Title: That Damn Happiness Clause
Writer: Azure K Mello
Disclaimer- Nothing is mine, not even my soul
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. MPREG- I know it offends some people. I love the people who get angry and say, "It is impossible for a man to have a baby!" and get all uppity, it's also impossible for vampires to exist and take mortal lovers, but that isn't what they focus on.
Section rating: R
Part 23/?
Find the rest here:
~~ indicates starts and ends of flashbacks
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Wesley was confused. The boy and the vampire were together? Spike had been holding the child when they had come in. Then why had Angel kissed Xander? Why would the boy get involved with the soulless creature? Didn't he hate vampires? Didn't he *really* hate Angel? What was the situation? Why had he called Angel his sire? He had stated that he was breathing so Angel had *not* turned him then why was the boy so pale? And what was going on between Cordelia and her boyfriend? Had they had a fight? He knew that the boy had spent the night at Angel's. Had the girl kicked him out? He hoped it was nothing serious, they seemed to be the most well adjusted pair in the whole group.
Xander and Doyle watched as the pair left the room, twin looks of worry marred their faces. What the hell was going on with the vampires? Why were they so out of sorts because of some dreams that had seemed to be pleasant? This was all too fucked up for their tastes. For Christ's sakes Spike and Xander were meant to be in Canada, not sulking in LA. Xander looked at the other man and nudged him with his foot. "Can I speak to you in private?"
Doyle looked towards Wesley and nodded with a smile at his "younger brother", "Bathroom?" he asked. They walked with silent grace out of the room. They were all too aware of the English eyes trained on them. "What's up?" he asked as he sat on the sink counter with the sink.
"You can't laugh when I ask you something."
"Of course I can," joked Doyle but when he saw the look on Xander's face he said, "I won't laugh. Ye know I wouldn' really."
"Ok, but if you laugh I will kick the shit out of you. . . Do you think I've gotten fat?"
Doyle couldn't help but laugh.
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"You've been having them too?" he asked calmly pouring two mugs of coffee.
"What the fuck are they, Angelus, Are you just projecting your memories!? I mean fuck, man, I wasn't there so how can I be dreaming about what you and Penn did?!"
"I don't know, Spike. But do you know what I do know?" he asked and threw the newspaper at his childe. "I know I dreamt of killing those people!!" he said jamming his finger into the crime scene photos on page one.
"So did I," Spike said softly. "Did we do it? Could we have sleepwalked?"
"No we couldn't have. Xander and Doyle would have known. I don't know about Xan but my boy is a light sleeper. There is no way we did this. We're just dreaming about it."
"Oh tha's just great!" Spike shouted sarcastically. "We're not responsible we're just getting off on it! Honestly, this is your fault!"
"You say that about everything." Angel was trying to not lose his slim hold on his composure.
"That because it is all your fault! You made me, Penn, Dru. Therefore anything we do is your fault. These are not my dreams! These are not my memories or fantasies. Clearly these dreams are being astroprojected out of your poofy mind and into mine."
"That's ridiculous!"
"Is it? You always had a link with us, your childer. These are not mine! I don't have these memories and here I was obsessing over the fact that maybe I was just being jealous of Penn!! Do you know how fucked up I felt I was? I thought I was jonesing over some fucked up link between the two of you! But I was never as fucked up as you two. I wasn't evil enough for you! So maybe you are just having a pleasant little retrospect, but leave my mind out of it."
"Spike," Angel felt bile raise in his throat, "I don't miss Penn. I don't, I wouldn't-"
"Whatever. I don't bloody care." As he spoke Angel could see the pain in his boy's eyes. "It doesn't matter. The whelp and I will be gone come sundown and then maybe I can get away from your mind."
"Maybe he's here."
"Who?"
"Penn, you said it yourself: we were all connected. Maybe this is him and I'm dreaming about what he's doing and your dreaming because I'm already projecting via him. I don't miss him, I don't want him home, I don't want him period. So maybe this is his doing. His kills, and I feel them because we're still linked. I don't want him here, you're the only childe I want here."
"It doesn't matter," Spike said looking away.
"It does. I'm sorry we hurt you so badly, there is nothing I can do to make it up to you. But I swear if he is here he will be dead."
"You don't need to prove anything to me." Spike looked down at his boots. Why did he give a damn anymore? Why was Penn still an open wound on his otherwise intact body? "I know you care about me."
"Not well enough, childe." Angel stroked the boy's face. "Xander was right, nothing else I did compares to the wicked things I did to you. You are my childe. I treated you so fucking badly. What I did was inexcusable."
He looked up from the floor, "My Xan said that?"
"He's a smart boy. Spike I-"
"Don't say it, Angel, You don't love me so don't lie." His eyes reverted to the floor. "It's fine that you don't. Just don't lie about it. You turned me because I was a pretty face to break. That's fine. And now you keep me here out of guilt and a sense of duty and honor, and I think you do give a damn about me. But please don't call it love, it negates the true emotion if you call the fondness you feel for me by that name."
