A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys, always appreciated. And as far as I
know, or have heard, Stephanie does wear glasses. :)
~
"You look like shit."
"What part of me looks the worst, because then I'll fix that so you can't say I look like complete shit," Chris told her with a smile.
"Well, your hair for one," Stephanie answered, "I mean, it's like you've got a case of bed-head, mixed in with a tad of hat-hair, and then after that you stuck your finger in a light socket and electrocuted yourself."
"You know Stephers, it would've sufficed if you had just said, 'your hair looks bad.'"
"Yeah, but don't you want a description of HOW your hair looks? I mean, you can't see it, there's no mirror right here, you could have the best hair on the planet right now and I could be lying to you."
Chris stalked over to her and she got that scared look on her face. She screamed as he grabbed her by the waist and then put her in a headlock. She tried to squirm her way out of his grasp but he had a firm hold on her. He started ruffling her hair and she screamed at him, crying uncle.
"Let me go!" she screamed.
Chris let go of Stephanie and saw her hair, which was now sticking up all over the place, "Now look at YOUR hair."
"I hate you Snooks," she said, sitting on top of the counter, "Now make my food."
"One of these days Stephers, you are going to have to learn how to cook," Chris said as he flipped a pancake over.
"Why should I learn how to cook when you're here all the time cooking for me?"
"Stephers, I swear, one day I'm going to tell you to go away. I've been trying to get you to leave me alone for four years."
"And I haven't left you alone for one second have I?"
"Nope, not one second," he said, sticking his tongue out at her, "Go get your plate so I may serve you."
"Ooh, I love those words coming out of your mouth, you may serve me, makes you sound like my servant or something."
"Or your slave," he told her.
"The only kind of slave I want you to be is a sex slave," she told him, slapping his ass as she went to get a plate from her cabinet, "You been working out Snooks, your ass seems firmer since the last time I touched it."
"Yeah, you know me, everyday I'm breaking out my Buns of Steel tape."
"I knew it."
"You might want to check it out sometime."
Stephanie's arms rose to her hips as she regarded him, her jaw dropping, "Are you saying my ass is fat?"
"Turn around and let me get a better look," he told her, smirking lecherously.
She gave him a look that said she wasn't afraid of his little challenge. She turned around and pulled up her shirt a little, giving her ass a little shake for extra effect. Chris laughed and leaned over to give her butt a little slap and she acted all offended, putting her mouth over her agape mouth.
"Naughty boy," Stephanie said, "Slapping girl's asses."
"Only the girls who want them slapped."
She grabbed her plate and walked back over to him, "Lay it on me Chef Jericho."
"Lay what on you?"
"Food, before my stomach jumps out of my body and strangles you for starving it."
"Well, I better feed you. I don't want my death certificate to say 'Death by strangulation of runaway body parts.' Think of how humiliating that would be."
"I know, I mean, I want to go out with dignity...being run over by a car full of clowns," she mused dreamily.
"Oh yes, everyone's dream death," Chris said, putting food on Stephanie's plate, "But if you're going that way, I get to go that way too."
"Fine, you can be standing next to me as we're hit, or play the heroic Prince Charming trying to save the damsel-in distress, except we both get hit by guys with big red noses and face paint."
"Ahh, what a way to go..."
He grabbed some food for himself and sat down at the table with her. They ate silently, only interrupting each other when they wanted to gross the other one out. Every time he was with Stephanie, which was a lot, he was always laughing, always happy and care-free. She was the only one who could possibly do that to him. He thought Trish would be able to, but she wanted nothing to do with him.
"Stephers, what's wrong with me?"
Stephanie looked up, mid-chew and stared at him strangely before finishing her bite and swallowing, "What do you mean Snooks?"
"I mean, I've never had a girlfriend that lasted more than a few months. Ever since I started the company, I've been with maybe, three women that I could even kind of consider serious, and nothing ever came of those. Is there something wrong with me? You can be honest...wait, what am I saying, you're never anything but honest."
Stephanie looked at him a moment, studying his features, her brow furrowed in thought. He rarely saw the serious side of her outside of the workplace. She stayed silent for a few minutes and Chris couldn't help but think that maybe Stephanie was coming up with some long mental list of problems with him.
