half is jealous? How many times do I have to call you special before you believe it? You're fucking effulgent. You're funny, good looking, smart-"
"Which is why you're shocked when I pick up a book."
"I just didn't think you were a big reader. You know, Xan-"
"Don't you dare tell me I don't have to change for you! You think I'm doing this for you? God, Spike, and I thought your sleuths sleuthed up everything. I thought you just never wanted to talk about it because you realized that it was solely mine to keep," he said and rolled away from his mate. Hissing as his new skin touched the bed. His face burned from the lines of salt rolling down his face.
"Shhhhhhhh, love. It's only yours. I'm sorry for prying. Love you. Want you happy I'd even go domestic and join a library if you asked," Spike said, gingerly placing a soothing arm around Xander's waist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How's Of Human Bondage going?"
"Philip just went back to London to study medicine," Xander said softly. Clearly his mind was in turmoil but Spike had been forgiven. Xander pulled the arm more surely around his waist. He laid his hot back to Spike's cool chest. "My own personal Spike shaped icepack."
Spike nuzzled Xander's less burnt shoulder. "And you're my hot water bottle with a Xander like slipcover."
"I used to have one with a piglet cover. I loved that thing," Xander said softly. Spike smiled into the boy's hair. Suddenly the boy turned over with a wince. "Did you ever wonder why I missed so much school? Why, while I'm so "intelligent," I was a "D" student who never gave a damn?"
"You don't have to tell me, Xan, it's yours to keep."
"And I'm yours so you own it too. I used to miss a lot of school because I couldn't walk or was unconscious or too badly beaten up. I would miss weeks on end. My mom would call the school and always had some excuse. That's why Buff and Will were so protective of me they thought I was delicate. I always really liked school. But that, coupled with the fact that I missed so much, would look odd so I feigned to hate the whole thing. I worked hard for my near failing grades. I was never there to learn what I needed. And even if I could have made the grade I had to fake my ignorance because it would have looked weird. No one looked into the matter because it was Sunnydale and you never want to look at anything to deeply in Sunnydale. For as long as I can remember I was missing school. Even when I was tiny, and I always played the fool so people wouldn't cotton on. I spent literally months and months maybe, probably, years in that basement. No one ever came. My friends avoided the place and my mother didn't want to incur the wrath of my father by giving a damn about me. The only thing that kept me sane was my mother's college books. She has a Masters in English and she had a lot of books from college and she used to be a real avid reader. They were all down there with all the other relics of her somewhat successful life." He laughed. "So I read for days on end. I loved books, they weren't my life and whatever problems there were, they weren't mine. I could completely escape this world and burrow safely into the next. I don't know, even now that I'm out, it's nice to know that if anything goes wrong there's always an exit for me. Keep me here?" he asked finally looking up into Spike's eyes, which were a mass of emotions.
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"Is it normal to be sore all over one's body? Thin's ache tha' I didn' know I 'ad," Doyle asked, still bed ridden after being conscious for nearly 24 hours.
"I'm not sure, sweet. Can I do anything for you?" Angel asked as he came in from the office where he'd checked in with Cordy for a few hours about work, something none of the men had done since the run in with the beacon. He slid out of his shirt and climbed back into bed.
"Don't attempt to jump next time, yeah?"
"Doyle, I-"
"Look, I get the mission here but what good is the champion if he's dead? I care about the world, I do. But if it's you or them I'm savin' the one person who actually matters. Maybe that makes me a bad half- man. I'm a selfish prat who's goin' to hell. But I don't want to be left here alone."
"I jumped to save you four, fuck everyone else. If saving the world coincides with saving you; well bully for the world," Angel said, giving his lover a dirty look for doubting him.
"You die and so do I," Doyle reminded him softly.
"What? . . . oh God, I never even thought of that. Christ. My first instinct-"
"Was to save the li'l lady? Yeah I know. I had the exact same gut reaction. I was ready to jump. It wasn't until I saw Spike's face while he watched Xander jump tha' I remembered."
