"So remind me again, what the hell is this?"
"My parents, they decided that they wanted to have an anniversary party. So I'm stuck here because I'm their daughter, and for some reason they think that binds me to them forever and ever. I don't know where they got that idea."
"Why didn't you bring the Dreamboat, the new boyfriend," Chris teased as he nudged her in the side.
"One, because he's all the way across the country doing house shows..."
"You could've gotten him out of it, you got me out of them to drag me to this rather boring affair," he said, adjusting his tie.
"Which would lead me to my next point if I wasn't interrupted by a rather rude gentlemen. There's no way I'd tell them I'm dating Randy. We've only been seeing each other for three weeks. I don't want to subject him to the patented McMahon Questioning Hour until at least two months."
"Please, it's not that bad, I got through the McMahon Questioning Hour with only a few minor injuries and a slight concussion."
"My point exactly."
"They'll like him," Chris said, "That's what you're afraid of. Once they start worshipping at the Randy Orton altar, you're going to instantly hate him. You're anti-establishment Stephers and you want to damn the man and save the empire."
"If they like him, I'll shoot myself in the face," she said, "But they'll find a flaw. His age, they'll target his age. I can see it now, they'll buy me a see-saw to take my little boyfriend on it. Oh, I can definitely see my dad buying me a see-saw."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Chris scoffed, "If you get a see-saw we are totally going to pull a Brady Bunch and go for the see-sawing world record."
"Oh yeah, see, now I want the see-saw!"
Chris laughed as he and Stephanie kept standing by the wall. Everyone else was speaking quietly, sipping lightly on their champagne having dignified conversation, while him and Stephanie were talking about the Brady Bunch. Once again they managed to be the most out there people in the room, although in this room, it wasn't that difficult. They were trying to fade into the background, hoping that they wouldn't be spotted. Unfortunately, they were.
"Stephanie, Chris," Linda said sharply as she walked over with Vince, "So nice to see you two this evening."
Chris leaned over to Stephanie, "Yeah right, she hates that I'm here."
"Say something Chris?" Linda asked.
"I just said that this is one rocking shin-dig Linda," he said with a grin, "You should be proud of the party. Happy anniversary by the way, that's a long time to be hitched."
"Thank you."
"Yes, happy anniversary Mom," Stephanie said politely, "You too Dad."
"Nice to see you dressed formally for the occasion, I wonder if we left out the part of your invitation that said 'black tie,' I don't believe we did, but maybe we did, in which case your attire would be deemed appropriate," Linda told her smartly.
Stephanie let out her breath slowly and counted down from ten. Her mother was just trying to get to her, that was all. She looked at everyone else in the room. They were all in either black or white, it was like a game of freaking chess in here or something. She looked down at her own dress, a one strap pale green floor-length dress, with a few white gardenias pinned to the one strap. Chris was in a regular suit with a tie that matched Stephanie's dress.
"I'm sorry Mother, I didn't know that when we entered your domain that we weren't free to wear what we wanted to wear. I didn't know that you owned this room or anything, perhaps declaring it an independent country led under a dictatorship."
"Don't speak to your mother that way," Vince snapped.
"Then don't insult my dress," Stephanie snapped back.
"Hey, you know what," Chris said, "I am hungry, and since I'm so hungry, I'm going to need about seven plates of food, and well, would you look at that, I only have two hands, so that's only like five plates, I need extra hands. Stephers, can I borrow your hands?"
Chris grabbed Stephanie's hand and pulled her away from her parents. He knew it would get ugly soon, Stephanie was getting her bitch face ready. She scowled and pulled away from him as they went to the other side of the room. She huffed and crossed her arms, looking down at the ground. Chris saw a passing waiter and grabbed his sleeve.
"Hi, do you know who we are?"
"Yes sir, you're Chris Jericho and she's Stephanie McMahon."
"Good, you know who we are. Remember our faces alright, memorize them, become acquainted with them. If you see us without a full drink in our hand, immediately come over with two martinis, strong ones, and give them to us. We don't want to be empty-handed, it would make our hands cold. If we have two in our hands, then you come over and wait until we finish one. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir."
"Good, now go get us those martinis, will you?"