"Nothing."
He looked at her, "Nothing?"
"There's nothing wrong with you. I mean, you have your flaws and your quirks, but look at me, that's all I'm about...there's nothing wrong with you, I promise that's the truth."
"Then why doesn't any girl want me?"
"They're intimidated by you," she suggested, "I mean, there you are, this totally hot guy, and it's a little daunting."
"Oh, I guess so."
"Besides, you do have a girl that wants you...me," she told him, giving him a grin, "And you're not getting rid of me!"
"Yeah, fortunately for me...and for you, since you don't want to starve."
"Look Snooks, stop thinking about the blonde bombshell."
"But I'm going to have to go to Raw and see her."
"Yeah, it won't be that bad, I'll be there," she said, "And you can come running to me with the tears streaming down your face, and I'll hand you a tissue."
"Will you wipe my eyes for me, and hold the tissue as I blow my nose?"
She made a face, "Sure, if that's what you need."
"You know what," he said, his eyes lighting up, "You should pretend to be my girlfriend and then make Trish jealous until she wants me!"
Stephanie did a classic spit take with her water, and Chris made a face as some of her water landed on his food. Then he shrugged and started eating again. He had swapped spit with Stephanie on-screen, he didn't care if she got his food a little damp. He looked up at her as he chewed.
"Snooks, are you out of your ever loving mind! This is not some movie where a lame plan like that would work. Where do you get these crazy ideas?"
"I just thought it might work," he shrugged, "Can you blame me Stephers? You know how much I like her."
Stephanie's look softened as she reached for her napkin. She brought it up to Chris's cheek and wiped away some syrup collected at the corner of his mouth. She did know how much he liked Trish, she had been all he talked about for the past few months. Ever since her father had started that storyline between them, Chris had confessed to having a major crush on her, even though now it seemed Christian had done the exact same thing.
"Yeah, I know," she said, giving him a soft look, "Snooks, you'll get over her, I promise."
"I don't know Stephers, I really liked her," Chris told her, sighing in what was most likely defeat.
"Who's to say she'd even really hit it off with Christian?" Stephanie said to him, "Maybe they go out on one date and she finds him a complete dud and not her type at all. Then she comes to you and you find that one true love that you've been searching for lo these...what are you now, forty-three, forty-five?"
"Yeah Stephers, I'm forty-five, so what would that make you, thirty-eight?"
"God forbid Snooks!" she cried, "All I'm saying, is don't count on the inevitable when it hasn't happened yet. You will find that one true love."
"Oh, I've already found her," Chris said.
"Oh really, you actually expect me to believe that you consider the blonde bombshell your one true love and you haven't even been on a date with her? Next you'll be telling me that dinosaurs exist again, or that Hunter wants me back," she giggled.
"Even if Asshole did want you back, there's no way in hell I'd ever let you get back together with him, I'd marry you before I'd let you go back to him," Chris said, a dark, sinister quality overtaking his voice.
Stephanie gave him a kindly look, "Snooks, it's over now, you don't have to get so angry about it now."
"After what that asshole did to you, and tried to do, no chance in hell am I ever giving him any leniency."
"Yeah, and why do you think we haven't scheduled any matches for you against him?" Stephanie said, giving him a look, "We know you'll go crazy on him."
"It's the least he deserves," Chris muttered as he chewed angrily on a piece of bacon.
Stephanie put her hand on his arm, stopping him from chewing straight through the bacon and to his arm, "Snooks, what have I told you about that? Hunter and I are over, I see him for what he is and that's all there is to it. It's over now, we fixed it."
"Yeah, I know Stephers, it's not the 'taking over the company' part that bothers me so much as it was the fact that he tried to get you to stop hanging out with me," he said bitterly.
"Yeah, but nobody is ever going to tear apart Snooks," Stephanie said, "Not even your true love...the blonde bombshell herself."
"She wasn't who I was talking about," Chris told her.
"Oh, ok, so then who is?" Stephanie asked.
"You," he said simply as a small smile came over her face.
"Me?" she asked incredulously with a hint of teasing in his voice.
"You must be, you're the only girl I can truly stand and you're the only girl that actually sticks around," he told her, grinning widely.
