Jack meanwhile was led down to the dungeons. His eyes opened wide in surprise they had to be the cleanest dungeons he had ever been in, and he had sampled quite a few in his time. They seemed to be free of noxious smells and no rats were to be seen. The cell he was put in had clean straw on the floor and even a pallet to sleep on which was devoid of the usual fleas and bed bugs. Jack had been in many a tavern less salubrious than this. He suspected that whatever the future held for him at the moment it didn't include him dangling on the end of a rope. The gaoler even fed him, proper bread too, not crawling with maggots and clean water to drink. The rest of the cells were empty so with the only alarming prospect in his immediate future being boredom; the captain settled down for a few hours shut-eye.
Jack was taken from his cell a little later into the presence of a short stocky individual with almost as many braids in his hair as Jack himself.
"My name is Gimli" the dwarf informed him "and the King has asked that I represent you. It seems the pointy eared prince wasn't up to the task but I assure you I can easily deal with any nonsense you care to send my way although I wouldn't advise it if I were you."
Jack looked at the heavily armoured figure who was stroking his axe as if it were a lover.
"The mere thought had never even begun to have the remotest ever possibility of starting to enter my head!" the Captain informed him, eying the axe with some alarm.
There was a short pause whilst Gimli worked this out.
"Good" he said gruffly "Now what is it you have done."
"How," Jack asked puzzled "Is me telling you anything going to help?" After all you can hardly expect me to admit to committing crimes…..if" and here Jack held up a finger, "if I committed said crimes which I am not admitting, if you see what I mean?"
There was another pause and Gimli's lips moved for a few moments.
"Hah!" he exclaimed loudly causing the Captain to jump. "Aragorn explained all this to me; he says you are innocent until proven guilty"
"Meaning?"
The dwarf's brow furrowed for a minute and he muttered into his beard.
"Hah! He exclaimed again.
Jack tentatively touched Gimli on the shoulder.
"Do you think you could stop doing that? It's not good for me nerves."
"You can tell me what you did but I'm not allowed to tell them."
"And this helps me how?" Jack asked nodding to encourage this unlikely ally.
"You tell me what happened and I make the best of it to the court, I can ask you questions you see and we can put our own meaning on it so to speak."
"So," Jack said slowly "let me get this straight, I tell you what happened in here, and then we go out there and you ask me what happened and I lie about it –
"No!"
"No?"
"You have to tell the truth."
"To return to my earlier question…this helps me how? …. And please don't say Hah again!"
"It's all rather complicated" the dwarf admitted.
"I'll say" Jack muttered rolling his eyes heavenwards.
"Tell you what matey" Jack whispered. How's about I just speak for myself and you can agree with me Savvy?"
"Aye that might work" the dwarf said trying and failing to remember all of Aragorn's rather long and involved talk on the Gondorian justice system.
Sparrow was led back into the audience chamber accompanied by a slightly troubled looking Gimli, which caused Aragorn to wonder what was about to happen next.
"We will hear your defence now Captain," Aragorn informed him.
Jack clapped his hands together before mincing up to the throne.
"This is where we ask questions right?"
"Correct." the King affirmed.
To Aragorn's utter astonishment Jack began talking to himself.
"Captain Sparrow!" Jack drawled did you commit the crimes of which you are accused."
"Most certainly not" Jack answered himself
"Thought not, didn't I always say what a fine upstanding member of society you were?"
"Captain Sparrow, what are you doing?" Aragorn asked heavily.
"Your rules matey…I mean majesty I'm conducting me own defence!"
Aragorn cast a glance at Gimli who was looking at the floor, the ceiling and anywhere but the King. There was a suspicion of a blush between beard and eyebrows.
"You are not required to cross examine yourself" Aragorn explained, suspecting Jack knew this already.
"I'm not?"
"No you are not" Aragorn said pinching the bridge of his nose.
Jack gave a slow lazy smile.
"Well in that case.. Gents I think I have taken up enough of your valuable time so if you will excuse me.."
He turned and made for the exit only to have the sentries move their spears in front of him.
Jack carefully felt the tip of the spear and then waved his finger about before sucking on it as if he had been cut.
"Very good lads." he said, "Spears nice and sharp well done…carry on!"
"Captain" Aragorn summoned, in a tone of voice he might use to a recalcitrant child.
"Here!" Jack affirmed strolling back giving the king a cheerful grin.
"What were you doing on the trading vessel White Tower?"
"Just having a look, she's a pretty boat."
"You were found in cargo hold with several valuable items in your possession – what have you to say to that?
"They were pretty too!"
"And then when you were found by the captain's wife you attempted to seduce her – I expect you are going to tell me she was pretty?"
"Actually" Jack admitted "not pretty as such but it's been a while since I put ashore so to speak and I wasn't too fussy but the wench refused me…funny that."
You then assaulted the master of the vessel and the first mate.
"Not pretty at all" Jack commented helpfully, in fact the captain looked a lot better with the pot over 'is 'ead!"
"You then stole a horse"
"Borrowed, I was going to bring it back but it took off with me atop it and it didn't stop till it got to the tavern."
Then you had without permission or intention to pay for them several measures of wine.
"Needed a drink to steady me nerves after being on the bolting horse!" Jack explained as if it were the most reasonable thing in the world.
Aragorn had heard enough, he hadn't doubted for a moment that the man was guilty but the proper form had to be observed.
"Captain Sparrow, I find you guilty on all charges; you will make recompense to all those who you have injured or robbed.
Jack stroked his chin thoughtfully.
"Haven't got a penny to me name – sorry an' all that."
"I hadn't finished" Aragorn told him sternly. I suspected you could not at present pay your debts and part of your sentence will include labouring for the good of all the citizens.
"Don't much like the sound of that!" Jack muttered to himself.
"Furthermore" Aragorn continued ignoring the muttering, "You will take part in an expedition to rid Gondor of some murderous corsairs who have been raiding our shores. As you are a sailor your experience will be useful." Yes what is it?
Jack had raised his hand.
"Supposing I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request – what happens then?"
"Then I send you to the King of Rohan to serve out your sentence as a stable hand – They have a lot of horses and they always need people to clean out the stables… and incidentally it was not a request!"
"Rohan, Rohan" Jack mused "Don't think I know it."
"Landlocked!" Legolas informed him smugly.
For the first time Jack looked alarmed.
"So when do we start our little expedition?"
"Once all the preparations are made" Aragorn informed him, in the meantime you will spend your days labouring or practicing with the sword and your nights in the cells, Legolas, would you please see to it that the Captain has an opportunity to bathe."
"Certainly Sire" Legolas said smirking.