"This is all so fucked up. Why can' we just decide that we're going to be happy? Fuck, all four of us. and Cordy too. Why can't we say: "fuck this, I'm going on holiday"? Does it ever get easy?" Angel asked as he held Doyle close to him.
"The good fight, yeah? At least we aren't alone. If anyone of us had jumped or even just two we'd all be dead. We need each other. It's why we're family. Even Cordy is, maybe not in blood but in ever other way important. Can ye imagine trying to fight this alone? We always like to joke: Cordy can only make coffee and not well, the boys we pay for no reason but to pay them, I'm good at getting headaches, and you're muscle. It's all bullshit we need each other for this t' work. We all bring something to the table. And tha's what matters, yeah?"
"Was that a nice way of saying that we can't go to Bermuda?" asked Angel with a wry smile.
"Yes, let's go to Bermuda, I've always wanted to be married to a big pile of dust," he said sarcastically as he laid himself against the broader man.
"Oh, Francis, you're such a romantic," Angel said in a high- pitched voice as he leaned in to captor the boy's lips.
As they broke for air, Doyle went and spoiled the mood, "How do you think Xander and Spike are?"
"What?" Angel panted. He shook his head trying to think of an intelligent answer: one that *didn't* consist of a moan. "Xander woke up fifteen hours after you. Apparently Spike and he had a big fight mainly, it seems, Spike was shouting and Xander was sitting mute and trying to apologize. Then there was another fight, I think, wherein Xander was the one who needed the apology, the account of that was vague so let's assume one of them brought up childhood trauma."
"You've been spending way too much time with Cordy."
"You were out like a light for over three days. And while I was by your side Spike was sitting vigil with Xander. Unlike my childe I can't hold conversation for hours with the unconscious, that's a skill he learned from Dru." The phone rang and Angel leaned over to get it. "Yes? Sure, he's right here." He held his hand over the receiver. "Some woman," he said as he handed Doyle the phone.
"Hello? . . ." His face fell slightly as he sighed. "Hi, Harry . . . really? Hey, tha's great congratulations! Tha's grand . . . oh um are you serious? . . . Well then, are you mad? . . . No, God, no, I'm sorry but no . . . Can I think about it? . . . thanks 'll get back to ye in a few days." He hung the phone up. And turned to Angel. "Meh ex-wife's havin' a baby. Tha's great. I'm glad honestly I fecked up everythin' she should have some happiness. I'm happy, why shouldn't she be?"
"So why the long face?" asked Angel.
"She's getting a divorce from the father and wants to know if I would step in as father. I said no, but then she asked if I would be its God Father. I don't know what to do. The days I spent with her were another life; a life I have no wish to revisit."
"Then don't do it."
"Does tha' make me an arsehole?"
"I don't know but I don't really like the idea in the first place. It's just another road to get to you in my eyes. She figures that you say no now but somewhere down the road you give in."
"Angel, I would never-"
Angel just smiled at his lover, a contented sure smile, as he placed a thumb beneath the boy's chin and raised his face so that he could look at his beautiful boy. Looking into his eyes Angel said, "I know you would never leave me. I didn't doubt that. I'm just saying that maybe it wouldn't be fair on her. Maybe you don't want to raise her hopes for naught."
Doyle nodded and then seemingly apropos to nothing said, "I want you."
"I was thinking that exact same thing," he said and then asked, "Are you sure you're well enough?"
"I don't know, Doctor. Why don't you give me a through examination?" he suggested with a smirk.
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"I'm home," Spike called as he kicked the door shut behind him. Xander was laying on the couch much to the vampire's chagrin. "I thought I told you to stay in bed."
"My book was out here," Xander replied. "How was the supermarket, Martha?" he said in a "Leave it to Beaver" style voice. This was a running joke as the apartment was so very fifties.
"Oh just swell, John," Spike said in a high-pitched voice as he put blood in the fridge. "How's your evening newspaper?"