She laughed, "Ok then, I'm your true love, why aren't we sleeping together?"
"Oh to preserve the sanctity of our relationship of course," he said, "We can't mar such harmony with the pleasure of sensual delights."
Stephanie gave him a strange look, thinking that was crazy. But she just shook her head and went back to eating her breakfast. Chris gave her shoulder a little shove before going back to his own breakfast. Tomorrow was Sunday and then Monday would roll around and he'd have to see Trish. He wasn't looking forward to it, but unless he quit the company he had no choice...unless he got sent over to SmackDown. There was always a possibility. He hated asking Stephanie for favors, considering she was the boss's daughter and enough people already thought he probably used her to get ahead in the company. He had never used Stephanie, not once. Most people thought that was how he had gotten to be the first Undisputed Champion, but he had earned that just like every other person who had been a champion. Except for maybe Hunter, but Stephanie had insisted none of the past indiscretions about Hunter were to see the light of day.
He was interrupted from his thoughts as Stephanie shoved him back. So distracted was he, that he fell off his chair and landed on his butt on the ground. Stephanie burst into laughter as she saw him sitting there, looking a little dazed as to what had happened. Before she could think to cover herself, Chris grabbed the glass of water off the table and threw it at Stephanie, hitting her squarely in the face. She screamed and jumped up, streams of water flowing off her hair and wetting her t-shirt.
She gave him an angry look and grabbed her own glass of water, throwing it on him. He stood up, prepared for the war and grabbed some eggs and threw them at her. She gritted her teeth and got a glob of jam off her toast and threw it at his face, most of it landing on his cheek.
"Oh that's it McMahon, you are going down," Chris said, lunging for her, but she was a little too quick for him.
"Weren't expecting me to be so stealthy, huh, Jericho!" she said as she grabbed a pancake and launched it at him.
He ducked out of the way and grabbed some butter, throwing it and hitting her forehead, "Ha! Take that!"
Stephanie growled and wiped her forehead clean. She grabbed the syrup and ran around trying to dump it on him. Chris screamed at her, telling her that she better not get any of that in his hair. She caught up with him and squirted some all over her face. He wiped his face and took his sticky hands and grabbed her, spreading it all over her face in revenge.
They fell to the ground in a laughing heap, both covered in their breakfast. Stephanie took her finger and ran it over Chris's nose then licked the syrup off his face. She made a yummy sound and he laughed and did the same for her.
"Now this is the way to eat breakfast," Chris laughed.
"Snooks, you're a walking buffet table," she told him, "Now I'm going to have to go try to wash all this shit off."
"Yeah, me too," he said, "How about we just share a shower, save time and water?"
She nodded, "Oh of course, we should do that, because you know, that's the right thing to do, I've always wanted to see you naked."
"I know you have Stephers," he said raising an eyebrow.
They got up and Chris picked up Stephanie, throwing her over his shoulder. She squealed in surprise at him lifting her up. He took her upstairs and into her bedroom, which unsurprisingly was a complete mess. She had never been one to be all neat and organized, no matter how many people thought she was.
"Geez Stephers, have you ever heard the words clean up?"
"What are you doing?" she asked as they walked into the bathroom.
"Sharing a shower with you," he said, "I thought that's what we agreed upon."
"I am not sharing a shower with you!" she screeched loudly.
"What? Huh? I've lost all sense of hearing....what was that?" he said, pretending to be hard of hearing.
"You know you heard me!"
"Aww, are you shy Stephers? I'm sure you have a lovely body," he joked.
"Snooks, put me down!"
She kept screaming and he calmly put her down. She glared at him and he shrugged, starting to pull his pants down. She grabbed it and pulled it back up. He gave her an innocent look, blinking his eyes comically. She pushed him out of the door, but finding it hard since he was so much bigger.
"Snooks," she whined, "Go away!"
"But I need a shower," he protested.
"Go take one in your bathroom!" she said, still pushing him.
"Damn, and I was so looking forward to taking one with you," he said, snapping his fingers, "Next time then."
"Oh yeah, next time," she said snidely, "At this rate, I'm not coming to Raw on Monday and you'll have to deal with the blonde bombshell by yourself!"
"Damn, I hate it when you have stuff to hold over my head!" he said.