"I do love you, no joke. I love you. It's not anything but an unconditional parental love. I don't want you, as such, but I want you by my side. You make me so proud and I do love you." Angel said it in a tone that Spike couldn't ignore. "You are my perfect childe, I just am so glad that for whatever wrongs I did I got you right. I may have loathed you as Angelus but as just me I can't help but love you. You are the one thing I did right, but I don't think that I caused you to be you. You are what you are *in spite* of all that I did. I know I fucked up so badly, I know that, but do you honestly think that I changed you? Do you think a creature so pure as Xander could love you if you *were* all those things that I told you you were. You are a good man and I only thank god I found you."
His sire was glad he had been turned. Well that's brilliant, of course the fact that Spike himself wished he had never tasted immortality was here neither here nor there. If he had a choice in the matter he would have died that night. The time he had spent in the loving care of his "family" was something he could wish upon no one, not even Xander's father or the slayer. As it turned out things had turned ok, but what if they hadn't? What if he had never found Xander? When all things were considered Spike would have chosen death that night over the things that came after. And he didn't want to here these things from Angel. He didn't want to believe that this incarnation of his sire could love him. If Angel could love him then Angelus would have been capable to do so as well, they weren't that different. He didn't like to believe that there was any chance his soulless sire gave a damn about him, that made it more painful. And what if Angel lost his soul? It had happened before. What if he lost it and loathed Spike again? Spike couldn't deal with it, not after finally having the dark vampire love him. So he said nothing on the subject but asked instead, "Do you really think he's here?"
"I do."
"And you're going to kill him? You won't try to get him to redeem himself? Or at least curb him into being house-trained."
"There is nothing that could stop Penn from being Penn. I can't throw a pretty mortal at him and say, 'now if you aren't good he won't love you.' And I can't threaten to not let him stay because I wouldn't let him stay even if he was good. I don't like him, he's grating and offensive and outside of a flair for killing there is nothing in him that stands out. It doesn't matter that he's family, he's gone beyond any point of saving. I'll kill him. And it won't be hard. He's not my golden boy anymore."
His tone left no question as to who *was*. Spike smiled. "Thank- you, Angelus. Do you need Xander and I to hang around?"
"No go on your honeymoon. Have fun. Don't think about any of this and come home ready to work again."
"Hey! It is a honeymoon!!" said Spike who had never considered it as such. He laughed and Angel smiled and kissed his forehead. "Love you too, 'Gelus." Spike turned away after using the nickname he hadn't said in years and walked upstairs to find his lover. "Oh and hey," he called over his shoulder, "don't call my baby a pretty mortal. For one he's not a mortal anymore and for two he's *mine*."
Writer: Azure K Mello
Disclaimer- Nothing is mine, not even my soul
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. MPREG- I know it offends some people. I love the people who get angry and say, "It is impossible for a man to have a baby!" and get all uppity, it's also impossible for vampires to exist and take mortal lovers, but that isn't what they focus on.
Section rating: R
Part 23/?
Find the rest here:
~~ indicates starts and ends of flashbacks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wesley was confused. The boy and the vampire were together? Spike had been holding the child when they had come in. Then why had Angel kissed Xander? Why would the boy get involved with the soulless creature? Didn't he hate vampires? Didn't he *really* hate Angel? What was the situation? Why had he called Angel his sire? He had stated that he was breathing so Angel had *not* turned him then why was the boy so pale? And what was going on between Cordelia and her boyfriend? Had they had a fight? He knew that the boy had spent the night at Angel's. Had the girl kicked him out? He hoped it was nothing serious, they seemed to be the most well adjusted pair in the whole group.
Xander and Doyle watched as the pair left the room, twin looks of worry marred their faces. What the hell was going on with the vampires? Why were they so out of sorts because of some dreams that had seemed to be pleasant? This was all too fucked up for their tastes. For Christ's sakes Spike and Xander were meant to be in Canada, not sulking in LA. Xander looked at the other man and nudged him with his foot. "Can I speak to you in private?"
Doyle looked towards Wesley and nodded with a smile at his "younger brother", "Bathroom?" he asked. They walked with silent grace out of the room. They were all too aware of the English eyes trained on them. "What's up?" he asked as he sat on the sink counter with the sink.
"You can't laugh when I ask you something."
"Of course I can," joked Doyle but when he saw the look on Xander's face he said, "I won't laugh. Ye know I wouldn' really."
"Ok, but if you laugh I will kick the shit out of you. . . Do you think I've gotten fat?"
Doyle couldn't help but laugh.
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"You've been having them too?" he asked calmly pouring two mugs of coffee.
"What the fuck are they, Angelus, Are you just projecting your memories!? I mean fuck, man, I wasn't there so how can I be dreaming about what you and Penn did?!"
"I don't know, Spike. But do you know what I do know?" he asked and threw the newspaper at his childe. "I know I dreamt of killing those people!!" he said jamming his finger into the crime scene photos on page one.
"So did I," Spike said softly. "Did we do it? Could we have sleepwalked?"
"No we couldn't have. Xander and Doyle would have known. I don't know about Xan but my boy is a light sleeper. There is no way we did this. We're just dreaming about it."
