Stephanie walked absently back into her hotel room with a frown on her face. It wasn't a normal occurrence for her to take Hunter's words to heart, in fact she had never taken Hunter's words to heart because usually his words were filled with self-love and hatred for anyone that he didn't like, which was…everyone. But his words had rung in Stephanie's brain and she found herself unable to knock on Randy's door and instead was walking aimlessly back to her own hotel room.

She wandered inside and straight to bed, flopping on her back, staring up at Chris who was just polishing off a really large cookie. He smiled at her, and she closed her eyes, trying to picture him with Trish and not with her, never with her. But hadn't he said that if Trish made him choose between her and Trish, he would choose her.

"So are you a single woman just waiting to be snapped up by another handsome gentleman?" Chris asked

"No, I'm still attached, much to the chagrin of the National Football League, National Basketball League, National Hockey League, and Major League Baseball," Stephanie said. "I know they were all wanting to get a crack at me, but unfortunately, I'm still taken, occupied, territorialized, and whatever else you want to call it."

"What happened?"

"Asshole."

"Oh great, what did he do now? Wait, don't tell me…he ran naked through the lobby proclaiming himself the King of the Universe? No, that's too easy for him. He climbed to the top of the hotel and jumped off without a parachute just to prove that gravity does not succumb to him?"

"Say I asked you to dump the blonde bombshell, what would you do?"

"I would dump the bombshell because I would assume that you had a good reason for wanting me to dump the bombshell. I trust the very essence of your being Stephers, and I trust any judgment you make on behalf of my life. You're like my shining star in the night sky, burning brightly just for me."

"That's nice."

"Ok, something is obviously wrong and since I know that I regale you with laughter and good cheer and you JUST said that you saw Asshole, I'm guessing he's the problem, hey, that's exactly what it is, Asshole is THE problem. If only there was an exterminator for him. Maybe that one from Men in Black, the alien one, he seemed pretty effective, I wonder what he charges."

"He told me I'd end up alone," Stephanie answered. "Like that last lonely donut in the box that nobody wants because they get smothered with chocolate and sprinkles from the other donuts until you can't even figure out what it is, or I'm like that little fish you see frozen in a lake during the winter time, wait, do fish get frozen?"

"I don't think so, but I got the sentiment, you were painting a very sad picture."

"Good, that's exactly what I was going for, I wanted you to share in my abject sadness."

"I am, I think I might even have to get some tissue because I think I'm going to start crying at any given moment. Stephers, hand me some Kleenex," Chris said, pretending to sniffle dramatically.

"I won't end up alone will I Snooks?"

"Of course you will. Unless you plan to be buried in one of those huge coffins where they just add people and add people, or you get a family plot, then you'd be stuck with your family, but if you're just going to be in one plot, then yeah, ultimately, you're going to end up alone."

"I thought we'd be buried together, maybe have a secret tunnel system between us, that way we can talk when we're dead."

"Are you kidding me?" Chris asked. "We are going to have the sweetest pad up in heaven. All the cool dead people are going to want to hang with us. I didn't want to mention it because it's not set in stone or anything, but I've pretty much locked up Elvis to perform at our 'Welcome to Heaven' party."

"Sweet," Stephanie said. "Finally I get to mingle with the best of the best. I hope that Benedict Arnold doesn't come, I don't need a snitch at my party…but how are you planning on us going up to the big guy in the sky together."

"I inserted a ticking time bomb into your skull, same with me, I won't tell you when it's set to go off though, that's going to be a surprise. But trust me, it'll be worth it when we're kicking to the tunes of Elvis, and having that dude from Benson serving the drinks."

"I don't think he's dead yet," Stephanie pointed out.

"Well, the time bomb isn't set to go off…wait, you almost got me to tell you when it's going off Stephers, that's not cool," Chris said, shaking his finger at her. "As for on Earth, no, I don't think you'll end up alone. You have me don't you?"

"Do I?"