"There's been a killing spree. I wouldn't know anything about that would you?" Xander asked.
"The bastard was over charging for blood," Spike said, still in character. He looked up and saw Xander smiling at him. "What?"
"Nothing, I'm being dopey and Hallmark don't make me voice it. I'll feel like less of a man." Spike just smirked as he sauntered over to the boy, his stance practically oozing sex. He stood in front of Xander.
"I told you not to get out of bed, pet, at least lay back down." Xander obeyed with his back against the couch back. Smiling Spike thanked the god of fads that the fifties had favored long sofa seats. He lay down in front of the boy and placed Xander's arms around his own hips. Laughing Xander propped himself up slightly and watched his lover with a questioning look. "What, don't look at me like that, this a highly recommended position for healing mortally wounding third degree burns. I swear."
"I actually feel great," Xander said.
"Oh, I'm well aware of that, love," he said with a leer. "So what did you do while I was out?" he asked, the boy's pulse had been high when the vampire had first entered the room.
"Not much, read." Spike saw that there was a movie stopped in the video player while the tv was off. He was putting his money on dirty, dirty porn. Slowly he rubbed himself against the boy a plan forming in his head. Xander moaned softly and Spike knew his eyes were shut. In that instant he lunged for the telly clicker and hit two buttons. The movie started to play while the tv turned on. "Hey," said Xander, "No fair, you can't use sex against me."
"Why, you have?" asked Spike with a smirk while the picture and sound came into focus. When he saw what it was he dropped the clicker as his jaw fell open. "I thought it was gonna be a porno." Xander lunged for the clicker but Spike caught it and held it high above his head. "Nope, you'll have to live down this infamous moment. Stop struggling, you're ruining the movie." Xander was a deep red from blushing. "It's ok, pet, we all have our perversions." He kissed Xander's cheek. Then looked up and sang along with the movie. "Have you heard. There's a rumor in St. Petersburg? Have you heard. What they're saying on the street? Although the Czar did not survive, one daughter may be still alive! The Princess Anastasia! But please do not repeat!" he sang in a Russian accent and sighed contentedly when done. "Can we rewind it? I like the bit where little Anya and the grandmother sing."
"You like this movie? Anastasia? You know the words?"
"I have a thing for John Cusack. And the soundtrack is catchy. Drusilla liked it," Spike said, justifying it in that "I'm righteous. . . and lying" voice of his when he was embarrassed. Xander pulled the blond down on to him and hit the rewind button. "Thanks," Spike said softly. Laughing, Xander ran his thumb against Spike wrist. The doorbell rang and Spike cursed softly. "This better be good. You, stay," he said as though talking to a dog.
"Woof," Xander replied.
"Yes?" said Spike opening the door.
A man in his mid to late thirties was standing there. "Hi," said the man. "A girl at Angel Investigations said Xander Harris lived here?"
"Who wants to know?" said Spike coldly sizing up the man. He was gorgeous in an odd familiar way. An old lover of the boy's?
"Sphinc?" asked Xander suddenly sitting up. "Wow, Sphinc," Xander said, rushing over to give the man a tight hug. "I haven't seen you in so long!"
"It's been a while, Alex." Who was this man and why was he calling Spike's *mate* Alex?
Writer: Azure K Mello
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path, my cannon is not Joss'.
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write, of course she so busy screaming about the "fecking Prot's" that she doesn't notice.
Section rating: R
Part 15/?
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Opening his eyes hurt. The scent of pain was strong in the room, to the point where even his human nose smelt it. He started to sit up but a gentle hand was laid on his chest. He smiled at the touch though it hurt him physically. His Spike was next to him though he was having trouble seeing much right now. "I want a drink," he said trying to remove the hand.
"You can't walk, pet, you have heat blisters all over the soles your feet," Spike said as he gave him a drink of water with a straw. "Slow now, you don't want to make yourself sick." His voice was completely devoid of emotion. "Lay back down, pet, you need to heal."
