Chapter 1: Bad News

Author's notes: This is a very AU story. What if Dean never came and got Sam that night? What if Sam never spoke to this father or brother the whole time he was at Stanford? It's eight years after he left home and Sam gets a phone call that will change his life. No it is not a death fic but it does involve character death after the fact. For you Sammy girls who love angst this one's for you. For you Dean girls, I'll apologize ahead of time, you'll understand soon enough.

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It was just before 6:00 am California time when the house phone rang. Getting up early was nothing new to Sam; he'd been doing it for years now. Some how he always ended up with classes that started at god o'fuck o'clock in the morning. These days the baby woke him up more than anything else. Having already checked on him, he started reading one of the numerous law books that always seemed to be every where in the dining room.

Always when the phone rang, for a just a second he wished it was his brother, but Sam knew in his heart though that those calls had stopped years ago. Never answered, never returned. Sam figured Dean probably just got tired of not getting a response so he just quit trying. Hearing the phone ring a third time he reached over and answered it hoping it hadn't woken Jessica or the baby up.

"Hello" he answered in a sleepy voice.

"I'm sorry if I've woken you but I'm looking for someone named Sam Winchester" the voice asked him. Sam suddenly felt very cold.

"Umm you're speaking to him. How can I help you?" He instantly felt dread. It had to be bad news, who else would call him at 6:00 in the morning?

"Ahh Mr. Winchester, I'm Dr. Katchen. I'm the Chief Psychiatrist here at Mountain View Psychiatric Hospital in Hawthorn, Pennsylvania. We have a man here; he's really quite ill right now. We've been treating him for a few weeks now and I didn't know who to contact because he didn't carry any ID on him. After looking through his things we decided to start calling numbers we found in his cell phone. Yours was the last number called so we decided to start there. We tried calling the number listed in his cell phone for you but it seems to have been disconnected." The voice continued after reading off to Sam the old phone number.

"Yeah I don't use that phone number any more, haven't for years, so how did you find me?" Sam asked almost afraid to find out.

"I have some connections in law enforcement. Really I was desperate, please don't think I was trying to spy on you, but once I found out your name, I was able to pull up your name online in the phone directory. You are still living in California are you not?" the Doctor asked trying to verify Sam's connection to the man in his ward.

"Yes, I just graduated from Stanford law school." Sam replied

"Congratulations that's quite an honor. I have several friends who are alumni of that fine school." The Doctor absently rambled on.

"Doctor I don't mean to be rude but is there a reason why you are calling?" Sam asked getting exasperated at the doctor's pokiness.

"I'm sorry I got off track. This man here, since he's been brought in, has been exhibiting signs of post traumatic syndrome. I've also diagnosed him as being bipolar manic depressive with psychotic features. He hasn't said much to our staff here. Really he hasn't said anything at all except one name over and over again and then only when we found him rocking on the floor. Like I said earlier he didn't carry any ID on him when he was found wandering in the streets. I was hoping you could help us identify him. Perhaps you are a family member?" Sam could hear hope in the man's voice. Sam hesitated before he asked his next question.

"What does the man look like? Is he older or around 30?" he asked surprised that his voice shook a little bit.

"This man is definitely older than 30. I'd say at least in his late 50's early 60's of course when you live on the street like this man has obviously done, you age a lot faster than normal. Still I'm quite sure he is not a man around 30. Do you know who this is?" the Doctor went on to tell Sam a near perfect description of his father.

"He's my father." Sam barely got the words out as the information sunk in. Part of him was hoping it was Dean not his father. "His name is John Winchester."

"John Winchester. At last we can call him by his rightful name. It always bothers me when we don't find out who a person is right away. So many people get lost in the system both here and on the streets. Did you know your father was living on the streets? When was the last time you talked to him?" The Doctor was asking him questions he wasn't ready to answer. Sam stayed silent for a moment before answering.

"My father and I haven't spoken in 8 yrs Doctor Katchen. I haven't seen him nor have I heard from him in all those years. So no I didn't know he was living on the streets. He threw me out of the house when I was 18 and I stayed gone, is that enough information for you?" Sam could feel the old anger creeping up into his voice. The Doctor hesitated before he asked the next question unsure of the reaction he would get.

"Then Dean would be your brother?" he asked immediately knowing but needing that confirmation before he told this man any further information. "I only ask because that was the name your father kept repeating when we first admitted him."

Dean…. where the hell was Dean? If he wasn't with Dad then where the hell was he? Sam knew he never would have let their father live on the streets. Sam felt the blood drain from his face.

"Yes Dean is my brother. I haven't spoken to him in that same amount of time either Doctor. What's going on?"

"I was afraid of that. Son I don't know how to tell you. I only know about it because we found his obituary among the few items your father carried…" the Doctor never had a chance to finish his sentence.

"Whaaat? Whaaaaaat?" Sam stammered as he heard the word obituary. He felt his body go limp and he dropped the phone. Slowly he fell off the chair and landed on the dining room floor going numb. Dean was dead? How the hell could Dean be dead? And why the hell didn't this father call and let him know his only brother had died. Jesus Christ! Sam was cursing and muttering before he realized the Doctor was calling his name. He slowly picked up the phone again.

