Title: To Remember Her By
Disclaimer: Don't ask, don't tell. Oh, really, you want me to tell? Fine, they're not mine. Are you happy now!
Pairings: Tate and McAbby, as always.
Spoilers: Everything's fair game. As far as I can see the only spoiler I can see is in the AN. In fact, I think, I've gone to great lengths not to say that Kate's… crap, I can't even say it now. That's because, if I actually said it then it would make me more real, when we all know that what I'm avoiding saying never, in fact, happened. Right?
AN: Hey all, it's me! While procrastinating about My Geek, I came across an idea for fic, and while working on that fic, I had another idea; which was this fic. I then incorporated another story that I had written ages ago, and was just waiting for the right time to bring it out, and soon I was staying up all night/blowing off school to write this post-Twilight fic. Yes, everyone gets one, and this very well could be mine.
Part of the story came from Tony saying he coped with Kate's… absence by not thinking about it (if you remember that). Well, one of my favourite songs is The Sound of White by Missy Higgins and my favourite lines from that go like this;
My silence solidifies,
Until that hollow void erases you,
Erases you so I can't feel at all
Which, are very nice lyrics, but I never really got what it was about. Until, someone pointed out that those lines could mean instead of talking about the a person passing on and receiving closure, and moving on they've simply blocked the whole thing from their memory, numbing themselves so that they don't feel the pain of lose. Hence, I put two and two together and got this fic from it (I also think The Sound of White is a great Tate song. – the lyrics directly after those ones are; But if I never fell again, at least that nothingness will end the painful dream, of you and me).
Well, I think that about covers it! Oh, did I mention Ziva was in this? No? Well, she is. And it's not Ziva-bashing, sorry to disappoint some of you, in fact she's including in… well, you'll see. Oh, and lines indicate flashbacks or the ends of flashbacks... you'll get it when you see it.
I dedicate this to anyone who has every reviewed a story of mine. This is for you…
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS COMPLETELY UNBETAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
They were arguing again.
And Tony had a headache. They were getting on his last nerve. Had they always been like this? No, of course they hadn't. Just because Tony couldn't remember the last time they had been civil towards each other didn't mean there hadn't been a time when they had been friends. He caught Ziva's eye.
'Remember when they weren't like this?' He asked
'Not to the best of my recollection.' She said with a smile and walked over to his desk. 'Why, do you?' And then the memory hit him. Like a ton of bricks. He looked up at Ziva
'Yer, I do.' Tony said quietly
'Would you like to share?' Ziva prodded after a minute of his silence. Tony sighed
'A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away-'
'Tony!' Ziva exclaimed
'Okay, so it was only a couple of years ago…'
'What the hell!' Exclaimed Tony as Kate pulled him to the ground
'Shh. They'll hear us!' Kate whispered, peering round the corner to their desks where Abby and McGee were currently in deep conversation.
'Who'll hear us?' Tony whispered back, trying to peek at whatever Kate was looking at, but was blocked by Kate.
'Abby and McGee.' Kate said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 'They're talking.'
'Ohhhhhhhhh. So?' Tony tried to stand, but was pulled back to the ground by Kate 'They talk all the time. I think they're what normal people call friends.' Kate shot Tony daggers.
'I think McGee's about to ask Abby out.'
'And I can't go get my stuff because…?'
'You'll interrupt him, thus making him nervous and then he'll never ask her out.' Kate explained with a sigh. 'Now shh, I'm trying to listen.'
'But-' Tony started to complain, but before he could Kate had her hand over his mouth. 'Blackmail, Tony.' She whispered, and he stoped complaining. They could just make out what Abby and McGee were saying.
'Abby, can I ask you something?' McGee asked, watching Abby spin in his chair.
'What if I said no?' Abby responded, a smile dancing on her lips. McGee thought for a second.
'Then I wouldn't ask you.' McGee replied
'Okay, McGee, what's the question?' Abby stopped spinning to face him, but McGee didn't say a thing; he was scared silent. He looked like a deer in the headlights.
'Come on McGee; you can do this!' Kate muttered under her breath. Tony couldn't say anything; Kate's hand was still covering his mouth.
'The question, McGee?' Abby asked after a few seconds of his stunned silence
'Uh, yes. Would you, do you want to go grab a bite to eat?' McGee couldn't help but wince the second after he said it. He had just used one of the most over-used pick up lines ever.
