A Friend In Need
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were.
Authior's Note: Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed my other stories. Really 'preciate it.
December, 1975
Ennis Del Mar was sitting at his usual spot at the usual bar drinking his usual beer before heading home. The only thing different tonight was the fact that he was drinking more than usual. Tonight he was drinking to quit thinking. Tonight he didn't wanna think about his divorce from Alma or they things she'd said at Thanksgiving. Tonight he didn't wanna think about Jack showing up after receiving his card about said divorce or the look in his eyes as Ennis had sent him back to Childress. Tonight he just didn't wanna think, period. But, life doesn't always give you what you want.
Long about his fourth or fifth beer, he noticed and old man on the other end of the bar looking in his direction. At this point he was ready to lay into anyone who so much as looked at him cross-eyed, but, he suddenly got the nagging suspicion that this old man looked very familiar. Fuck it, he thought, he don't look familiar enough to be staring at me.
Getting ready to head over there to give the old man a knuckle sandwich with a boot to the chin for desert, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around ready to beat the shit out of whoever it was who dared to touch him, he was shocked to discover the old man standing there.
"Howdy," the old man said sliding onto the barstool next to him. "Looks like you could use a friend about now. Can I buy ya a beer?" Without waiting for a response, the old man hollers out, "Hey, Dave, bring my friend and I another round."
"Sure thing, Rich," Dave hollers back. Setting the beers in front of them, Dave says, "Here ya go, Rich."
"Thanks," Rich replies watching Ennis out of the corner of his eye seeing him go pale and staring right at him in disbelief.
"As you mighta hears, names Rich," Rich finally introduced himself. "And that I've been watching ya fer awhile. Funny thing is, I can place your face and where your from, but, I don't know your name."
"Ennis," Ennis manages to get out around the feeling of dread and shock still in his system. "Ennis Del Mar. And if your who I think ya are, I know the whole story."
Curious, Rich turns to Ennis with a raised eyebrow. "And just what story would that be, Ennis Del Mar?" he asks.
Doing something he very rarely does, Ennis looks Rich in the eye and says, "The story of you and Earl." He doesn't fail to notice the look of pain that flashes across Rich's face at the mention of Earl's name. Even all these years later, Rich still feels the pain of losing his best friend and soul mate.
"Well, that's an old story and a long time ago. How'd ya hear about it anyway?" Rich asked, trying to hide the tremor in his voice and failing.
Suddenly feeling very conspicuous, Ennis again does a Jack Twist and invites Rich back to his place so they can talk in private. Rich agrees. He's not afraid anymore. In fact, if Ennis wanted to kill him right now, he'd gladly let him. He's tired of living without Earl.
The ride from the bar was done in total silence, each man thinking of thinks unsaid and undone in their lives. After arriving at Ennis trailer, they sat in the kitchen both with another beer in their hands.
"Ya know," Rich finally breaks the silence. "If this was Sage, just talking to me at the bar would have branded ya a queer."
"I ain't no queer," Ennis says, "but, I'm pretty sure you and I have something in common."
"Wanna tell me bout him?" Rich asks, a little surprised at this. "Don't gott if'n ya don't wanna."
The silence stretched long enough that Rich was beginning to think Ennis wasn't gonna say anything. He was startled to hear, "Jack Twist. His name's Jack Twist."
Looking at him, Rich began seeing himself in Ennis. He realized Ennis was a lot like him when he was about the same age. In love and not knowing what to do about it.
"How's ya meet?"
"We was herdin' sheep up on Brokeback Mountain back in '63. We was both young and dumb. He was a rodeo fuck-up and I was engaged to my ex-wife. He spent two weeks trying to get me to say more 'n two words to him. Got to the point where I either had to talk to him or knock his fool head off. He's always been a chatterbox." Ennis says with what, to him, is a major grin on his face. Rich can see and hear the love Ennis has for his Jack Twist. "Anyway, he started this thing between us and it got us good. Figured it was just two lonely sheepherders looking for something to while away the hours up there. Then, a month before we was to head bring the sheep down the bastard we was working for, name of Aguirre, rode in and told Jack we was to bring 'em down. Bastard shorted us a months pay, but, it was more than that. I was confused. I had all these things runnin' round in my head. Didn't know it at the time, but, God help me, I'd fallen in love with that idiot. Jack'd seen me sitting there and came up with his rope. Guess he was trying to cheer me up or something. Anyway, we started to wrestle and it turned into a fight. He'd gave me a bloody nose then tried to wipe it up with his shirt telling me he was sorry and that it's be alright. I knew that it wouldn't be alright and let my anger get the better of me. I ended up knocking his ass flat and walking off. Later on we was standing outside Aguirre's office where we'd first met. I was trying to help him get his old piece-of-shit truck running, but, was actually just trying to buy some more time to be near him. We shot the shit fer a bit and then said goodbye. I was walking down the street watching him drive away. When I couldn't see him no more, I ducked into an alley cause my insides felt they was trying to come out through ny throat. Thought it mighta been something bad I ate that day. Wasn't till we met back up again, four years later, that I knew it was because I shouldn'ta let him go. We been meetin' up bout 3 or 4 times a year since then. I got married to Alma and got me two special little girls and he'd done rodeo for awhile before marrying some gal down in Texas and got him a boy. When Alma and I'd gotten divorved I sent him a card letting him know what'd happened. Next morning he pulled up to my place thinking' I'd done changed my mind bout bein' with him. I can still see the hurt I put in his eyes that day cause I sent him back to Texas. Told him it couldn't be done. That two men couldn't live together like that. Been telling' him for years. Never can get him to understand that it ain't safe. Two or three times a year out back of nowhere is fine, but, he don't wanna settle fer that. I couldn't live if anything where to happen to him."
