I remember crying myself to sleep the night that I found out Mimi and Angel were both HIV positive.
We had all been at the loft, which was empty because Benny had taken all of Mark, Roger and Mimi's things on New Years Eve.
We were celebrating by new job acting at a small theater off Broadway. It didn't have any important message to the world, it was just a bit of fun and I couldn't wait to get on stage again.
Collins and Angel bought the booze and Joanne and I brought the food. We were all just sitting around getting drunk and having fun. Nothing to serious.
When the beeper went off I had been expecting to see Roger and Collins reach into their pockets. What I didn't expect was to see Mimi and Angel doing the same.
My heart stopped for a second as I stared open mouthed at four of my closest friends.
Instead of letting the uncomfortable silence hang over the seven of us while they took their AZT, I turned to Mark and started to bitch about how much of a jackass Benny was.
Twenty minutes later Mark was ready to call Alexi Darling and set up a meeting. Joanne offered to be his lawyer, saying that she knew he couldn't afford one on his own.
When Joanne and I got home that night I headed straight for the bathroom.
"Maureen?" Joanne followed me, stumbling slightly. She was drunk. Normally a drunk Joanne would be the most amusing thing in the world, but I wasn't in the mood to be amused.
"I'm gonna get in the shower, baby. I won't be long." I kissed her cheek on my way out of the bedroom and headed for the bathroom.
Shutting the door I leaned back against it and closed my eyes. Memories of my first encounter with AIDS came flooding back to me. I could almost see April sprawled out in the tub across the room, naked, blood dripping onto the floor, almost mocking me.
I didn't realize how long I'd been in the bathroom or even that I'd been crying until I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Maureen, honey, you've been in there for a while and the water isn't even running." Joanne's voice floated through the door with both a hint of concern and a hint of annoyance.
I stood slowly and dried my face on my shirt before pulling the bathroom door open.
"Maureen?" I fell into her arms and sobbed against her chest. Without another word she wrapped her arms around my waist and led me to the bedroom.
Once we were there she pulled the covers back and we both fell into bed. My head instantly went to her chest, counting the beats of her heart in an attempt to stop crying. Instead, I cried in time with her heartbeat.
"What's wrong, baby?" She asked, running her fingers through my hair. I just shrugged, not wanting to tell her the truth.
"Honeybear." She whispered gently, taking my chin in her hand and tilting my head up to look into her eyes.
"I don't want Mimi and Angel to die. I don't want you to leave. I don't want to be alone." My voice was raw with unshed tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks.
Joanne's brow knitted together in confusion and she shook her head. "Mimi and Angel aren't going to die any time soon, baby. They're both healthy. And I'm not going anywhere, honeybear. I love you and that's never going to change."
Both of her hands were on my cheeks brushing my tears away as her lips met mine slowly.
"But what if..."
"No, I don't want to hear what if from you. What if doesn't matter. What is matters. No day but today." She said with a small smile.
I smiled back and took her hand in mine.
"I love you." I sighed, snuggling up close to her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed my forehead.
I didn't get much sleep that night. I was up all night thinking about April. Even though she had been the one to put the razor blade to her wrist, I blamed her death on the disease. I didn't know if I could handle losing anyone else to AIDS.
I was out of bed before Joanne the next morning. I needed to make sure that I was okay before I let anyone see me. Knowing that Mark and Joanne had a meeting with Buzz Line that afternoon I grabbed an outfit and headed to the bathroom sleepily.
I took a quick shower and pulled my hair back out of my face. After doing my make up I went out into the kitchen and made some coffee.
An hour and a half later Joanne walked out of the bathroom looking as hot as ever. She was wearing a suit, but I was positive I had never seen it before.
The jacket hugged her curves perfectly and her skirt was just short enough to be sexy and yet still professional. Her doc martin's clicked in an even, sticcatoed rhythm that was perfectly Joanne as she made her way across the hard wood kitchen floor to the coffee pot.
"And just who are you trying to impress, Miss Jefferson?" I asked, walking up behind her and slipping my arms around her waist.
"You're in a better mood than you were last night." She turned her head and kissed me gently. I was in no mood to be gentle.
Spinning her in my arms I pressed my lips to hers and pressed her back against the counter hard. Her fingers tangled in my hair and I slid my hands underneath her jacket, pressing them against her back. Slipping my tongue into her mouth I began untucking her shirt.
"Wait..." She whispered softly as my lips found her neck. I groaned disappointedly and looked up at her.
"As much as I would love, and I do mean love, to take you back to bed, we have that meeting with Buzz Line in an hour, which means we need to leave soon." She explained, my lips still kissing her neck.
"Fine." I pouted, pulling away.
She leaned forward and sucked my bottom lip between hers. I whimpered when her teeth grazed my lip and I ran my fingers through her hair.
"No more fears about being alone?" She asked as she pulled away.
"No day but today." I said with a smile.
"Good." She said, picking up her coffee cup. I took a seat at the table and watched as she leaned back against the counter. My eyes traveled up and down her body, drinking her in.
"What?" She asked softly. My eyes met hers and I smiled at the faint blush in her cheeks.
"You're beautiful." She smiled at me and I smiled back.
