Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing...
So, this was completely random, I'm not sure what I was thinking, and I'm not sure if I'm done, am going to edit it, or add to it. Please tell me what you think. I'm seeing a vague possibility of a future for this, but then my updating habits suck, and if hopefully I'll update my other stories first...
Basically, Remus is very disturbed by Sirius prank, and has a dream that, well, more or less parallels his future.
I've gone all hormonal so please forgive this random angst, and if you like it, props to you, have some chocolate.
Oh, and no romance in there, they're all just really good friends.
Life was not fair; Remus Lupin knew this fact very well.
Remus had lived most of his life with the fear of being discovered. Of being loved and yet half feared by his parents, and the prejudices of the people around him. Life at Hogwarts was the best that he had ever known since he had been bitten. He had great friends who knew and accepted him.
But, Sirius for one was still very much the boy. Ruled by his passions, he never much thought through his actions. He hated Severus Snape, and so he sent the idiot on a dangerous mission for the truth, without a thought for the consequences.
James knew better, and though also often ruled by passions, he had a deep sense of honor. He was often there to advise Sirius, or bring Remus's advise to him. In this case, he was there to make sure there would be no pieces to pick up. And Severus lived, but he knew the truth.
The incident awakened old fears that Remus had tried to suppress, fears of being alone, hated, out of control…
…Images flashed before his eyes, the emotions that they brought with them wracking his body. He felt beaten and worn, old and tired, and he wanted it to end.
He felt the fear building as the war dragged on. It was impossible to know who to trust as people switched sides daily, trying to preserve their own wretched lives. And then the monotony of daily life in wartime when there was no time for happiness or light.
As each death was reported he seemed to feel in his chest, as though someone had a needle in his heart. He knew many of them, had gone to school with them, and their deaths made him realize just how close the war was…He had never realized how Hogwarts had sheltered them from it all.
Life was not fair.
He saw a bright green light, heard screaming, and felt overwhelming sorrow and anger. Lilly and James were dead…and Sirius…As good as dead. He had never thought that it would be Sirius to turn. Sirius who had rejected his family and their beliefs, had it all been a cover up? But he couldn't believe that of Sirius, not dear loyal Padfoot.
And then Peter, gone in seemingly the same way as Lilly and James. But how could Sirius have done it, did he feel no remorse? Was he under the imperious…or was he truly mad? Remus did not know.
The disappearance of Voldemort did little to raise his spirits. He had, after all, lost everything in his downfall; friends and family. He was once again an outcast in an intolerant world. A world that would not acknowledge the work he had done for the Order: a world that would not look beyond his curse.
Life was not fair.
Harry, the poor kid, had no one now. Remus didn't even feel that he could go to him. The boy could not have any help from a were-wolf. Even the fame of the Boy Who Lived could not eliminate the stigma of one as suspected as him.
Years passed. He grew older, sicker. There was little work and less food. But still, he dedicated his life to the cause of good. He held on to hope.
Then, a second chance. He was called back to Hogwarts, the place of shelter and the place of beginnings, to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. And Harry would be there, the son of he best friends…the window into his happy past.
Sirius was loose, and the thought wrenched his heart. He was after Harry, and Remus had to protect the son of his friend from the mad wrath of the other, just as dear.
Life was not fair.
Joy! They had been wrong, Sirius had not betrayed them. Peter was the true betrayer…but they had never been as close, it still hurt, but it was more of a dull ache now.
Peter was lost again, and they were back to the dull monotony of living in hiding. The war raged, and things grew darker once again, but the similarities to earlier days were almost comforting. It seemed to lull him…
Remus watched in horror as Sirius fell through the dark veil. He felt as though he were having deja-vu, as though he had seen this all happen before. And in a way he was. He was losing his best friend, again.
Someone was yelling, almost screaming, and it took him a while to realize the sound was not coming from the dark void within him. He watched as the boy, Lily and James' son, Harry, sobbed in Hermione's arms. He had the most peculiar feeling that this was not real, couldn't be real.
'Life wasn't fair.' Such a childish sentiment, and it didn't change anything. When you said it, Fate didn't pause on its way and say, 'you know you're right, what would you like me to change?'
Nothing changed. He had been given hope for a short while, but now it was gone. He had gained nothing, it had been more like a visitation from the past, and now he was alone again…
He woke with a start and a feeling of immense sorrow. The morning sun shown dimly through the dormitory, and he could hear Peter lightly snoring in his bed. James was sitting up in his bed, looking at something in a small box, which he quickly hid when he realized that Remus was conscious.
"You all right there?" Sirius asked from across the room, "You looked like you were about to jump out of your bed.
"I had a nightmare." Remus murmured quietly.
"Really, 'bout what?" Sirius asked.
"Probably about that damned trick you played on Snivelus." James said, the barest hint of anger in his voice.
"No" Remus said, he couldn't quite remember the details, but, "It was awful, the war…and then everyone was gone, you, Lilly and James…I was the only one left-"
"What about Peter?" James asked, and there was almost fear in his eyes as well.
"I don't know…he's already gone." Remus said. All three boys turned to look at their sleeping companion, who chose that moment to wake.
"What? What's going on?" he asked sleepily. Realizing that all of his roommates were looking at him, in and almost accusatory way, they saw for a moment, an emotion that looked like fear pass over his face.
"It was just a dream." Sirius laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Peter smiled and shuffled out of the room murmuring that he was hungry. The Trio watched him go.
Suddenly James said, "Remus, it was just a dream, you're worried, and you probably ate something to put you off…" Remus nodded in agreement.
He tried to believe it, but that feeling he had had in his dream, it felt so real…the loneliness. The future somehow felt darker, and he hoped he would have the strength to get through it.
Tell me what you think!I think its over,but,I am a blank parchment waiting for your words of guidance...Once I erase all of these stupid math problems...
Review!