"Oh tha's just great!" Spike shouted sarcastically. "We're not responsible we're just getting off on it! Honestly, this is your fault!"
"You say that about everything." Angel was trying to not lose his slim hold on his composure.
"That because it is all your fault! You made me, Penn, Dru. Therefore anything we do is your fault. These are not my dreams! These are not my memories or fantasies. Clearly these dreams are being astroprojected out of your poofy mind and into mine."
"That's ridiculous!"
"Is it? You always had a link with us, your childer. These are not mine! I don't have these memories and here I was obsessing over the fact that maybe I was just being jealous of Penn!! Do you know how fucked up I felt I was? I thought I was jonesing over some fucked up link between the two of you! But I was never as fucked up as you two. I wasn't evil enough for you! So maybe you are just having a pleasant little retrospect, but leave my mind out of it."
"Spike," Angel felt bile raise in his throat, "I don't miss Penn. I don't, I wouldn't-"
"Whatever. I don't bloody care." As he spoke Angel could see the pain in his boy's eyes. "It doesn't matter. The whelp and I will be gone come sundown and then maybe I can get away from your mind."
"Maybe he's here."
"Who?"
"Penn, you said it yourself: we were all connected. Maybe this is him and I'm dreaming about what he's doing and your dreaming because I'm already projecting via him. I don't miss him, I don't want him home, I don't want him period. So maybe this is his doing. His kills, and I feel them because we're still linked. I don't want him here, you're the only childe I want here."
"It doesn't matter," Spike said looking away.
"It does. I'm sorry we hurt you so badly, there is nothing I can do to make it up to you. But I swear if he is here he will be dead."
"You don't need to prove anything to me." Spike looked down at his boots. Why did he give a damn anymore? Why was Penn still an open wound on his otherwise intact body? "I know you care about me."
"Not well enough, childe." Angel stroked the boy's face. "Xander was right, nothing else I did compares to the wicked things I did to you. You are my childe. I treated you so fucking badly. What I did was inexcusable."
He looked up from the floor, "My Xan said that?"
"He's a smart boy. Spike I-"
"Don't say it, Angel, You don't love me so don't lie." His eyes reverted to the floor. "It's fine that you don't. Just don't lie about it. You turned me because I was a pretty face to break. That's fine. And now you keep me here out of guilt and a sense of duty and honor, and I think you do give a damn about me. But please don't call it love, it negates the true emotion if you call the fondness you feel for me by that name."
"I do love you, no joke. I love you. It's not anything but an unconditional parental love. I don't want you, as such, but I want you by my side. You make me so proud and I do love you." Angel said it in a tone that Spike couldn't ignore. "You are my perfect childe, I just am so glad that for whatever wrongs I did I got you right. I may have loathed you as Angelus but as just me I can't help but love you. You are the one thing I did right, but I don't think that I caused you to be you. You are what you are *in spite* of all that I did. I know I fucked up so badly, I know that, but do you honestly think that I changed you? Do you think a creature so pure as Xander could love you if you *were* all those things that I told you you were. You are a good man and I only thank god I found you."
His sire was glad he had been turned. Well that's brilliant, of course the fact that Spike himself wished he had never tasted immortality was here neither here nor there. If he had a choice in the matter he would have died that night. The time he had spent in the loving care of his "family" was something he could wish upon no one, not even Xander's father or the slayer. As it turned out things had turned ok, but what if they hadn't? What if he had never found Xander? When all things were considered Spike would have chosen death that night over the things that came after. And he didn't want to here these things from Angel. He didn't want to believe that this incarnation of his sire could love him. If Angel could love him then Angelus would have been capable to do so as well, they weren't that different. He didn't like to believe that there was any chance his soulless sire gave a damn about him, that made it more painful. And what if Angel lost his soul? It had happened before. What if he lost it and loathed Spike again? Spike couldn't deal with it, not after finally having the dark vampire love him. So he said nothing on the subject but asked instead, "Do you really think he's here?"
"I do."
"And you're going to kill him? You won't try to get him to redeem himself? Or at least curb him into being house-trained."
"There is nothing that could stop Penn from being Penn. I can't throw a pretty mortal at him and say, 'now if you aren't good he won't love you.' And I can't threaten to not let him stay because I wouldn't let him stay even if he was good. I don't like him, he's grating and offensive and outside of a flair for killing there is nothing in him that stands out. It doesn't matter that he's family, he's gone beyond any point of saving. I'll kill him. And it won't be hard. He's not my golden boy anymore."
His tone left no question as to who *was*. Spike smiled. "Thank- you, Angelus. Do you need Xander and I to hang around?"
"No go on your honeymoon. Have fun. Don't think about any of this and come home ready to work again."
"Hey! It is a honeymoon!!" said Spike who had never considered it as such. He laughed and Angel smiled and kissed his forehead. "Love you too, 'Gelus." Spike turned away after using the nickname he hadn't said in years and walked upstairs to find his lover. "Oh and hey," he called over his shoulder, "don't call my baby a pretty mortal. For one he's not a mortal anymore and for two he's *mine*."