Author's Note: This is the sequel to Never Let Go. It takes place after the episode "Wavelength." I had quite a few songs to choose from. They all had something I loved, but once I heard this song, I knew this was the perfect song for the story. Thank you to all those who reviewed the last two stories! You guys, and gals, make writing worth whiled.
This story is dedicated to these people (because they rock!):
-Shadow Avenger
-DigiCowboy
Disclaimer: I only own this story.
Teen Titans © DC, CN, & Warn.Bros.
"Animal I Have Become" © Three Days Grace
Animal I Have Become
Written by: BBVixen
I collapsed on the bottom bunk of my bed. My entire body ached from our previous mission. The Teen Titans were called to an underwater mission. As it turned out, Brother Blood had managed to steal Cyborg's Sonic Cannon blueprints when he hacked into the Hive Academy's main computer. It drove him crazy. I'd never seen him so mad. It was like watching Robin obsess over Slade, something I always hated to see. The mission wasn't too bad though. We made a new friend, a girl named Bumblebee, and I got to see Aqualad again. A smile crept onto my lips as I remembered when we first met. I still can't believe I was jealous of him, though I'll never admit it to anyone. He had everything; looks, ability to talk to fish… okay, maybe not everything.I was more scared if anything. Scared because I thought he was going to replace me. Robin assured me that I had nothing to worry about and that he would never throw me outon the streets. He made me feel a tad better. I should have known better than to think that. Now, 'fish-boy' and I race underwater and have a few competitions; all in good nature, of course. I closed my eyes and tried to relax my tense muscles. Images of being in a room with the Atlantian and walls closing in on us filled my mind. I tried to think of something else, but with no luck. A sigh escaped my lips and I soon regret it as asharp pain shot through my entire jaw, causing my eyes to shut tightly. I knew why my mouth hurt. When that giant techno-squid Brother Blood created wrapped its tentacles around the T-Sub, the amount of force on it caused it to explode and I watched as my friends started sinking further down. If that Cy-squid didn't get to kill them off first, the pressure surely would have. I did the only thing I could think of at the time; the only thing that would save them. I morphed into a whale and held them in my mouth. Gross, I agree. Especially if you don't know what they last stepped in. I still shutter at that thought. It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do either, especially when someone is poking or walking on your tongue. It hurt like hell keeping my jaw locked like that for a long time. I wasn't too thrilled about the taste either.
"You weren't, but I was." A dark voice filled the air in my room. I sighed with annoyance. So much for peace and quiet. I wonder if this is how Raven feels. "It was delicious. You should have swallowed them." I could practically hear his lips curve into a devious smile.
"I've told you hundreds of times before," I started, "they're my friends. I would never hurt them." I knew this thing well, very well actually. It first appeared over a week ago and convinced me to do something horrible. I'll never forget that moment. The moment where Cyborg thought he almost lost me; the moment where this thing temporarily took control of me and almost killed me.
"You don't want to hurt them, but allow them to hurt you?" His question caused me to open my eyes. I sat up and gazed into my mirror.
"What do you mean?" I asked with curiosity. He grinned evilly.
"They humiliate you; make you look like the fool. Who are they to say those things about you? You should-"
"Don't even say it!" I cut him off. I knew exactly what he was going to say. Hell, he's been saying it since Cyborg saved me, and it was pissing me off. "Give me one good reason why I should listen to you."
"Who else would, child? As much as you seem to love your friends, how can you be sure that they care for you?" His evil grin seemed to widen as I thought about his words. Time just seemed to pass by at a dead-man's pace. My eyes fell to the floor. I tried to clear my head of my roommate's words but he seemed to make it worse by continuing to speak. "When you first met them they didn't like you. Didn't you smell the fear in them? Did you not notice their bodies trembling when you got near? You seemed to notice it very well when you were near Helmet-Man."
"That's 'Mento,' and don't bring him into this! This has nothing to do with him." I snapped back.
"Oh, doesn't it? He gave you a family by taking you in as the Doom Patrol's mascot. You had a woman who cared and loved you like her own, just like your real mother once had. Two men who gave you the attention a child needs. You had everything you could possibly ask for, except for one thing." I felt the tears forming in my eyes. "What was that one thing again?" He was smiling, probably enjoying the pain he was putting me through. "Mento was a great leader but you wanted something more from him, didn't you? Since Rita was like a mother to you, perhaps you wanted Steve to be… your father."
"Shut up!" I screamed as a tear managed to roll down my cheek. "You don't know anything. Just leave me alone!"
"Beast Boy…?" I snapped my head up suddenly as another voice managed to echo throughout my room. I glanced at my mirror and surprisingly, the demon that haunted me was gone. He probably didn't want to be seen by anyone else. I was glad to be rid of him, even if it was only for a minute. Unfortunately, I had someone else to deal with. I got up from my bed, muscles still aching, and walked to my door. I breathed deeply as the door slid open revealing my fearless leader.
"Are you alright? I thought I heard yelling." He was concerned. I could smell it on him. It was sour and flat, kind of like an opened can of root beer that's been sitting out for about a month. Don't ask how I know that. Let's just say it was an experiment gone horribly, horribly, wrong.
"I'm fine. The noise was just…" think Beast Boy, think. "It was my computer. I was playing a game and I guess I just forgot to turn down the volume." Okay, so maybe it wasn't the best lie I could think of. He was giving me a weird look and I was certain he knew it wasn't true, but he suddenly smiled at me, which kind of threw me off.
"Alright." He said. "Look, I, uh… I never really got a chance to thank you."
"Thank me? For what?"
"You saving us back there when the T-Ship exploded. It showed quick thinking on your part. You did good and I wanted to thank you for the save." He had a sincere smile on his face.
"No big deal." I shrugged. Yeah, right! This was totally a big deal! Robin usually never gives me a compliment. I could feel my cheeks turn slightly red from the embarrassment… and oddly enough from anger. I'm not quite sure why I was angry though, or whom I was angrier at: the demon residing in my mirror or Robin. I looked away from his gaze. "You would have done the same thing if you were in my position."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find him still smiling at me. It was at that time another scent drifted by. It was coming from the boy in front of me but I had never smelt it on him before. It was sort of like a leather, musky smell; strong enough to make you nauseous but always craving for more. "Want to spar with me for a while?" He asked. I looked into the eyes of his mask and smiled.
"I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself"
When Robin and I entered the weight room we found the others there training as well. The Tamaranean Princess, Starfire, was flying overhead shooting her ever-popular starbolts at attack disks that Cyborg invented. She was deadly accurate with every shot. She usually never liked to use her eye beams though. We told her to try to keep that little element a surprise. It often worked too. We'd be fighting a bad guy and just when it looked like we were going to lose Star would bust out her eye beams and fry the guy to jail. It was her own secret weapon. Unfortunately, it wasn't as accurate as her starbolts. She lost control a few times but we eventually helped her out with that little problem.
