Nani matsu omae da ka!
Konnichiwa! Thank you for coming to see my second Naruto work-in-progress! This one should hopefully be a hilarious, light, heartfelt, etc. fic that will give me a break from thinking too hard. :) It's good to have fun, right? So…nani matsu omae da ka? Read on, and please forgive my babblings…
DISCLAIMER: Hn. This particular usuratonkatchi does not own me, not even the other people in this lame story that I would gladly get rid of. I'm done now. rises hand, walks away
…Thank you…Sasuke-kun?
WARNING: THIS STORY TRIES TO BE FUNNY AND YET SERIOUS AT THE SAME TIME. SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME! NARUTO ALSO HAPPENS TO HAVE A PLAN (WHAT?)
ENJOY!
Chapter 1: Naruto-kun wa heta da!
Today was a marvelous day.
No; his mistake. This fine, early, no-unnecessary-people-to-take-my-precious-airspace morning was gonna be absolutely awe-inspiring. Fantastically wonderful. And why not? The birds were chirping, the sun was shining lightly into the valley of Konoha, and there were a few snow-white clouds drifting lazily across the azul sky that he noticed as he strolled casually down the main road in village. And he was feeling peaceful for once; he hadn't felt even a shadow of such a thing in a long time. Yes; today was gonna be
a—
"Ohayō gozaimasu, Sasuke-teme!" A black-whiskered, bright gold-haired, shining blue-eyed face jogged towards him.
—terrible, horribly cruel, hideous day.
"Whatcha doing, Sasuke-teme?" Naruto slowed to a walk beside him, breathing heavily. Judging by the amount of sweat pouring off him and the adrenaline-enthused face by his side, Sasuke assumed the boy in question was out for a morning jog. Nothing unusual, of course. It was getting more and more common for young teens with no lives to do such things.
"'-Teme?" Naruto blinked at him.
"I didn't realize it was any of your concern." Sasuke began walking towards one of the takoyaki-ya vendors set up on the street.
"Hmph. I was only asking a question—"
"—that won't be answered. Why are you following me?"
Naruto scowled. "I'm not, usuratonkatchi. I was headed this way anyway…" He paused, taking the opportunity to look Sasuke over. "…'Sides, who'd wanna follow you?"
"Hn." The Uchiha waved over his shoulder as he turned around and entered the shop.
"ARE YOU IGNORING ME! BAKA!" Naruto stomped off, fuming madly under his mop of overly happy hair.
Smirking, Sasuke watched his teammate turn the corner by tripping over his own two feet. I wonder how he even got around to running…He took a seat at the counter, taking his time while straightening out the pack of kunais strapped onto his leg. His comebacks have gotten a bit better, at any rate. He must have asked people on the street for them yesterday and written them down for an occasion like this. Suddenly, he blinked in confusion.
The boy slowly began to realize…Naruto was wearing bisexual clothing. Hmm.
…Yeah…It was definitely time for takoyaki.
That baka! That kuzu! That…#$&#$#! Naruto was raging deep inside his chest as he glared maliciously at a few kunoichi that happened to be innocent bystanders on the same side of the sidewalk as he was. Realizing that he was scaring them a little, he turned himself in to Ichiraku's Ramen-ya to cool down. Sitting down on a chair, he swiftly ordered two bowls of pork ramen and ate them with quick gulps, only to begin rampaging down the street again.
What's with me today! I was fine just ten minutes ago, and now I'm ready to blow up at any random victim I see?
He ran into a younger kid, who proceeded to yell at him in an obscene manner. Still thinking, Naruto took the opportunity to flip him the bird. He continued down the street, leaving the poor child to gape after him.
Maybe I need some rest…or more training! He grinned to himself, preparing to sprint into the surrounding trees. Yes! Work! Never give Sasuke the opportunity to become better than me!
As soon as he stretched his legs to do so, he met up with some strange resistance around his thighs.
"Eh?"
Oh. His tunic/"skirt"/UCI (unidentifiable clothing item) was still on. He quickly ripped it off his slender frame and proceeded to dart down a wooded lane in his boxers.
"Eww, Naruto-kun! Put a shirt on!"
He glimpsed a head of pink hair as he rushed by.
"Pants, too!" Sakura yelled.