"Do you what?"

"No, do I have you?"

"I'm sitting here aren't I?"

"For how long?"

"Well, I might have to make a bathroom break in like ten minutes, but the next ten minutes, I won't even move an inch Stephers, I call Statues!" Chris exclaimed freezing in place like a statue. Stephanie waved her hand in front of Chris's face, but he didn't even move a muscle.

"Well since you're playing Statues, you can just listen, Snooks. Hunter said that I would end up alone because you were with the blonde bombshell, and you would eventually, I don't know, settle down with her or some such gibberish, when Hunter gets angry, he tends to start mumbling, it's very annoying, he might want to consult a speech therapist, I heard they could do wonders. Well, the point at hand, he said that you would leave me and I would end up alone, that's it, that's all she wrote. And why I'm letting him get to me is a mystery, kind of like how the universe began, of course, I think that problem is a little harder to solve, but on the other hand, Hunter is a hard problem to solve, maybe Hunter had something do with the creation of the universe, no I can't give him that much credit, though I'm sure he already thinks that, do you get what I'm saying Snooks?"

"Statues over!" Chris said, jumping off the bed. "I'm playing a new game, it's called 'Kick Asshole's ass until he bleeds and then make him bleed some more and then humiliate him by running his underwear up a flagpole,' I think it'll be the best game ever!"

"So you're going to beat him up then, you're going to go there and beat him up like a Neanderthal, hey maybe Hunter is an unfrozen Neanderthal. You know, that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it."

"Actually, it does to me too, and it probably only occurs to us," Chris told her. "Oh well, if he doesn't have his club, he's nothing. Although I do have long hair, do you think he'd mistake me for a woman and drag me off by the hair?"

"No, I think you're safe, and I think that you're also NOT going to beat him up."

"Are you saying I'm bluffing, are you saying that I'm making up a word and you need to challenge me and then go look it up in the dictionary to prove me wrong and make me take off my tiles from the board even though I swear I thought it was a word? Is that what you're doing here?"

"Not in so many words."

"When are you ever at a loss for words?"

"I was earlier when I was walking back from talking with Hunter, but that might have had something do with the fact that I was walking by myself and although I can answer myself, it's kind of hard to have a complex conversation with myself."

"Too dumb?"

"Perhaps, or maybe it had a lot to do with one half of my brain really wanting to make Jell-O. Lemon and lime of course."

"Of course, ok, I won't be him up, but only because I'm high on a sugar rush and I also don't feel like ruining my clothes with blood because then I'd have to buy that OxyClean stuff and I don't even know if that stuff works, I mean, the guy makes it sound great, but how do I know unless I get a big tub of water and do the demonstration myself. Where do I have to go to be on an informercial!"

"That's what I'm getting you for your birthday Snooks, I'm going to take you to the taping of an informercial."

"Preferably food Stephers, I want to try the food they make because when I got my Ronco Rotisserie, it could've been better, I didn't really care for the steaming mechanism."

"That's only cause you kept burning yourself Snooks. I had to treat you like a four year old, telling you not to touch it. It's like the Cornballer, you can't touch it or you'll burn yourself."

"Ah, I always love a good Arrested Development joke, those are truly the best around."

So back to the situation at hand," Stephanie said.

"Of course, Jell-O does sound good, thanks for asking."

"About Hunter."

"Oh, are we still on that, I thought the whole OxyClean discussion kind of wiped away the discussion of Hunter, did you get that? Because OxyClean is supposed to wipe away stains and Hunter is a stain so the OxyClean wiped him away!" Chris said, slapping his knee as he laughed.

"That was not funny," Stephanie said. "You over-exerted yourself. You don't explain the joke, that makes it not funny."

"Unless I'm really funny in the explanation for the joke."

"You weren't that either."

"Well then," Chris said, acting like he was indignant. "I know that maybe I should take my business elsewhere if I'm going to be treated so poorly. And to think that I thought you had manners Stephers."