She slammed the door in his face.
~
"You look like shit."
"What part of me looks the worst, because then I'll fix that so you can't say I look like complete shit," Chris told her with a smile.
"Well, your hair for one," Stephanie answered, "I mean, it's like you've got a case of bed-head, mixed in with a tad of hat-hair, and then after that you stuck your finger in a light socket and electrocuted yourself."
"You know Stephers, it would've sufficed if you had just said, 'your hair looks bad.'"
"Yeah, but don't you want a description of HOW your hair looks? I mean, you can't see it, there's no mirror right here, you could have the best hair on the planet right now and I could be lying to you."
Chris stalked over to her and she got that scared look on her face. She screamed as he grabbed her by the waist and then put her in a headlock. She tried to squirm her way out of his grasp but he had a firm hold on her. He started ruffling her hair and she screamed at him, crying uncle.
"Let me go!" she screamed.
Chris let go of Stephanie and saw her hair, which was now sticking up all over the place, "Now look at YOUR hair."
"I hate you Snooks," she said, sitting on top of the counter, "Now make my food."
"One of these days Stephers, you are going to have to learn how to cook," Chris said as he flipped a pancake over.
"Why should I learn how to cook when you're here all the time cooking for me?"
"Stephers, I swear, one day I'm going to tell you to go away. I've been trying to get you to leave me alone for four years."
"And I haven't left you alone for one second have I?"
"Nope, not one second," he said, sticking his tongue out at her, "Go get your plate so I may serve you."
"Ooh, I love those words coming out of your mouth, you may serve me, makes you sound like my servant or something."
"Or your slave," he told her.
"The only kind of slave I want you to be is a sex slave," she told him, slapping his ass as she went to get a plate from her cabinet, "You been working out Snooks, your ass seems firmer since the last time I touched it."
"Yeah, you know me, everyday I'm breaking out my Buns of Steel tape."
"I knew it."
"You might want to check it out sometime."
Stephanie's arms rose to her hips as she regarded him, her jaw dropping, "Are you saying my ass is fat?"
"Turn around and let me get a better look," he told her, smirking lecherously.
She gave him a look that said she wasn't afraid of his little challenge. She turned around and pulled up her shirt a little, giving her ass a little shake for extra effect. Chris laughed and leaned over to give her butt a little slap and she acted all offended, putting her mouth over her agape mouth.
"Naughty boy," Stephanie said, "Slapping girl's asses."
"Only the girls who want them slapped."
She grabbed her plate and walked back over to him, "Lay it on me Chef Jericho."
"Lay what on you?"
"Food, before my stomach jumps out of my body and strangles you for starving it."
"Well, I better feed you. I don't want my death certificate to say 'Death by strangulation of runaway body parts.' Think of how humiliating that would be."
"I know, I mean, I want to go out with dignity...being run over by a car full of clowns," she mused dreamily.
"Oh yes, everyone's dream death," Chris said, putting food on Stephanie's plate, "But if you're going that way, I get to go that way too."
"Fine, you can be standing next to me as we're hit, or play the heroic Prince Charming trying to save the damsel-in distress, except we both get hit by guys with big red noses and face paint."
"Ahh, what a way to go..."
He grabbed some food for himself and sat down at the table with her. They ate silently, only interrupting each other when they wanted to gross the other one out. Every time he was with Stephanie, which was a lot, he was always laughing, always happy and care-free. She was the only one who could possibly do that to him. He thought Trish would be able to, but she wanted nothing to do with him.
"Stephers, what's wrong with me?"
Stephanie looked up, mid-chew and stared at him strangely before finishing her bite and swallowing, "What do you mean Snooks?"
"I mean, I've never had a girlfriend that lasted more than a few months. Ever since I started the company, I've been with maybe, three women that I could even kind of consider serious, and nothing ever came of those. Is there something wrong with me? You can be honest...wait, what am I saying, you're never anything but honest."
Stephanie looked at him a moment, studying his features, her brow furrowed in thought. He rarely saw the serious side of her outside of the workplace. She stayed silent for a few minutes and Chris couldn't help but think that maybe Stephanie was coming up with some long mental list of problems with him.
"Nothing."