To my right was the half demon, Raven, sitting in her usual corner with black energy flowing all around her. Her signature chant echoed throughout the room as various objects around her became encased in her dark magic and levitated off the ground. She looked peaceful and in control whenever I saw her like this. Her hair swayed side to side slowly as the objects gracefully flew past, her pale skin looked soft under the lights, her voice was steady and low as though she were whispering, her head was held high as she sat, black energy lines surrounding her body; an absolute vision of beauty. A slight blush found its way to my cheeks as I continued to watch her.
To my left was the walking pinball machine, Cyborg. He's been my best friend since the day we met… well, maybe the second day after we met. He was too busy being concerned with how people saw him to really notice me, but after some time together we became the best of friends. He was currently working out on the bench press and from where I was standing it looked like he was benching about seven times his own weight. I could see the sweat starting to form on his brow. He's always looked out for me, claiming that I was a little brother to him. I'm actually glad he thinks of me like that. It's flattering, but usually the little brother is the major pain in the butt. He just smiles at me and says that's why I'm the ideal little brother.
"Come on, Beast Boy." I hear Robin ahead of me. I turned my attention to him and find him waiting patiently in the middle of the room, still smiling. He says he always enjoys sparring with me because I give him a challenge. Sure, the others provide a challenge, but according to him they're all predictable. Raven throws a few punches and kicks, but other than that she sticks to her magic; Starfire's the same. Cyborg sticks with hand-to-hand combat when sparring with the teen leader but he mainly works on defense while Robin tries to knock him down. As for me, he's never sure what animal I'll turn in to. Occasionally, I'll freak him out and throw in a punch or kick while in human form. He tells me to use it more frequently in actual battles, but I never really get a chance to. Besides, I prefer fighting in animal form. I casually walked over and stood in front of him.
"Hey Cyborg, mind being referee for a while?" Robin called to the larger teen. The half robot sat up smiling as he saw the two of us.
"Not at all, man." He walked over to us. "Alright, battle stance." We both stood ready, Robin in his usual martial arts stance and me in my animal crouch. Some people wondered why I stood like that. It was mainly instinct; I couldn't help it. It was the perfect stance before pouncing on your prey. "Here are the rules: One, stay in the room," he looked at me. "There's no point in sparring if you're just going to run to your room and lock the door."
"Oh, one time I did that and I'll never hear the end of it." I abandoned my stance and crossed my arms. The girls must have stopped their training because I couldn't hear Starfire flying around. That, and when I gazed at Raven I noticed she was looking at me. It wasn't long until Star gently floated down from above and stood next to Rae. They must have taken interest and wanted to watch the two of us spar. I don't blame them. Hell, everyone loves a fight. I continued looking at Raven and noticed something instantly. She was smiling! It was faint, but definitely a smile. Not only that, but it was a smile to me. I could feel myself blush.
"Just make sure it doesn't happen this time." Cyborg smiled and placed one of his large hands on top of my head, ruffling my hair. I quickly turned my attention back to what I was doing in the first place. "Two, no slicing each other. So Robin, no using your birdarang's edges to slice anything in two and B.B., no clawing… or biting. Three, no using hostages. Rae, Star, and I are not to be used, nor are we to be involved in this fight. Four, no actual hitting or kicking, just tap each other to indicate a hit." Yeah, that's how we did things. "Five, the most important rule of all… no hitting, no kicking, no anything in the crotch. The last thing we need is someone pukin' up blood all over floor. Alright, tap fists and ready yourselves." Robin and I gently tapped the other's fists and assumed our battle stances again. Cyborg backed up a bit. "Fight!"
I instantly sprang into action and charged forward. Robin waited until I was within close range and quickly dodged to the right, lightly slapping my back. I turned around just in time to see his fist flying toward my face. Out of instinct, my back flew backgrounds, but not for the reason you think. He came close to tapping me but before he had that chance I ducked by bending my back towards the ground and executed a perfect backward cartwheel. I managed to lightly tap the right side of his chin with the top of my shoe before flipping all the way around. Once my feet touched the ground I gazed at my leader. He looked surprised but was smiling, so he couldn't have been mad at me.
"Nice move, Beast Boy." He readied himself again. His compliment caused me to smile back as I prepared myself for another go. He lunged toward me and started throwing punches at me, all of which I easily blocked. But when I threw my own punch, he was gone. My eyes shrank as my legs suddenly gave out from below and I felt my body falling. Before I hit the ground though I felt two strong hands; one on my arm and the other firmly placed on my waist. I was gently placed on the floor and opened my eyes to see Robin kneeling over me, still smiling. It finally hit me as to what happened. While he threw all those punched at me he managed to crouch down from my view just long enough to kick my legs out from under me and cause me to fall backwards. I guess he didn't want me to hit the ground too hard and stopped me halfway.
"Always keep on eye on your opponent, even if you're defending yourself." He lectured me as he brought his right hand to my face. I shut my eyes tightly just before he playfully slapped my cheek. I opened my eyes again and saw him looking at me, smiling.
"How dare he slap you like that! I say break the rules. Pretty boy deserves a good long slice on that face of his." His voice kept echoing throughout my mind. Robin was no longer kneeling next me. Instead, he had stood back up and was waiting patiently for me to get off the floor. But that damn smile was still plastered on his face. "He's mocking you. Making fun of you. Admit it. You and I both know the real reason why he likes to spar with you." I quickly pushed myself off the ground and rushed toward the older teen. I threw punch after punch at him, kick after kick, anything to shut that voice up! Every dodge Robin made only seem to make the voice louder in my ears. "What the hell is wrong with you!" Punch, dodge. "You've got every animal at your command and instead, you prefer to play fair!" Kick, dodge. "You're pathetic!" Kick, punch, kick. Dodge, dodge, dodge. "Weak!" Punch, punch, kick. Dodge, dodge, dodge. "Useless!" Punch, kick, kick. Dodge, dodge, dodge. "JUST KILL HIM ALREADY!" I shut my eyes tightly and grabbed my throbbing head. I heard faint cries from the others, but I couldn't make out what was being said. His voice played over and over again. "KILL THEM! JUST KILL THEM ALL! DRINK THEIR FUCKING BLOOD! THEY'LL BE BETTER OFF DEAD! YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM! KILL THE FUCKING BASTARDS! RIP THEIR SKINS OFF WITH YOUR TEETH! DO IT!"