Ino hooted in the tree next to her after his retreating figure. "Nice chopsticks, man!"
Naruto couldn't help blushing. "Gomen nasai!"
He was gone in a whirlwind of arms, legs, and chopstick underwear.
"…Wonder where he was rushing off to?" Ino frowned.
Sakura snorted, turning her head away. "Who cares? It's Naruto!"
The blonde sighed, fixing her ponytail. "Well…whatever."
And they turned back to operation "move-to takoyaki-ya-to-gaze-at-Sasuke-kun".
Finally, Naruto made it to his secret hiding/training spot. It was perfect for someone like him: bushes stretched as tall as a stop sign, while trees and a slow river created a fortress for him. It was the sort of place where you could study, get frustrated, and have a temper tantrum all in the same area without anyone noticing a thing about it.
He chose an overturned tree trunk to sit on and began digging through the pockets on his tunic. He had taken another scroll today under extremely "legit" circumstances, and was eager to look at it. His fingers brushed against a tear in the soft fabric, and he stopped.
It was his most favorite piece of clothing that he owned, with gold-tinted threads outlining the royal-blue yarns of the actual coat. Aunt Tsunade had said it matched his eyes, so he'd taken a liking to it ever since. Not that he'd ever tell anyone that. But now there was a problem…The scroll fell through the side of his tunic, clanking loudly on the stones in the grass below it.
He picked up the scroll, gold eyebrows knitting together in frustration. How had that happened? Is this just my day or what!
As he unraveled the scroll, he thought about what pains he had to go through to get it…he hoped they wouldn't go after anyone else…
"Yo, you!"
Sasuke glanced at his takoyaki as he gave the vendor some change. He had been waiting for a quarter of an hour, and he wanted nothing more than to get out of there. For some reason, he was handed chopsticks instead of skewers. Strange.
"Hey, bird man! Rooster!"
of course, it didn't make a difference. Either way he could eat them was fine. Onaka ga suita.
"Listen, man! I'm talking to you!"
Sasuke carefully counted the number of takoyaki he had received for his money. Rokko wa takoyaki. Yep; all six were there; nicely made, too. Not that it mattered.
"You."
Suddenly, the boy looked up to see himself surrounded by people he didn't know. Must be travelers. Or losers. He frowned. "Hn?"
"You must be Uchiha Sasuke." A boy with lilac hair and gray eyes smirked at him. "Uzumaki Naruto must be in your group."
Sasuke's frown grew deeper. "So what?"
The boy leered at him. "So we want our scroll back, man. You've got a half hour to find 'im before we blow your brains out." He held up his hands, swirling with purple chakra, to demonstrate. The three other boys in his group snickered.
The Uchiha raised his eyebrows. I'm quaking in my sandals, here. I think he thought I was scared. Let's reinform him. Besides, a boy who accepted glaring as part of his everyday ritual just wouldn't be fazed by such a thing.
"One: I could care less about that dobe. Two: he is not my responsibility. Three: you're ruining my breakfast with your drooling. I suggest you go home and get some rest. You look like you need it."
He began walking down a side street, carefully balancing his earl grey tea on top of his takoyaki container. His food was starting to get cold; he'd spent too much time there.
His arm was grabbed roughly and twisted back. "Don't take me lightly, man."
Sasuke sighed, placed his precariously teetering meal on the ground, and glanced at his stalkers. "I'm not taking you lightly. I'm merely noticing beforehand that you're not worth my time." He brushed off his pants and jerked his arm out of the boy's weak grip. "Now, I have approximately ten minutes before my food gets cold. That gives me plenty of time to deal with you properly."
"Hah! You! Give me a break! Mister Pretty Boy—"
Sasuke whipped out his chopsticks and lit them ablaze with his chakra. His chopsticks twirled dangerously through his fingers.
The boy laughed. "Give me a break, kid. You think that's gonna do anything? Seriously. I think—"
"Shut. Up." He booted him in the face, knocking him to the ground. Sasuke then tucked the chopsticks into a belt loop on the boy's pants.
"Who said I was going to fight you, baka? Like I said, you're not worth my time."
He picked up his food and strolled down many side streets until he reached the lane that led to Uchiha Manor, listening to yells and smelling the scent of burning clothing all the way home.
Naruto, what the hell are you doing now?
