Chapter 5Advice

AN: Hello, I'm back from vacation and such… I wanted to say I'm sorry for the delay, we were gone one more day than I thought we were going to be and when we got back my laptop wouldn't load my stories onto a floppy to put into the computer no matter what I did/do so now I have to retype the chapters so I will be making some major revisions but I should be back to my normal posting habits. Also, sorry for any delay in or lack of response from me to any one's reviews/messages to me; I've been without decent internet access for about five days. Well, enough of my complaining, here's chapter five! Hope you enjoy.

Lord Elrond was NOT having a good day. It hadn't started out bad, mind you, it had been perfectly pleasant as days go, warm and happy, comfortable and wonderfully relaxing… then he had gotten out of bed.

He had stubbed his toe on the way to his bathing chambers, his bathing water was cold, he didn't have a towel, he found a knot in his hair, broke his favorite comb trying to untangle said knot, couldn't find his favorite purple robes, got his crown tangled in his hair, and that was all before Aragorn and Legolas had come.

The lord had ended up looking like an idiot pinning up a gown for the prince, and then Legolas had nearly ripped off his arm and broken his bead post getting the stupid corset adjusted. Not only that but he had been reduced to a hair dresser trying to make them look remotely presentable.

At breakfast he had bitten the inside of his cheek which really hurt and swelled up so he kept biting it repeatedly. He had had to keep up an incredibly dull conversation about the trade issue while he watched Frenit cuddle and flirt with a very uncomfortable looking Legolas and could have sworn that the king was trying to play footsies with the other elf under the table.

After breakfast, which had been severely lacking in its usual taste, the man had scooped up the poor prince and begun to carry him off to places Elrond didn't even want to think about before Legolas had been put down and squeezed on the bum, then hurried out of the room.

The Lord of Rivendell had retired to his study for a little bit of rest but still could not find relaxation. He pulled a book from the shelf to find that a large amount of what looked like grape jelly had been spilled all over it's pages, he couldn't find another text that he wanted to read so settled on writing in some of Rivendell's record books but couldn't find his good quill. When he did find it and begin to write, the tip broke; he cut his finger trying to sharpen it and spilled ink all over his robes. Finally to top it all off he closed the book on his sore finger and got a paper cut pulling it out.

Needless to say Elrond did not need anymore disturbances to make his day worse. However, Aragorn and Legolas did not know about his day nor seem to car either way when they came barging into his office like a pair of wargs.

"WE NEED HELP!" Aragorn's voice was stressed and Legolas was shaking violently.

"Come now, boys, it can not be that bad. I know that Frenit and the girls are… a bit… eccentric… but they are not monsters."

Legolas' eye twitched. "You spend an hour with them and then you tell us…"

"Legolas, Frenit jus loves his wife and wants to spend time with-"

"HE WANTED TO MAKE MERRY WITH ME!"

"What?"

"HE WANTS TO PRODUCE AN HEIR AND I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT GOING TO BE THE ONE HE DOES IT WITH!"

"And those girls…" Aragorn shuddered. "They are obsessive. All they can think about is Legolas; I can assure you they have nothing to do with Githil's attacker."

The elf beside him looked slightly confused. "What? They liked me that much? What did they say?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I do not know; just wondered what they think of me…"

"But that has nothing to do with the situation…"

"If you had six women fawning over you wouldn't you want to know what they thought?"

"You always have women fawning over you why does it matter now?"

"Because I do not usually have six doing it at once…"

"Oh yes, how could I forget… you usually have ten or twenty… what a new experience."

"You are just jealous because even as a woman people like me more."

"Ada! Did you hear that? He just insulted my honor… say something!"

Elrond massaged his temple as he was prone to do when annoyed. "Estel, you do realize you just told me to defend you honor, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"That is possibly one of the girliest things I have ever seen or heard in my life and I have sisters… And neither of them have ever asked someone to defend their honor" Legolas looked like he was either going to laugh or burst into tears. "It must be the dresses… Lord Elrond we can not carry on like this…"

"But you must, you can not tell me the mighty Legolas Greenleaf, prince of Mirkwood, is afraid of a feeble old king? Honestly! You have faced armies of giant spiders without showing your fear."

"THOSE SPIDERS WERE NOT TRYING TO GET ME PREGNANT!"

"He has a point, Ada." Aragorn agreed putting a supportive hand on the wood elf's shoulder.

"Your not helping, Estel."

"I'm not trying to, I have a funny feeling that this is going to end badly and I want to stop it before it has a chance to get worse than it already is."

"No. You must continue, you have only been at it a few hours, give it another chance!"

Legolas' eye twitched again and he put his hands on the desk, leaning forward. "I do not need another chance to know that this is not going to work. I can barely breathe and am getting dizzy from it, every male in the surrounding area keeps looking at my rump no matter where I go, I have gotten twenty-four cat calls from the time I woke up till now, and my back hurts from holding my chest up. There is no way in all of Arda that you are going to get me to do this for another hour…"

"I never said that it would be for an hour."

"Oh?"

"It would be more like a few days."

"Oh."

"We refuse." Aragorn said simply. "We are grown men…"

"Usually…"

"Err… yes, thank you Legolas. We are usually grown men and you can not tell us what to do."

Elrond had lived for over six thousand years and he was in no way, what so ever, going to take that kind of crap from mere children. "Estel, Legolas, I love you like sons you know that, however you are in no way going to speak to me in such a manner. You are children to me, and as long as you are under my roof you will obey my commands, and I command you to continue."

"Ada, I am a grown man."

"And I am over two thousand I hardly think I qualify as a child."

"Estel, I have shoes older than you, and Legolas, I have changed your diapers you are a child now, and will always be a child to me so you have no protest."

"But… but…"

"But nothing, Estel, you will follow my rules…"

Legolas got off the desk and crossed his arms. "Since when is, 'Estel and Legolas must cross dress.' A rule?"

"Since now. So, turn yourselves around and swivel out of here." He grabbed Estel by the ear and Legolas by the arm and marched them out the door. Then his day got worse.

As he walked them outside, a very stressed Elladan came rushing down the hall and bursting into the room. The Elves and Ranger looked confusedly at him before he burst out, frantically, "Queen Githil is Gone!"

Author's Note: I know it seems like I'm jumping into a major plot thing here but don't worry the story is just heating up! Okay yeah. Well I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you're looking forward to the next one… it feels so nice to be posting again! I'm sorry again for the delay! Until Next Time!

Fiery Mango.