"So how are the wedding plans going?"
"They're going fine," Chris told Stephanie over a cup of coffee. "She's the one who's taking care of most of it though, and that's just fine with me. I'm not cut out to choose flowers or you know, ice sculptures or those little things with the candy in them that you get, I don't know what those things are called. What are they called?"
"You expect me to know? I'm not even married, nor have I ever been married, not to mention I'm not even dating anyone at the moment."
"And whose fault is that?" Chris asked, giving her a knowing look.
"Yours," Stephanie said with a shrug and Chris's jaw dropped. "What Snooks?"
"How is any of this my fault?"
"Because you didn't ask me to marry you first," she told him impishly, but then she just smiled at him, "And because you are the guy that follows me around on dates and everything. How can I have a relationship with you around?"
"So I'm the one that's to blame for you being single?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, you are, so you and the blonde bombshell huh?"
"Yup, me and the blonde bombshell, getting married, doing the whole domestic thing, you know, the wife, the kids, the dog, the white picket fence."
"Sounds…boring as hell," Stephanie said with a laugh. "Not that it's a horrible dream or anything, but I mean, I'd need something more exciting. While all those things are good for some people, I don't think I could settle down in that fashion. I'm not mature enough for kids, I mean, I'd like get cereal for them and then end up eating it because I love cereal and then my kids would go hungry and they'd be taken away."
"You'll get married someday Stephers, you just need to find the right guy for you."
"Shane says I'm going to end up alone, and I don't blame him for saying that, I mean, he's a robot, they're supposed to be totally logical aren't they?" she said glumly, but then brightened up for Chris. "But you don't need to hear about that Snooks."
"What? When did this happen? Do I have to get that robot back for you?" Chris asked. He didn't like when she was alone with Shane. Or her parents for that matter. The whole lot of them seemed to only want to make Stephanie's life miserable and he hated them for that. Stephanie deserved the best life in the world, not a crummy family.
"It's nothing Snooks, he just said that I would end up alone and that you'd well…that you'd forget about me when you get married to the blonde bombshell, it wasn't anything that you need to worry about or anything, it was just something that he said."
"He said that!" Chris said, angrily, standing up from his chair and looking like he was going to murder Shane right then and there. Stephanie grabbed his hand and pulled him back down.
"Snooks, calm down, he was just trying to get under my skin like usual. He didn't mean anything by it, I swear."
"Fine, but I'm trusting you. If he says stuff like that again, you come find me and I'll be after him like, well, like a dog looking for a bone, you know, the dogs that can smell really well, I don't know who they are, but they do smell well and then I'll get him like that."
"Let's just go shopping okay," Stephanie said. "That way it's one less thing for you to think about with the wedding."
"That's true, because I'm thinking about it SO much," he said sarcastically.
"You don't sound too enthused," she pointed out as they walked out of the hotel and to Chris's rental car.
"Well, I just didn't know there would be so much work put into it. Trish wants a big wedding, you know, a whole production. I'm surprised that she doesn't want fireworks as we kiss at the end of the ceremony."
"Are you coming out to your entrance music?" Stephanie asked with a laugh. "I mean, how cool would it be if you have your back to everyone with the countdown going down and then I accompany you, and I give my sneer and everything?"
"Actually, that's not a bad idea, but Trish is really going for elegance," Chris shrugged. "And what she wants, she's going to get."
"If you had your way though," Stephanie said. "What kind of wedding would you want? What is YOUR dream wedding Snooks? And if you tell me it's something like I don't know, skydiving or underwater, then I'm going to lose a lot of respect for you."
"Honestly, you want to know?"
"No, I want to know dishonestly," she responded. "Come on, tell me before we get to the mall and you forget because we have a new mission that we had to go on. And if we fail at this mission Snooks, if we don't succeed, the blonde bombshell will kill us."
"I don't know Stephers, I just kind of always pictured getting married outdoors, maybe the beach, maybe in a field or something, but like somewhere that wasn't complicated. But I love Trish and I want everything to be perfect for her," he cleared his throat and parked the car. "I just want her to be happy."
"You're going to be so good at this marriage thing, already whipped beyond belief."