He decided to check it out later. After all, he was involved now. And as far as he was concerned, that dobe wasn't going to get a chance to mutilate him.
But first…breakfast was calling. When he sat down at his kitchen table, the takoyaki were still warm.
Well, let us just say that Naruto was confused. Nw that it was anything new, of course; it just so happened that this particular boy had a strong relationship with this word. But still…it was odd.
"Nahh! How come I can't read this!" Naruto pulled on his golden locks in frustration. "I was sure this was in Japanese!"
Peering at the scroll in question, his frown grew deeper when he finally discovered what it said:
"Omae no dobe."
His blue eye twitched.
"AARRGGHH! It was a trick! I'm such an idiot!" He banged his forehead furiously with his fist. Finally pausing in his self abuse, he stood. Well, then. He would just have to practice his home made technique until he got it down pat and steal the original Ultimate Weapon Scroll later.
Naruto bent down into his defense position. "Hup! Saa saa! Ichi: Fan no Bijin no Jutsu Practice!"
He whipped out a small pink fan and began waving it gently through the air in a figure eight sequence. The boy slowly brought it up to his face…just as Sasuke came crashing through the trees and evil look on his face.
The two boys stared at each other for a moment; one confused, one angry. The enraged boy spoke first.
"What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed.
"Um…dancing?" Naruto suggested weakly. He slowly began to remember that he was in his boxers, balanced on one foot, and holding a sakura-fan to his nose. A blush appeared on his face, rising dangerously close to his hairline.
…Crap.
Sasuke sneered, a truly terrifying thing to see on one who had perfected it. "Nice try. How about going mad?" His dark hair fell in front of his obsidian eyes as he bent down to pick up Naruto's scroll.
The blond started. "Hey! Don't read—"
"Omae no dobe." Sasuke smirked. "How true. And you decided to go and get a sex transplant because…?"
Naruto growled at him. "Urusai, usuratonkatchi. I was just practicing my…wait. Why am I telling you this?"
His raven-haired team mate raised his eyebrows. "Why? How about because I had an idiot and his fellow goons come after me because Uzumaki Naruto took a scroll of theirs? Form strangers? You dared to get people to bother me this early in the morning because…?"
Ima wa jū ni ji desu; just thought I'd let you know. And Naruto's gone, now," The blond added, pointing down the street and lowering his fan. "He just ran that-away."
Sasuke took a step closer. "Very funny. You're a hellion, Naruto. Now you can either look it up in the dictionary, or tell me what the hell you think you're doing waving fans and dancing in your boxers."
Naruto dearly thought of going to get a dictionary (how did Sasuke know he wouldn't know what it meant?) but decided otherwise. Scratching his head, he frowned at his team mate's sandals. "Well, it's a very long story…"
"Lucky you; I just made an exception and let my schedule what until you're done. Keep going."
Naruto glared, then tried to speak as fast as he could. "I-just-used-my-jutsu-technique-to-snag-a-scroll-off-some-guy-cuz-i-needed-it-and-not-get-noticed-you-know-and-it-would-keep-me-out-of-trouble-but-i-got-caught-and-ran-into-you-and-the-rest-you-know."
Sasuke blinked. "…You have your own jutsu technique?"
Uzumaki puffed his chest out proudly; a move that Sasuke thought was…weird. "Yup! It's been in progress for awhile, but not now! I'm starting to get the hang of it! You wanna see?" He slapped his hands together and made his fingers move rapidly. Triangle-bird-square-ok sign-upside down triangle-z-formation-
"And now!" Naruto grinned evilly-hands on hips-fingers laced-
The Uchiha grabbed his team mate's fingers with one hand, placing his other over Naruto's mouth. "What are you—?"
Naruto bit his hand.
A warm tingling sensation spread over his fingers, up his arm, around his chest, through the very tips of his hair…
He yanked his hand back. "Aa! What the hell!"
Naruto scowled at him. "You stopped me in the middle of my jutsu!"
"That's not what I'm…" The Uchiha quickly recovered. "That was it? I've never seen anyone do that and not get laughed at! Those weren't even pattern sequences!"
"Yes, they were!" The blond stuck out his tongue in a defiant gesture.
Sasuke paused, still feeling warm from whatever was now traveling through his body. He blinked. Was it Naruto's chakra?
