Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (29/?)
Find the rest Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.
Warnings: mega angst.
Spike came back into the room forty minutes later. It was pitch- black, Xander had never turned the lights on. The fire still crackled in the hearth. Xander was sitting on the bed with his back towards his lover. Spike watched the boy's whole body shack with the force of his sobs. Sighing Spike cleared his throat to let the boy know he was in the room. He felt so ashamed. So the boy had told a hurtful joke, that didn't give him the right to explode. Slowly he walked around the bed and dropped to his knees in front of his mate.
"I'm sorry. I over reacted." His voice was a soft whisper.
"It's fine. I'm sorry I misjudged the situation." Xander tried to stop crying.
"How could you think that it would be funny?"
"I didn't expect you to laugh. I thought you would be happy."
"How could that make me happy?"
Spike's question was asked in an even tone and Xander suddenly thought he was going to be sick. "You've been all worried about who you are and I thought that this would give you a definitive answer: a father."
"But, Xander, you must understand," He placed his hand on the boy's stomach as he talked and his words trailed off. "What's that?" He poked Xander in one spot.
Xander moved his hand slightly so that it was at a better place. "It's the pulse." Spike was stunned into silence. "I can't lie to you, Spike. I want this baby. I was so happy but. . . I can't make you want it. I can deal with not having my baby, I can't deal with you looking at me the way you were looking at me earlier. And I won't bring a baby into a home where it isn't wanted. That would be so fucking selfish. So I called around and found an agency that deals with occult adoptions and they seem really nice. If you like I can go away and come back when it's all over. And maybe someday you will want a baby. Ok? Spike, Ok? You don't generally go this long without interruption me when you're mad." He laughed bitterly, "I was so excited when I found out. I couldn't wait to tell you. I felt like a little kid with a kick ass art project. I thought you were gonna be *proud*." His words were sarcastic as he lost his fight and started to sob again. He fell off the bed and huddled into Spike's arms. He buried his head into his mate's shoulder.
Wow, thought Spike, so this is what they mean when they say they feel like shit. He had wounded the boy so badly and what was his punishment? He got to rock the kid. He wiped at Xander's face with cool hands as he spoke, "Shhh, ok now, love." He rocked the boy gently, "I'm a complete and total prat. Shh, I'm so sorry, love, I fucked up. You're not giving your baby to anyone, we're gonna keep it and love it and make it feel special, ok? I thought it was a sick joke. And I got upset because we were talking about Nancy, the girl from the alley, and it was all so human. And then you brought up kids and I always wanted lots of kids but I gave up on that notion the night I died. So I got upset, because I'm a prat. Your baby's gonna be perfect."
"Why do you keep saying your?" asked Xander through his tears.
"Well who's the father?" Xander looked at him with stunned hurt in his eyes. "It's alright, Xan, I'm not upset. It's Doyle's right? From before the funeral? It can't be mine, I'm a vampire, we can't have kids."
Hysterical laughter bubbled out of Xander, "Well I'm a guy so I can't be pregnant. And you're a vampire so you can't really exist. In reality I'm a sick boy who lives in a mental home and I'm strapped down so I won't hurt myself. This whole life is just in my head. But in this life you are most certainly the father!" Spike's face broke into a wide grin and Xander felt a weight lift off of his stomach. "I went to this midwife that Doyle knew and she said that it was because of our bond. The bond needs us to be happy for it to strive. Apparently I've been jonesing for this so badly that it made it happen. Are you sure this is ok?"
"This isn't ok, i's a miracle." He kissed Xander possessively. "We'll 'ave to be careful not to love it to death, you're gonna be such a great da."
"You won't do too badly yourself." Xander smiled and suddenly pulled a face as he placed Spike's hand under his sweater, "Feel that?" Spike nodded, "That's the baby kicking." Spike smiled. "I got all these "American Baby" magazines, I was a little wigged out at first. But the midwife said most of it won't apply as it's not a true human pregnancy."
"Yes, that's true, it's also not an American baby, it's an English one." Spike pulled the boy up for another kiss.