"What's the matter, how long was I out?"
"Four days, three hours, forty-seven minutes, and 27 seconds," Spike said still in that cold tone of voice. He saw that Xander was about to touch his face and grabbed the boy's hand. "I know your face hurts, pet, but you can't touch it: it's covered in Vaseline."
"I'm fine, Spike, you don't have to baby me."
"Fuck you!" screamed Spike the first emotion he had shown. He calmed down and then said in that cold voice, "You're not fine, Xander. You have third degree burns that would kill a normal person. Some places you were burned right down to the bone. Thank god you were wearing leather pants, they offered the most protection to your body. You're not fine. I sat here for four days waiting for you to die. As for my "babying" you, well I'll treat you the age you act. What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking?"
"Someone had to act, I didn't think just jumped."
Spike laughed a dry laugh that scared the shit out of Xander. "The other's might believe that. But you and I both know that it's bull."
"Spike-"
"Don't interrupt me, Xander. You jumped because you'd planed to jump. You had considered the whole situation and decided that you were the weakest link and that this was a good way of helping. You could die for the cause and save the real fighters. Don't cry, please," he said, completely monotone as a tear fell from Xander's shiny cheek. "I'm not angry at you, pet." His voice broke and he was sobbing. "I'm angry at that fucking bastard for making you think that you're not good enough." He voice through his sobs was upper class British: his monotonies voice and his bad boy drawl forgotten in the face of such emotion. "Death is too good for you're a father. And there are so many things I'd like to do to that man; do you know why I don't? Because I love you and you for some reason still love him, so I don't touch a hair on his head. But god help me I want to!"
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Xander, you're a white hat through and through. Of course you'd die to save your friends and the cause. You're so good and pure, that a part of why I love you. Keep this in mind though, you die and so do I. Now, I can see you doing a mental eye role if you were well. But I mean it, you die and so do I. No, not in some emotional sense and no I wouldn't kill myself: I wouldn't have to. You get to live as long as I live but in return I get to live as long as you live. Not that I care, of course; if you die I wouldn't want to live. You're the only reason I do it in the first place, without you I'm the wandering boy with no point or life. And if I must die I'd almost like it to be you to do me in. You love me, you know me. If you stalked me there'd be a damn good reason: hate or mercy. That would be so much better than dieing at the hands of a slayer who neither knows nor cares about me. But if you kill me, please kill me out right. I can't watch you die, Xander. I was so fucking angry at you when I brought you back here, and I couldn't figure out why. Then it dawned on me: you had lied. You promised me I would never be alone, that you would be with me forever and in the minute between your dieing and my own you would have proven yourself a liar and I would have hated you. I cried on you in a public. In *public*, Xander, and you were still willing to leave me all alone. That's the one thing you should be apologizing for. Nothing else. Maybe you don't think you're as good as the rest of them, but are you willing to kill me too? Sit up a little," he instructed. As Xander did Spike brought the straw to the boy's lips. "Fuck actually dieing, I was so scared that I was going to lose my boy. Promise me you won't be so brave and righteous ever again?"
"I promise," he said with a smile. "Can you just hold me now?"
"God yes," Spike whispered as he crawled beneath the sheets he ghosted cool fingers across hot angry new skin. "I'm not angry with you. You know that right? I'm never angry with you. I can't, 'm not capable of it."
"I know," Xander said with an indulgent smile. "Why am I not dead? Why am I healing so fast?"
"Because you're linked to me and get all the perks of being a vamp without the draw backs. Haven't you noticed how well you've fought as of late? How good your balance is? How silently and swiftly you move? Sense of smell improved? Can you smell my fear? The room is rank with it. Did you realize that you could see for miles even in the dark? Hummm? Have you? Welcome to my world, babycakes. Face the slayer now and there is no doubt in my mind that she'd be dead. You get stronger all the time, there's so much power in you: all that Xandery goodness mixed with vampiric supremacy. How did that Anya girl react to you?" he asked with a laugh. "The link between us wants you to strive, it realized what you needed: confidence. That was all; this is a fucking feather for you to hold while you fly under your own power. It was always in you, Xander."
