Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (31/?)

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Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.

Warnings: mega angst.

Angel walked in without saying a word. Doyle was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and the phone. Pausing Angel looked at the slump of his lover's shoulders. Doyle looked extremely tired; it was good of him to wait up. Angel slammed him phone down on the table. The legs bent with the force of his blow. He tried to pull out a chair as his knees felt like they might give out but it got caught on something on the floor. He tugged at it with so much strength that it flew out, hit the wall behind him, and broke into pieces. Silently he pulled out the one next to it which moved with ease. He sat down and said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't call. I couldn't get your phone to work." Even as he said it tears started falling down his face. "Kate was there. She wouldn't leave, She watched me -watched us- why wouldn't she fucking leave?" Standing, Doyle rounded the table and wrapped his arms around Angel's shoulders as they started to heave, "I couldn't even have you there." He dropped his head. "I'm so ashamed. He begged, and I. . . I so nearly let him go. But. He smelled Spike on me, got so angry. He cried. . . Everything thing he's ever done, ever person he's killed. . . it's all my fault. And then," a sob interrupted his words, "all alone. I made him into a sick, evil thing and then I left him all alone, not able to cope without a sire. My fault. His pain. His victim's pain. All mine." Doyle rocked him awkwardly, "He knew why I was doing it and the shock in his eyes. My own childe. I couldn't have you there. I didn't want you to see me clean up my mess. My god, Penn wasn't a mess, he was a beautiful childe who I broke. How can you touch me? Not good enough. So evil. Nothing good. And Will, I. . . I thought about bringing Penn here, letting Will have him. But, I. . . Will didn't need to see him, wouldn't have been healthy. Couldn't have let him hurt Penn, not even with all I let Penn do to him. Needed the cycle to stop. Better that I just do it. Take care of it. Take care of William. Take care of Will, kill Penn (my good boy), let the she cop witness it, maybe now she'll stay away, destroy my family. My childer, my world. Falling apart. All falling to pieces. Not good enough. Dirty. Evil. Don't touch. I'll hurt you. Not good enough, don't deserve you. Don't leave me. Won't hurt you. I'll be good. Won't break your mind. Keep you safe."

"I know ye will," said Doyle softly placating. "Ye're amazin' to me. The best t'ing tha's ever happened fer me." Rocking slowly back and forth he whispered, "Proud of ye. Love ye. Come to bed now. Ye've been amazin' tonight. Don't need to be strong no more. Just come to bed."

"Not good enough."

"Hey! Yes ye are. Just ask yer childer! Ask Spike and Xander. Ask the grandchilde who's comin' soon. Yer world isn't fallin' i's getting' better. And feck the she cop. She's not good enough. Should've left and let ye do what was needed. I'm proud of ye."

Angel turned into Doyle's embrace, "He wasn't my golden boy anymore."
"What's that?. . . I have great hair? Thank you so much!" Spike's voice woke Xander. "Yeah, yer daddy is pretty when he sleeps."

"Who are you talking to?" he asked groggly.

"Not you, pet, go back to sleep," Spike said as he rested his head on Xander's abdomen, "Sorry could you speak up? . . . Well, yeah he sleeps a lot yer daddy's human. . . Well, yeah he has bad taste in music, he just spent too much time around girls. . . Well if you're a girl you'll be my little princess and I'll school you in your music. What's that? . . . you want to listen to the Ramones? Can do, sweetheart." Xander felt the headphone's on his stomach and the vibration that started to get the baby to kick.

"She's kicking, clearly she has better taste."

"She's rocking out." Spike kissed his stomach.

"Was that for me or the baby?" asked the younger boy.

"Both. I wanta go down to the sauna, why don't you sleep a little longer and I'll meet you at the bar? This way I won't piss you off while you try to sleep."

"So thoughtful," Xander said as he pulled Spike up his body, He kissed Spike gently, "But I'm up now." He paused as he sat up and then added franticly, "I didn't water the plant! Fuck it's gonna die and with it dies the pretense of domesticity I worked so hard to create!"

Spike looked up from where he was now doing up his boots, "I'm gonna cry when you make me join the library."

"That was a really nice plant!"

Laughing Spike said, "Well call home and get someone to water the thing."

"It's not a thing!" said Xander in a falsely high voice like a girl, "It's our baby!"

"No," said Spike crawling back and placing his hand over the bump, "This is our baby. That is just an overpriced vegetable!"

"We'll be discussing this in counseling!" threatened Xander with a laugh as he grabbed his cell, "Hey!" he said as someone picked up, "How are things in Dodge?" there was a long pause before he said, "Is he still asleep? . . . You ok? . . . We're fine. I just forgot to water the plant. . . thank you. So is there anything we can do? . . should we come home? . . . you sure? . . . I'll let you go then." Turning to Spike he said, "Angel killed Penn, he's not very well."

"Well, that's to be expected. He said it wouldn't hurt but Penn was his favorite for so long. We're not wanted?"

"He wants us to have a good time. Doyle told me he'd kill us if we came back. I think they need sometime. You ok?"

Spike thought about it. Really thought before sighing, "I'm surprisingly unmoved. Bastard's dead. Always hated him. Not exactly dancing on his grave. . . don't know why. I'm fine." He kissed Xander's mouth. "Take your shower. Meet me in the bar in an hour. I think I might go swimming."

"Ya wanna go some place nice tonight? My treat."

"I'd like that, love, I'll even let you dress me."

"Yea!"

"I'm getting you a Barbie for Christmas."

"My parents wouldn't let me have them so I used to steal Willow's. Their fun, she'd always make me be the boys when we played, the boy's don't get shoes, just stupid motorcycles that they couldn't sit on. It sucked."

"Check, buy female Barbies not matter what gender the baby is." Spike laughed again as he stood, "I'll see you in a little bit."
This wasn't stupid. Angel needed some time alone. And besides, he was starting to freak Doyle out. The vampire was capable of being left alone for an hour. He was. Maybe with a little bit of time he could pull himself together enough to talk in full sentences. Doyle breathing over his shoulder wasn't what he needed. The boy was being silly. He was just worried.

Spike and Xander's apartment was nice, lived in. Porn and books were scattered on the living room floor. Chinese food and blood sat side by side in the fridge. It was homey. He'd like to do this with his and Angel's apartment, there were too many weapons in their apartment, not enough comforts. He knew that Angel liked to over do the tortured routine at times but the man did like nice things. The whole place was filled with antiques but not any knickknacks. They didn't have a hippo on their shelves, unlike Xander. Doyle was a young guy and he was going to make their place fun if it killed them both.

He poked through their stuff, he knew they wouldn't care. It was nice to have what was, essentially, a family. They took care of each other in an odd way. Right now he needed to get out of his own mind. And what better way to do that then explore the treasure trove that was the apartment? He liked their "guestroom". It used to be Xander's. When they moved in Spike had argued that the big bedroom was his as he was oldest. Xander hadn't agreed. They had tried to think of a game that Spike wouldn't be able to cheat at but the vampire cheated at Candy Land for god's sake. So Xander had given up. It didn't matter, within a month they had both been in Spike's bed. When Xander had redecorated he had both a round bed for this room with a faux fur bedspread. It always made Doyle laugh. The selves were covered in old snow globes from airports. The ones that say things like, "Welcome to Newark New Jersey!" He saw a photo album under the bed. Pictures are amazing things. They told a whole story. There was no way in hell that Spike would have a photo album. Doyle smiled, he wanted to see Xander from before he had known the boy.
Dundundun. . . (that was the scary music) what's in the photo album? Is Spike really ok? Should Doyle have left Angel alone? Tune in next time for more of our saga!