'Sure McGee.' Abby answered, and held her hands out for him to pull her up. Without hesitation McGee took her hands in his, but instead of him pulling her up, she pulled him down, and before either of them had realised what was happening their lips had met. Unfortunately for McGee and Abby it was at this very second that Tony decided that he really wasn't happy with having Kate's hand over his mouth and chose to lick it.
'DiNozzo!' Kate yelped, jumping up, startling McGee and Abby who immediately sprung apart. 'I swear you are the most disgusting human being on the planet.'
'That's just silly, Katie. Have you met everybody on the planet?' Tony said, also standing up.
'Don't call me Katie and don't quote Two Weeks Notice at me!' Kate practically shouted
'I'll think you'll find that was "most selfish human being on the planet".' Tony replied
'Well, you're that too.' Kate said with a glare. If looks could kill, then Kate was mentally picking out Tony's coffin.
'And Abby and Probie had already left but the time we'd stop arguing.' Tony said with a shrug. 'Don't you have work to do?' He asked Ziva, suddenly very uncomfortable with the subject. Tony dealt with the absence of Kate by not thinking about Kate, and in telling that story he had become very angry at himself. Angry for blocking Kate out of his mind the way he did, angry for thinking about her and angry that he couldn't save her.
'Are you feeling okay?' Ziva asked. Tony was always the thinking of ways to get out of work, and had never asked her if she had any to do. 'Tony?' She said waving a hand in front of his face when he didn't respond. He wasn't paying any attention to her; he was looking past her; to where Abby and McGee were still fighting.
'Will you two just shut up already!' Tony yelled at them. Both McGee and Abby turned to look at Tony. 'Kate would hate to see you arguing like this.' Tony added before he could stop himself, and suddenly all of the hate that Abby had been feeling towards McGee was now focused on Tony. Abby walked up to Tony desk and stared at him.
'How would you know?' Abby screamed at him 'You've already forgotten her!' Before another word could be uttered Abby had stormed off, punching the down button on the elevator a little too hard. The remaining three watched her go.
'Well, that was entertaining.' Ziva muttered under her breath 'Aren't you two brittheads going to go after her?'
'It's buttheads, Ziva.' Tony said with a sigh
'I should go apologise to Abby.' McGee said
'I' should too.' Tony said, following McGee to the elevator, but as soon as they got to Abby's lab Tony realised that she REALLY didn't want to talk to him. Abby was sitting cross-legged on the floor with a huge book on her lap.
--
'What is he doing here?' She asked McGee
'I just want to apologise.' Tony said quietly
'Don't.' Abby said with so much emotion that both McGee and Tony's hearts went out to her. 'Just don't. I don't want to hear it, Tony.'
'Well, when you do, I'll be at my desk.' Tony said, throwing McGee a look before leaving.
'What are you doing?' McGee said, sitting down on the floor next to Abby a few seconds after Tony left.
'Looking at photos.' Abby replied, and suddenly McGee realised that what he had first thought was a book, was in fact a photo album.
'Can I look too?' McGee asked, cautiously. Abby nodded and crawled onto his lap.
McGee looked at the many pages of photos over Abby shoulder and for a while they just sat there in silence looking at the photos with Abby turning the page every now and then. The album contained pages upon pages of photos of one, several, or all of the NCIS gang. There was a picture of Gibbs asleep at his desk, one of Ducky in his scrubs, another one had Tony throwing paperclips at Kate, and millions more. McGee looked at them all without saying a word. Until he got to one that he recognised; one he was sure he took.
'I recognise this one. I took it.' McGee exclaimed, pointing to photo in question
'That you did, Timmy.' Abby said with a small smile 'It's on my favourites.' She said quietly and more seriously. 'Hey, McGee?'
'Yes, Abby?'
'Tell me the story behind it.'
'Well, one fated day I was running extremely late…'
McGee was running late. Extremely, hugely, horribly late, and Gibbs was going to kill him. Even more so when he was exactly sure he had fixed the camera that he was currently holding in his hands. Getting off the elevator McGee mentally prepared himself for the berate he knew was coming, but when he reached his desk, slightly out of breath, there was no screaming, yelling, shouting of any kind. Gibbs were no where to be to seen. Only Tony, who was sitting at his desk, Kate, who was sitting at her desk, and Abby, who was sitting on Kate's desk, was around.
'Where's Gibbs?' McGee asked Tony, gasping for breath after putting his things down on his desk.