I screamed as loud as I could, hoping it would drown out all the noise. My eyes snapped open. There he was; just standing there. That damned demon in my mirror was out and right in front of me. All I had to do was run toward him. One slice in the right spot would end him and I could live the rest of my life in peace. He smiled at me; the same cold smile that haunts me in my dreams. He turned his head to the right and watched Cyborg. I followed his gaze, meeting my friend's eyes. It was like he didn't see this monster right next to him. My eyes pleaded for him to help me, but Cyborg never saw my mental plead. The demon turned his head to the left, toward the girls. He watched Starfire for merely a second, but found more interest in Raven. I was hoping the girls, or at least Raven, would see this thing right next to them, but they didn't. He kept looking up and down her beautiful body and she stood there. The three of them were worried. I could smell the pungent aroma emitting from their bodies. But there was another smell: lust! It was coming from the mirror demon. I kept my eyes on him and he kept his on Raven. He turned to look at me. I could see the wanting in his eyes. He wanted her; my Raven. He wanted to take my Raven. His lips curved into an evil looking smile and he licked his lips. I knew what he wanted. He didn't want Raven, just her body. He took one step toward her, still watching me carefully. He didn't get very far though. I lunged at him, growling, and sank my fangs into his left shoulder. I expected a cry of pain. No, I wanted him to cry out in pain. I demanded it. All I got was laughter. He was laughing! Laughing at my attempt to kill him. I grabbed his throat and lifted him off the ground. With one hand, I threw him at the wall behind him. I was hoping the impact would break his neck. It didn't. I could hear his damn heart beating. I was about the stop his heart permanently when I suddenly felt like I was being restrained. I looked behind me and found Cyborg. He wrapped his arms around me, stopping me in my tracks.
"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO KILL HIM! I HAVE TO KILL THAT FUCKING BASTARD!" I exclaimed at the top of my lungs. "LET ME GO!"
"Beast Boy!" Cyborg shouted in my ear. "Snap out of it, man!" I looked at demon and he was gone. It was like he was never here, but the damage remained. I was panting and dripping with sweat. I saw the damaged wall and the girls gathered by it. My anger quickly vanished when I saw his body lying motionless in the heap. Rubble was scattered around and on top of him. Sweat was just barely visible on his brow. His chest was barely moving. The thing that scared me the most was the fact that I did that to him.
"He's alive… barely. But in really bad condition." Raven said, looking over him. She turned to me, worry and fear in her eyes. "Why?" Tears started to form in her beautiful dark eyes.
"I…" My body trembled as I kept my gaze on him. "I don't know. I thought…" tears were already pouring down my face. "I thought he was someone else. I swear. You got to believe me. Please." I begged. Cyborg loosened his grip on me and turned me around to face him.
"Beast Boy, look at me." I couldn't. I was too panic-stricken. "LOOK AT ME!" Cyborg shouted, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye. I sent him a plea for help with my eyes. "Was it the same thing that controlled you before? Was that who you saw?" He was hoping it was, and he was right. I broke down right there and latched onto my friend, wanting him to protect me. He wrapped his large arms around me, shielding my tiny body from the world.
"Starfire, take him to the medical room." Raven instructed the Tamaranean.
"Very well." She barely whispered. She was in shock over what had happened. I could smell her tears. She easily lifted his body from off the ground and made her way to the door. Before she left she turned around to us. "Beast Boy… he will be… alright?" Fear was in her voice.
"Cyborg and I will take care of him Starfire. Just get him to the medical room and hook him up." Raven said, trying hard to be calm. With that said, Starfire left the training room with him in her arms. Raven knelt down next to Cyborg and me and gently placed her hand on my back. My breathing had somewhat returned back to normal but tears continued to fall from my eyes. I couldn't stop them.
"Raven, he's getting worse. First, a weird voice in his head telling him to kill himself and now, this?"
What's wrong with me?
"I know Cyborg. I can feel it getting stronger inside of him."
Why did I do that to him?
"What are we going to do?"
Guys, I'm scared. Please help me.
"I don't know Cyborg." Raven's voice cracked a bit. She was scared herself. Cyborg just held onto me, probably wishing he could save me from this… this Beast. My eyes felt heavy. I can still remember seeing his body lying there. I wouldn't blame the others for being at least a little mad at me. I know I hated myself right now. I could still hear that thing laughing in my ears. I closed my eyes, hoping everything would go away and this was nothing more than a bad dream. It wasn't though. I almost killed Robin.
"So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)"
The air was warm and dry. A strong scent drifted by. The second I sniffed the air I soon found myself regretting it. It was familiar and nauseating all at the same time. My stomach started churning and the pain caused me to open my eyes. I regretted that too. Everything was red; the sky, the ground, the river, everything. I looked at my surroundings. It didn't make any sense. One minute I was in Cyborg's arms and the next, I'm in this weird hellish looking place. My body hurt like hell, my head was throbbing on one side, my stomach felt like it was spinning; my leg muscles ached like someone was pulling them. So, naturally, I groaned trying to stand up. Once on my feet, I rubbed the back of my neck while still looking around. The air was carrying a strong tangy smell. Every whiff of it made me feel even worse than before. My eyes fell on the river not too far from me. Probably only four feet away from where I stood. My mouth suddenly felt dry. I managed to stumble towards it and collapsed to my knees when I reached the edge. Just when I was about to drip my hands in the water I noticed something strange.
"My gloves… they're gone." I just watched my green hands, almost as if I was expecting them to do some trick. That's when something else struck me. My arms were visible.
"How did I get in these clothes?" I wasn't wearing my usual uniform, which really freaked me out. Somehow, or someone, changed my clothes. I prayed it was somehow and not someone. Instead of my uniform I've come to love, I was wearing brown cargo shorts, a green button-down shirt, and tan colored hiking boots.
"These clothes… they look familiar." I studied the fabrics closely. Everything about them seemed recognizable; the patterns of the thread, the smell, the feeling. The shirt's sleeves came down to my elbows while the shorts fell just a little below my knees. I closed my eyes and tried to think about the last time I saw this attire. Unfortunately, the sound of the river caused me to become thirsty and interrupted my thoughts. Opening my eyes, I decided to quench my thirst and then I could continue with my fashion problem. Literally. I placed my hands in the cool water. Aside from the red color, it actually felt really relaxing. My eyes shut as my muscles lessen their tension. I cupped my hands together and brought a small amount of the liquid up to my lips. My nose started to cringe at the smell of my hands. My eyes shot open as the cool liquid ran over my taste buds and slid down my throat. Right away, I spit it out. I tried to throw up what managed to slide past me but I had no luck. My breath staggered as I looked at my hands. Sure enough, they were stained red. It explained the smell, why I felt sick, and the terrible taste.
"Blood…?"
"That's right." A mysterious voice became present. I turned around to the speaker. It was… him. "An entire river of blood. You should really see the falls. They're quite spectacular." He looked and sounded tired. He was leaning against a nearby tree. He smiled at me. His smiles were never a good thing, but this one seemed almost kind-hearted. Either this was someone else or he was just too tired. My guess was on the second one.
