AN: Okay, so this is the Product of a week in bed with a chest infection, hyped up on antibiotics and with no coffee, with nothing but my Stargate dvd's and My old videos (you remember videos...those old fashioned things...!)Miss Congeniality being one of them.
I realise Amanda Tapping is too pretty for this to work exactly the same, but give it a chance!
As always f/b is appreciated. Im not begging, just whining a tiny bit in a relatively cute fashion...:D
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She was at it again. It didn't irritate him as much as it used to. Infact, he quite liked her freakishly superior intellect when it saved their collective asses, and occasionally, you know, the entire planet.
But one day she was going to work herself into the ground. He wasn't quite sure what Hammond's emergency briefing was about, but the intelligence came from the FBI, which suggested this mission was going to be a doozy.
He had a sneaky suspicion Carter wasreally going to regret working late tonight.
"Carter, I'm sure that, seeing as I gave you an order to go home tonight, and you're a good little Major who doesn't disregard a CO's good intentions, you wereactually planning on going home tonight? Right?"
"Yes Sir." She blushed, having the good graces to look embarassed at least.
"I meant to Sir, I was just finishing this last simulation, and then the outcome from that meant I had to do this one..." She sighed, and for a moment he believed she didn't actually want to be there, but she was just dedicated.
And then he realised she was sighing because he'd just snapped a very delicate piece of plastic in his fingers.
"Important slide Carter?"
"Only the one with the possible answer to our existence Sir." She said quietly.
He raised his eyebrows. "That was close to humorous Major. I'd be careful." He smiled.
"Anyway, Danny didn't leave either. But he responded to my caring sentiment by saying "Piss off you halfwit" in Goa'uld." Jack shrugged.
She raised an eyebrow.
"What? Teal'c taught me some useful phrases!"
"I'm sure that's going to come in handy some day Sir, really." She grinned.
"So are you going home now?" She gave up on her experiment-her CO was a far more fascinating enigma.
"Nope, that's why I came to find you. Hammond's called an emergency meeting. Apparently the FBI have a heads up on some Goa'uld activity."
"We're not going to have to coordinate with a head-up-his-ass liason are we?" She sighed.
"No, but I'm glad you share my sentiment. Will you come with me to get Danny? I'm kinda worried he wasn't joking when he said he would throw something ancient and heavy at me next time I disturbed him." He pretended to look scared.
"Sure." She packed up her experiments and turned off the lights as they left the lab.
"So any idea what it's about?" She asked him, wondering why he was grinning inanely as they reached Daniel's Lab.
"What?"
"What the intelligence is about?" She asked curiously. "What are you grinning at?"
He put a finger to his lips and "Shushed" her, still grinning.
"Look!" He whispered, pointing at Daniel, who was asleep, his head on his papryus and documents and photographs. With each exhale, the feathers on the Maat headdress moved away, and everytime they he inhaled, they moved closer, and he sneezed. It was like clockwork.
Jack gave Sam a mischevious grin, and tiptoed up to where Daniel was sleeping, leaning in close and bellowed in his ear.
"DANIEL!"
Daniel Jackson, though appearing like a man who would be slow to anger, was actually capable of being quite pissed off at times, and this was one of those times.
"Jack! What the hell?"
"Well, you were drooling on an ancient Mayan rock, and I thought you'd be upset if it decomposed further." He said smugly, nudging Carter with his elbow, and yet somehow moving behind her in an effort to protect himself from Daniel's wrath.
"Hammond wants to see us. Important Briefing." Sam informed him, before smiling and singing enticingly "There'll be coffee..."
Daniel rubbed his face vigorously, and nodded walking out of his office, and pushing Jack a little harder than necessary. They continued to bicker all the way to the briefing room, all the while further convincing Sam that she was "The Girl".
And for once, if it meant she didn't have to squabble with her team mates, she realised she was fine with it.
Which, she reflected later on, was bitterly ironic.
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"Nice of you to join us." Hammond said snippily as the three of them entered.
Noticing Teal'c already settled in his seat with a mug of coffee, Daniel bounded over, and whilst drinking three cups in about sixty seconds, proceeded to tell Teal'c all about thefascinating culture of p3x bla bla bla.
