I never meant to fall in love with Joanne. I never meant to break Mark's heart, either. Shit happens, though. And it's not as though Mark never hurt me.

I get sick of hearing about how many different ways I hurt Mark and about how much of a drama queen I am. I'm really the only one who knows what happened back then.

April and Roger were always to busy getting high and having sex.

Mark was always filming. He couldn't stand being in the loft with me, I guess.

Benny was out fucking as many girls as he could, back before he met Allyson.

Collins was working on his theory of Actual Reality, all of his time being spent in either the NYU library or in some bar having a good time.

We weren't a family then. That was back before Mimi danced her way into our lives to the beat of Angel's drumming.

Nobody likes to talk about what happened before Mimi and Angel.

Nobody reminds Roger that he used to be a drug addict, always living for the next high and the next good fuck.

Nobody reminds Collins that he never finished his theory of Actual Reality.

Nobody reminds Mark that he wasted most of his life filming absolutely nothing in an attempt to be recognized.

Nobody asks Mimi how she got AIDS.

Nobody asks Joanne why she's a lawyer when she obviously hates it.

And nobody reminds Benny that his beloved Muffy was originally a one night stand.

But everyone mentions that I cheated on Mark. Everyone has to bring up the fact that I 'slept around'. Every time we all get together, without fail, somebody mentions that I cheated on Mark.

Even Joanne has made a few comments about it. She's always worried that I'm going to cheat on her.

I don't exactly blame her. I just wish she would trust me.

I hate being in the apartment alone. There's nothing to occupy my mind and I end up thinking about everything that's happened over the past few years. And then I end up getting upset.

And Maureen Johnson does not get upset. She gets angry, incredibly sad to the point of hysterical sobs, or indifferent. But never simply upset.

So instead of letting everyone think that something is wrong and then have them jump to their own conclusions, I fake a smile, flirt shamelessly, and bitch about things that I don't give a damn about.

Afer all, I am an actress.

Everybody thinks that I'm oblivious to the rest of the world, that I have no idea what's going on around me. But I see everything. I remember everything.

I just wish everybody else could remember everything and not just what makes them feel better about themselves.