"And I'm supposed to keep smoking which I find weird," he pulled pictures out of his back pocket. "They did a sonogram," he ran his finger along a faint line, "that's the baby's spine, and that's the head and it's sucking its thumb. It's sucking its thumb, it has to be your baby! She asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl, I said no." Spike smiled at his babbling husband.
The cell phone in Spike's back pocket started ringing, "It's Angel," he groaned.
"He knows," said Xander. Spike shot him a look, "He knows because Doyle told him, Doyle knows because he's the one who pointed out I was pregnant."
Nodding Spike sighed and picked up the phone. Xander sat in his lap and listened to only one side of the conversation. "Hello?. . . Angel! Guess what, mate? Xan's gonna 'ave my baby! We're gonna name him Benny! But look, we're gonna crash, he looks exhausted. Bye!" he hung up and turned the cell off, "Git." He muttered.
"We are so *so* not calling the baby Benny."
"I can't deal with it." Said Angel coming to a halt in their hunt. "I'm calling Spike and shouting, his mate is pregnant and I'm not letting him ride roughshod over Xander, he's my childe for Chrissakes and I won't let Spike's pigheadedness hurt him." Doyle watched as the man ineptly dialed the small phone, as he got steadily more frustrated the Irish man couldn't help but smirk. He took the mobile from Angel punched in the number in ten seconds and handed it back kissing Angel's cheek lightly.
"Bless, he can save the world but he can't use a phone."
"Hush," said the vampire. Doyle wouldn't swear it but he was pretty sure the man was blushing.
"Spike? You have a lot of explaining to do. . ." He looked stunned and hung up, turning to his mate he said, "He's with Xander, they're going to bed, they're calling the baby Benny."
Doyle shrugged as he turned back to the road, "Naught so queer as folk." He heard Angel snicker, "Grow up."
Feedback? If I get lots of feedback you get fast updates. That isn't bribery, I just get all excited and "inspired" when people tell me what they think. For instance, this chapter got out quickly because oh Karen and Mera begging me so nicely, I skipped math work for this!!
Find the rest Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.
Warnings: mega angst.
Spike came back into the room forty minutes later. It was pitch- black, Xander had never turned the lights on. The fire still crackled in the hearth. Xander was sitting on the bed with his back towards his lover. Spike watched the boy's whole body shack with the force of his sobs. Sighing Spike cleared his throat to let the boy know he was in the room. He felt so ashamed. So the boy had told a hurtful joke, that didn't give him the right to explode. Slowly he walked around the bed and dropped to his knees in front of his mate.
"I'm sorry. I over reacted." His voice was a soft whisper.
"It's fine. I'm sorry I misjudged the situation." Xander tried to stop crying.
"How could you think that it would be funny?"
"I didn't expect you to laugh. I thought you would be happy."
"How could that make me happy?"
Spike's question was asked in an even tone and Xander suddenly thought he was going to be sick. "You've been all worried about who you are and I thought that this would give you a definitive answer: a father."
"But, Xander, you must understand," He placed his hand on the boy's stomach as he talked and his words trailed off. "What's that?" He poked Xander in one spot.
Xander moved his hand slightly so that it was at a better place. "It's the pulse." Spike was stunned into silence. "I can't lie to you, Spike. I want this baby. I was so happy but. . . I can't make you want it. I can deal with not having my baby, I can't deal with you looking at me the way you were looking at me earlier. And I won't bring a baby into a home where it isn't wanted. That would be so fucking selfish. So I called around and found an agency that deals with occult adoptions and they seem really nice. If you like I can go away and come back when it's all over. And maybe someday you will want a baby. Ok? Spike, Ok? You don't generally go this long without interruption me when you're mad." He laughed bitterly, "I was so excited when I found out. I couldn't wait to tell you. I felt like a little kid with a kick ass art project. I thought you were gonna be *proud*." His words were sarcastic as he lost his fight and started to sob again. He fell off the bed and huddled into Spike's arms. He buried his head into his mate's shoulder.