He looked at her, "Nothing?"
"There's nothing wrong with you. I mean, you have your flaws and your quirks, but look at me, that's all I'm about...there's nothing wrong with you, I promise that's the truth."
"Then why doesn't any girl want me?"
"They're intimidated by you," she suggested, "I mean, there you are, this totally hot guy, and it's a little daunting."
"Oh, I guess so."
"Besides, you do have a girl that wants you...me," she told him, giving him a grin, "And you're not getting rid of me!"
"Yeah, fortunately for me...and for you, since you don't want to starve."
"Look Snooks, stop thinking about the blonde bombshell."
"But I'm going to have to go to Raw and see her."
"Yeah, it won't be that bad, I'll be there," she said, "And you can come running to me with the tears streaming down your face, and I'll hand you a tissue."
"Will you wipe my eyes for me, and hold the tissue as I blow my nose?"
She made a face, "Sure, if that's what you need."
"You know what," he said, his eyes lighting up, "You should pretend to be my girlfriend and then make Trish jealous until she wants me!"
Stephanie did a classic spit take with her water, and Chris made a face as some of her water landed on his food. Then he shrugged and started eating again. He had swapped spit with Stephanie on-screen, he didn't care if she got his food a little damp. He looked up at her as he chewed.
"Snooks, are you out of your ever loving mind! This is not some movie where a lame plan like that would work. Where do you get these crazy ideas?"
"I just thought it might work," he shrugged, "Can you blame me Stephers? You know how much I like her."
Stephanie's look softened as she reached for her napkin. She brought it up to Chris's cheek and wiped away some syrup collected at the corner of his mouth. She did know how much he liked Trish, she had been all he talked about for the past few months. Ever since her father had started that storyline between them, Chris had confessed to having a major crush on her, even though now it seemed Christian had done the exact same thing.
"Yeah, I know," she said, giving him a soft look, "Snooks, you'll get over her, I promise."
"I don't know Stephers, I really liked her," Chris told her, sighing in what was most likely defeat.
"Who's to say she'd even really hit it off with Christian?" Stephanie said to him, "Maybe they go out on one date and she finds him a complete dud and not her type at all. Then she comes to you and you find that one true love that you've been searching for lo these...what are you now, forty-three, forty-five?"
"Yeah Stephers, I'm forty-five, so what would that make you, thirty-eight?"
"God forbid Snooks!" she cried, "All I'm saying, is don't count on the inevitable when it hasn't happened yet. You will find that one true love."
"Oh, I've already found her," Chris said.
"Oh really, you actually expect me to believe that you consider the blonde bombshell your one true love and you haven't even been on a date with her? Next you'll be telling me that dinosaurs exist again, or that Hunter wants me back," she giggled.
"Even if Asshole did want you back, there's no way in hell I'd ever let you get back together with him, I'd marry you before I'd let you go back to him," Chris said, a dark, sinister quality overtaking his voice.
Stephanie gave him a kindly look, "Snooks, it's over now, you don't have to get so angry about it now."
"After what that asshole did to you, and tried to do, no chance in hell am I ever giving him any leniency."
"Yeah, and why do you think we haven't scheduled any matches for you against him?" Stephanie said, giving him a look, "We know you'll go crazy on him."
"It's the least he deserves," Chris muttered as he chewed angrily on a piece of bacon.
Stephanie put her hand on his arm, stopping him from chewing straight through the bacon and to his arm, "Snooks, what have I told you about that? Hunter and I are over, I see him for what he is and that's all there is to it. It's over now, we fixed it."
"Yeah, I know Stephers, it's not the 'taking over the company' part that bothers me so much as it was the fact that he tried to get you to stop hanging out with me," he said bitterly.
"Yeah, but nobody is ever going to tear apart Snooks," Stephanie said, "Not even your true love...the blonde bombshell herself."
"She wasn't who I was talking about," Chris told her.
"Oh, ok, so then who is?" Stephanie asked.
"You," he said simply as a small smile came over her face.
"Me?" she asked incredulously with a hint of teasing in his voice.
"You must be, you're the only girl I can truly stand and you're the only girl that actually sticks around," he told her, grinning widely.
She laughed, "Ok then, I'm your true love, why aren't we sleeping together?"
