Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (28/?)
Find the rest Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.
Warnings: mega angst, discussion of abortions, allusions to rape (nothing too graphic). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Xander?" asked Spike as they fell into their room laughing. "Are you all right?"
The boy shook snow from his hair and smiled widely. His lips were tinged blue with the deep cold of the night. "Did you have a good time?"
"It was fun, love," Spike smiled at him and at the thought of their night on the slopes. "Don't avoid the question."
"Spike? I'm cold." Xander said in a gentle voice, playing on one of Spike's most easily exploited weaknesses. He watched his lover turn on the gas fire. He couldn't help but smile as Spike pulled him close and sank to the floor. He looked into the flames for a moment before he started to speak softly, "I know you've been considering your evilness a lot lately." Spike stiffened. "Oh, please," Xander laughed, "This is me, I can read you like a book." He felt the vamp smirk into his shoulder. "I know you're worried about upsetting me, or damaging me, but you're also worried about becoming soft. But I don't think you should worry. No matter what happens I will always love you. And as for breaking me. . . I'm not easily led and your being evil won't affect me. And you've been comparing yourself with Penn and that's just wrong. Even when you're at your evilest you aren't a sick fuck, you just revel in carnage and destruction. That's who you are, and I love you. You're almost childlike in your glee and passion for a good fight. But you would never. . . eat a kid, or kick someone when they were down, or rape anyone. . . you don't even really like torture that much. . . unless it's Angel." He smiled ruefully, "You may be evil but you're also chivalrous, you have great form.
"I know you've been wondering if you're one of the white hats. I can't tell you, after all only a few days ago I beat the shit out of a girl for hurting a soulless killer. . . and I did kick her when she was down. I know about that girl in the alley." He felt Spike tense again. He felt a tear fall down his face. "Honestly, I can't understand how you could consider yourself either weak or evil because of your actions with her. . . The only thing that you could do that would make me think less of you is if you could watch something like that and walk away unaffected. So you killed the bastards big fucking deal, I would have done the same thing. And it's a good thing that you cared. That's why I love you."
"How did you know?" asked Spike in a dazed voice as he thought back to the night three weeks ago.
"While doing something covert it's best to turn off the preternatural link you have with your mate. I thought I was going to be sick with your pain. I wanted to come to you but I wasn't sure if you would hate me. So I just tried to soothe you through the bond but I don't think it worked."
"No, I had a vague sense of someone giving a damn." He smiled weakly at his young love. And then he looked back into the fire and added, "She looked just like my Olivia." Xander couldn't find words to reply. It was very rare that Spike spoke of his siblings. The vampire hated that he hadn't been turned before the three younger children had died. If he had been turned sooner he could have saved them all from dieing from consumption.
No words were exchanged for a few minutes and finally Xander said, "Are you evil? Yes, most likely. But you are a good man. And the one has no affect on the other. I think. . ." He smiled gently hoping that his words would make Spike happy, "I think you're gonna be a great dad to our baby."
Spike stood up from behind him so quickly that Xander nearly fell backwards. "What the fuck is wrong with you? We're sitting here discussing something serious and you make some stupid joke like that?"
"What would be wrong with me being pregnant?" asked Xander feeling instantly less confident in his news.
"Shut up, Xander!" His words were harsh and Xander was taken aback as Spike swung his hand back to hit the boy. He caught himself in time and just looked at his own hand in disgust. "God, what have I. . .? I'm sorry." He slammed his way out of their room without taking a coat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~Flashback~~
Spike wandered around the seedy part of town looking for someone evil to eat. Xander didn't care about Spike's diet if the vamp didn't kill anyone. Down in this area there was always a would be mugger who could part with a few pints of blood. Spike smirked internally, save the damsel eat her assailant, oh yeah, he was a white hat through and through.
