"No." She said aloud, suddenly. "No. Don't call him. Dad'll be furious. He was already drunk enough when you called him, and angry enough when you finished talking to him. No. Don't get yourself in deeper...don't get Joey in more trouble than he already is." Her sense of reason beating her, she pulled her hand back. "Wait...what if he's beating on Joey, right now? What if he needs my help..." She reached her hand out towards the receiver again, but stopped. "No. No. He would've called if he was in trouble that he couldn't handle. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself. He'd call you. And it would probably draw attention to him if you called him at this hour, anyway." Admitting defeat, she moved forward and picked up the poem book instead.
Memories of her father were nothing compared to the memories of living with her mother. And if reading these wonderful poems were making her sob uncontrollably about her father, then what would she do when she found a song inspired by her mother? Unsure of whether or not she actually wanted to continue, she painfully flipped the pages, until she found one that looked like it was more than just meaningless scribbles. This one even had guitar chords written next to it. Slightly afraid, she looked at the title of the song, and read the lyrics written below it.
I Love You Too, Mommy
You don't love me, just like he said
And you don't have the balls to tell me
Until you've had a few drinks in you
But he'll tell me the truth
Whether he's sober or not
You're no better than him
Hold your head high
And pretend to be a goddess
But the weekend dawns a new
And you're horrible too
Hit me, scold me
Tell me I'm dirt
Hate me, kill me
I love you too, Mommy
Welcome back to Mommy's loving arms
The ones that throttle me
When she's drunk enough not to care
Watch Mommy as she swoons over her
She loves her more than me
But that isn't her fault, it's Mommy's
Hold your head high
And pretend to be a goddess
But the weekend dawns a new
And you're horrible too
Hit me, scold me
Tell me I'm dirt
Hate me, kill me,
I love you too, Mommy
"I'm sure that you are aware, Ms. Wheeler, you are not allowed to say things like that in school. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"And I'm also sure that you're aware, Ms. Wheeler, that you are not allowed to do such things to other students in school. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"I'm glad we have that covered." The principal placed her fingers in a steeple, resting her chin on the two index fingers. "Explain your actions."
"Explain my actions?"
"Yes, Ms. Wheeler. Explain your actions."
The twelve year old found it increasingly hard to explain to the woman sitting before her why she acted the way she did. It was not because she didn't like her classmates. It was because they didn't like her. Not sure whether or not the old, 'They were picking on me', line would work, even if in this case, it happened to be true, she ventured around in her head for something else that would explain her actions that did not get her into more trouble than she already was.
"Uhm..." Was the best articulation that she could muster. Immediately, her eyes flew to the carpet, and she realized what a lovely design was on the deep blue fabric. Something like flowers, green vines, and the ocean, all mixed into one.
"Rowenna?"
The principal's voice made her eyes stop examining the intricate needle work, and she looked up, sighing. "Well...Emiko and Haru were making fun of me, ma'am." Not sure whether or not she was expected to continue, she paused. When Principal Hoshi said nothing, she continued. "They say that my accent is funny, and they don't like my hair color. They think because my parents were foreigners that I'm...not...well...that I don't belong." She stuttered. "Haru was calling me names, and he told me to go back to my own damned country." Principal Hoshi's eyebrows raised. "Sorry." She muttered. The principal nodded, and waved her hand, urging her to continue. "He started throwing things at me...rocks off the ground, paper clips...safety pins."
At this, the principal looked extremely caught off guard. Rowenna help up her arm, showing marks where the safety pins had landed. The older woman nodded. "I see. Continue."
"I told him to leave me alone...with a few extra words in there.." She admitted, looking somewhat ashamed. "And then Emiko came over. She's been dating Haru for almost a month now, and she got really upset when I started calling him some pretty nasty names."
"What did you call-" The principal stopped, shaking her head. "Never mind. I don't want to know. You retaliated by bashing him verbally, it seems?"
"Yes ma'am. I said some things I shouldn't have."
"It's all right. Continue."
"Right. Well, after that, Emiko started yelling at me too, and she told me that I had better not do anything to hurt her or her friends, or she'd have her brother and his gang come after me." She paused, not sure whether or not she should say the next part. Deciding it was better to be honest, she continued. "I told them that they'd better go find a room, because I didn't want to see them kiss in front of me, it'd make me throw up. And then I told Haru to make sure he used protection, because he could catch an std from Emiko, since she's such a tramp."
"I suppose this did not make Ms. Midori very happy?"
"No, it didn't. She picked up her soda from lunch and dumped it on me." Rowenna looked down at her clothes, which were currently still covered in Coke.
"And what did you do?"
"I punched her in the face."
"Are you aware that Ms. Midori is now in the nurse's office, with a broken nose?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Do you feel badly about punching Ms. Midori?"