"Sir, with all due respect, it is 3.30 am. If any of us had lives and were at home, it would have taken longer." Jack stared pointedly at Carter.
"Lives are overrated." She said simply.
"Glad you think so Major, because the FBI have decided SG1 be the team to carry out this mission." Hammond started.
"Approximately forty minutes ago I got a message from an Intelligence agent, who has been granted knowledge of the program, that there is a Goa'uld on Earth."
"Again." Jack prompted.
"Apparently so. They used a naquadah sensor, so they know the Goa'uld is in the vicinity, but they have no idea who it's in, why it's there or what it's planning to do." Hammond said, sounding suddenly like he didn't like the plan he was about to present.
"Where is it?"
"San Antonio, Texas."
"Home of the Alamo." Jack supplied.
"Anyway, the FBI, having no appropriate officer for this undercover mission asked that we take over. A small task force, backing up one undercover officer."
Jack opened his mouth, but Hammond wasn't sure whether it was to protest, ask more questions or volunteer. Damn, the man could be asking for permission to use the can, he didn't care. He had to tell them.
"The undercover agent will be Major Carter." He said quickly, but with attempted authority.
He loved Sam Carter, really he did. She was the smartest person he knew, she was a brilliant officer, and he'd loved her as a little girl when her mother and his wife had organised the barbeques in the summer years ago. But he knew she was going to hate this.
"Sir, no disrespect to Carter here," He paused, checking with her as she nodded in agreement, "But I've got Black Ops training. I could do this."
"Actually Colonel, I doubt even you could pull this off." He unfolded a brochure which he place in a folder and passed over.
"And Major Carter was also Black Ops for a while, before joining the Pentagon and making this program a reality." Better to butter her up first, before she blew up. He thought cringingly.
He remembered when Jake used to blow up at him. That man had a temper, and from what he remembered of Samantha's childhood, and her teen years, it was genetic.
Jack's eyes widened as he looked at the document Hammond had passed him, he looked at Carter, then looked away, then looked back again in fear.
"Sir? You okay?" She asked sweetly, concerned.
Oh, she was so going to hurt someone when she found out. Oh dear god, he was going to be roasting over a fire.
"Carter, I want you to know I am just as shocked, and kind of appalled too, that this is why they chose you..."
"What?" Carter tried to look over at what he was reading, but he covered it quickly.
"I don't know what you're trying to insinuate Colonel." Hammond started, with very little passion.
"Major Carter was chosen because she can sense the Goa'uld, usually, and she also has a background in Black Ops, andyes because, this task happens to need a woman."
Jack shook his head as he threw the leaflet on the table in resignation.
"I amnot so pleased to introduce Miss Samantha FreeHart, this years Miss Colorado, and our entrance to the Miss United States Beauty Pageant."
Oh crap, she was going to kill him...then again, if he got to see her in a swimming costume before he died, itmay be worth it.
She was glaring at him. Jack swallowed loudly.
Maybe not.
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Usually, Sam Carter was a very normal person. Sure, she did amazing things for a living. But she was level headed, kept her temper even when she wanted to scream, and did what her superiors asked.
When her superiors shipped her off to the Pentagon without telling her why, even though it was two am, she got up, packed and went. When they told her to wait patiently, that she couldn't organise a rescue mission, that it would always be Jack O'Neill risking his life for everyone, she did what she was told.
And if she tried REALLY hard, she could do it all with a cup of coffee in one hand, a P90 in her other, and a smile on her face.
But she was NOT doing this.
And now she was sulking.
Something Jack would have found quite appealing and unCarterlike, if he wasn't somehow being blamed for this fiasco. Probably because he'd been asked to lead the Op, but that was all Hammond, not him! Hammond, the old goat. He knew she would get pissed, and thought he'd get Jack in trouble.
"Come on." Jack said firmly, taking his life in his hands, or rather, grabbing Carter's hand, taking her away from her Lab, and dragging her all the way to the Gym.
He passed her the gloves and pointed to the punchbag. She nodded, taking off her jacket. And proceeded to kick the crap out of the thing.
Jack held the bag still for her.
"Ya know, it wasn't my idea Carter."
A low kick.
"Mn hmm." Was the only reply.
"Because I would never single you out in this way."