The waiter walked away and Stephanie smiled over at Chris. He made a face at her, and then made a guzzling gesture. She laughed and hit his shoulder. If being drunk was the only way to get through this evening, then drunk was what she was going to be. At least she'd have company. And they came in a limo so they didn't have to worry about driving at all.
"Hey, um, I think you look beautiful," Chris whispered to her, "Don't take that as anything flirtatious, I was simply stating a fact. Like if I were a scientist and just discovered how to never make your windows frost up in the morning, I'm stating a fact. So the fact is, you look beautiful tonight, no matter what Mr. and Mrs. Frosty the Snowman think."
"Thank you, and I didn't think that was being flirtatious Snooks, I know you have a girlfriend."
"Trish isn't my girlfriend, she's simply a girl that I happen to be seeing."
"Girlfriend," Stephanie teased, lowering her voice, "You're boinking the blonde bombshell."
"Please do not ever say 'boinking' again, I may have to go completely insane," Chris laughed.
"Why do you have to always ruin Mom and Dad's night?"
"Oh look Snooks, it's the walking, talking robot that I call a brother," Stephanie said, breaking into the robot dance, "I am Shane, how many I service you this evening? May I do work, work is good, work is what keeps me going."
"Very funny Stephanie. You had to go against the grain again didn't you? You couldn't dress up like everyone else."
"Hello Talking Robot, I didn't come in a see-thru teddy with my garters on and a ton of makeup."
"I for one would like to see that sometime," Chris chimed in.
"It said black tie Stephanie."
"Yeah, and Dorothy said, 'there's no place like home,' but you don't see me tapping my shoes together wishing I could be transported somewhere else. I interpreted something different than you did. We can't all have mechanical chips implanted in our brains to follow every single order and command that Mom and Dad set for us. Or if I did get a chip, I think it malfunctioned somewhere between my sixth or seventh birthday. Too bad Mom and Dad didn't chip in for that chip replacement surgery. They probably would've gotten a daughter they actually liked. Can you imagine that, it's like an oxymoron, daughter they like?"
"Why do you always have to be funny?"
"Because one day, my body is going to quit on me, and I won't be this beautiful, and I need a fall back thing, and humor is it."
"Sometimes I wonder if you weren't adopted or something."
"Oh hey, if you find out I am," Stephanie said, calling out to her brother, "Please let me know, because I want to throw a party. You know, chips, dip, the whole nine yards, you can even come, I'll set a computer in the corner and you can type about how much fun you're not having. What do you prefer? Mac, PC?"
"I think he's gone Stephers, you were short-circuiting him."
"Probably."
"But I must say, you have a superb robot dance," Chris said, "One of the best I've ever seen."
"I've got moves you've never seen Snooks," she winked.
"Do I have to pay a special price to see the moves, make an appointment or something, or can I see them now?"
"You have to pay."
"Damn it, well, how about a dance then?"
"Dance, me and you? Dance?"
"No, I said chance, how bout a chance? You know like the chance card in Monopoly, I thought we could go play Monopoly, I bet the big wigs in the room right now would kick butt in that game, but I'm afraid they'd start thinking it was real, and I don't want to break up a fight between two fifty year olds, talk about sca-ry."
"Fine, let's dance, but I warn you now, I suck at it."
"You suck at swaying. Well then you'd be great on a boat, cause while the boat was swaying, you'd stay in one spot. That's talent my friend. Come on, there's a new song, it'll give us something to do and not focus on the daggers that are being thrown at us by just about everyone in the room."
He took her hand in his and she gave a small laugh as he pulled her out onto the dance floor. She looked around at the other couples dancing. They were just standing there, swaying with each other to the slow song. She wasn't much of a dancer and she was taken by surprise as she was suddenly gravitating towards Chris. They didn't know how to position themselves for a moment, but then he put his arm around her waist lightly, about a half a foot of space between them.
She laughed and looked down, not believing she was dancing with him. Not that it was weird, because it was him, it was weird because she didn't dance, they didn't dance. He laughed at her laughing and pretty soon they were both laughing at each other, and trying not to trip over each other's feet. Stephanie got caught on her dress and started to tip over but Chris caught her and dipped her down.
"Thanks," she whispered.
"Wouldn't want to add falling on your ass to your night, would I?"