Wow, thought Spike, so this is what they mean when they say they feel like shit. He had wounded the boy so badly and what was his punishment? He got to rock the kid. He wiped at Xander's face with cool hands as he spoke, "Shhh, ok now, love." He rocked the boy gently, "I'm a complete and total prat. Shh, I'm so sorry, love, I fucked up. You're not giving your baby to anyone, we're gonna keep it and love it and make it feel special, ok? I thought it was a sick joke. And I got upset because we were talking about Nancy, the girl from the alley, and it was all so human. And then you brought up kids and I always wanted lots of kids but I gave up on that notion the night I died. So I got upset, because I'm a prat. Your baby's gonna be perfect."
"Why do you keep saying your?" asked Xander through his tears.
"Well who's the father?" Xander looked at him with stunned hurt in his eyes. "It's alright, Xan, I'm not upset. It's Doyle's right? From before the funeral? It can't be mine, I'm a vampire, we can't have kids."
Hysterical laughter bubbled out of Xander, "Well I'm a guy so I can't be pregnant. And you're a vampire so you can't really exist. In reality I'm a sick boy who lives in a mental home and I'm strapped down so I won't hurt myself. This whole life is just in my head. But in this life you are most certainly the father!" Spike's face broke into a wide grin and Xander felt a weight lift off of his stomach. "I went to this midwife that Doyle knew and she said that it was because of our bond. The bond needs us to be happy for it to strive. Apparently I've been jonesing for this so badly that it made it happen. Are you sure this is ok?"
"This isn't ok, i's a miracle." He kissed Xander possessively. "We'll 'ave to be careful not to love it to death, you're gonna be such a great da."
"You won't do too badly yourself." Xander smiled and suddenly pulled a face as he placed Spike's hand under his sweater, "Feel that?" Spike nodded, "That's the baby kicking." Spike smiled. "I got all these "American Baby" magazines, I was a little wigged out at first. But the midwife said most of it won't apply as it's not a true human pregnancy."
"Yes, that's true, it's also not an American baby, it's an English one." Spike pulled the boy up for another kiss.
"And I'm supposed to keep smoking which I find weird," he pulled pictures out of his back pocket. "They did a sonogram," he ran his finger along a faint line, "that's the baby's spine, and that's the head and it's sucking its thumb. It's sucking its thumb, it has to be your baby! She asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl, I said no." Spike smiled at his babbling husband.
The cell phone in Spike's back pocket started ringing, "It's Angel," he groaned.
"He knows," said Xander. Spike shot him a look, "He knows because Doyle told him, Doyle knows because he's the one who pointed out I was pregnant."
Nodding Spike sighed and picked up the phone. Xander sat in his lap and listened to only one side of the conversation. "Hello?. . . Angel! Guess what, mate? Xan's gonna 'ave my baby! We're gonna name him Benny! But look, we're gonna crash, he looks exhausted. Bye!" he hung up and turned the cell off, "Git." He muttered.
"We are so *so* not calling the baby Benny."
"I can't deal with it." Said Angel coming to a halt in their hunt. "I'm calling Spike and shouting, his mate is pregnant and I'm not letting him ride roughshod over Xander, he's my childe for Chrissakes and I won't let Spike's pigheadedness hurt him." Doyle watched as the man ineptly dialed the small phone, as he got steadily more frustrated the Irish man couldn't help but smirk. He took the mobile from Angel punched in the number in ten seconds and handed it back kissing Angel's cheek lightly.
"Bless, he can save the world but he can't use a phone."
"Hush," said the vampire. Doyle wouldn't swear it but he was pretty sure the man was blushing.
"Spike? You have a lot of explaining to do. . ." He looked stunned and hung up, turning to his mate he said, "He's with Xander, they're going to bed, they're calling the baby Benny."
Doyle shrugged as he turned back to the road, "Naught so queer as folk." He heard Angel snicker, "Grow up."
Feedback? If I get lots of feedback you get fast updates. That isn't bribery, I just get all excited and "inspired" when people tell me what they think. For instance, this chapter got out quickly because oh Karen and Mera begging me so nicely, I skipped math work for this!!