Hell (and what to expect).
You never hear a thing from people who have gone to Hell.
Maybe it's due to lack of phone, postal, or Internet service... or perhaps they're just having so much fun and don't care to keep in touch! But that's doubtful unless they truly love the heat.
It's generally accepted that Hell is hot. But is it hot and humid like Miami, or a dry heat like Palm Springs?
Our theory?
Hell is 'hellish', probably real hot, the beer is always warm, and the steaks are never pink inside when you ask for medium rare - they're burned - and you might be too if you happen to end up there, metaphorically speaking.
Some say "you'll burn in Hell" but does this mean your skin will be peeling for all eternity like a day in the tropics without your sun block?
It seems that Hell is subject to interpretation, and speaking of that, maybe it's a place where no one speaks your language and just keeps telling you 'sorry, no English'. Wait a second, that may be where you live now!
Who knows? Maybe Hell is an eternal repeat of your worst day, or being forced to watch endless looped Three's Company reruns, or that feeling that you have to pee but there's no rest stop for 100 miles. Use your imagination but we're not seeing any reports (or postcards) saying people are having a great time in Hell.
Whatever Hell is, we do know it will be hellish (goes with the territory), and we can pretty much count on it being eternal (which seems like a very long time).
Maybe there's more to Hell than you bargained for and perhaps Hell also includes one or more of the following (in no particular order):
Constant
sinus headaches
Bloating (with gas)
Heat
Devils (and other
creepy stuff)
Cheap diner food
Lousy waiter service
More
heat
Psoriasis
Relentless diarrhea
Night
sweats
Overcrowded housing
A lot more heat
Serious
heartburn
Dry heaves
Rashes (probably from
heat)
Scabies
Everything a la carte
Bad
hair days (every day)
Sweaty palms (from the heat)
No free
refills
Yakking, pesky neighbors
Severe abdominal pain
Rude,
inconsiderate people
Hot dogs on a stick
Tax on everything
No
vacation time
A lot of people complaining
(primarily about the
heat)
Bunions
Nose pickers
Mucus
Canceled flights
out
Extremely hot heat
Boils, warts, severe acne
Ear wax
Vermin (and
related)
TV Guide recipes
Hot pockets
Relentless heat
No
clocks
Reruns (every season)
Crabs (human and otherwise)
Tuna
helper
Calendars that never change
Locusts and other pests
No
change in the weather
Unclean bed sheets
Spiders and
related
Weasels (human type)
Inept civil servants
Nothing
new (ever)