"Really? So I'm not the Zeppo?"
"You never were."
"What happened after I passed out?"
"Angel and Doyle got into the act while that girl who had a crush on you couldn't stop screaming. She was sure you were dead, it was the most painful thing I've heard in a while."
"Girl?"
"Annie?"
"She didn't have a crush on me, she just liked my pants."
"There goes the confidence theory. Why do you always rag on yourself? How can you not see that half the world wants you and the other half is jealous? How many times do I have to call you special before you believe it? You're fucking effulgent. You're funny, good looking, smart-"
"Which is why you're shocked when I pick up a book."
"I just didn't think you were a big reader. You know, Xan-"
"Don't you dare tell me I don't have to change for you! You think I'm doing this for you? God, Spike, and I thought your sleuths sleuthed up everything. I thought you just never wanted to talk about it because you realized that it was solely mine to keep," he said and rolled away from his mate. Hissing as his new skin touched the bed. His face burned from the lines of salt rolling down his face.
"Shhhhhhhh, love. It's only yours. I'm sorry for prying. Love you. Want you happy I'd even go domestic and join a library if you asked," Spike said, gingerly placing a soothing arm around Xander's waist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How's Of Human Bondage going?"
"Philip just went back to London to study medicine," Xander said softly. Clearly his mind was in turmoil but Spike had been forgiven. Xander pulled the arm more surely around his waist. He laid his hot back to Spike's cool chest. "My own personal Spike shaped icepack."
Spike nuzzled Xander's less burnt shoulder. "And you're my hot water bottle with a Xander like slipcover."
"I used to have one with a piglet cover. I loved that thing," Xander said softly. Spike smiled into the boy's hair. Suddenly the boy turned over with a wince. "Did you ever wonder why I missed so much school? Why, while I'm so "intelligent," I was a "D" student who never gave a damn?"
"You don't have to tell me, Xan, it's yours to keep."
"And I'm yours so you own it too. I used to miss a lot of school because I couldn't walk or was unconscious or too badly beaten up. I would miss weeks on end. My mom would call the school and always had some excuse. That's why Buff and Will were so protective of me they thought I was delicate. I always really liked school. But that, coupled with the fact that I missed so much, would look odd so I feigned to hate the whole thing. I worked hard for my near failing grades. I was never there to learn what I needed. And even if I could have made the grade I had to fake my ignorance because it would have looked weird. No one looked into the matter because it was Sunnydale and you never want to look at anything to deeply in Sunnydale. For as long as I can remember I was missing school. Even when I was tiny, and I always played the fool so people wouldn't cotton on. I spent literally months and months maybe, probably, years in that basement. No one ever came. My friends avoided the place and my mother didn't want to incur the wrath of my father by giving a damn about me. The only thing that kept me sane was my mother's college books. She has a Masters in English and she had a lot of books from college and she used to be a real avid reader. They were all down there with all the other relics of her somewhat successful life." He laughed. "So I read for days on end. I loved books, they weren't my life and whatever problems there were, they weren't mine. I could completely escape this world and burrow safely into the next. I don't know, even now that I'm out, it's nice to know that if anything goes wrong there's always an exit for me. Keep me here?" he asked finally looking up into Spike's eyes, which were a mass of emotions.
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"Is it normal to be sore all over one's body? Thin's ache tha' I didn' know I 'ad," Doyle asked, still bed ridden after being conscious for nearly 24 hours.
"I'm not sure, sweet. Can I do anything for you?" Angel asked as he came in from the office where he'd checked in with Cordy for a few hours about work, something none of the men had done since the run in with the beacon. He slid out of his shirt and climbed back into bed.
"Don't attempt to jump next time, yeah?"
