Disclaimer: Well...Remy took the part where I saw I don't own anything...so I'll leave you to try to figure what the disclaimer is.
A/N: Kitty and Wanda will not be playing Scarlett and Giselle anymore. Instead, they'll be played by the two girls usually seen with Taryn...We'll call the Amy and Cam..just two random names.
Ellen walks in to find complete mayhem. Sam is running away from Pyro who is randomly throwing fireballs at him. Amara is trying to get John to stop chasing Sam. Lance is trying to flirt with Kitty who is ignoring him and talking to Piotr and Kurt. Scott and Jean are nowhere to be found, which is perfectly fine. Alex and Blob are standing around whistling the not-so-innocent whistle. The NR's–minus Sam, Amara, and Jamie–are having fun messing with Pietro while doing annoying things in unison while Pietro cowers. Jamie, who is on sugar-high, is following Logan around singing "The Song that Never Ends." Logan is twitching every 20 seconds. Forge and Hank are arguing over science stuff. Todd is following Wanda around while Wanda occasionally hexes him into a wall. The rest are either sleeping or eating.
Ellen grabs Ray as he runs past her. "Oof!" Ray grunts as he gets pulled back towards Ellen. He falls on his butt, groaning.
"Sorry, Ray. Come on. I'd like to get this day started," Ellen pinches the bridge of her nose.
"PEOPLE! SHUT UP AND GET IN YOUR PLACES!" Ray and Ellen yell in unison, making Pietro screech, "Stop that!"
The camera zooms in on Sam as he lays in the middle of the road. RLR chickens scurry about. Suddenly, Sam opens his eyes. He rubs his head and moans as he stands up. He looks at the scene in front of him. He is shocked that it is daylight and people are trying to clean up the mess the pirates left behind.
The scene changes and two soldier extras carry a fake dead body past a porch-like thing where a table is set up. Around the table are Pyro, Logan, Mesmero, Bobby, Roberto, and a few extras. John and Logan are looking at a map.
Sam runs up to them with hatchet in hand. "They've taken her. They've taken Amara."
Without looking up, Pyro says dryly, "Mr. Da Costa, remove this man."
Rob goes up to Sam, but he waves his hand away and Rob backs off. "We have to hunt them down. We must save her."
Logan looks up at him. "And where do you propose we start, bub?"
Wolverine continues, "If you have any information concerning my daughter, please share it." There is a forced desperate tone to his voice.
Rob speaks up, "That Remy LeBeau, he talked about the Black Pearl."
"Mentioned it is more what he did," Bobby says condescendingly.
Rob glares daggers at him.
Sam looks at John, "Ask him where it is. Make a deal with him. He could lead us to it."
"No," John says, still not looking up. "The pirates who invaded this fort left LeBeau locked in his cell, ergo they are not his allies."
"Ergo? What type of word is that?" Jamie asks
"The kind of word you would know if ya were older," Bobby says.
"Bobby!" Ellen puts her hands on her hips, "Don't be so mean to Jamie."
"Fine. Touchy," Bobby mutters under his breath.
"Governor, we will establish their most likely course–" John starts.
He is interrupted by Remy taking the hatchet and slamming it down onto the table. "That's not good enough!" He yells.
Pyro turns and looks at the ax. He takes it out of the table and says, "Mr. Guthrie, you are not a military man. You are not a sailor. You are a blacksmith." He enjoys this part. He grabs Sam's arm and drags him out into the street. "And this is not the moment for rash actions." Looking in Sam's eyes, which is hard, Sam being taller than most, he says quietly, "Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only man here who cares for Amara." Sam just looks at him.
The scene changes to the prison, where Remy is miserable. He is trying to pick the lock with the marrowbone. He hears a door open, stops and jumps back away from the door, leaving the marrowbone inside the lock.
The visitor is not a prison guard, as he guessed, but Sam. "You. LeBeau," Sam says. "You are familiar with that ship. The Black Pearl."
"I've heard of it," Remy says, laying down.
"Where does it make berth?" Sam says.
"Where does it make berth?" Remy repeats in a tone that implies it was a stupid question. "Have you not heard the stories? Captain Lensherr and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found, except by those who already know where it is."
"The ship's real enough," Sam says, "Therefore, it's anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?"
"Why ask me?" Remy asks.
"Because you're a pirate," Sam spits out.
"And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?"
Sam grabs the bars in frustration, "Never." He calms down and then states, "They took Miss Howlett."
"Oh," Remy says, bracing himself on his arms, "So, it is that you found a girl. I see. Well, if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue, and so win the fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone, homme. I see no profit in it for me." He laughs.
"I can get you out of here."