The shriek was at least 15 blocks away. It turned his blood to ice. Spike knew screams of fear, the girl wasn't any older than twelve, he could tell from the pitch. He ran to her led only by the scent of her fear. When he arrived in the mouth of the alley he froze. He hadn't known what to expect, perhaps a mugging or someone beating up their girlfriend. But this was far, far worse than anything he would have imagined. The tiny girl lay bleeding on the concrete, her clothes were shredded, her hair matted with blood. Four men stood above her. All of them had their pants around their ankles. Spike went into a blind rage. In a blur of leather and black he had broken all four men's necks. He wouldn't bite them if he was paid. Leaning down he checked the girl over, profuse blood loss, possibly concussed. Sighing he picked her up and headed to the nearest emergency room.
He sat in the waiting room hoping for some news of the girl who looked so much like his youngest sister. "Mr. Idol?" asked a kindly looking nurse. She smiled at him clearly embarrassed. Ushering him into a little room she handed him a small cup. "We've just done a rape test on her but we need a sample from you." He looked at her blankly and then at the cup. "It's protocol, sometimes we get perpetrators in here, they get cold feet and bring the girls in."
He stared for a moment before saying, "There are some truly sick fucks in this world."
Five minutes later she stood in front of his again and brought him into a different room. "Well I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you've been cleared in any wrong doing here. However-" She looked slightly embarrassed again and Spike thought it was better to put the woman out of her misery.
"I'm completely infertile," he couldn't help but laugh at the look of shock on her face, "It's alright, I already know."
He spoke to her parents, they thanked him, he wasn't sure why. He was allowed to see the girl. Her name was Nancy, she was eleven and had been on her way home from studying with her friends at the library.
"You're a vampire." She spoke softly aware that others might have been listening, "I saw when you broke that guys neck just before I passed out."
Spike studied her for a moment and then said, "Yeah, I am."
"Are you a good vampire?" asked the eleven year old.
"Yes," he said while internally seething. He pulled out one of Angel's business cards and wrote his phone number on it. "I work for a detective agency. We help the hopeless, here's the card and on the back is my number at home and my cell phone. If you walk somewhere after dark call me and I will escort you anywhere. Got that?" She nodded, "Good." He walked out of the room feeling like he might collapse.
~~End of flashback~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander stood slowly and picked up the phone to call the front desk. "Hi, yes. A guy is going to be storming out any minute. He doesn't have a jacket and he'll be too proud to come back here to get one. . . He has very blond hair and an angry facial expression. . . Thank you."
Taking a fortifying breath he knew he had to make it through one more call before letting himself fall apart. The cell phone was in his jacket pocket, he didn't want to use the hotel line just in case someone was listening. It would be an awfully peculiar conversation for someone to have on record. "Doyle?" He asked when he heard the click of the phone being answered.
"Xander? Did ye tell 'im." Asked the Irish man.
"Yeah."
"Ye going out t' celebrate?"
"No."
"Ye're staying in?" the boy could hear the man's leer through the phone line
"No, Spike stormed out and I'm sitting here trying not to cry."
"Oh god."
"Don't tell anyone. I think. . . I think I'm gonna deal with this."
"Angel's sitting right next to me with vampiric hearing."
"Fine the two of you can't tell anyone."
"Xand, you can't get an abortion."
"Please don't go Irish Catholic on me right now!" the boy was getting slightly hysterical.
"No, I mean, you're six months along."
"Oh, yeah I guess I'll have the baby and put it up for adoption."
"But ye were so excited." Doyle sounded disappointed. "Ye wanted this so bad."
"Not as badly as I want him. I'm not losing him for a baby! He's everything to me." Xander lost his battle as he let out a sob.
"Xander?" Angel had taken the phone from Doyle, "It's me. Look, I think there must have been a mix up. I can't imagine Spike not being thrilled at this."
"Angel?" Xander spoke slowly as one would to an idiot, "When you get knocked up and your mate freaks out you can be the judge of whether it's a real freak out or not. But until that happens we'll be going with my judgment calls."
Doyle was back on the phone, clearly he had taken it from Angel. "Do you want me to come up there?"
"No, I have to weather this out alone."
"What are you going to do?"
"Wait for Spike to come back."