"Doyle, I-"
"Look, I get the mission here but what good is the champion if he's dead? I care about the world, I do. But if it's you or them I'm savin' the one person who actually matters. Maybe that makes me a bad half- man. I'm a selfish prat who's goin' to hell. But I don't want to be left here alone."
"I jumped to save you four, fuck everyone else. If saving the world coincides with saving you; well bully for the world," Angel said, giving his lover a dirty look for doubting him.
"You die and so do I," Doyle reminded him softly.
"What? . . . oh God, I never even thought of that. Christ. My first instinct-"
"Was to save the li'l lady? Yeah I know. I had the exact same gut reaction. I was ready to jump. It wasn't until I saw Spike's face while he watched Xander jump tha' I remembered."
"This is all so fucked up. Why can' we just decide that we're going to be happy? Fuck, all four of us. and Cordy too. Why can't we say: "fuck this, I'm going on holiday"? Does it ever get easy?" Angel asked as he held Doyle close to him.
"The good fight, yeah? At least we aren't alone. If anyone of us had jumped or even just two we'd all be dead. We need each other. It's why we're family. Even Cordy is, maybe not in blood but in ever other way important. Can ye imagine trying to fight this alone? We always like to joke: Cordy can only make coffee and not well, the boys we pay for no reason but to pay them, I'm good at getting headaches, and you're muscle. It's all bullshit we need each other for this t' work. We all bring something to the table. And tha's what matters, yeah?"
"Was that a nice way of saying that we can't go to Bermuda?" asked Angel with a wry smile.
"Yes, let's go to Bermuda, I've always wanted to be married to a big pile of dust," he said sarcastically as he laid himself against the broader man.
"Oh, Francis, you're such a romantic," Angel said in a high- pitched voice as he leaned in to captor the boy's lips.
As they broke for air, Doyle went and spoiled the mood, "How do you think Xander and Spike are?"
"What?" Angel panted. He shook his head trying to think of an intelligent answer: one that *didn't* consist of a moan. "Xander woke up fifteen hours after you. Apparently Spike and he had a big fight mainly, it seems, Spike was shouting and Xander was sitting mute and trying to apologize. Then there was another fight, I think, wherein Xander was the one who needed the apology, the account of that was vague so let's assume one of them brought up childhood trauma."
"You've been spending way too much time with Cordy."
"You were out like a light for over three days. And while I was by your side Spike was sitting vigil with Xander. Unlike my childe I can't hold conversation for hours with the unconscious, that's a skill he learned from Dru." The phone rang and Angel leaned over to get it. "Yes? Sure, he's right here." He held his hand over the receiver. "Some woman," he said as he handed Doyle the phone.
"Hello? . . ." His face fell slightly as he sighed. "Hi, Harry . . . really? Hey, tha's great congratulations! Tha's grand . . . oh um are you serious? . . . Well then, are you mad? . . . No, God, no, I'm sorry but no . . . Can I think about it? . . . thanks 'll get back to ye in a few days." He hung the phone up. And turned to Angel. "Meh ex-wife's havin' a baby. Tha's great. I'm glad honestly I fecked up everythin' she should have some happiness. I'm happy, why shouldn't she be?"
"So why the long face?" asked Angel.
"She's getting a divorce from the father and wants to know if I would step in as father. I said no, but then she asked if I would be its God Father. I don't know what to do. The days I spent with her were another life; a life I have no wish to revisit."
"Then don't do it."
"Does tha' make me an arsehole?"
"I don't know but I don't really like the idea in the first place. It's just another road to get to you in my eyes. She figures that you say no now but somewhere down the road you give in."
"Angel, I would never-"
Angel just smiled at his lover, a contented sure smile, as he placed a thumb beneath the boy's chin and raised his face so that he could look at his beautiful boy. Looking into his eyes Angel said, "I know you would never leave me. I didn't doubt that. I'm just saying that maybe it wouldn't be fair on her. Maybe you don't want to raise her hopes for naught."