Right Hook.
"Yep."
"In fact, I think it's awful."
Left Knee, high kick, left hook, forward punch.
"Degrading..."
Kick. Kick. Kick.
"Unfair."
Punch. Punch. Punch.
"Downright wrong."
High kick...with a little too much force.
"Damnit Carter!" Jack rubbed his temple.
"Sorry Sir." She threw off the gloves and sank down on the mat. "I know you had nothing to do with this."
She took a swig of the water bottle he passed her as he sat down beside her.
"I've spent my whole life working against girls like that, you know? I mean..." She shook her head.
"You were a jock in high school right? Hockey?" She asked.
"Yeah."
"Didn't really concentrate in Class, Very popular? Dated a whole host of cheerleading bimbos with the IQ of your average garden toad?" She smiled tiredly.
"Um, yes to the first two, but for the most partI dated my ex-wife throughout high school. Before that, I was more of a geek salivating over said bimbo cheerleaders." He shrugged. "What's this about?"
"I was a geek. WhichI guess is fairly evident. I mean, I was an army brat obviously, but before being shipped off to military school,I was the quiet geeky girl who got tortured by the future Miss America's who would give anything for World Peace, and yet couldn't spare any for me."
"Wow. Sorry."
She shrugged. smiling. "I wasn't too bothered, I'd rather check out rates of reaction in the labs than hang out with the Anorexia fan club, but it used to piss me off. Just, people's attitude ya know? These girls think they can have everything because they're pretty. And half the time they do! It's amazing really!" She vented, clenching her teeth.
"And then, you have people like McKay-"
"Asshole McKay?"
"Yeah...called me a blond bimbo...but I'm getting off track. The point is, they are everything that is the polar opposite of me. Send me to a Goa'uld infested planet with nothing but an M16 and three grenades-I'd prefer it!"
"I don't think I've ever heard you so against a mission before. You actually don't want to do this." Jack said, almost to himself.
"I can't do it." She said simply, shaking her head. "I don't know how to be one of them! I can't do it." She rested her head on her knees.
Jack placed a hand on her back comfortingly.
"Hey, look at me."
She turned so he could see her eyes, still shadowed by her arms.
"There is something I found out a while ago, and I thought you knew it, being the big bad brain that you are-" She snorted in laughter.
"But apparently you don't, so I better tell you. There is NOTHING you can't do. I have seen you do things I didn't even know were possible. You screw my head up so bad I wonder if i didn't just imagine you or something sometimes, ya know? If you can blow up a sun, you can win a beauty pageant." He shrugged, nodding as she started to smile.
"No one said anything about winning." She smiled.
"Well, personally, I think you could, but I'm slightly biased, being your most adoring fan and all that." He wiggled his eyebrows. "So, you feeling a bit better?"
She smiled at him, the special, hundred watt smile he liked to think she saved for him.
"You know, as much as you hate to be sentimental, you're pretty good at the pep talks."
"I know, it's a gift!" He stood up and offered her a hand, "Want to go to the mess for that awful blue Jello you seem to love so much?"
"Sure."
She took his hand and stood up, and as they went to separate, he held her hand for a fraction of a second longer.
"Carter, you can have everything too. You just get it in spite of your beauty, instead of because of it. And, it's just me here, but isn't that preferable?" Jack said quietly.
"I think it is." She nodded as he released her hand and they started down the corridor to the Mess.
"So when do we leave?" She asked, not dreading the answer as much.
"About four hours. We're flying the Private Jet, courtesy of Hammond Airlines. We've got to pick up a passenger first. A fruit and nutcake Brit called Vic Melling, or something."
"Who's he?"
"Your stylist, manager and general beautification coach."
"Oh good, because I was worried this was going to be awkward time, full of people judging my appearance and trying to change me. Glad I was wrong."
"Sarcasm as a defence mechanism? Wow, I'm so proud."
"Well, It feels pretty damn good." She answered wryly as they entered the Mess. She was going to fill up on as much Jello as she could possibly manage.
She had the sneaking suspicion that a "general beautification Coach" wouldn't let her eat anything blue and wobbly for a while.
And whilst she was at it, she'd stash some chocolate bars down her bra too.
TBC (if ya guys like? Si or No?)