"He's dead? How is that possible? How the hell did he die? When the hell did he die?" he started shouting out questions faster that the Doctor could answer.

"I'm sorry I don't really have too much information Mr. Winchester. There was a newspaper clipping along with the obituary. Apparently your brother died in some sort of automobile accident." Sam could hear the man looking through some papers on his desk. "Yes it was an automobile accident According to the clipping the car was on fire and before bystanders could get to your brother the car exploded. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this. I know this must be very stressful."

"When…." Sam voice was almost a whisper now.

"May 4th 2006." The Doctor answered

"Three years…..You're telling me my brother has been dead for three years. I don't believe you. No… no you can't be telling me the truth. Someone would have called me. Someone would have let me know. We have friends damn it…why didn't someone try to call me?" Sam was almost to the point of hysteria.

Right then Jessica came into the dinning room, fear on her face, when she heard Sam screaming.

"Sammy, Sammy what is it?" she started asking immediately scared to find him crying, sitting on the floor. She knelt down next to him and listened as he spoke to someone on the phone. Sam nodded a few times as who ever was speaking to him tried to calm him down. This went on for another few minutes until Jessica heard Sam say good bye and drop the phone again.

"Sammy?" she asked grabbing his hand wiping the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

"It's Dean…. He's dead Jess. He's dead and no one bother to call me about it. He's been dead over three years Jess…three years. I never had a chance to say goodbye." Jessica wrapped her arms around Sam and held him tight as he started to sob on her shoulder. Rubbing her hands on his back she rocked him through his tears and they stayed that way until Sam was able to recover. Finally Sam pulled back and slumped against the wall.

"You must think I'm an idiot." He said avoiding her eyes.

"Sammy you just found out your brother died. It's okay to cry, really it is. Who was that on the phone?" she pulled his chin up and looked him straight in the eye.

"That was some Doctor in Pennsylvania. Apparently Dads' had some sort of break down and is in a mental institution, not that I'm surprised about that. I guess they've been trying to find out who he was and started calling all the numbers in his cell phone. Since mine was the last number dialed I got to hear the news first, lucky me eh? The Doctor said they were able to trace my last number, find out my last name, and then he just looked me up on line, just like that. I had to hear about this from some stranger Jess. I can't believe someone, especially with the kind of friends my father has, I cant believe someone could do what that Doctor did and find out where I was." He looked down at his hands and shook his head.

"I hurt him Jess. I really hurt Dad when I left but he hurt me too. Did I hurt him so badly that he thought he couldn't call me and tell me about Dean? Did he think I wouldn't give a damn? He was my brother for Christ sake. I loved him." Suddenly he started to cry again. Jess held his hand and let his tears fall for all the lost chances he was never going to have again. After a few minutes Sam collected himself and started to stand up.

"I have to go to Pennsylvania. I've got to see Dad." he said moving around the dining room gathering up all his books. "I know we don't have a lot of money right now so I'll have to drive. I think the car will make it. Ummm... I'll call work and explain there's been a death in the family. Oh god." He stopped as he spoke the words. Jessica took his hand again as he went silent.

"Nonsense, you can't drive that far Sam, you'll have to fly. I've got some money saved. I can borrow the rest from my parents. You know they love you as if you are there own, I'm sure they'll help. I'll give them a call right now." Jessica gave his hand a quick squeeze.

Sam hesitated. He hated to ask his in-laws for more money. They had already been so generous with his school bills and the baby. They knew that even though Sam had kept a job the whole time he was in law school money was always tight for them. He was so grateful they understood that until he passed the bar and actually started to practice it would continue to be so. But still, this was a Winchester problem and he hated to drag them into it. He was about to tell Jessica to not call her parents when she looked at him and read his mind.

"Samuel Winchester don't you dare tell me this is a family thing and you need to take care of it without my help. I married you for better or for worse and this is the worse. Now go pack while I talk to my father." She gave him a stern look and right away he remembered why he married her. She was the only girl he'd ever dated who saw through all his crap and gave it right back at him.

"Tell your folks thanks." He said as he kissed her on the cheek. Moving past her he headed to their bedroom to pack.

Hours later they stood outside the passenger drop off saying goodbye. Sam hugged Jessica tightly until the baby started to fuss because Sam had accidentally squished him against his mother. He took the baby from Jessica and gave him a quick kiss.

"Keep Mommy company Brendan, Daddy will be back in a few days." He gave the baby another kiss before handing him back to Jessica.

"Call me as soon as you land ok, sweetie." she told him. The baby started to giggle on her hip as Sam made faces at him. "Go on you goof ball." Sam leaned over and kissed her quickly as she started to laugh at him.

"I promise as soon as I land." He agreed giving her a quick smile. He tousled his son's hair before turning around and heading into the airport towards security. Jessica watched until she could see him no longer then turned headed back home.

Tbc

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Authors note: I'm not sure how long I'm gonna make this story. I have a few chapters in mind of course so I know there will be at least 3 or 4, possibly more if I get a run on it. You know how that goes. For the Dean girls out there I promise his story will be told in flash backs. I just can't totally ignore him, he is Dean after all. I mean just what exactly was he doing all those years without Sammy. We'll just have to see won't we? Thanks for reading and please leave a review.