Chapter one

(A/N If you have read any other of my stories the AN is always the same. My stories are true things that have all happened to me.

Just a little background information. My first eating disorder was in the second grade when I was told by my modeling agency that I was over weight. I weighed less than 40 pounds. I believed them. I got over that though.

I was Anorexic for 3 months at one point while I was in the 8th grade because of my parents fighting. My father has never ever beat me though. But they do blame me for a lot.

During my freshman year in high school I stopped eating over my Christmas break. I lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks. I was dieing but no body knew. I didn't even know. I had no clue I had a problem. I couldn't control my parents fighting but I could control my eating. When I didn't eat it made my entire body feel empty. Like my heart felt. I know that sounds lame but it is true.

When I went from being 5 7 and weighing 130 to weighting less that 100 pounds it got bad. My best friend told me that I was to thin and I looked disgusting. I didn't think I lost any weight at all. I had a disease called dismorphia. I never thought I was fat. I just didn't know I was losing weight.

I finally realized I had a problem in February when I stepped on the scale. I never would have done that if it wasn't for my boyfriend. When I saw how much I weighed, I told my counselor and nurse and I ended up going to a rehab.

Eating disorders are very dangerous. Please don't ever do this to your self. I wish I never did. But I can never change that part of my life. I am writing this story to teach everyone how bad these things are. Don't do it.)

My name is Samantha Manson. I am sixteen years old and my best friend is the town Hero. And I am his sidekick. I love the job. I mean I get to hangout with Danny the handsome hero and Tucker the biggest geek in the history of the Universe.

But the thing about Danny is one minute you could hate him to all hell and wish you had never even met him, I did that, the out come wasn't exactly good. But then he says something totally sweet and you wish that he would always be there holding you in his arms. He always tells me he will always be there for me, no matter what. I believe him.

I am not like most girls. I am gothic, and the color pink scares me out of my mind. Most girls' worry about their roots showing threw their fake blonde hair, or they complain about the sizes of their cuticle beds. I don't care about that. The worst one of them all is Paulina. To put it simple, she is a bitch. All she cares about is the way she looks and how much weight she wants to loose. She is made up of cold, hard, shiny Plastic. She is completely fake. But one day last week while I was in the bathroom I found out we have something in common.

Flash Back

I was in the bathroom after lunch doing my business when the door swung open. The person ran into the stall next to mine. Then I heard a sudden gagging noise then the unmistakable noise of somebody's lunch coming back up in reverse order. I shivered remembering those awful days. Then I heard the sound of a toilet flush and the click of somebody opening the door.

I quickly flushed then unlocked my door. There washing her mouth was Paulina. She just stared at me.

"How long have you been in here?" Paulina asked sounding seriously nervous.

"Long enough, Paulina I know we hate each other and all, but I know what your going through and all I can say is that you are better than that. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I don't know." She replied becoming suddenly interested with her pink toenails.

"Yes you do. Is it that you think you are fat? Because you aren't."

"Fine I don't like the way my body looks so I throw up, its nothing big. You promise you wont tell anyone right?"

"Its not okay it is awful for you. If you don't want me to tell then your secret is safe with me. I promise." I smiled and she smiled back and muttered quick thanks as she left the bathroom.

End of flashback

I felt tears start to well up in my eyes remembering thought of the early days. When I was fourteen. The problem with me starting to cry is Danny is standing right next to me.

"Sam what's the matter? Are you okay?" Danny asked me as I wiped some tears from my eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine." I said as if nothing was wrong in a kind of cold voice, Danny wiped a small tear out of my eye.

"I know when you are okay and when you are not okay. What is the matter with you I haven't seen you tear up since we were 14 when you told me abou…? It isn't about when we were 14 is it?"

I nodded. When we were 14, my parents were getting in these huge fights all of the time. It ripped me up in side. When she had said she wanted a divorce. He just slapped her. When I told him to leave my mother the hell alone. He'd threaten me with, "if you don't shut the hell up I'll put a restraining order on you little boyfriend Danny." The reason for all of these lame fights was that He is always drunk. Totally shit faced drunk. It really scared me when he would come home and just yell at my mother and I.

When my Mother stopped crying at all the insults he gave her. She would just kick him. So now he takes his anger out on me. He knows I wont do anything because I don't want to never to be able to see Danny again. I like Danny a lot well I actually think I love Danny. It would be hell going through life without him.

Well my father got to the point where he would scream at me saying I am disgustingly fat. Then he would hit me until I cried. To him, I am just in the way of his business. I am also only a mistake for a daughter. He told me everything would be so much easier if I was never even born.

My mom used to drive me crazy with trying to convince me to wear pink mini skirts and white flowery and sparkly dresses. But lately she has been buying me a lot of expensive Goth outfits. I think it is out of pity that she can't do anything about my father's abuse. But she seems to finally understand that I am not a prep. Whenever my father would beat me she would standup for me. Causing him to hit her instead this caused her to flinch in pain. It made me want to start cry and run up to him and grab his fists.

Every time my father would my dad would beat my mother or I he would scream, "Sam, you are a slut. A hoe, I know what you do with that Fenton boy. You are such a Whore. I can't believe he would even want you. He probably doesn't even want you. He is probably just using you for sex. You are so fat and ugly that I am surprised he hasn't left you standing in the dust for some other girl."

I would just cry and scream at him, "he isn't using me. We aren't doing anything. Danny would never ever just leave me. He is my best friend. He always has been, and he always will be. I am not some kind of Prostitute. I am one of the most conservative people I know. Danny and I have never had sex. Don't ever accuse me."

After a while, it started to get to me. One night while tucker was helping Danny beat Skulker, My family was eating dinner that our cook Sebastian made for us. My father said it again. This time it got to me. Normally I just ignore him or tell him that he is drunk and isn't making sense but this time it hurt. I asked my mom to be excused. She just nodded.

That night changed my life forever. When I ran upstairs, I ran right into my bathroom. I stared into the toilet decided whether or not to do it. I want to make my father proud. I started to shake. He wants me thinner so ok I'll do it. I stuck my fingers in the back of my throat and wiggled my fingers. This caused everything I ate to come right back up. I started to cry. It burned my throat, but I did it again and watched every thing I have eaten that night come back up. I flushed the toilet and slumped against the counter in the bathroom and I ended up crying myself to sleep. I just slept in the bathroom that night.