"You still haven't realized whose clothes you're wearing, have you?" He asked. I shook my head, still gazing at him. I knew the second my eyes were off of him, he'd try something, exhausted or not. He chuckled. "Sure you remember. Think back to the last time you were this close to a river." He waited while I thought for about a minute. "Who do you see?" I blinked in realization.
"Dad." I whispered. His smile widened, almost stretching to his ears. I was wearing the exact same clothes my father was wearing the day he and my mother died. The demon licked one of his top fangs. He was enjoying this.
"Look around your neck." He told me. I obeyed and brought my hand up to it. I gasped as my fingers traced the chain. I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was. I cautiously looked down and saw the pendant held between my fingers. It was a beautiful emerald stone set in a silver casing. The chain was silver as well.
"Mom." My eyes softened as I remembered the day she first got this necklace. It was my parent's wedding anniversary and I was almost six, just before I was infected with Sakutia. My father bought her this necklace. He was romantic about it as well. I remember seeing the two of them standing outside at night, watching the moon and stars. My father then turned to my mother, took her hands in his, and gently kissed her. Being a five year old at the time, I thought the kissing was gross, but when dad opened that velvet box and mom saw that emerald, she threw her arms around him and kissed him again. I could see tears in her eyes as dad put it on her. That night, I swear was magical because that emerald managed to catch every star in the sky and bring two people even closer than when they first married. Unfortunately, my mother had died with the pendant. So I had nothing to remind myself of them. I could feel tears in my eyes as the memories just came flooding back. I thought I could hide it all away, but now… now it was coming back, pushing harder than before. I closed my eyes, not wanting to deal with the loss of my parents. I felt a hand placed on my shoulder.
"I know it hurts." He said calmly and knelt down next to me. "Pain is never easy to deal with. But you should release it when you can and not keep it bottled up inside. You know what happens when you do?" I looked at him with moist eyes. "You become me. All the pain you've endured, all the hate you've stored inside of you, is sent to me." I looked down at the ground, letting his words soak in. He was right. He was my pain. Instead of me dealing with it, I hid it away and smiled at the world. I created him. I created this demon. This demon was a part of me. This demon was me.
"You know what? I think it's time you felt your pain." I looked up at him again. "And I know the best way for you to feel your pain." His eyes gazed into mine. There was something different about it this time though. There was a strange spark deep within his eyes. My eyes widened slightly and he grinned evilly just as before. That's when I saw it again in his eyes: lust. I knew what he wanted. This time though… he wanted me. I pushed him off me and was just about to stand and run when suddenly I crashed back down to the ground. He climbed on top of me, chuckling, and grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling my head back up to his face.
"What's the matter tough guy?" He said grinning. "Can't take the pain?" He dragged me by my hair closer to the river's edge. "You know that saying: 'Don't drink the water or else you'll get sick?' Let's see what happens when you drink the blood of your lost loved ones." He whispered into my ear. Before I could fully understand what he had said to me, he shoved my head into the river and placed his hand on the back of my head to make sure I would stay down. My pulse was racing. I had no oxygen, no time to take a breath and hold it. I thrashed my arms and legs about, hoping I would kick or hit him. Just my luck though, I never did. My lungs started burning. It felt like they were on fire or shrinking. I could feel my mind get cloudy. I desperately tried to morph into something, anything to get me out of that situation. My body failed though. I just couldn't seem to transform. Instead, I concentrated more on removing his hand from my head. Just when I grabbed his hand, he grabbed mine by the wrist and put it against my back. That alone caused me to cry out while submerged and, unfortunately, swallow a large amount of blood. He must have sensed it because he pulled my head out and threw me back on the ground. I roughly landed on my back and tried to get my breath back. I coughed and tried to get the foreign blood out of my body. No matter how much I tried to force it though nothing came. I looked up and saw him in front of me. He looked at my shorts and smiled. My eyes were wide with fear. This would have been the perfect time to kick him in the crotch and run as fast as I could to look for help. I guess I wasn't fast enough though because the next thing I knew tree roots sprouted out of the ground and wrapped themselves around my wrists and waist. I started panicking and screamed, hoping someone could hear me. He unfastened and pulled my shorts off, followed quickly by my boxers. I was exposed to him and it was exactly what he wanted. I started kicking my legs around, hoping to nail him in the face. He grabbed my ankles and held onto them tightly as more tree roots shot out and latched onto me. The thick roots clutched onto my ankles and kept my legs suspended above the dirt. I desperately tried to twist my body out of the grasp, but it was no use. The roots kept a tight hold on me.
"You know Gar," he smirked as he leaned his head close to mine. "You don't deal with pain too well. We'll have to fix that." He licked the left side of my face. I cringed at the feel of his slimy tongue against my skin. He carefully unbuttoned the shirt and spread it open, exposing my green chest and my mother's necklace lying on the base on my neck. He glanced over my now naked body, pleased with how vulnerable I looked. He smiled and licked his lips.
"Please…" I begged him. "Please don't do this." My voice barely audible as I tried to not only fight back the tears, but hope that he would take some pity on me and not go through with this. My vision was getting blurry from the tears threatening to fall from my green eyes and my breath was staggering. "Please don't."
"But Garfield," he said in one of those 'in-matter-of-fact' tones. "You need to know your pain. And what better way to know pain…" he paused, letting his right hand slid down my inner left thigh "then through pain itself?" He moved closer to me. I felt his tip press against my opening and panic took over. I tightly shut my eyes and struggled to get lose and away from him. He only savored in my attempt and pushed in slowly. I cried out again and continued struggling. By now the roots holding me down had slightly cut the skin and tiny trails of blood were falling to the ground. Even the roots clinging onto my ankles managed to break the skin and blood slowly fell down my legs. I didn't care though. I wanted to get away from this beast. I wanted my friends to come rescue me. I screamed again. He was pulling out. Maybe he was taking pity on me. When he didn't pull all the way out, I got scared and kept my eyes shut. For a while, nothing happened. The only sound was of my panting. It stayed that way for a while. I was hoping that I was dreaming; that all of this was nothing more than a dream. It certainly would explain my current location, why I couldn't morph, the tree roots, and more importantly this demon raping me. None of this felt like a dream though. He suddenly thrusted all the way in and my eyes shot open. I made no noise. No scream, no cries for help, nothing except gasping for air. I felt empty inside. He wanted me to feel that. He pulled out again and quickly thrusted again. He kept the pace slow, wanting to feel every part on my insides, and watched my face for any changes. I just stared up at the sky with wide eyes. My entire body felt numb, yet with every shove he made inside me I gave tiny involuntary yelps. His pace started to pick up speed and my yelps became more frequent. Pretty soon, my tiny animal cries became nothing more than gasps for air after each thrust. I could hear him panting. I was enjoying seeing me in pain. He licked the blood seeping down my leg from my ankle wounds. I may have stopped struggling a while ago but the roots continued to squeeze tighter, cutting my skin on their own. It seemed like an eternity before he finally pushed his full length inside my tiny body. The sudden feeling of warmth inside my body caused me to close me eyes. He waited for a while before pulling out again and moaned as he felt my insides. I could feel some liquid seeping down. I was certain that my own blood was a part of it. I suddenly felt very cold. The roots slowly unwrapped themselves and sank back down into the earth. He leaned down to my face again. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"There's still plenty more pain you need to deal with. That was just to scratch the surface." He smiled and brushed my hair back with his hand. "Now that you've got the pain in your eyes, we'll work on showing the pain on your body. But for now, I can see you need some rest. Be thankful I'm letting you." He stood and left. I stayed on the ground. I didn't dare move. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself of what had just happened. I could hear the animals in my mind trying desperately to calm my human mind down and to relax. Some were even telling me to get up and run. I couldn't though. I was completely numb to everything. Slowly, this hellish world started turning black.