They got out of the car and Chris rushed to Stephanie's side and grabbed her around the waist and held her against him as she tried to squirm out of his arms. She squealed and tried to get away, but he was so much stronger than her. They walked together, step for step into the trendiest and most expensive store in the mall. They got a few stares from the patrons, but Chris and Stephanie both had enough cash to get what they needed to get here and still have tons of money left.
"So dress or suit?" Stephanie asked Chris.
"Whatever you want Stephers, it's really up to you," Chris told her.
"What about the blonde bombshell, what would she prefer?" Stephanie asked. "Would she want me in a suit?"
"Let's check out the suits and then we can check out dresses and decide. You could get like a tailored suit, nothing that makes you look like a guy, because you're not a guy."
"What? You mean these breasts mean that I'm not a guy," Stephanie said, almost groping herself, but then winking at Chris. He stared down at her cleavage. "Snooks, my shirt isn't going to spontaneously fly off just because you're staring at them."
"But they're just so pretty," Chris cooed playfully. "I'm just picturing the one time that I got to see them. I don't think I'll ever forget that picture."
"What? Me screaming and covering myself up and yelling at you to get the hell out of the bathroom and then you stumbling out the door and then almost falling down the stairs and having to grab the banister to keep from tripping."
"I was so shocked by your beauty," he joked. "Or maybe just how big your tits were." This garnished a few stares from some uppity women a few feet away. Chris laughed and made a lewd gesture towards Stephanie.
"Snooks, you're embarrassing everyone here with your candidness. Although, you know, the whole beauty part, not too far off," Stephanie said as they walked to the suits section. A man came up to them and automatically went to Chris.
"What can I get you sir?" he asked.
"Actually, the suit would be for me," Stephanie said, pointing at herself.
"What?"
"My friend is getting married and I'm his best man, so to speak, and I was wondering if you could possibly make a tailored suit for me," Stephanie explained. The guy smiled at her, and Chris didn't like it.
"I don't think I've ever gotten that kind of request before," the man told her. "But if that's what you want, we'll definitely try to fit you out for a suit. I think our tailors might be able to get you just what you need."
"Thank you, I was just wondering how I'd look, I don't want to look too much like a guy," Stephanie said with a giggle. "I just don't want to look like I'm a total bridesmaid on the wrong side of the altar or anything."
"Well, my name is Sam and let's see if we can get you in a suit," Sam said to her. Stephanie smiled gratefully at him as Chris watched her walk off with him to go look at some of the jackets that were hanging around on a rack. "We can probably get you the smallest size and then take it in drastically. When is this wedding going to be?"
"Well, it's going to be in about a month," she said, "would that be enough time to get it done?"
"Yeah, and would you pick it up?"
"Yeah, definitely pick it up," Stephanie said, giving him a slightly coy look which didn't go ignored by Sam or by Chris, who was just following them around now. "So I just wanted your basic black suit, white shirt, you know, that guys usually wear to things like weddings."
"Yeah, that would probably be best, and we can get you a tie to match and everything."
"Definitely, ooh, this is starting to sound like a lot of fun," Stephanie said excitedly. "I've never actually worn a suit before, I hope I don't get hit on by any girls, that wouldn't be too cool. But I just want to look you know, good and like I belong, right? Because I'd hate to be sticking out like a sore thumb, since it's not my wedding or anything, although if it were my wedding, I would want to stick out, but not like a sore thumb."
"Come on, I'll show you just what we've got," Sam said, leading her by the arm as he gathered a few of their more basic suit jackets. Chris followed, but then grabbed Stephanie by the arm, startling her. She looked at him quizzically and she excused herself from Sam before going over to Chris.
"What is it?"
"Maybe we should look at dresses first, just to see if you want to wear a dress instead of a suit. You might want to wear one of those."
"But why can't I look at suits now and then go look at dresses Snooks?" Stephanie asked.
"Because if you get this fitted, then you're pretty much buying the suit Stephers," Chris said, trying to rationalize what he was saying. "So why don't we just look at some dresses first and then we can come back."
"Fine," she said, walking back over to Sam. "Hey, can we hold off on the suits for a little bit, we're going to go look at dresses for a little bit and then we'll be back."
"Of course," he said. "Just come back when you're ready."