"Why not? It would give my parents more ammo," she told him as they stood up.
"I think they have enough for one evening."
"Everyone's staring at us," Stephanie said as they made the turn and swept across the floor.
"Well, I think when everything but us is in monochrome, we're going to stand out."
The song ended and Chris led her off the dance floor. She looked across the room to see the rest of her family talking amongst themselves and shaking their heads. The waiter that Chris had beckoned before came over and she took a martini gratefully. Only about an hour more and they would be out of there.
"I don't know what you were talking about, you danced really well. I'm not saying you're ballroom dance competition good, but you're good," Chris said.
"Damn, they get to wear really cool costumes too," Stephanie said, "Not that I watch ballroom dancing, because I don't, but you know, everyone knows that they wear pretty cool looking stuff."
"Yeah, that cemented the whole not watching part."
"Excuse me."
Stephanie looked up to see a rather young man in a tux looking at her, "Are you talking to me?"
"Well, yeah, who else would I be talking to?"
"Oh, I thought you were either talking to the air, or the plant right there, because I'm so stupid that I couldn't figure out you were talking to the human being."
He laughed, "I'm Craig, my parents are friends with your parents, I think we've met a couple of times. Stephanie right?"
"Yeah, that would be me."
"You look really great tonight, you're just about the only person here that does."
"I think that's because I learned the definition of color," Stephanie said, realizing this guy was trying to hit on her. She turned to Chris who had gone off to get another martini. He came back over and took Stephanie's drink and handed her the new one.
"Hey Stephers, what's up?"
"Nothing...baby," she said, sneaking the word in.
Chris gleaned onto what she was doing and went to stand behind her, putting his arm around her waist lightly, "And you would be?"
"This is Craig, he was just complimenting me on my dress tonight."
"Yeah, she does know how to pick out a dress," Chris said, leaning his chin on her shoulder, "So Craig, you friends with Vinnie?"
"Not really, but I think we're acquaintances," he said, looking suddenly uncomfortable.
"Oh, too bad, good man, good man," Chris said, "I mean, he'd have to be to make my girlfriend this fucking hot right. Cause damn baby, you are smoking tonight, I almost want to take you out to the limo and..."
"I'll be going now," Craig said, walking away quickly.
"So who was that doofus?"
"Probably someone my mother would love to set me up with. He would turn me into the proper young woman that I was supposed to be. Then you'd lose me forever, and I'd turn into nothing but a drone, and you would see me and think I was a ghost or something because I'd never see the light of day, and then my clothes would all turn drab--"
"What do you say we cut out of here early? We both don't want to be here, let's just go."
"But my parents, the toast..."
"Oh, come on, we don't need to stick around for that. I bet your parents don't even want you here in the first place. I bet this is their way of torturing you. It's like we're in a mental institution and we can see the light of day, but we just can't get there. Let's make a break for it!"
Stephanie laughed and looked down. His offer was very enticing, just leaving, not caring that she was going to disappoint her parents. Hadn't she disappointed them enough? They had to comment on every little thing in her life like everything she did was horrible and wrong. They even managed to criticize her dress. She looked down at her dress again and thought it was beautiful, just like when she had seen it for the first time. She saw Chris's arm still slung across her waist and patted his hand.
"So what's the verdict?" he asked her.
"Let's get the hell out of here."
He grinned and they walked quickly towards the exit, like they were on some sort of secret mission. If they did get caught, they were good enough liars to get out of there with minor fanfare. Luckily nobody seemed to notice their disappearance and they were in their limo in no time. Stephanie sighed in relief, finally feeling like she could be herself and not her parent's little girl anymore.
"So what do we do for the rest of the evening?"
"What do you mean, what do we do," Chris said, "We just hang out at your house. Unless you wanted to go out or something, I mean, we are looking hot right now, we would definitely be the hottest couple wherever we went, that is an incentive, but I'm a taken man now so I'd have to beat the girls off with a stick, and then I'd get arrested for hitting people with sticks, where would I even pick up a stick? I don't want to hit people with sticks Stephers."
"Then we'll just go home," she said, "That way you won't have to hit anyone with a stick."
"I could hit you with a stick," he suggested.