"Naruto…did you feel any…displacement…when you bit me?"
He received a strange look. "No."
Naruto picked up his tunic and the useless scroll and began walking off. "I'm leaving. You staying here?"
"Hn."
…What was that?
Sasuke eventually went home to his mansion, the day's events temporarily forgotten, what with all of the fan girl chases he had just escaped. Forging around in his collar, he grabbed his key and inserted it into the lock. The old, oak doors swung silently open, awaiting the entrance of their young master.
The boy trudged upstairs to his room, taking off the hiate wrapped around his head and placing it on his bed stand. He headed to the bathroom to wash his face.
There was nothing to do, really, he realized as he rubbed momiji soap onto his smooth face. Kakashi was missing on some type of "errand"; Iruka was simply indisposed, and there were only so many trees you could knock down before people started noticing. Rinsing off his face, he grabbed a towel and stared into his dark, sheltered eyes that looked at him from the mirror.
They had changed, lately. Not physically; they were still the same hellish eyes he'd had since he turned seven. No…it was more of a personal change that seemed to shine through his eyes.
What was it? He wondered, pausing to lightly brush his fingers around the eyes reflected in the coated glass. They seem more…alive. Human, even.
He shook his head, burying it in the evergreen towel he clutched in his hands. That was it. He'd need therapy lessons soon. He was losing it. He…needed ocha. Yes…that would calm him down.
Geez…it's like I'm growing up all over again. I'm clumsy, thoughtless, and…being stupid.
Sasuke tread lightly down the stairs, turning right to enter his kitchen. He selected a pot from the cabinet below the counter, and set it on the stove to boil water in. After pouring in tap water and lighting the stove, he sat down at the table to think.
I must have spoken too much today. Too much chit-chat and no training. Examining his arm cuffs, he sighed. Wouldn't that be wonderful Sit on your lazy ass all day, Uchiha, and let Naruto, of all people, surpass you in skill.
The pot on the stove behind him began to rattle. He leapt up, reaching up to grab it from the range—
"Ouch!"
The Uchiha drew his right hand back sharply as it began to sting from the intense heat of the stove. Examining it, he began to nibble on it to extinguish some of the pain. In response…the pot boiled over, spilling its clear contents onto the floor below.
"…Kuso."
He turned off the pilot light and hurriedly put the steaming pot in the sink, using a mitt to protect his already injured hand. As he ran the cold water, he rubbed a hand over his fingers absentmindedly, feeling bite marks made earlier that day.
…Hold on. What?
The Uchiha blinked. Oh…Naruto. From when he released his fangs on his unsuspecting digits. He should have been expecting that, he reasoned, turning off the faucet. It was random, of course, but then again who would take a z-formation-snapping, half-naked, grinning teen seriously anyway? After all the brat had put him through, he had just wanted to shut him up like any normal person would do. Right…?
Placing his cup back in the cabinet above the sink, he headed for the front door. A walk. He needed a walk.
As he locked up the house for the second time that day, a summer breeze blew lazily through the air, making the light leaves that still hung upon hard, sturdy branches in the surrounding woods wave merrily. Sasuke brushed a hand through his hair, making sure it was still in his upswept do. Now…where to go…
He had no idea.
Sasuke had never been on a walk for the mere pleasure of moving, and as had stood on his front steps his confusion only increased. What did one do on a walk? Did you just wander around aimlessly until you found something that resembled a goal?
He took a few hesitant steps towards the road, then stopped as he encountered a horrifying realization:
Did this mean he had no life!
…He couldn't stand for that.
All right, Uchiha, listen up! This will be your training session for today. Two laps around Konoha; watch out for kunoichi, Lee, and blond boys, and you should be all set.
Jogging through the woods, the Uchiha's mind began to wander back to the incident earlier that day.
"What was that feeling?" he muttered, dodging trees and bushes that happened to suddenly appear in his path.
Was it just imagined? Naruto had said he didn't feel any type of displacement, whether physically or spiritually…But it seemed so real…the feelings of warmth and comfort that had spread through his veins, coating his insides and submerging his heart. He slowed down to a walk, staring at his hand. Was Naruto lying…? There was no reason for him to…unless he wanted him to suffer…Wild thoughts chased each other through his mind.
Did Naruto have rabies…?