Find the rest Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.
Warnings: mega angst, discussion of abortions, allusions to rape (nothing too graphic). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Xander?" asked Spike as they fell into their room laughing. "Are you all right?"
The boy shook snow from his hair and smiled widely. His lips were tinged blue with the deep cold of the night. "Did you have a good time?"
"It was fun, love," Spike smiled at him and at the thought of their night on the slopes. "Don't avoid the question."
"Spike? I'm cold." Xander said in a gentle voice, playing on one of Spike's most easily exploited weaknesses. He watched his lover turn on the gas fire. He couldn't help but smile as Spike pulled him close and sank to the floor. He looked into the flames for a moment before he started to speak softly, "I know you've been considering your evilness a lot lately." Spike stiffened. "Oh, please," Xander laughed, "This is me, I can read you like a book." He felt the vamp smirk into his shoulder. "I know you're worried about upsetting me, or damaging me, but you're also worried about becoming soft. But I don't think you should worry. No matter what happens I will always love you. And as for breaking me. . . I'm not easily led and your being evil won't affect me. And you've been comparing yourself with Penn and that's just wrong. Even when you're at your evilest you aren't a sick fuck, you just revel in carnage and destruction. That's who you are, and I love you. You're almost childlike in your glee and passion for a good fight. But you would never. . . eat a kid, or kick someone when they were down, or rape anyone. . . you don't even really like torture that much. . . unless it's Angel." He smiled ruefully, "You may be evil but you're also chivalrous, you have great form.
"I know you've been wondering if you're one of the white hats. I can't tell you, after all only a few days ago I beat the shit out of a girl for hurting a soulless killer. . . and I did kick her when she was down. I know about that girl in the alley." He felt Spike tense again. He felt a tear fall down his face. "Honestly, I can't understand how you could consider yourself either weak or evil because of your actions with her. . . The only thing that you could do that would make me think less of you is if you could watch something like that and walk away unaffected. So you killed the bastards big fucking deal, I would have done the same thing. And it's a good thing that you cared. That's why I love you."
"How did you know?" asked Spike in a dazed voice as he thought back to the night three weeks ago.
"While doing something covert it's best to turn off the preternatural link you have with your mate. I thought I was going to be sick with your pain. I wanted to come to you but I wasn't sure if you would hate me. So I just tried to soothe you through the bond but I don't think it worked."
"No, I had a vague sense of someone giving a damn." He smiled weakly at his young love. And then he looked back into the fire and added, "She looked just like my Olivia." Xander couldn't find words to reply. It was very rare that Spike spoke of his siblings. The vampire hated that he hadn't been turned before the three younger children had died. If he had been turned sooner he could have saved them all from dieing from consumption.
No words were exchanged for a few minutes and finally Xander said, "Are you evil? Yes, most likely. But you are a good man. And the one has no affect on the other. I think. . ." He smiled gently hoping that his words would make Spike happy, "I think you're gonna be a great dad to our baby."
Spike stood up from behind him so quickly that Xander nearly fell backwards. "What the fuck is wrong with you? We're sitting here discussing something serious and you make some stupid joke like that?"
"What would be wrong with me being pregnant?" asked Xander feeling instantly less confident in his news.
"Shut up, Xander!" His words were harsh and Xander was taken aback as Spike swung his hand back to hit the boy. He caught himself in time and just looked at his own hand in disgust. "God, what have I. . .? I'm sorry." He slammed his way out of their room without taking a coat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~Flashback~~
Spike wandered around the seedy part of town looking for someone evil to eat. Xander didn't care about Spike's diet if the vamp didn't kill anyone. Down in this area there was always a would be mugger who could part with a few pints of blood. Spike smirked internally, save the damsel eat her assailant, oh yeah, he was a white hat through and through.