"How's that? The key's run off."
"I helped build these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges." He turns and grabs a bench that happens to be nearby. "With the right leverage and the proper application of strength," he places the feet of the bench in the holes of the cell and states, "the door will lift free."
"What's your name?" Remy inquires.
"Sam Guthrie."
He sits up. "Good, strong name. No doubt your last name's the same as your father's, eh?"
Sam rolls his eyes, "Yes."
"Uh-huh." Pyro sits for a moment and then gets up, "Well, Mr. Guthrie, I've changed my mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny girl. Do we have an accord?" He sticks his hand through the holes.
Sam grabs his hand and shakes it, "Agreed."
"Agreed. Get me out."
Sam pushes down on the bench and the door pops right off with a loud bang. "Hurry, someone will have heard that."
Remy rushes out of the cell, "Not without my effects," and he grabs his stuff from a hook.
The scene changes and Sam and Remy are seen running under a bridge near the dock. They stop and look at the ships.
"We're going to steal the ship?" Sam asks nervously."That ship?" he asks, looking at the Dauntless.
"Commandeer," Gambit replies. "We're going to commandeer that ship." And he points to the Interceptor. "Nautical term. One question about your business, or there's no use going. This girl. How far are you willing to go to save her?"
"I would die for her," he says truthfully, making Amara blush off stage.
"How sweet," Ellen whispers to Amara, making her blush more.
"Oh, good," Remy responds, rather flippantly. "No worries, then."
The scene changes again and Bobby, Roberto and two soldier extras march by a line of canoes by the shore.
Suddenly, one of the canoes starts moving. Four legs peek out from underneath it.
Next the camera shows the dock, only from underneath it, as Sam and Remy guide the canoe at the bottom of the sea bed. Inside the canoe is a lot of air. Sam is surprised. "This is either madness or brilliance."
"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide," Remy says.
Sam steps in a crab trap and looks down. He can't get it off, so he just keeps walking. The trap is tied to a barrel floating on the surface. As the barrel floats by, Jamie, who is fishing off the dock, watches it with wonder.
The scene changes to the Dauntless, where the crab trap is tied to the rudder. The barrel is tied higher up.
Sam and Remy climb up to the top and onto the ship. Gambit is holding his gun and Sam, his sword. Suddenly, while climbing down stairs, Remy yells out, "Everyone stay calm! We're taking over the ship!"
"Aye! Avast!" Sam says.
Remy looks at him like he's crazy. Cain's crew starts laughing, while Cain just stands there glaring.
"This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay," Juggernaut growls.
Shaking a little, Remy replies, "I'm Captain Remy LeBeau" while sticking the gun in Juggernaut's face and cocking it. "Savvy?"
On the dock, Mesmero is talking to some miscellaneous soldier extras, while more extras are loading the Interceptor. John is facing him and looking at some charts. He turns to talk to John and sees something in the distance, "Commodore!"
Juggernaut shouts out, "Sir! They've taken the Dauntless!"
John looks through his telescope and sees Juggernaut and his crew of extras on a life boat. Cain shouts out again, "Commodore, They've taken the ship!" He points to the Dauntless. Pyro moves the glass over the ship and sees two men working it. "LeBeau and Guthrie have taken the Dauntless!"
Pyro says in a bored tone, "Rash, Guthrie. Too rash, mate. This is without doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen."
Sam runs up the steps to Remy, who's behind the wheel. "Here they come."
Remy looks out and sees the life boat heading back to shore and the Interceptor heading straight towards them. He smiles. Everything is going according to plan.
Suddenly Juggernaut decides to help Pyro with a, "Bring her around! Bring her around!"
The Interceptor pulls up next to the Dauntless and they hurl grappling hooks to the Dauntless. Tons of soldier extras flood the larger ship. In fact, every crew member on the Interceptor heads off to the Dauntless. Including John who orders, "Search every cabin, every hull, down to the bilges."
And while this is happening, Sam and Remy swing back to the Interceptor. And with Sam's hatchet, he cuts every rope tying the two ships together. The Interceptor begins to move faster. Wooden planks they had used to board the Dauntless fall into the water creating a big splash.
John stops in his tracks. He slowly turns around. "Sailors, back to the Interceptor! Now!"
One extra attempts this death defying stunt, only to end up flipping into the water. Pyro and Mesmero rush to the edge and watch as the ship sails away.
Remy takes his hat off, "Thank ye, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way! We'd have had a hard time of it by ourselves."
Some soldier extras fire their blank-filled guns at the ship. This, of course, does absolutely nothing.
John, looking outraged, turns and walks off, saying to Mesmero, "Set topsails and clear up this mess."