"When did you ever think that?"

"For a second back in 2000, I figured that all the apologizing mean that you were sorry."

"So I won't end up alone?"

"For the last time, no, you won't end up alone. I hate going into mushy girl territory here, but this is the caveat of having a girl best friend, sometimes I get stuck playing the Whoopi Goldberg to your Angela Bassett."

"Did you just make a, 'How Stella Got her Groove Back,' joke?" Stephanie asked with wonderment.

"Yes I did," Chris nodded firmly.

Stephanie stood up and clapped, "I didn't know you had it in you Snooks, I thought I had seen the broadness of your repertoire, I thought I knew how obscure a joke you could go, I thought I knew, but this moment, this moment makes me so very proud because I did not know that you even had the name of that movie in your vast lexicon, but you did, oh how you did and my only wish was that there were more people to see this occasion to hear you say this and realize that you, my best friend, are truly a man among boys, a legend among mortals, a piece of triple chocolate cake among Twinkies, bravo Snooks, bravo."

"Wow, this is so unexpected. I didn't think that I would get this kind of recognition, I thought maybe, I hoped, I went into it with cautious optimism, but never in my wildest dreams. You think I'm the King of the World, you really, really do!"

"I do!"

"Oh and before we get off on a tangent," Chris said, which was funny because they didn't even consider this a tangent. And if they didn't consider that a tangent, then they were really out there most of the time because they had been talking about something completely different for a few minutes, not even realizing that this was one of the most serious discussions they could ever have, as it concerned the very fabric of their friendship. "You're not going to end up alone because you're a great chick Stephers. Any man would be lucky, and I mean lottery winning lucky to have you, except me, because I know what you look like first thing in the morning."

"Thank you, that's the fifteenth nicest thing you've ever said to me, it just knocked the time you said that my teeth are as straight as the Washington Monument down to number sixteen. The time that you told me my shoes matched my purse was completely bumped off the list, I can't say that I'm going to miss it."

"They did match really well though."

"I know, it was amazing considering I didn't even plan that because I'm not even sure what color my shoes are on a daily basis. I think that I wore pink shoes today, but I can't be sure, if I stare at my feet, I'm liable to fall down and then what would happen, I'd hurt my head."

"And it's a pretty head."

"Oh no, there goes the time that you told me that I had really good posture when carrying a heavy backpack on my back."

"It was good, I was surprised, you walked perfectly, like you were trained to carry a backpack. Are you sure you weren't a sherpa in your previous life?"

"I'm sure because even if I were, there's no way that I would ever want to climb Mount Everest. People have died trying to climb that thing, and I'm not in the mood for my party yet."

"Yeah, it would ruin my time bomb plan."

"Oh yeah, and if you went through all that trouble, I wouldn't want to spoil the fun."

"Thank you, I'll have you know that it took me a long time to get you drunk enough to do that to you. And it took a lot of restraint not to jump you, my hormones were a-blazin, let me tell you."

"I would've lost what little respect I had for you, had you done that."

"Good thing I didn't then, so are you going to march your butt upstairs, knock on the Dreamboat's door and break up with him, or are you going to be a coward and sit here with me and do nothing because I'm lazy and it's late and I don't feel like moving, your choice, and for the love of Mike, make the right one."

"Ok, I will go break up with him, but only cause you told me to."

"I didn't tell you to, I gave you options, I told you that you could be lazy with me, but did you listen, no, of course not because you have selective amnesia of the ears, you only hear what you want."

"I'll go and prove to you that I can do."

"I didn't say you couldn't do it. See, now you're hearing things, I think a trip to the doctor is necessary, we can practice you have to hear the little dots with the headphones from the 70's, it'll be fun, you can raise a little flag for each ear."

"Ok, I'm going now," she said, walking around a little.

"Good luck on your dangerous mission, Godspeed my good woman, Godspeed."

"Ok, let's try this, Randy break-up, take two! And action!"