"Yeah, and I can bash your brains in with a bat, but that's not going to happen tonight either, now is it?"
"If we're lucky."
They arrived at Stephanie's house and they walked inside wearily. Stephanie walked into the kitchen and saw her answering machine blinking. She walked over to the machine and smiled up at Chris as he went to go upstairs, already loosening his rather constricting tie. She leaned her elbows on the counter and pushed the button on the machine.
Randy's voice floated through the silent room, "Hey Steph, it's me, I'm hoping you can recognize my voice. Of course, I hope that besides Chris I'm the only guy that's calling your house. I just wanted to hear your message and say hi, and I hope that you had fun tonight at your parent's thing, I didn't have fun without you here, but I guess I'll live. I'll see you on Monday, and I can't wait to see you. Tell Chris I said hi, and thanks for taking care of my girl. Talk to you later."
She smiled at the message. It was still early on the other side of the country, but she didn't really want to bother him right now. She would just call him in the morning. She took the flower off of her dress and set it down on the counter before trudging upstairs. She went into her bedroom and took off her dress, carefully hanging it in her closet. She grabbed a pair of Chris's pajama pants he left around and slipped them on, tying them tightly so they would stay on. She then put her shirt with the picture of the puppy on as well. Pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail, she went back downstairs and grabbed a bag of cookies and a bottle of whipped cream. She ran back upstairs and into Chris's room, where he was laying on the bed, his dress shirt rolled up at the sleeves and unbuttoned, showing his well-sculpted chest. He was in his pajama pants and on the phone.
"Yeah, talk to you tomorrow, probably, I don't know what Steph and I will be up to. I'm thinking it'll just end up with me lying face down in a dumpster," he laughed, "Yeah, later, bye."
"Was that the blonde bombshell?" Stephanie asked as Chris hung up the phone.
"The one and only, so did you bring dessert?"
"Uh huh," she nodded, hopping onto the bed and setting the cookies and whipped cream down. She laid her head on his stomach and stared up at the ceiling, "Randy left me a message."
"Aww, that's so sweet, young love," Chris teased, "You comfy down there?"
"Well, you're not the best pillow, if you could gain some fat, then it would be cushier and I'd be much more comfortable."
"There are tons of girls who would love to have their head on my stomach, you are just the luckiest girl of all, you know that right? You are like Lady Luck, I should use you as a lucky charm, hey, you'll be like the Lucky Charms leprechaun, and I can buy you and outfit and everything and you can buy the cereal and--"
"Ok, game time, if you could be anywhere in the world right this very moment, where would it be?" Stephanie said, cutting into his speech. Then she grabbed the whipped cream and sprayed some in her mouth.
"Right here," he told her, "Because really, where else would I want to be? It's not like I'm going to say, hey, I'd rather be at the summit of Mt. Everest, gasping for oxygen and basically seeing the same thing I'd see out of a plane at any time. I'm comfortable right here."
"But what about the blonde bombshell, wouldn't you rather be with her?"
"She's in a hotel, I'm in a real bed in a real house, totally not the same."
"The point is you would be with her, not that you would be sleeping in a very uncomfortable bed that probably has gross ass germs on the covers and everything, and stiff pillows that make you want to sleep on a rock instead because they'd be more comfortable. So wouldn't you rather have that?"
"Yeah, and I'd like my dog to get run over while we're at it."
"You don't have a dog."
"I could have a dog."
"But you don't have a dog."
"I could get one, and then the point would be valid."
"Who'd take care of it?"
"There is no dog," he said.
"What would you name it?"
"Snuggles."
"Like the bear with the fabric softener?"
"Yeah, exactly," he said, "That is Snuggles right."
"Well, I don't think its Huggles...its not Huggles is it?"
"I don't know," he said, grabbing the whipped cream and putting it on a cookie before eating it, "Why are we talking about this?"
"Because you're avoiding the fact you'd rather be with me than the blonde bombshell," she said sneakily.
"Oh yeah Stephers, sometimes it's true, you never bug me."
"You never bug me either."
"Good, we're not bugs."
"Yeah, I'm glad we cleared that up," she said.
"Me too, or I might have to get the bug spray and kill you."
"I choose right here too."
"What?"
"For the one place I'd like to be, I choose here."