Ah, sweet unconsciousness. I praised. I looked up at the sky again. Mom. Dad. Please, help me. You told me you would always look after me and protect me from pain. Well, I'm in pain now. Please, send someone to help me. I'm sorry for everything I've done just please… don't let me live like this. Death was looking good right now. I shut my eyes and a tear finally managed to fall down my cheek.
"I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times I've lied
(So many times I've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself"
Someone was calling for me. I didn't want to open my eyes to find out whom though. I just watched the darkness around me, not wanting to move. I didn't want to find him standing there over me. I didn't want to feel any more pain. The voices were getting louder and now I could hear running. As it got closer, the voices became more distinguished. Female and male. A man and woman were calling and running toward me.
Mom… Dad. I dared not move. It could have been him again, playing a trick on me. Making me feel my pain again. I took a deep breath as I could feel the vibrations in the ground from the runners' shoes. They were getting closer. Now I could make out more voices. Two males, two females. One male had a strong, deep voice while the other had a more commanding tone to his. The females were easy to detect. One was high pitched while the other was a bit raspy. I knew those voices anywhere, and yet I didn't open my eyes. I wanted to believe my friends had come to save me, but I didn't want to be disappointed by a hallucination. They were right next to me now. I felt them collapse to the ground and someone had placed their hand on my shoulder.
"Beast Boy? Beast Boy, wake up. Beast Boy!" I felt my shoulder shake a little. I could smell them: worry, concern, fear, hair gel, incense, motor oil, and sweet perfume. I carefully opened my eyes and was greeted by four blurry figures.
"Beast Boy, you have awakened. Glorious!"
"Yo man, what happened to you?"
"Are you alright, Beast Boy?"
"Beast Boy, look at me." I moaned as I gazed up at his face. Jet-black hair slicked back, thin black lines covering his eyes, his famous uniform of contrasting colors… Robin. I looked at the others. Bright red hair, beautiful green eyes, orange-ish colored skin, purple uniform… Starfire. Blue flowing fabric, pale skin, purple hair, skin tight black uniform, crimson jewel on forehead… Raven. Dark skin, one glowing red eye, blue glow from body, gentle touch… Cyborg. My friends, they weren't illusions. They were really here. They were going to help me.
"Beast Boy, tell me what happened." Robin said. I could sense the trouble in his voice. Was I really in that bad of a condition? I looked at his mask and the tears started to form in my eyes.
"Robin," I whimpered. My voice probably sounded weak to them. "Please help me." I could feel the tears fall freely. There was no point in hiding my pain from them. They saw the real me now. The real boy behind the smiles and laughs. The boy in pain. They saw the real Garfield Logan. Robin helped me sit up and wrapped his arms around me. He gently placed on hand on my head and brought me to his warm chest. I felt a little safer being with them. Raven's hand managed to find mine. Even her touch was warm. My friends. They finally came to save me.
"Aw, how touching." My eyes widened at the familiar voice. He was back; leaning against the same tree as before. He pushed himself off and slowly took steps towards us. "So, looks like your little friends managed to come after all. How pathetic."
"What did you do to Beast Boy?" Robin demanded as Starfire helped me stand on my feet. Lucky for me, I was clothed again in my father's attire. I guess that beast decided to dress me after what he did. I wasn't quite sure why.
"Why?" I looked at him. Was he able to read my thoughts? He smiled at me. "I dressed you again because it's fun watching you squirm when I remove them."
"Remove them?" Cyborg was furious. Sure it was hard to pick up the scent with our current environment and blood everywhere you turn, but it was definitely there. His right arm quickly transformed into his sonic cannon and he aimed it right at my evil counterpart. "For your sake, you better not have-"
"What? Raped him?" He had a mocking smile on his face. "Oh yeah. I did, and it felt good. Watching him desperately try to crawl away, his cries for his friends, him begging me to stop. All of it was quite pleasing. Besides, him feeling pain makes me stronger. That's how I was able to overpower him so easily and why he couldn't really do anything. He was just like a little baby." I cringed at his words, remembering that horrible experience. My ears perked up as I heard growling. I looked to my right and saw Cyborg's teeth clenched tightly. He was definitely mad at this monster. I could understand why. I felt guilty for making them hear this. This was my entire fault. My friends were suffering because of me. I shut my eyes. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be away from all this. More importantly, I wanted to be away from him. A tear silently rolled down my dirt stained cheek. I felt something on my shoulder and opened my eyes. It was a hand, Robin's hand to be specific. He was standing right next to me, looking ahead. I followed his gaze and found the other Titans battling against my personal demon. From the looks of it, they appeared to be winning. However, something inside me told me that the tide would turn.
"Beast Boy, listen to me." Robin said calmly. He turned me so I would face him. "I want you to run."
"What?" I was in disbelief. The very person who never backed down from a fight was telling me to run. I must have been hearing things. He never gave up and never wanted any of us to retreat. He always wanted us to give our best. But now, he wanted me to run with my tail between my legs.
"Run."
"But, Robin…"
"Beast Boy, run." His voice was firm but I could detect a bit of concern. I could feel my eyes watering again. Just when my friends had found me, just when I started feeling safe again, we had to split up. I didn't want to be alone. Not with that thing on the loose.
"You'll all bleed at my feet!" He screamed. I turned to look at him. He was smiling. Cyborg was charging his cannon, ready to fire. My ears perked up as I heard the familiar sonic frequency. It was heading straight for the beast, but never made contact. Instead, he kept his gaze on me as the blast merely warped around him. It was like watching some strange sci-fi movie where the bad guy's able to bend an attack and change it to his own will. My eyes widened when the beast only sent it back to Cyborg. Unfortunately, this time it was a direct hit and my best friend was sent flying backwards a good Thirty-one feet.
