A/N: Oh man, I bet you all thought I fell off the face of the earth, didn't you? Well, I'm alive. And I come baring a new chapter. Please don't hate me.

Opening night had never been something to make me nervous. I'm Maureen Johnson. Nerves have never been a problem for me. After spending most of my life on stage, the theater was the one place that could make me feel safe.

But standing backstage, watching all of the people filing into the theater, I couldn't calm the butterflies in my stomach. I kept trying to catch a glimpse of one of my friends. I had expected Collins and Angel to come. They had promised when I first got the part.

Although Joanne and I hadn't even spoken to each other since I moved out of the apartment, part of me thought that she might come to the show.

A warm hand settled on my hip and for a second I forgot about all of my problems. With a sigh I fell back into the warm body behind me, closing my eyes. "Come on, we have to take our places." Becca's breath was hot in my ear.

Fighting back tears I forced a smile and let Becca lead me behind the curtain. As the show began, I let everything disappear. Nothing mattered as long as the crowd continued to clap.

When the curtain fell for intermission, it felt as though all of my problems fell back into place. As I made my way back to my dressing room, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't know why my breakup with Joanne was suddenly tearing me apart.

I had been doing so well lately, spending all of my free time at the theater working on my career that I hadn't really had time to think about Joanne. Maybe that was my problem now. Without the stage to distract me, I had time to think.

My dressing room door was closed when I got there, but I knew that I hadn't left it that way. Fear took over my body as I pushed the door open and stepped inside. Half a dozen long stemmed yellow roses sat on the make-up table in a glass vase.

I smiled. My friends did remember my opening night. I picked up the card and scanned it, my face falling as my heart fell into my stomach.

'Maureen,

You look amazing. Congratulations.

Jo'

Tears welled up in my eyes once again. If I hadn't been so concerned with what the make up department would have done to me if I ruined my make up and the show in general, I would have broken down right then.

Instead, I dropped the card on the floor and ran out of the room, looking up and down the hall for any signs of Joanne. "Becca," I said, grabbing her by the arm as she walked by.

"Have you seen anybody in my dressing room?" I linked my arm through hers as we walked to her dressing room. "Umm...," She glanced over at me. "Someone walked in with flowers and then left in a hurry, why?" She asked, touching up her lipstick.

"Well, I found the flowers and I wondered who left them." I leaned against the door frame and crossed my arms.

"No card?" She asked, turning to look at me. The small smile on her lips made me want to forget Joanne. If only I could. "No card." I lied, forcing another fake smile.

"There's a party tonight after the show. The director wants to celebrate a successful opening night." It wasn't a question or a request, merely a statement to inform me of plans that I could be a part of. Almost an invitation, but not quite as risky.

The nervousness was evident in Becca's voice. She knew that I was going through a hard time with my break up and although I knew that she still wanted to hook up, I was grateful that she wasn't being as pushy as she had been before.

I didn't want to hurt anymore. Why was I wasting my life away waiting for a woman that obviously didn't love me when I had Becca, ready and waiting to hook up, no strings attached?

I ignored the little voice in the back of my head screaming that it was because I was in love with Joanne and I didn't just want to hook up with anyone else.

"Sounds like a party. I've been entirely to anti social the past few weeks."

I couldn't keep living the way I was. I felt empty. It wasn't fair. Here I was, suffering, and Joanne was off happily living her life. "You've had a lot to think about lately." Becca replied, giving me a questioning look.

"No more thinking," I replied, grabbing her hand and dragging her out of her dressing room. "Just acting. Which reminds me, I think we have a show to finish." I smiled, hoping that Joanne was still lurking back stage somewhere. I wanted to make her jealous.

"Are you sure?" One of Becca's eyebrows was arched as she glanced over at me. My smile grew into an almost clown like grin. "The show must go on." I said as we slid back behind the curtain. Turning on my microphone I winked at Becca, who rolled her eyes but blushed just the same.

It reminded me of when Joanne used to blush when I would kiss her in public. Her cheeks would turn a darker shade of brown and would be warm to the touch as she tried to do everything to avoid my eyes.

The curtain slowly crawled out of the way and my mind seemed to shut off as my body went on auto pilot. The rest of the show went smoothly and the audience reacted better than I ever could have dreamed.

