Chapter 10
December 9, 1912.
It was like everything starting all over again.
Once again Cal was in the living room, looking through the large window, instead of concentrating on whatever book was in his hand. His mind was flooding with anxiety again for Rose.
Some things had changed though. Instead of rain falling at night, there was snow in the afternoon. It was snowing early for that year, and it didn't cheer anyone in the house up, since the snow was making it hard for certain people to get to the Hockley house.
Another thing that changed was Rose. Cal was no longer worrying about Rose's depression. He was now worrying about Rose's baby. At that moment, Rose was upstairs in a spare room, with a doctor, a midwife and the maid, ready to give birth.
It was hard on Cal. He knew absolutely nothing about babies and childbirth. And Rose, being a young girl who was given very vague information on sex education from her mother just before her engagement to Cal, knew very little about it. She was completely confused the entire time, starting from the labor which began the night before. It was all up to Marta to handle everything. She was the one that called Doctor Luke and Patricia Highwaters, an old midwife, to the house to help Rose. And after, Rose was rushed to another part of the room. And Cal, who felt completely helpless, decided to go downstairs, staying away from everything.
And this was it. This was the day everyone was waiting for. This was the day that Rose's son–everyone prayed for a son–was going to be born. And everyone was looking forward to the moment.
Cal was probably the only one who wasn't happy or excited about this. To Cal, the beginning of the baby's life in the world was going to be the beginning of his life sentence. He was trapped. For the first time in his life he was trapped and he couldn't control it. He was going to spend the rest of his life fathering a child that didn't belong to him in any way. He felt like a fool for allowing this to happen. For a minute he regretted ever telling Rose she could keep the baby. He wished he could have aborted it. But then, he remembered that night when Rose told him "thank you". And he remembered his purpose in life. He was here to help Rose. This was helping Rose. But he also had to help himself. How was this going to help him? Living a lie every day for the rest of your life didn't seem like helping yourself at all.
At least it's stopping my flashbacks, he thought to himself as he listened to Rose. It was hard to fall into flashbacks when Rose's screams and cries of pain could be heard in almost every part of the house. He didn't know how Rose could take that pain. He wasn't going through it, but it was unbearable to listen to. He heard stories of women going through childbirth. Of course it was painful. But Cal had no idea it could be this terrible. He couldn't concentrate on his book. Every time he tried to read, he would almost tear the pages from the book, while listening to Rose cry in agony.
He was scared for Rose too. What if she died during childbirth? Women dying from childbirth was still common. It still happened in some parts. What if there was a problem with the baby? He didn't care what happened; as long as Rose survived and lived through the whole thing, he was fine.
At that moment, Cal turned just in time to see Miss Patricia Highwaters, come into the living room.
"Is it over?" he asked.
"Not yet," she said in a tired voice. "But it won't be long before it's all over. Your son will be here in before dinner time."
Cal thought about she said. His son. He grinned to himself at the irony of it all. Oh, little did she know.
"Make sure she comes out of it okay, "he said, as he turned his back on the woman.
XXXXXXXXXX
Two hours had passed. At that point, Cal did the strangest thing. Once again, something inside of him compelled him to do it. He went straight upstairs and went inside the spare room where Rose was having her baby. He figured he wanted to see what was taking so long.
The room was dark. There was Marta watching in a corner. There were the doctor and Miss Highwaters at the bed. And in the middle of the two, there was Rose herself in the bed. Her large middle took over half her body. Her face and red hair was drenched in sweat. Her blue-green eyes were flashing in pain, anger, and agony. Cal hardly recognized her. He never saw her looking like that before.
Her mouth opened as the pain took over her body. At that very moment, her bright eyes turned to Cal who was standing around the doorway.
"What are you doing here? Get out!" she screamed as Doctor Luke grabbed her shoulders, restraining her.
Cal didn't hesitate for a second. He closed the door quickly and stepped away from the spare room. Miss Highwaters came out of the room soon after.
"Don't worry about her," she explained. "She's in so much pain, she probably didn't hear herself saying that. She's been quite unpredictable for the past few hours." She closed the door behind her the second she finished saying that.
Cal didn't know what to do. He couldn't help. So he just sat down on his hallway chair and listened to everything, waiting for it to finally end.
XXXXXXXXXX
The day ended in disappointment for Caledon Hockley.
It was only a few minutes of waiting. His eyes opened as he heard the faint sound of a baby crying. Miss Highwaters came to him a second later.
"It's over," he sighed with relief.
"It's a girl!" said Miss Highwaters in a sing song voice.
When she said that, a part of him fell. That was the first disappointment. He was hoping for a son, an heir. Something about the child had to go right.
Cal didn't see the newborn until later that evening. He was told to be quiet, since Rose was sleeping. The baby was just about to fall asleep in her bassinet beside Rose's bed when he went inside. He was able to see her eyes. Her eyes were beautiful, the most beautiful eyes on a little baby. She got her eyes from her mother, and they were a deep green and a sky blue mixed together. Cal stared at the baby's eyes for a long time, and she herself stared up at the big man with a wide, innocent stare.
Cal finally looked at the other parts of the baby. Of course, the child looked absolutely nothing like Cal. She looked like her father, Jack Dawson. Who else gave this baby her entire face? Her face resembled her father. And worst, her hair. Her head was covered with soft blond hair. Blond hair that came from her father. How was he going to explain this to everyone? How was he going to explain, why his so-called daughter was born with blond hair, when her mother had red hair and her father had brown?
At that point he became disgusted with the baby. He couldn't bare looking at her anymore. He just couldn't. And the worst thing of all was that he was going to have to look at this child every day for the rest of his life.
He turned away from the baby and looked at Rose instead. She was sleeping peacefully, her red hair hanging down to her stomach like wet snakes. Her skin was pale, but was starting to gain some color again.
In a minute, he realized he couldn't look at Rose either. This was the part when he hated her. He remembered everything that happened on the Titanic, between her and Jack, and his mind boiled with anger. The baby didn't do this. She did this. She made a choice, and ruined everything. She was putting everyone through everything, because of her selfishness.
"Why did you do this to me, Rose?" He found himself starting to cry. "God, why are you doing this to me?"
And then he remembered everything else. And he looked at Rose and remembered her pain, and finally he ended up hating himself. He knew why God was doing this to him.