"We should get going. Mark's probably pacing outside the loft going out of his mind waiting for us." She said, setting her coffee up in the sink.
"Mark's already out of his mind." I said, taking her hand and leading her out of the apartment.
When we reached loft I thought Mark was either going to kill us or cry.
"We're going to be late." He yelled as we approached, glaring at me.
"It's not my fault my girlfriend is hott." I said with a shrug. He rolled his eyes and turned to Joanne.
"Are you sure I'm ready for this?" He asked nervously.
"Of course you are." She rolled her eyes and slid her hands into the pockets of her jacket.
"Let's go then." He said, his eyes on the pavement.
As we walked towards Buzz Line mark and Joanne talked about all of the legal reasons why Mark should take any kind of offer Buzz Line made for him.
I wasn't really paying attention to either of them. I didn't really need to be there, but if it hadn't been for my protest, Mark wouldn't have gotten this job offer.
As we got closer to the building I noticed a slight change in Joanne. I had never seen her in court, but I imagined that she would be calm and confident and always on the attack..
"Wow." Mark said, looking up at all of the buildings around us.
"It's corporate America, welcome." Joanne said as we walked into one of the buildings.
I followed Mark and Joanne through the revolving door and into a world that I had never been to before. I felt completely out of place as I followed Joanne and Mark through a sea of men in suits with brief cases.
I wondered how Joanne stayed sane being a lawyer. It all seemed horribly boring.
The elevator dinged happily and Joanne, Mark, and I stepped out. Joanne stalked confidently to the desk outside Alexi Darling's office and gave the secretary a small smile.
"Hi, we're here to see Alexi Darling." Her voice as confident and controlled.
"Names?" The woman asked, looking down at the book in front of her.
"Joanne Jefferson and Mark Cohen." I didn't want to miss any of the fun, so I stepped forward and tapped the book on the secretaries desk.
"And Maureen Johnson." I glanced at Joanne, who was half glaring at me.
"I think it'd be better if you stayed out here." She said softly. I glanced at Mark and then back at her.
"But my protest..." I started, my voice bordering on whiney.
"We don't want to come on to strong." She was trying to be sweet about it, but it still hurt that she didn't want me in there with her.
"Okay, fine. Whatever." She and Mark walked off into Alexi's office while I perched on the edge of the secretaries desk.
She looked up and me and I smiled at her with a shrug.
"Apparently, I'm to loud." I said with a laugh. She laughed too.
"I'm Beth." She said, holding her hand out to me.
"I'm Maureen. And those earrings are adorable." I said, reaching out to touch them.
"And they're light too. I head really heavy earrings. They make me feel like I'm going to tip over." She looked at the earrings I had in my ears and then gave me a quizzical look.
"The ones you have in look pretty heavy." I smiled.
"My girlfriend got them for me." I said, glancing at Joanne through the window into Alexi's office.
"Awww, where did she get them?" I picked up her pen and scribbled the address down quickly.
"Best jewelry this side of the city." I said with a smile.
Seconds later Mark and Joanne stormed out of the office, each one pissed off about something.
"How did it go?" I asked was we walked into the elevator. They both ignored me. I crossed my arms and leaned back against the elevator wall.
As soon as the doors opened mark ran out and headed for the exit. Joanne was right on his heals. I stood there shocked, but only for a second.
I followed angrily, pushing my way rudely through a crowd of people I didn't care if I offended. When I got outside Joanne had a comforting arm around Mark's shoulders.
"You wouldn't have been anywhere without my protest." I said, crossing my arms over my chest again.
"Does everything have to be about you?" Joanne asked angrily.
"You're the one helping my ex boyfriend." I shot back, almost running to keep up with her as she walked away angrily.
"He needed a lawyer. I figured I could help since you got them evicted." She accused, glaring at me.
"Why don't you to just get an accountants ledgure and a bottle of champaign and go at it." I said, throwing my hands up in the air.
"Invite the girl you were just flirting with to join us..." So that's why she was angry.
"Come on, Pookie. I was just being friendly." I couldn't believe she was this upset about nothing.
"What do you want, do you want me to be your slave? Do you want me to obey your every wish? Tell me what you want." I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to face me.
"Commitment." She said simply.
"That's all? Why didn't you say so in the first place?" I asked, moving closer to her.
"What?" She looked confused. I took her hands in mine.
"All you have to do is ask, and I'm yours." I said softly.
My heart started to pound in my ears. She looked down nervously for a second before looking me in the eye.
"Will you...commit to me, to be with only me, for the rest of our lives?" She sounded scared.
I dropped down on one knee and slid one of my rings off. Smiling up at her I slid the ring onto her finger.
"I will. I do." She pulled me up off my knee and into her arms. I wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, but I knew that I was happy. Joanne kissed me slowly, her hand on my face.
"Let's go home." She whispered against my lips. I just nodded, not wanting to break the contact.
We left Mark standing on the side of the street with his bike.
As soon as Joanne and I were inside the apartment, Joanne had me pressed against the door with her hands underneath my shirt.
I didn't have the chance to think about what had happened. I didn't have the chance to comprehend what this all meant.
I had no idea putting that ring on her finger meant more accusations and more fights and more problems than either of us were ready for.