Sasuke stopped abruptly. That does it. I'm going to go to his place, and get all the information I can out of that dobe…whether he wants to give it up or not.
He leapt, cat-like, into a tree beside him, rustling its leaves, and bounded through the forest's branches, his confidence rising. Yeah…I'll just kidnap him if he refuses to speak…
As he flew, Sasuke gradually began to feel tired, something that slowly began to panic him. Why was he so drained of energy already? He hadn't even gone that far…
What did that baka do to me! I'll bet he doesn't even know!
If Uchiha had been one to voice that bet…he would have lost. Miserably. For you see, Naruto had at least the vaguest ideas of what had happened between them. It had been brief, of course, but he had noticed a slight movement within him as he had bitten Sasuke.
And what an idiot. He deserved what he got. Naruto was chomping on his chopsticks, waiting for his ramen to heat up in his apartment's microwave. I mean, who ever heard of stopping someone right in the middle of their jutsu? You can't expect something NOT to happen. He winced. Doesn't help that I "initiated further contact", as Iruka-sensei would probably tell me.
As he watched his miso ramen rotating clockwise, he frowned. It might not have done anything if I had finished, of course. Hell, I don't now if it'll do anything now!
The microwave beeped, and Naruto happily plucked his food from its depths and began chowing down.
"Hai! Ramen, Ramen…"
He paused, a noodle dangling from his mouth. I guess my place isn't secret anymore…The blond frowned. And what about that chakra? Maybe he'll absorb it and become stronger! Naruto growled. Now that I think about it, that was a bit of chakra. I was imaging his fingers falling off, after all. But, he decided, slowly devouring the last of his meal, how much can a bit of chakra from my Sexy no Jutsu do? It's probably nothin' to worry about.
Throwing out the Styrofoam cup this food was in, he grinned. Hah! Sexy no Jutsu!
It was a fine piece of art if he said so himself. The thing had taken lots of research, questions, and weird looks from the ladies to make it as near perfect as possible. If he hadn't made it, he would have thought it was real; someone separate from the great Uzumaki Naruto.
Well…if it was his Sexy no Jutsu, he wasn't gonna tell Sasuke. As far as he could tell from the looked he had received from his team mate, he was jealous. And he was going to keep things that way, as far as he was concerned.
Well, if he wants to find out anything from me, he's just gonna have to—
There was a furious banging on his door. Curious, Naruto tiptoed over to his front door and peered through the peephole.
—come over and confront me head on…
Uchiha Sasuke stood outside his door, a hand clenched over his kunai holder.
…Oh, crap.
Sasuke waited patiently in front of Naruto's apartment door, as a hunter stalks its prey. He was willing to wait. Hell, he was willing to stay here until Christmas.
Naruto slowly opened the door, a look of surprise registering on his face.
"Hi, usuratonkatchi! I didn't know you knew where I lived!"
Sasuke swore he heard something snap in the back of his mind. In the tolerance area, maybe?
"Well, now you know I do. Isn't it polite to invite your guest inside?"
He stepped through the door, brushing Naruto aside. The hunter had found its prey. And now there was no escape.
"You have a lot of explaining to do, dobe." The Uchiha brushed a hand casually over his kunai. Naruto flinched, unconsciously taking a step back.
"…You better start talking."
Hai! Chappie one, all done! Please review, give me all of your valuable ideas for improvement, future stories, future happenings in this one…ya know! Also, if someone can please tell me the correct way to say "What are you waiting for " in Japanese, it would be most appreciated. Thank you!
For those of you who don't know mucho Japanese, here's a list of the words and phrases I used in this chapter.
Ohayō gozaimasuGood morning
-teme name suffix meaning bastard
usuratonkatchibastard
Ima wa jū ni ji desu literally, "it is now twelve o'clock."
Bakaidiot
Kuzu S.O.B
Dobe literally, "dead last"; loser, idiot
-yasuffix meaning "shop"
-kun suffix used among young people and acquaintances
takoyaki octopus balls
Saa saa! Ichi: Fan no Bijin no Jutsu Practice "Come on! One: Beautiful Woman fan practice!"
Urusai shut up
Kuso shit
Hai! Yes!
If there are any words I've forgotten, just email me! Review! See the button? Press it. You know you want to.