The shriek was at least 15 blocks away. It turned his blood to ice. Spike knew screams of fear, the girl wasn't any older than twelve, he could tell from the pitch. He ran to her led only by the scent of her fear. When he arrived in the mouth of the alley he froze. He hadn't known what to expect, perhaps a mugging or someone beating up their girlfriend. But this was far, far worse than anything he would have imagined. The tiny girl lay bleeding on the concrete, her clothes were shredded, her hair matted with blood. Four men stood above her. All of them had their pants around their ankles. Spike went into a blind rage. In a blur of leather and black he had broken all four men's necks. He wouldn't bite them if he was paid. Leaning down he checked the girl over, profuse blood loss, possibly concussed. Sighing he picked her up and headed to the nearest emergency room.
He sat in the waiting room hoping for some news of the girl who looked so much like his youngest sister. "Mr. Idol?" asked a kindly looking nurse. She smiled at him clearly embarrassed. Ushering him into a little room she handed him a small cup. "We've just done a rape test on her but we need a sample from you." He looked at her blankly and then at the cup. "It's protocol, sometimes we get perpetrators in here, they get cold feet and bring the girls in."
He stared for a moment before saying, "There are some truly sick fucks in this world."
Five minutes later she stood in front of his again and brought him into a different room. "Well I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you've been cleared in any wrong doing here. However-" She looked slightly embarrassed again and Spike thought it was better to put the woman out of her misery.
"I'm completely infertile," he couldn't help but laugh at the look of shock on her face, "It's alright, I already know."
He spoke to her parents, they thanked him, he wasn't sure why. He was allowed to see the girl. Her name was Nancy, she was eleven and had been on her way home from studying with her friends at the library.
"You're a vampire." She spoke softly aware that others might have been listening, "I saw when you broke that guys neck just before I passed out."
Spike studied her for a moment and then said, "Yeah, I am."
"Are you a good vampire?" asked the eleven year old.
"Yes," he said while internally seething. He pulled out one of Angel's business cards and wrote his phone number on it. "I work for a detective agency. We help the hopeless, here's the card and on the back is my number at home and my cell phone. If you walk somewhere after dark call me and I will escort you anywhere. Got that?" She nodded, "Good." He walked out of the room feeling like he might collapse.
~~End of flashback~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander stood slowly and picked up the phone to call the front desk. "Hi, yes. A guy is going to be storming out any minute. He doesn't have a jacket and he'll be too proud to come back here to get one. . . He has very blond hair and an angry facial expression. . . Thank you."
Taking a fortifying breath he knew he had to make it through one more call before letting himself fall apart. The cell phone was in his jacket pocket, he didn't want to use the hotel line just in case someone was listening. It would be an awfully peculiar conversation for someone to have on record. "Doyle?" He asked when he heard the click of the phone being answered.
"Xander? Did ye tell 'im." Asked the Irish man.
"Yeah."
"Ye going out t' celebrate?"
"No."
"Ye're staying in?" the boy could hear the man's leer through the phone line
"No, Spike stormed out and I'm sitting here trying not to cry."
"Oh god."
"Don't tell anyone. I think. . . I think I'm gonna deal with this."
"Angel's sitting right next to me with vampiric hearing."
"Fine the two of you can't tell anyone."
"Xand, you can't get an abortion."
"Please don't go Irish Catholic on me right now!" the boy was getting slightly hysterical.
"No, I mean, you're six months along."
"Oh, yeah I guess I'll have the baby and put it up for adoption."
"But ye were so excited." Doyle sounded disappointed. "Ye wanted this so bad."
"Not as badly as I want him. I'm not losing him for a baby! He's everything to me." Xander lost his battle as he let out a sob.
"Xander?" Angel had taken the phone from Doyle, "It's me. Look, I think there must have been a mix up. I can't imagine Spike not being thrilled at this."
"Angel?" Xander spoke slowly as one would to an idiot, "When you get knocked up and your mate freaks out you can be the judge of whether it's a real freak out or not. But until that happens we'll be going with my judgment calls."
Doyle was back on the phone, clearly he had taken it from Angel. "Do you want me to come up there?"
"No, I have to weather this out alone."
"What are you going to do?"
"Wait for Spike to come back."