'He got called to a minute about fifteen minutes ago, and a source of mine tells me he won't be back until at least two.' Tony said, looking up from his computer where he was currently playing a game of solitaire. 'Have you fixed that damn camera yet?' Tony swore on his life that the camera in question had given him an electric shock. No one quite believed him, but it had turned itself off and refused to turn back on. After much work McGee had got it to the point where he was able to turn it back on.
'Maybe.' McGee said
'Maybe? That maybe better be yes before Gibbs gets back.' Tony replied, flicking an elastic band at Kate, who was currently deep in conversation with Abby.
'Well, I think I've got it fixed. I just need to test it out.' McGee told Tony, who wasn't listening. After the first elastic band that he flicked at Kate had fallen short, he was now creeping towards Kate's desk, plastic band ready, to get a better shot.
'You flick that thing at me DiNozzo, and this pen is heading for your head.' Kate said, picking a pen up, after realising what Tony's plans were.
'You wouldn't dare!' Tony exclaimed
'Oh, wouldn't I?' Kate asked, raising an eyebrow
'No, I don't believe you would.' Tony replied. McGee rolled his eyes and went and got the camera. If he needed a test shot to see if the camera was working it might as well be of Abby. As he aimed the camera he realised no one was paying any attention to him, which was probably for the better. Looking through the camera he suddenly realised what a great picture this would be; Kate, sitting in her chair, posed to throw her pen at Tony, smiling, Tony, ready at any second to flick his elastic band at her, with laughter dancing in his eyes, and Abby, sitting on Kate's desk, laughing at both of them, and before McGee realised it, he had taken the photo.
'I figured it was way too good an opportunity to waste.' McGee said, finishing his story.
'Thanks for telling me.' Abby said quietly, sniffing, and McGee realised that she was crying. He gently pulled he legs around, so that Abby was sitting across McGee, and he could look into her eyes.
'Oh, Abby,' he said wiping a tear from her check 'I didn't mean to make you cry.'
'No,' Abby said shaking her head 'it's just that I miss her, McGee, and it hurts. It physically hurts.' McGee gently took the photo album off her lap and put on the floor next to where they were sitting. He then wrapped his arms around her, and in turn she put her head on his shoulder. 'And it's not just that I miss her; it's that I miss stupid things about her.' McGee hugged her close, and allowed her to continue. 'I miss the way she would phone me for not reason, I miss hearing her heels on the floor, I miss the way she always knew when I needed a hug, I miss hearing her and Tony argue, and I even miss those stupid Yesco candy that she always had in her purse, but no one could figure out where the hell she got it from!'
'I don't think we'll ever stop missing her, Abby,' McGee said quietly 'but know that you can always to me about her when it gets too much, and I'm sure Tony feels the same way.'
'I should talk to Tony, huh?' Abby said, wiping her eyes
'I think you should.' McGee agreed 'Want me to send him down?'
'Are you leaving?' Abby asked, worried
'Just to get something from my desk.' McGee replied, gently moving Abby off himself, standing up, and pulling Abby with him. 'I'll be back before you know it.' McGee kissed her nose and went to leave
'Hey, McGee?' Abby asked just as he had got to the door
'Yes, Abby?'
'Send Tony down.' McGee nodded and gave her a smile. She was going the right thing.
--
Meanwhile at his desk Tony was stuck on a single memory of Kate, and no matter how hard he tried to analyse it, he just couldn't figure it out.
Tony wasn't meant to be back at work for some time, but here he was. Of course, he was just there "visiting" everyone, not actually doing any work, but since when did he do work anyway? Almost everyone had gone home, and Tony was going to grab some stuff from his desk and then he would leave too. The desks were eerily quiet and dark; giving everything a creepy feeling. Turning on his desk light, he shoved everything he wanted in his bag and was turning to leave when he heard a sob. The sob came from Kate's desk.
'Kate?' He asked, walking to her desk and turning her lamp on. Kate was sitting at her desk, in the dark, crying. 'Kate, are you crying?'
'No.' She replied, even though she was, in fact, crying. Tony crouched in front of her chair.
'Kate, you're very obviously crying.'
'No, I'm not.' Kate replied hotly
'You realise, that we are, in fact, arguing about whether or not you're crying, and you obviously are.' He reached out and caught one of the many tears that was rolling down her face on his finger and showed her the small, warm, tear. She gave him a small smile.
'Here,' he said, digging through his bag and pulling out a packet of tissues 'since you obviously aren't crying, you obviously won't need these.' Kate took the tissues from his hands.