"Cyborg." I whispered to myself. I wanted to help them, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't morph into anything, I couldn't fight him; I couldn't do anything. I was useless, just like he said in the Training Room. The beast was winning. He was slowly going to destroy my friends.
"I will not allow youto do any more harm to my young friend!" Starfire's hands lit up and she began shooting her starbolts. She was successful in hitting him, but he appeared to be unharmed. Raven gave a small nod to the Tamaranean. Starfire, again, readied her hands. Right away, they glowed bright neon green and a starbolt was ready to be fired. But she kept adding more to it until it was a large ball of energy. Raising it over her head, she gave a cry and threw it towards the creature. Raven's hands glowed soon after but she conjured up a force field. The ball hit him and, thanks to Raven's shield, it stayed locked inside with the beast. Slowly, my Goth beauty shrank the area and compressed the deadly attack until it recoiled and lashed out at us. The girls were thrown back a few feet but quickly regained their balance and focus in the air. Robin and I ended up flying backward and landing, rather harshly, on our backs. He helped me sit up and for a while we just sat there, wondering if the girls' attack really worked. Everything was quiet as the four of us watched the dust settle. I could see the girls float back down to the ground, Cyborg was coming up behind them, and Robin loosened his grip on me. Was it over? Already? I closed my eyes, thankful to be rid of that thing. At least, that's what I thought until my ears perked up at a strange sound coming from the middle of the blast. My eyes snapped opened. It wasn't over. The dust finally cleared and there he stood, not a scratch on him. His head was hung down and his eyes closed. The attack did nothing to him.
"It's not possible." Robin whispered in disbelief. The beast slowly raised his head and looked at me. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in chest as the corner of his mouth curved up.
"You're mine!" He shouted and ran toward me. The way he ran, it was scary. His feet never touched the ground, like something out of the Exorcist movie.
"Beast Boy, run!" Robin yelled, pulling me to my feet and pushing me behind him. I stumbled for a second but quickly regained my stance and looked back at Robin. He had taken his staff out and blocked the beast from getting to me. Unfortunately, the beast had grabbed hold of it and now the two were having a pushing contest. Whoever pushed the other to the ground obviously won. Neither one was making any progress though. They were merely locked in one spot with a metal rod between them.
"I won't let you hurt him anymore!" Robin shouted at the beast.
"Word of advice leader-boy. Don't interfere with someone else's pain. You could end up getting hurt yourself!" He released the stick and quickly backhanded Robin.
"Robin!" I cried, watching the teen wonder fall to the ground.
"I warned him." He smiled at me and took a step forward. Panic struck me. I followed Robin's orders and turned and ran as fast as my tired legs could go. I knew it would have been useless though. He would eventually catch up to me and do heaven-knows-what. This place was his world. He knew everything about it and because of that I was at a disadvantage. My vision started to blur as tears found their way to my eyes. I had to keep running though. I had to, no matter how much pain I was in. No matter how hopeless this all seemed. I looked behind me to see where he was. He wasn't far. All he had to do was lunge at me and he'd knock me to the ground.
"Leave me alone!" I shouted at him. All I could hear was his laughing. He wasn't going to stop. He leapt off the ground and my heart literally felt lodged in my throat. I expected to be shoved to the floor but was hit by a different force. Robin managed to swing down using his grappling hook and scooped me up. His arm was around my waist, keeping a firm grip on me. I clung onto him, not wanting him to leave my side. Looking back at the beast, he was lying on his stomach on the ground, looking really pissed off.
"You can't hide from me! You're pain is a beacon to me!" He shouted at us. Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire started shooting him with everything they had. There was no way he could survive an attack from the three of them combined. It was over. I sighed in relief as Robin and I swung off to somewhere safer until the others called letting us know I was no longer in danger. I wrapped my arms around my leader's neck and buried my face in his shoulder. A small smile actually touched my lips, as we swung further into the forest of red trees.
"So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal"
We finally came to a stop. Trees and bushes surrounded us. A small pile of rocks were right in front of us. We were completely hidden. I sighed in relief of finally being away from that thing and was actually feeling a little safer. Of course, that could have been because Robin still had his arm around my waist. Just being next to him made me feel safer. He led me over to the base of a tree and gently lowered me on the ground.
"You okay?" He asked me.
"I'll be fine." I rubbed my right arm for no reason.
"Beast Boy, that demon… did he actually… rape you?" He seemed a bit unsure about his words. I had always heard that this was a difficult subject to talk about. To that I'd like to add a big, fat 'DUH!' I understood why it was difficult and why the teen wonder was choosing his words carefully. He didn't want me to relive it again. It's bad enough going through it, but to experience it again in your mind is brutal. Not only do you watch it play over and over again, but now you've got your inner voice degrading you. I closed my eyes and nodded my head. I heard Robin exhale heavily out his nose. He was mad. He seemed to find interest in a leaf blowing on the ground. He stayed that way for a while; it usually meant he was deep in thought. He may have been angry, probably wanted revenge too, but I was relieved. I was finally away from that beast and with someone who actually cared about me, someone who I had confided in many times before. He knew my life better than anyone else. From the death of my parents, to the circus, even the Doom Patrol. I told him everything about what I remembered of my past. We soon found out that the two of us weren't that different after all. We both lost our families, wandered on our own for a while before finally being taken in by our mentors. We were similar in… well, almost every way.
"Beast Boy, I know this is going to be difficult for you but I need you to tell me everything that happened." He sat in front of me. "How did you get here?"
"I… I'm not quite sure. The last thing I remember was sparring with you in the Training Room and hurting you. When Starfire took you to the Medical Room, I was in Cyborg's arms. He was trying to calm me down and I guess I just fell asleep in his arms. Next thing I knew, I woke up and was here." I suddenly remembered the sparring accident. "Robin, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I attacked you. I thought I saw-"
"It's alright. Cyborg and Raven told me everything." He gently put his fingers under my chin and lifted my head. His mask was staring into my watery green eyes. "You could have told me, you know."
"I know. I just… I just thought you would think I was crazy or something." I turned my gaze away from his face, ashamed of myself. He lightly tugged at my chin, forcing my attention back on him. There was a slight small on his lips.
"Of course I think you're crazy. I thought that the second I met you. You have to understand though. You aren't the only one who has a personal demon. Nor are you the only one who's thought about suicide. I'm sure we all have, except Starfire. She probably thinks it's a type of food or drink." I gave a small laugh. "Beast Boy, you know you can trust me."
"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"It's alright." His smile faded. "Now, tell me. Who is this guy and what does he want?"