Doyle nodded and then seemingly apropos to nothing said, "I want you."
"I was thinking that exact same thing," he said and then asked, "Are you sure you're well enough?"
"I don't know, Doctor. Why don't you give me a through examination?" he suggested with a smirk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm home," Spike called as he kicked the door shut behind him. Xander was laying on the couch much to the vampire's chagrin. "I thought I told you to stay in bed."
"My book was out here," Xander replied. "How was the supermarket, Martha?" he said in a "Leave it to Beaver" style voice. This was a running joke as the apartment was so very fifties.
"Oh just swell, John," Spike said in a high-pitched voice as he put blood in the fridge. "How's your evening newspaper?"
"There's been a killing spree. I wouldn't know anything about that would you?" Xander asked.
"The bastard was over charging for blood," Spike said, still in character. He looked up and saw Xander smiling at him. "What?"
"Nothing, I'm being dopey and Hallmark don't make me voice it. I'll feel like less of a man." Spike just smirked as he sauntered over to the boy, his stance practically oozing sex. He stood in front of Xander.
"I told you not to get out of bed, pet, at least lay back down." Xander obeyed with his back against the couch back. Smiling Spike thanked the god of fads that the fifties had favored long sofa seats. He lay down in front of the boy and placed Xander's arms around his own hips. Laughing Xander propped himself up slightly and watched his lover with a questioning look. "What, don't look at me like that, this a highly recommended position for healing mortally wounding third degree burns. I swear."
"I actually feel great," Xander said.
"Oh, I'm well aware of that, love," he said with a leer. "So what did you do while I was out?" he asked, the boy's pulse had been high when the vampire had first entered the room.
"Not much, read." Spike saw that there was a movie stopped in the video player while the tv was off. He was putting his money on dirty, dirty porn. Slowly he rubbed himself against the boy a plan forming in his head. Xander moaned softly and Spike knew his eyes were shut. In that instant he lunged for the telly clicker and hit two buttons. The movie started to play while the tv turned on. "Hey," said Xander, "No fair, you can't use sex against me."
"Why, you have?" asked Spike with a smirk while the picture and sound came into focus. When he saw what it was he dropped the clicker as his jaw fell open. "I thought it was gonna be a porno." Xander lunged for the clicker but Spike caught it and held it high above his head. "Nope, you'll have to live down this infamous moment. Stop struggling, you're ruining the movie." Xander was a deep red from blushing. "It's ok, pet, we all have our perversions." He kissed Xander's cheek. Then looked up and sang along with the movie. "Have you heard. There's a rumor in St. Petersburg? Have you heard. What they're saying on the street? Although the Czar did not survive, one daughter may be still alive! The Princess Anastasia! But please do not repeat!" he sang in a Russian accent and sighed contentedly when done. "Can we rewind it? I like the bit where little Anya and the grandmother sing."
"You like this movie? Anastasia? You know the words?"
"I have a thing for John Cusack. And the soundtrack is catchy. Drusilla liked it," Spike said, justifying it in that "I'm righteous. . . and lying" voice of his when he was embarrassed. Xander pulled the blond down on to him and hit the rewind button. "Thanks," Spike said softly. Laughing, Xander ran his thumb against Spike wrist. The doorbell rang and Spike cursed softly. "This better be good. You, stay," he said as though talking to a dog.
"Woof," Xander replied.
"Yes?" said Spike opening the door.
A man in his mid to late thirties was standing there. "Hi," said the man. "A girl at Angel Investigations said Xander Harris lived here?"
"Who wants to know?" said Spike coldly sizing up the man. He was gorgeous in an odd familiar way. An old lover of the boy's?
"Sphinc?" asked Xander suddenly sitting up. "Wow, Sphinc," Xander said, rushing over to give the man a tight hug. "I haven't seen you in so long!"
"It's been a while, Alex." Who was this man and why was he calling Spike's *mate* Alex?