'Thanks Tony.' She said dabbing at her eyes with one
'Do you want to tell me what's wrong? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to. It might help if you talked about it.' Kate shook her head. 'Will you ever tell me?'
'Someday maybe.' Kate said quietly, and looked down at her hands 'Tony, if I asked you to do something would you, could you do it without making a joke or doing something stupid?'
'Probably?' He said jokingly, and then got serious 'Seriously, Kate? I'd do almost anything for you.'
'Then, would you give me a hug? You don't have to; you could go get Abby to give me one…'
'Oh, Kate.' Tony said, so quietly that Kate wasn't even sure he said anything at all 'Here, get up.' He said, offering her his hand. Without hesitation she allowed Tony to pull her up
'What are you doing?' She asked. He sat on her chair and gently pulled her on top of him, and holding her close he allowed her to cry into his shoulder. Abby found them like that fifteen minutes later.
'What happened?' Tony mouthed to Abby when he saw her coming. She just shook her head.
'Come on Kate, I'll take you home.' Abby said gently. Kate unburied her head from Tony's shoulder.
'Thanks Abby.' She said, standing up. She looked at Tony 'I'm okay now.' Abby gave Kate a hug. 'Thanks Tony, really.' She gathered her stuff and waited for Abby.
'I'll meet you at the elevator.' Abby said to Kate 'I need to talk to Tony.' Kate nodded
'See ya later, Kate?' Tony asked, and she gave him a smile
'Sure Tony.' Kate handed Tony his tissues back, and their hands lingered slightly.
'I hope you feel better soon.' Tony said, and Kate smiled at him again, before beginning to walk to the elevator. Tony looked to Abby
'You, Tony DiNozzo, are way better than people give you credit for.' Abby said, poking him in the arm.
'Will she be okay?' Tony asked
'I'll stay with her until she is.' Abby replied
Tony was brought out of his daydreaming when McGee rushed in.
'Hey Tony,' McGee said 'Abby wants to talk to you.'
'She does?' Tony asked
'She does.' McGee repeated. Tony nodded and headed for the elevator. McGee went to his desk; he knew they were here somewhere.
'Is Abby, okay?' Ziva asked McGee
'She will be.' He said, pulling things out of his desk draws.
'What are you looking for?' Ziva asked
'Whatever it is, you can stop.' Gibbs said, coming down the stairs 'We've got a case. Where's DiNozzo?' There possible couldn't be a worst time for a case to appear than now. McGee glanced at Ziva. What was he suppose to say? Abby and Tony needed to talk.
'I believe he want to get lunch.' Ziva said
'It's ten in the morning!' Gibbs barked
'That's what I said, but does he ever listen?' Gibbs looked furious
'Where did he go?' He said, glaring at both McGee and Ziva at the same time (which was really quite impressive).
'Subway, I believe.' Ziva said. Gibbs threw her the keys.
'Get the van, I'll go get DiNozzo.' Gibbs stormed off.
'Thanks Ziva.' McGee said
'Think nothing of it.' Ziva replied, giving him a smile.
--
'Abby,' Tony said to Abby once he was in the lab 'I'm really sorry for exploding at you.'
'And I'm really sorry saying that you had forgotten Kate. I know you haven't, and I know you're dealing with it a different way then I am, and it's just… it's just that I miss her. A lot.' Abby said, hurriedly and Tony hugged her fiercely.
'I miss her too.' Tony said 'When I allow myself to think about her.'
'Does it work? The whole not-thinking-about-it?' Abby asked
'Not really, no.' Tony said 'So, are we good?'
'We will be.' Abby answered as McGee and Ziva entered the lab.
'Gibbs is going to kill you, Tony.' Ziva said
'Why's that?' Tony asked, as he and Abby broke their hug
'He thinks you're at Subway buying lunch.' McGee said
'It's ten in the morning!' Tony exclaimed 'Who'd buy lunch at this hour?' McGee, Abby and Ziva shrugged and didn't say what they were all thinking; the week before Tony had left for lunch one day at ten-thirty. It was very believable that he would be getting lunch at this hour.
'Okay, guys,' McGee said 'I have something for you. Stand in a line, close your eyes and hold your hands out.'
'Do we really have to close our eyes?' Abby asked
'Yes,' McGee replied 'now do it.' Tony, Abby and Ziva did as they were told and stood patiently in a line with their eyes closed and a hand out. McGee put a small, cream and brown packaged, lolly in each of their hands. 'You can open your eyes now.' McGee said, looking down at the lolly in his hand. When Abby saw what was in her hand tears formed in her eyes again.