"I don't know his name, but he first appeared after I accidentally infected Cyborg with that virus. He kept telling me how all I did was cause you guys grief and get in the way. It all happened so fast and soon I was standing on the edge of a pier with a dagger in me."
"So it wasn't a gang that did that to you, was it?" He actually believed Cyborg's lie. I shook my head.
"No. It wasn't. Cyborg was there and he saw the whole thing. He pulled me out of the water and brought me back to the tower for medical attention. He promised me that it would stay a secret between us. But I guess Raven found out on her own, and now you know." I looked away. Cyborg had broken his promise to me. To tell the truth, I'm kind of glad he did.
"Raven found out when Cyborg brought you in that day. She said she easily saw through Cyborg's lie and confronted him later that night after you woke up." So that's how she found out. "Cyborg told me that when you… did that to yourself… it wasn't actually you. It was someone else controlling you. Is that true?"
"Yeah," I closed my eyes, "that beast thing did it. I'm not sure how though. He just kept saying all this terrible stuff to me. I was about to stop when I realized I was at the docks, but I'm sure he's the one who actually brought the dagger down in me."
"Any idea what he wants now?" I opened my eyes and looked at the older teen in front of me.
"He wants me to feel pain."
"What do you mean 'pain?'?"
"Robin, you know what kind of life I've led. I never really expressed my pain to anyone. I just learned to hide it all away, no questions asked. Those two Americans threatened me by shoving a gun in my face every time I cried. The circus would whip me if I even looked at the food in a bad way, and Mento kept saying emotions made a person weak. I grew up like that. If I wasn't a good little soldier, I would get punished." As much as I wish it wasn't true, it was. Robin knew that better than anyone. Having been trained by the legendary Batman, he was taught that emotions only lead to trouble.
"I know what that life can be like. But you know what?" He placed one hand on the side of my face and smiled. "You never let that stop you before. You've always been strong inside. I've never had to worry about you because I know that in the end, you'll be all right. Whenever someone kicks you down, you always stand up and try again. That's what I admire about you. You never give up. You fight with something that very few heroes fight with today."
"I do. What?"
"You fight with your heart. That's why I'm glad to fight along side you, Beast Boy." I felt like hugging him, but I didn't. Emphasis on the word 'felt.' Instead, I gave him a sincere smile.
"Oh gag!" My eyes widened at his voice. No, it couldn't be. Please, anyone but him. I glanced at the pile of rocks. He was standing there on top of the small mountain, watching us. "How sappy could you be, Boy Wonder?"
"You?" Robin looked at him surprised. "How are you still alive?"
"Sweet motivation. And his misery is all the motivation I need."
"What happened to the others?" I asked quietly.
"Aw, how cute. You worry. Well, don't. It's pathetic. You're little Titan friends have become my dinner." His eyes shined wickedly as he grinned at me. "Don't worry though. I saved their carcasses for you if you get hungry." I felt like throwing up. He smelled of blood and sweat.
"You're lying!" Robin shouted, standing up and pulling out his staff ready to attack the beast.
"Believe what you want." He slightly shrugged his shoulders. "But then how do you explain these?" He threw three objects in front of us. I crawled towards them while Robin stood watching the beast. The smell of blood grew heavier as I moved closer to the objects. I glanced up at the monster that had been torturing me lately. A sickening smile was on his face. I gulped down my fear and closed the gap between the items and me. I could smell Robin panicking. I looked over my shoulder at him and instantly knew why he felt like that. I was in the dead center between him and that beast. I took a deep breath and looked back at the items on the ground. There was purple clothing, blue cloth, and metal parts. My eyes shot open and I had difficulty breathing. My nose was filled with the scent of blood, my eyes were filled with tears; I fell back as I continued to stare at them in disbelief.
I cautiously lifted the purple clothing and it soon became two separate parts. The smell of perfume mixed with blood. My fingertips were stained red as I felt a few wet spots. I tried desperately to keep my vomit down. These clothes belonged to Starfire. Robin would kill this bastard for removing the girl's clothing. I looked at the other articles. Metal casing… Cyborg. Dropping Starfire's uniform in my lap, I gently touched the titanium. It was stained in blood and oil. Lifting it off the ground I realized what part it was. It was the piece found on his chin that connected to his left robotic eye and neck. I instantly dropped the piece. This monster had ripped Cyborg apart. My best friend was gone. I didn't want to go on anymore but looked at the last item. The blue clothe… Raven. My Raven. I whimpered as I moved to pick it up. When I lifted it, a red jewel fell to the ground. I immediately dropped the beautiful cloak and numbly reached for the jewel. Holding it in my hands, I just stared at it. Tracing it lightly with my fingers, tears falling down my eyes. A small pool of blood formed around the tiny jewel that once lay on my love's forehead. I tightly shut my eyes wanting to wake up from this nightmare. My body started trembling and my whimpers caught Robin's ears. I could hear him move toward me slowly.
"Beast Boy…?" He cautiously asked. I clenched my teeth. They were gone. My alien friend, my dark angel, my best friend… all of them gone; now this beast was probably going to kill Robin right in front of my eyes. He was right. They were going to bleed at his feet. I was going to feel the pain I ran away from for so long. I was going to die slowly on the inside. Scratch that. I already died on the inside.
"Perfect." He smiled and jumped off the rocks, landing mere inches away from me. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes were blank and salvia was dripping from his fangs.
"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" I heard Robin shout. It went unheard. The beast firmly pressed his warm, bloodstained lips against mine. I felt his slimy tongue pry my lips open. He made a low growl in his throat as his spit slid down into my mouth. With his other hand, he started massaging my neck and I swallowed his vile salvia. I let out a quick muffled cry before my body fell limp. He pulled away and looked at me. I tried to move some part of me, but nothing happened. He smiled at me and stood on his feet. My body suddenly responded and I rose to my feet as well. He lifted his right arm in front of him and I did the same. He was controlling my body? Great, things just went from bad to worse. He forced my body to turn and face Robin. Him seeing my 'freaked out' facial expression told him everything.
"Remember what I told you about interfering with someone else's pain, Wonder Boy?" He asked my leader. The teen just stared at us, unsure of what to do. "Well, let's see if you'll attack your little green friend. Trust me; with me pulling his strings, he's not going to hold back." He extended his arms and I lunged forward at the teen in front of me. He laughed as Robin quickly jumped out of the way. My body started feeling colder. I watched Robin get to his feet and my eyes pleaded for him to help me. He noticed it right away.
"What do you want from him?" My leader asked. The demon just smiled.