"Honestly?"
"Yes, honestly."
"Well, no, ma'am. She deserved it. She's a bit of a bitch." She flushed. "Sorry, ma'am."
"It's understandable, Rowenna. However, you are suspended for the rest of the week, and we'll have to notify your mother."
Eyes wide, Rowenna blinked repeatedly. "But ma'am, it's only just Tuesday...the rest of the week?"
"Hai."
"And...and my Mom?"
"Hai."
Rowenna hung her head in defeat. Her mother was not going to like this.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO THAT PRETTY LITTLE GIRL!"
"Mom, she was making fun of me. She poured coke over my head!" Rowenna shouted back as she slammed the car door. Her mother had been ranting like this the whole way home.
How Mrs. Wheeler had gotten the impression that Emiko was a pretty little girl, Rowenna didn't know, because when they went to go visit her in the nurse's office, she was covered in bandages, and looked pretty deformed. She had been throwing Rowenna glares that were similar to piercing daggers, and hissed as they walked out the door that her mother was a filthy foreigner. Rowenna had nearly turned around and kicked her so hard in the shin that she broke her leg, but her mother pulled her back just in time, throwing her into the car angrily.
Now, they were home, and Mrs. Wheeler was still rampaging.
Serenity came out of her room, hearing her mothers shouts of anger, and looked confusedly from her older sister to her mother. "What's going-"
"You're horrible sister beat up some poor girl at school today-"
"Poor girl? Mom! She threw safety pins at me! Look at my arms! She dumped COKE on my HEAD! She would've punched me first if I hadn't caught her off guard! These kids beat me up all the time!"
"Ha! Like anyone would pick on you! Not after what you've done to that poor girl!"
"Mom! They'll probably pick on me more!"
"She's suspended for the WHOLE WEEK because she can't CONTROL HER TEMPER!"
"Mom! It's not my fault!" She shouted, her voice growing hoarse, anger rising in her throat. "I DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT SHE DID TO ME! I JUST GOT HER BACK FOR WHAT SHE DID TO ME!"
"YOU BROKE HER NOSE!"
"SHE CUT MY ARMS!"
"YOU BROKE HER NOSE!"
"SHE CUT MY FUCKING ARMS AND THEN SPILLED COKE ON ME! SHE'S LUCKY I ONLY HAD TIME TO BREAK HER NOSE AND NOTHING ELSE!"
"YOU'RE GROUNDED! ROOM! NOW!"
"FINE!" Rowenna shouted, running into her room and slamming the door behind her so hard that it nearly snapped off the hinges. She threw herself onto her bed and glared at the ceiling as though this was somehow all the ceilings fault. "Grounded...suspended...rest of fucking week..." She growled, rolling off the bed and looking around for clothes to change into. "I really want to take a shower." She opened her door, glaring angrily into the living room. Her mother turned around to face her, one hand on her hip, a glass of wine in the other.
"What? Here to beat me up, too, just like you're father?"
Rowenna stared at her, her anger past the breaking point. "No, I don't subject people I love that sort of thing. Unlike you, who left me and Joey with him so he could beat the crap out of us, instead of you. Nice mother you are."
"He never laid a hand on you!" She said, though her voice sounded unsure.
"Oh yeah?" She held up her arm, showing a scar that ran from her elbow to her mid-fore-arm. "See that? That's when Dad took a knife and sliced at me because I didn't do the dishes." She pointed at her fore-head, where a scar the shape of a nickel was. "That's from the night I left Dad's. He threw a whiskey bottle at my head and laughed at me when I bled." She turned her neck to left. Here, again, was another scar, thin and long, going almost straight to her jugular. "Vodka bottle this time, missed his target though, that was when I took the blow for Joey. Would you like to see my back, where I've still got scars from when Dad beat me with his belt? Or do you forget what black eyes feel like already, want me to remind you? I remember-"
"Stop. You're lying." But her mother's voice was shaking, and tears were welling in her eyes.
"Fuck you I'm lying. I have scars to prove it, you left me there with that abusive bastard, and I still can't get Joey out. It's your fault that I know how to fight, because you left me with him." She glared angrily at her mother, who was now crying, slowly, not able to say anything. "The only reason you took me in that night was because Serenity begged you to. Otherwise you'd have thrown me back on the streets. Dad told me you didn't want me and Joey. You don't love us. And I've given up on trying to love you. I'm taking a shower now." She snapped, walking past her mother, brushing away the held out arms, and shutting the bathroom door in her face.
(There ya go...nice...long-ish...chapter? Uhm...yeah. I think I only have one reviewer at this point...) But I thank that reviewer for reviewing. Teehee. Thanks!
YFFSM,
Pengwinn )