"Oh to preserve the sanctity of our relationship of course," he said, "We can't mar such harmony with the pleasure of sensual delights."
Stephanie gave him a strange look, thinking that was crazy. But she just shook her head and went back to eating her breakfast. Chris gave her shoulder a little shove before going back to his own breakfast. Tomorrow was Sunday and then Monday would roll around and he'd have to see Trish. He wasn't looking forward to it, but unless he quit the company he had no choice...unless he got sent over to SmackDown. There was always a possibility. He hated asking Stephanie for favors, considering she was the boss's daughter and enough people already thought he probably used her to get ahead in the company. He had never used Stephanie, not once. Most people thought that was how he had gotten to be the first Undisputed Champion, but he had earned that just like every other person who had been a champion. Except for maybe Hunter, but Stephanie had insisted none of the past indiscretions about Hunter were to see the light of day.
He was interrupted from his thoughts as Stephanie shoved him back. So distracted was he, that he fell off his chair and landed on his butt on the ground. Stephanie burst into laughter as she saw him sitting there, looking a little dazed as to what had happened. Before she could think to cover herself, Chris grabbed the glass of water off the table and threw it at Stephanie, hitting her squarely in the face. She screamed and jumped up, streams of water flowing off her hair and wetting her t-shirt.
She gave him an angry look and grabbed her own glass of water, throwing it on him. He stood up, prepared for the war and grabbed some eggs and threw them at her. She gritted her teeth and got a glob of jam off her toast and threw it at his face, most of it landing on his cheek.
"Oh that's it McMahon, you are going down," Chris said, lunging for her, but she was a little too quick for him.
"Weren't expecting me to be so stealthy, huh, Jericho!" she said as she grabbed a pancake and launched it at him.
He ducked out of the way and grabbed some butter, throwing it and hitting her forehead, "Ha! Take that!"
Stephanie growled and wiped her forehead clean. She grabbed the syrup and ran around trying to dump it on him. Chris screamed at her, telling her that she better not get any of that in his hair. She caught up with him and squirted some all over her face. He wiped his face and took his sticky hands and grabbed her, spreading it all over her face in revenge.
They fell to the ground in a laughing heap, both covered in their breakfast. Stephanie took her finger and ran it over Chris's nose then licked the syrup off his face. She made a yummy sound and he laughed and did the same for her.
"Now this is the way to eat breakfast," Chris laughed.
"Snooks, you're a walking buffet table," she told him, "Now I'm going to have to go try to wash all this shit off."
"Yeah, me too," he said, "How about we just share a shower, save time and water?"
She nodded, "Oh of course, we should do that, because you know, that's the right thing to do, I've always wanted to see you naked."
"I know you have Stephers," he said raising an eyebrow.
They got up and Chris picked up Stephanie, throwing her over his shoulder. She squealed in surprise at him lifting her up. He took her upstairs and into her bedroom, which unsurprisingly was a complete mess. She had never been one to be all neat and organized, no matter how many people thought she was.
"Geez Stephers, have you ever heard the words clean up?"
"What are you doing?" she asked as they walked into the bathroom.
"Sharing a shower with you," he said, "I thought that's what we agreed upon."
"I am not sharing a shower with you!" she screeched loudly.
"What? Huh? I've lost all sense of hearing....what was that?" he said, pretending to be hard of hearing.
"You know you heard me!"
"Aww, are you shy Stephers? I'm sure you have a lovely body," he joked.
"Snooks, put me down!"
She kept screaming and he calmly put her down. She glared at him and he shrugged, starting to pull his pants down. She grabbed it and pulled it back up. He gave her an innocent look, blinking his eyes comically. She pushed him out of the door, but finding it hard since he was so much bigger.
"Snooks," she whined, "Go away!"
"But I need a shower," he protested.
"Go take one in your bathroom!" she said, still pushing him.
"Damn, and I was so looking forward to taking one with you," he said, snapping his fingers, "Next time then."
"Oh yeah, next time," she said snidely, "At this rate, I'm not coming to Raw on Monday and you'll have to deal with the blonde bombshell by yourself!"
"Damn, I hate it when you have stuff to hold over my head!" he said.
She slammed the door in his face.