"I want what anyone wants. I want control of him!" His eyes flashed red and my left hand grasped Robin's neck, pinning him against a tree. I could feel my right hand change its shape and my nails soon grew into long claws. I felt my hand squeeze the older teen's neck. Tears started to form in my eyes as I heard the boy gasping for air. His hands desperately tried to push me away. My right arm suddenly drove forward and my nails became embedded in his stomach. His breath seemed to stop but he was still alive. I could feel his pulse through my nails.The eyes of his mask were wide and I noticed as a tear managed to fall down his cheek. A trail of blood escaped from his mouth. My hand felt wet and the sickening smell of blood caught my nose. His lips started quivering and he mouthed inaudible words to me. Then, just like that, he was gone. I pulled the claws out and let go of his neck, watching his limp body fall to the ground.
"I'm kind of disappointed. I expected the Great Boy Wonder to be a bit more challenging. No problem though. I still have you." My eyes shrank and I collapsed to my knees as I stared at the lifeless form of Robin. My breath staggered as I just watched him lay there. I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
"Why?" My voice sounded empty and quiet.
"Like I said before," he squeezed my shoulder tightly, "I want control. And I intend on having it."
"So you killing him gives you control?" My voice grew harsher. "What good does that do?"
"More than you realize. And I'm not the one who killed him. You're the one with blood on his hands."
"You'll never get away with this. I'd rather die than help you."
"Dear, sweet Garfield…" he leaned down close to my ear and whispered, "you already have died."I screamed as asharp pain erupted in my head. My skin had a burning sensation. The pain traveled down my spine and spread throughout my entire body. I could just barely hear the monster's laugh as everything turned black.
"Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this animal"
My eyes shot open. All I could hear was the sound of my panting. It was all a dream? My breathing patterns soon calmed down. I looked around and actually noticed my room. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see my room. The piles of clothes, the pizza boxes on the floor, the familiar smell, the posters on the walls; all of it, mine. I sighed as I looked down at the blanket on me. Funny. I don't remember covering myself with a blanket. Pulling the 'mysterious' cover off of myself, I stood up and stretched. I groaned as my back made a 'pop' sound. My eyes soon fell upon my mirror. After what seemed like twenty minutes (when in reality was only about ten seconds), I cautiously crept up to the full-length reflection of myself. I sighed in relief when I found myself staring back and not that animal from the dream. I was knocked out of my daze when I heard knocking on my door. Before I could move, the door opened on its own and in walked my fearless leader.
"Beast Boy, you're awake? I thought you would have still been asleep." Robin said. I was about to respond when I suddenly remembered the incident in the training room. How could he ever forgive me for that? I did what any freedom fighting teen would do. I handled the situation like a man.
"Robin, please, please, please, forgive me!" I begged, but I was very manly about it. Sure I was on my knees, had my arms wrapped around his legs, and begged his forgiveness… but I didn't cry when doing it.
"Beast Boy, what are you talking about?" His question made me look up at him. He was confused? How the hell could someone be confused about what happened? I mean, I almost kill the guy and he doesn't even remember it! Did I really hit him THAT hard?
"In the Training Room. We were sparring and then-"
"Training Room? Sparring? Beast Boy, we haven't sparred together in over two weeks." He helped me off the floor and looked me in the eyes.
"But, I thought that… I talked to you not too long ago. You said I did good saving you all when the T-Ship exploded."
"I did." Okay, now I was freaking out.
"But… you just-" He chuckled as I tried to understand what exactly happened.
"Beast Boy, I came in and found you half asleep on the bottom bunk. You were close to falling off too, but I picked you up, put you back on the bed so you wouldn't fall off, and covered you with a blanket. Then I just whispered in your ear and told you that I was proud of what you did. I thought you understood because after I finished saying that, you smiled." I smiled? That must have been when Robin asked me to spar with him. Which means that everything was a dream. The argument I had with that beast, attacking Robin, that nightmarish world, what that bastard did to me… everything. From the moment I came in my room and collapsed on my bed that must have been when the dream kicked in.
"Beast Boy?" He was concern again. Somehow, my gaze shifted to my mirror during my thinking. I turned my attention back to the elder teen standing before me. "Are you alright?"
Was I? I just had a dream where I almost killed my 'Commanding Officer,' as my former mentor, Mento might have called it. I dreamt that I was raped and force to drink the blood of my loved ones. I dreamt of losing control to the very thing that tried to kill me in the beginning. Damn, I'm going to end up paying a therapist a lot of money some day. But was I feeling alright right now? Could I tell this dream to my leader? My friend? This person standing before me who always seemed to understand my problems? The same person who understood my past and told me there was nothing to worry about because his life was just as crappy as mine? The same person who would hold me if I cried because my life had always taken a wrong direction and was always crappy? Could I tell him just how much pain I was really in?... I couldn't.
"I'm fine. I just… the dream just seemed a little too real, that's all."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," I sighed and looked away, realizing my lie. "I'm sure." He placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt kind of uncomfortable standing there with him looking at me. I would have walked away then and there but suddenly caught that strange leather smell again. I looked at Robin. The smell was coming off of him. It wasn't his hair; I knew that. He was smiling at me. Not some fake smile; it was… different. I had to know what it was, but his smile was… creepy.
"What?" I asked, a little irritated. "Why are you staring at me like that?"
"It's nothing." He slightly shook his head, keeping his smile. "I'm just… I know I don't really give you any compliments but… I'm proud of you, Beast Boy. I just wanted to let you know that." That's it! That's what that scent was. Proud, admiration… Robin was actually proud of me. He admired me. He smelled like leather because of me. Well, that is… you know what I mean.
"You're… really proud of me?" The nose doesn't lie genius!
"Yeah, I really am." I smiled at him. So this is what a real compliment feels like. I've wondered most of my life what it must feel like. Sure I got a few comments every now and then, but never from a leader. Mento never gave a compliment (he believed it would make a person weak), the circus, the two Americans who brought me back from Africa, Dr. Register (he worked alongside my parents in Africa and thought I was nothing but a wild child who needed discipline… sounds very familiar actually). Our communicators went off and broke the silence. Robin was first to get his communicator out. Cyborg's face appeared.
"Robin here. What's the problem, Cyborg?"
"Yo Rob. Some guy named Adonis is causing all sorts of trouble at the Testing Lab just outside the city."
"Alright, Beast Boy and I will be there shortly." He closed the link and turned back to me. "Ready for some action?" He placed his hand on my shoulder again and smiled. This time his smile was meant for excitement. He was anxious to fight. I couldn't blame him. I was too. I smiled back at him.
"I'm always ready." With that said, we both bolted out of my room. I could swear I could hear laughing. Not just any laughing; his laughing. Not a problem though. This Adonis guy is going to end up regretting the day he messed with me. Everything's going to change now. I can feel it.
"So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)"
Curious as to what happens next? Should I write a sequel to this or just stop before I kill it? If I get enough people wanting a sequel, I'll write one. Until then, peace, love, and animals!
-BBVixen