'Thank you.' Abby said and then hugged McGee tightly. Tony didn't say anything at all, just stared at the tiny piece of candy.
'Yesco?' Ziva asked
'Yer, Kate used to have them in her purse constantly. She never told us where she got them from, and according to the packet they're from Indonesia.' Abby said, breaking her hug with McGee, and turning to look at her. Abby quietly slipped her hand into McGee's. 'Tony was always trying to steal them.'
'And she caught me every time too.' Tony said, with a sad smile
'A little slice of Kate.' Ziva said, turning the candy over in her hand 'I'll cherish it.' And she meant it too. It amazed her how such a small piece of candy could unleash so many emotions. 'But Gibbs'll be back soon and we've got a case.'
'We'd better go.' Agreed Tony and he and Ziva turned to go
'I'll be there in sec, guys.' McGee said when Tony and Ziva realised he wasn't following them.
'I'd make it a quick second.' Tony said as he left. McGee turned to Abby
'Look, Abby. I know I probably wasn't there when you needed me the most, and I'm really sorry, but no matter what, you have to remember that above everything else I'm your friend and I care about you deeply.' Abby nodded
'Thanks McGee. You'd better get going, but come and see me when you get back?'
'Of course.' He gave her a smile and squeezed her hand before leaving.
--
Five minutes later, McGee almost ran into Ducky and Palmer, which was a good thing; he was actually looking for them.
'Ducky, Palmer, I've got something for you.' McGee said, and he pulled two more Yesco's out of his pocket
'Why, thank you, McGee.' Palmer said, and straightened his glasses
'It's very kind of you Timothy.' Ducky said 'It brings back lots of fond memories.'
--
They had returned from the crime scene, and Gibbs, with a cup of coffee in his hand headed for the very empty desks. Ziva was at lunch with the Director, McGee had taken a bunch of evidence to Abby and Tony was waiting for the elevator so he could go see Abby. On Gibbs' desk was a Yesco. Gibbs immediately felt a pang of guilt. Attached to it was a note, with handwriting that he instantly recognised as McGee's. Gibbs pocked the candy and picked up the note. It had one line on it; 'To remember her by.'
--
'Abby,' McGee called as he entered her lab 'I've got a lot of evidence for you to process.' Abby swung around on her chair to face him.
'Shove it on the table.' She instructed, and he did as he was told. 'Hey, McGee?'
'Yes, Abby?' McGee asked
'After we're done here, can we go out and grab something to eat, and talk?'
'Sure Abby.' McGee nodded 'Hey, Abby?'
'Yes, McG-' Abby started to answer, but before she could finish answering McGee placed his lips squarely on Abby's, hoping it wasn't going to turn out to be the biggest mistake of his life. A second later the greatest thing happened; she started kissing him back. Tony, who had chose that exact moment to walk in, got an eye full of McGee and Abby making out and walked quickly back out, but then he stopped to spy. 'Blackmail'. He watched as McGee and Abby broke apart and rested their foreheads against one another's.
'So, I take it you'll be staying for a while? To help me analyse all this evidence, of course.' Abby said
'Of course.' McGee replied, and from where Tony stood at the door, spying shamelessly, well, Tony could have sworn he heard Kate say; 'I told you so.'
AN: Well, that's it folks! Couple of things…
Yesco is in fact a brand of candy, and yes, they do come from Indonesia.
And I just realised; line wise Ziva's got more than some (unlike popular opinion); Ziva has had at least four lines in my story, where as Palmer has only had one, and Jenny hasn't had any. Mainly because writing my own name in a NCIS fic would just be too weird.
When I was writing the McAbby scene P!nk starting playing on the radio. Who Knew, which I think fits in perfectly with the emotions going on. (And while I was writing this my local radio station replayed Hamish and Andy's song to the BB Housemates about getting them up to speed – which I LOVE)
The line about Kate picking out Tony's coffin... all Hans (StealerOfDreams) I stole it.
And while I was trying to post this Who Knew played AGAIN and then Iris was on, and now Fix You is playing... fate or what?
I only know one guy who has ever just let me cry instead of telling me not to cry. It makes it hard to hate him.
And going over this I realised I missed a huge bit that was going to be in it, so there will be a second chapter! This here's a two-shot!
So, I spent a whole night, and am now blowing off my education for you; you know that deserves a review.