"Thanks," Stephanie said with a smile before she walked back over to Chris. "You're acting weird, you know that right? I thought that the suits looked good and that I would look really good in them, and unique and totally like your best man, I don't know why you insist that we should look at dresses."
"Just to see okay?" he asked, his voice exasperated as he pulled her in the direction of the formal dresses. She just watched him a moment.
"Okay Snooks, you're going to have to tell me what is wrong with you," Stephanie said as she grabbed a couple of dresses. "You were fine this morning and now you're not fine, is it the wedding? Are you freaked out because you're getting married in a month?"
"Yeah, that's it," he said quickly. "I'm freaked out because I'm getting married and lets face it Stephers, neither one of us thought that this would ever happen. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now and I'm sorry if I'm snapping at you."
Stephanie dropped her usual loopy demeanor and gave his shoulder a slight squeeze. "Snooks, you're going to be fine, you love the blonde bombshell and you two are going to be so insanely happy together that you won't even want to hang out with me anymore because you'll want to spend all your time with her. Trust me on this one, you're going to be so great together, and I mean so great."
"Do you really think so?" he asked, searching her eyes for something, anything. He didn't exactly know what he was searching for, but there was something that he was searching for and he couldn't put his finger on it.
"I really think so," she said in a way that he had to believe. "You wouldn't have asked her to marry you if you didn't love her. You love her Snooks, and in the end, isn't that the only thing that really matters?"
"I guess it might be."
"Might be? Uh uh, it's what matters the most. You are going to pledge your love to her and you're going to show her how much you want to be with her and the moment, the second that the ceremony is over, you're going to just…I don't know, burst with happiness like the Stay-Puff marshmallow guy in Ghostbusters, or something to that effect."
"You think?"
"I think," she said, then grabbed a dress, "Oh, I think this is perfect, I'm going to try it on."
"Okay, I'll wait for you out here," he said as she headed towards the fitting room.
He stood around looking at the dresses until she was ready to come out. It took a few more moments and then she walked out. She had pulled her hair out of her face and into a loose ponytail and she was wearing a black, strapless, floor-length silk gown that hugged her wait and that she filled out perfectly. She extended her arms in front of her and did a little twirl for him.
"Do you think this is formal enough?"
"You look…"
"Like I'm on my way to some fancy funeral?" Stephanie asked with a smile. "You know, I could probably wear a pearl necklace or something to give it a little white, or like a sash or something. So I don't look all dark and damper the entire thing."
"Uh huh," he said, not taking his eyes off of her.
"So, Snooks, come on, tell me the truth now, do you like it?" she asked, looking down. "I know it's not my usual type of thing, since I prefer colors, but I think that it's good nonetheless, at least good enough for a formal wedding, you know. Snooks!"
Chris walked towards her a little more, "You just look, absolutely, I don't even know…"
"I've made you speechless?" she asked incredulously. "Oh my God Snooks, I've rendered you speechless, maybe I should forget the suit and just do this, because then I'd get to see you forget your vows or something and then I'd give you a nudge and you'd faint and we could send it in to America's Funniest Home Videos. They love stuff like that."
Chris walked a little closer. "Beautiful."
"Thanks Snooks," she said, not even noticing he was getting closer. She looked down at her dress again. "Maybe I can get those cuffs like the Playboy bunnies wear, just to have a little suit element to it, you know? But without the tail."
When she looked up, Chris was right in front of her face. She jumped a little bit, but Chris grabbed her arm before she could go anywhere. He ran his hand up her arm and she looked at him with wide eyes. She had never seen that look in his eyes before, at least never directed at her. Before she could open her mouth, his lips were on hers, pressing against her moist lips. She was too shocked for a moment to do anything, but when his arms wrapped around her tightly, pulling her to him, she gave in and let his tongue work its way into her mouth.
Chris couldn't believe how good she tasted. From the strawberry flavor of her lip gloss to the hot, wet moistness of her mouth, every crevice was incredible and he couldn't get enough. He felt her give in to the shock and she was returning the kiss and he was taking in her breath and giving her his breath. His hand found the back of her neck and he held her there, kissing her and kissing her until they were wrapped up in a passion neither one understood.
This was so much better than Red Vines.