"What made you so afraid to take that chance?"
"Earl did. When I was about nine, my daddy took me and my brother, K.E., over to the ditch and showed us what'd been done to him. Told us that's what happens to queers."
"My God," Rich breathed, horrified. "I knew your daddy was a vindictive, self-righteous bastard, but, I never knew he was so damn cruel to his own kids. Earl and I both knew your daddy. We hated each other on sight. I also knew you, too. Liked ya first time I saw ya. Saw a lot of myself in ya as a youngin'. Now, don't get mad at me, but, when I'd heard what'd happened to yer folks, I was right pleased about it, though I did feel sorry your momma had to be there, too."
"Not mad at ya fer that. Only one I miss is my momma. Could care less bout my daddy. Never liked him anyway. And, from what Jack says, his daddy ain't no better. Hell, he says that even his father-in-law is a right bastard. Never told anyone bout this, but, I still have nightmares bout Earl. Only, in my nightmares it ain't Earls face I see. It's my Jack layin' there. I couldn't stand it if anything happened to my Jack."
"Well, Ennis, I'll tell ya something right now. If he could be here right now, Earl'd be mighty disappointed in ya. Sure you've had a hard life, but, he'd never want ya to see his death like that. He wouldn't want ya to see his death as what might happen if ya did take up with your man, but, as an idea of what ya might happen if ya don't. He's pretty much telling ya that if ya don't do this you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Sure I lost Earl to a death he didn't deserve and I die a little more each day when I think about him being gone, but, then I pull out the memories of what he and I had together. Earl and I had thirty years together and I cherish each and every day I had him beside me. About all I got left to say is, stop making excuses for not being with him and start making excuses for being with him. Start living your own life and stop letting everybody dictate how you can live."
"But, how? How do I keep my Jack safe?"
"Believe it or not, Ennis, the safest place for Jack is at your side. All your doing right now, by pushing him away, is killing him. Instead of killing him all at one time, like they did to my Earl, your killing him a little at a time. Now, if ya don't mind, I have a couple of favors to ask of ya. The first one is, can ya give an old man a ride home?"
"Sure enough. What's the second?"
"I'll tell ya that when we get to my place, if ya don't mind waiting. Hope I haven't pissed ya off tonight. All I wanted ya to do was think."
"Don't mind waiting and ya didn't piss me off, but, ya did get me to thinking bout what ya said."
"Good, glad I did something right for a change," Rich laughed causing Ennis to grin again.
After reaching Rich's house, which wasn't that far from Ennis's, Ennis sat down in the living room while Rich went into the bedroom. Coming back out, Ennis saw Rich carrying a beautiful black and silver metal object that Ennis recognized right away as an urn for carrying ashes. Setting it on the coffee table between them, Rich caught Ennis's eyes again.
"After I found Earl's body that day, I had him cremated just as he'd wanted me to. I had this urn specially made for him to remind me of his two best features. The black represents his hair, it was as black as coal. The silver represents his eyes, they shone with the light of the moon. This is the last thing I see at night before I fall asleep and the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up. Now, I didn't tell ya this earlier when we talked over at your place, but, I know about Brokeback Mountain. It's the same place Earl and I met when we was both nineteen. Only difference was, we was runnin' cattle instead of sheep. As I said earlier, we have a lot of things in common you and I. Now, I wanna tell ya this before I ask ya for that second favor. I won't be here in the morning. Tonight's my last night on this Earth. Don't look at me like that," Rich said to Ennis stunned expression. "I've known for years now when I would die. Ya might think me a crazy old coot after this, but, Earl comes to me in my dreams every night. It's the only thing that kept me sane all these years. He's the one that told me I needed to talk to you tonight before I go. Seems he'd had a 'conversation' with your daddy when he got there and he's been keeping an eye on ya since. Don't worry, what you and Jack did in private stayed private. By the way, ya might wanna ask Jack what Aguirre really said to him that day he came back looking fer ya. Anyway, my second favor is I would be right pleased if ya wouldn't mind looking after me tomorrow. I would like to be cremated like Earl here and have you and Jack spread our ashes up on Brokeback next time your up there. If ya don't mind that is. I won't hold it against ya if'n ya say no. And it don't have to be anyplace that's special to you and him."
"Actually, Rich, to tell ya the truth, I would be honored to do that and I think Jack would be too. But, I need you to do me a favor as well, if ya don't mind."
"Sure, Ennis, what'd ya need?"
"If'n ya should happen to run into my daddy when ya get there, kick his ass fer me a bit would ya?" Ennis asks with a grin.
"Sure. I'll kick it ten ways from Sunday and twice on Saturday," Rich tells him, laughing. "By the way, I meant to ask ya, what doe your Jack look like?"
"Well, let's see. He has dark hair like Earl's that feels like silk when ya run your hands through it. And eyes so blue the sky pales in comparison. And a child's way of looking at things."
"Sounds like ya got yourself a good man there, Ennis. Just remember what I said. Fears a good thing to have, but, don't let it run your life. Love your Jack, don't hurt him and you'll find the words 'I Love You' easier to say to him than ya think."