As the curtain dropped after curtain calls, I was on an emotional high. Although nothing in my life seemed to be okay, my career was on the rise.

"Maureen, you're amazing. How do you do it?" Becca asked as we made our way to our dressing rooms. "Hey, when I'm hot, I'm hot." I said with a small shrug and a flirtatious smile. She just looked at me.

"I need a shower. Do you want to go to the party together?" I asked, standing outside my dressing room door. I felt like I had been on a really strange blind date. Becca smiled.

"I'll meet you here in an hour?" She asked happily. I nodded.

"I can't wait." My voice didn't sound as enthusiastic as I wanted it to. Becca didn't seem to notice.

"Great." She replied before practically floating off to her dressing room. I took a quick shower and dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a grey tank top. After doing my make-up I sat on the small couch in my dressing room and waited.

My mind began to run in overdrive as I waited for Becca. The roses across the room seemed to be mocking me. I didn't want them, couldn't stand the reminder of Joanne's ever dominate presence in my life.

But I couldn't just throw them out, either. I was dangerously trapped between needing the uptight lawyer in my life and refusing to give in. Moving on seemed to be my only option now.

As if on cue, a knock on my door brought me back to reality. Standing, I made my way to the door, straightening my shirt. With a deep breath, I pulled the door open and smiled.

"Ready to go?" She asked excitedly, holding her hand out to me. Taking her hand, I let her excitement be enough for the both of us.

The club was crowded and I instantly felt the beat of the music coursing through my veins. My hips started to sway slightly as Becca and I made our way to the bar. We both ordered shots and drank them quickly.

"Come on, let's celebrate." Becca said, taking my hand and dragging me off to the dance floor.

My body was instantly pressed against hers and we swayed in time to the music. As much as my heart wanted me to push her away and run off to find Joanne, my body needed the contact and I pulled her closer.

Three drinks later, my tongue was in Becca's mouth and her hands were on my stomach and quickly climbing higher. I pulled away, but her hands stayed under my shirt.

"Do you want to go somewhere more private?" The question sounded so much like 'Your place or mine' that I almost laughed.

I didn't want to hook up with her. I didn't want a one night stand and I didn't want a relationship. I just wanted to go back in time, where I could be safe in Joanne's arms forever.

Looking into Becca's eyes, I nodded, not trusting my voice. I was sure that if I said anything, my shell would break open and I would be left standing there, exposed.

We left the club almost instantly, much to the disappointment to the rest of the cast and crew. "Miss Reena isn't feeling very well." Becca lied, one of her arms around my waist. I knew they didn't believe her. They had seen us dancing, they knew that we were leaving to do.

The cab ride was silent and when we reached her apartment, the sex was rushed. Laying there, with Becca's head on my chest, her hand on my hip, I wanted to cry.

Joanne would never take me back now. Nothing could ever be the same again. I dressed quickly, Becca asking me a thousand questions that all earned the same answer. "Because I don't love you." I answered, making my way to the bedroom door.

She fell back against the pillows and sighed, rolling her eyes. "Who said anything about love?" She huffed as I walked out.

I couldn't feel anything, anymore. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the fact that I knew that I would never be able to be with Joanne again. Either way, I didn't know that I had reached my building until I heard the cab driver start to bitch.

Tossing some money in the front seat I dragged myself out of the cab and made my way up the stairs to my apartment. Halfway there Mark, Roger, and Mimi came storming down the stairs.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I noticed the tears rolling down Mimi's cheeks. "Angel's in the hospital." Mark answered, meeting my eyes.

"What?" I asked, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. Taking a deep breath, Mimi nodded.

"Collins just called. Come on." She said, taking my hand. We all crammed into the back of a cab, Mimi on Roger's lap and Mark squished in the middle.

Nothing was going right anymore. I felt like I had broken everything when I lost Joanne. My entire world was spiraling into oblivion. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned, meeting Mark's eyes.

Tears filled my eyes and my chin began to tremble. I looked away, not wanting Mark to see me cry. I felt his arms wrap around me and I broke, collapsing against his chest, my body shaking with the force of my sobs.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again.