Interview 7: Punio
As the audience was settling into their seats, Toad was asking MM a question.
Toad: Hey MM, if our last show was on July 19th, then how come we're doing this show on August 1st?
Shy Guy: Oh! I know! I know! Because it could be done!
MM: That's true, Shy Guy! But not right! The last interview and this interview are so far apart because… becaaauuuse… umm… uhh… -10 minutes later- … oh! 'Cause the other Minis- and I got blown to bits by Bowser a few minutes after the last interview!
Toad: Oh, yeah! What a day that was! Good thing E.Gadd was nearby or you'd never get fixed.
MM: Yeah. Hey, staff! I recently found out that this show is rated T for Teens. Since I don't wanna get in trouble with the guys who put this show on TV, let's play a game!
Staff: Oh, alright. Okay, that's cool.
MM: If you're happy and you know it, all non-robotic staff say a swear!
Toad: Crap!
Koopa: Boobies!
Goomba: Damn!
Shy Guy: Dang!
Boo: #(&(&!#!!!!!!!!!!!
MM: … All of you crap makin' staff suck. Boo wins!
Boo: Yay! What do I win?
MM: Not getting to live!
Boo: … Hooray! … I'm already used to that! Does that also mean I can swear for real now?
MM: Knock yourself out!
Boo smashes his head with a hammer, knocking himself out.
MM: Hooray for literalness!
MDK: Hey, have any of you guys seen the Interviewee yet?
Staff: Not sure. I haven't! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have you? No! Have yo-
MDK: Found him!
MDK brings in Punio.
MM: Good, I was running out of breath!
Toad: You? You don't breathe!
MM: … Shut up and get onstage!
MM, Toad, and Punio get onstage.
MK: In 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999, 99-
Koopa: 10, 9, skip some time, 2, 1, ACTION!
MK muttering to MT: He just interrupted me!
MM: Hello viewers of 'Mini-Mario Interviews'! Today we interview Punio!
Punio: Hiya!
MM: Duck! He knows karate moves!
Audience and/or viewers and readers laugh. Laugh, damn it, LAUGH!
MM: Huh? Oh! Okay anyway, Quest. 1: What species are you from?
Punio looks at Toad, who goes all cross-eyed, sticks his tongue out and points at MM indicating MM IS stupid.
Punio: Haven't you played Chapter 2 of PM: TTYD?
MM: What's that s'pposed to do with my question?
Punio: Okaayy… I'm from the Puni species!
MM: That answers why you're so… puny!
Toad: Quest. 2: are there more of your kind that live in other places other than the Great Boggly Tree?
Punio: Of course! Most of my kind live in large, hollow trees while others live in towns and cities.
MM: Quest. 3: What different races is your kind most compatible with?
Punio: Monty Moles. Their kinda like the guys who build our hollow trees.
Toad: Quest. 4: What is that antennae thing on your head do?
Punio: That 'thing' is like a flashlight and a bat. It helps us see in the dark and bashes enemies heads into the ground. With their skulls smashed to bits, their brains mashed like mashed potatoes. Blood gushing out of their ears and mouth. Their eyes forced out their nose as our 'thing' slices through to their other organs.
The staff shivers. The audience shivers. I, uh… 'Shake or tremble from fear.'
MM: Quite t-the detailed a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-answe-e-e-er.
Punio: I know. It should be able to put your show up in the T section.
MM: Oh… Okay! Time for audience questions! Seat 9!
Petuni: Hi, brother!
Punio: Hi, Petuni!
MM: Questions only, please.
MM pulls a switch that activates a trapdoor under Petuni's seat.
Petuni: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh……
Punio: Hey!
MM: Don't worry, the male, Hitler will care for her!
Punio: WWHHAATT!! SHE'S 9-YEARS OLD!
Petuni: You have a funny mustasche!
MM: Heh, heh, umm…
Punio pounces at MM.MM: G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Guards! Seize him and throw him in the Female, Hitler that trapdoor.
They do so.
Punio: I'm 10-years old! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo……..
MM: T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Toad, you s-s-s-say the c-c-c-closing s-s-s-s-statement. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm too s-s-shaken up.
Toad: 'Kay. Punio was the first one to be in our new program: "1-of-a-kind"!!!! This program happens whenever we interview someone with a unique name. We pay the people because they increase our ratings! Punio isn't paid because he was first! We had this pay rate thing but it was to complicated. Every '1-of-a-kind' is paid 1,000$!
MM: H-H-H-H-H-How much money d-d-d-d-d-do we have r-r-r-r-r-r-right now?-?-?-?-?-?-?
Toad: 3650$! That's because Mrs.Bule paid us 1000$ for sponsoring! Mrs.Bule! 'Doing it right in front because you pay us to!' Next time we interview Piranha Plant!
MM: E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D –T-TT-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R—R-R-RANSMISSION!-!-!-!