Mesmero argues, "With the wind, we won't catch them."
"I don't need to. Just get them in range of the long nines."
"Hands, come about!" Scott calls, in a girly voice, I might add.
"Run out the guns!" Mesmero orders. Then, quietly, where only John can hear, "We are to fire on our own ship, sir?"
"I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hands of a pirate."
Nick Fury says, "Commodore, he's disabled the rudder chain, sir."
Juggernaut's life boat is reaching the ship. He sees the ship isn't turning. "Abandon ship!" Everyone in the lifeboat dives into the sea in one direction or the other as the lifeboat crashes against the Dauntless. "And just why did the authoress pick me for this role?"
Authoress: I have absolutely no idea. It's fun to make you look like an even bigger idiot than Bobby, I guess.
Bobby yells, "HEY!"
Authoress: It's true. I like you Bobby, I really do. It's just so much more fun to torture ya!
"Can we get back to the parody?" Jamie asks.
Authoress: Please do.
Scott hangs his head in shame.
Mesmero grins as he says, "That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen."
Pyro raises his head and replies, "So it would seem."
The camera follows the Interceptor. Sam starts a conversation with Remy, because, face it, it's gonna be a long trip. "When I was a lad living in Bayville, my momma raised me by herself. After she died, I came out here, looking for my dad."
"Is that so?" Remy asks, not at all interested.
"My father, Thomas Zebulon.(1) It was only after you learnt my name you agreed to help. I'm not a simpleton, Remy. You knew my father."
Remy stops tying a knot and turns to face him. "I knew him. Probably one of the few who knew him as Thomas Zebulon. Everyone else called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Tom."
"Bootstrap?" Sam questions.
"Good man. Good pirate." Sam looks shocked. "I swear, you look just like him." Remy moves towards the wheel.
"That's not true!" Sam defends. "He was a merchant sailor. A good respectable man who obeyed the law."
"He was a bloody pirate. A scallywag."
"My father was not a pirate!" Sam growls, drawing his sword.
"Put it away, mate. It's not worth you getting beat again."
"You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you."
Remy turns to face him, "That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, is it?"
He turns the sail and the...beam thing that the sail is attached to turns and hits Sam in the stomach. He fortunately had the foresight to lift his arms and grab a hold of it. He is left hanging on to it over the ocean. He dropped the sword on the deck.
Remy picks up the sword. "Now, as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these. What a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. Pirate is in your blood, mate, so you'll have to square with that someday. Now, me, for example. I can let you drown. But I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? So." Here he turns the wheel the other way and the sail comes back and Sam falls onto the deck. He places the end of the sword at Sam's throat. "Can you sail under the command of a pirate?" He flips the sword around and catches the blade, letting Sam grab the handle. "Or can you not? I don't like bein' so mean to this poor country boy."
"Poor country boy?" Sam growls.
"AHEM" Ray and Ellen glare.
"Sorry," Sam and Remy squeak.
"Quit doing things in unison!" Pietro squeals.
"Shut up, Pie, yo," Toad kicks him.
"Tortuga?"
"Tortuga," Remy says with a grin.
The scene changes to a group of cliffs that hide a bay, wherein lays a small town near the water. The Interceptor sails towards it.
Lots of extra pirates fill the small town of Tortuga. One is dragged by the camera. Others fight and shoot guns into the air. A wagon rides by a house full of men shooting guns and scantily clad weapon of ill-repute.
"More importantly, it is indeed a sad life," Remy is telling Sam, as they walk up an alley beside the house, where several supposed drunk extras lay or sit on barrels of water marked ale, "that has never breathed deep this sweet bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy? What do you think?"
Sam looks around and sees Fred, pretending to be a different drunk, pouring two glasses of the "ale" into his mouth at once. Sam rolls his unique eyes. "It'll linger."
At the sound of Remy saying, "I'll tell you, homme, if every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted," Cam looks up sharply. She is wearing a ridiculous amount of makeup and a bright yellow dress. She stalks over to them. "Cam!" Remy says happily, running to meet her. She slaps him across the face and stalks off. "Not sure I deserved that." He turns around to see another girl standing there. "Amy."
"Who was she?" Amy asks, clearly upset.
"What?" Remy asks. She slaps him across the face and stalks off angrily. "I may have deserved that."
The scene changes to inside a barn, where Xavier lays sleeping. His head lays on a pile of pigs who are also sleeping. Remy throws a bucket of water on him, setting off the shock device in his collar. He twitches around for a while, then shouts, claws out, "Curse you for breathing, you slack-jawed idiot!" Remy stands there next to Sam, holding the bucket and smiling. "Mother's love! Remy! You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck," Xavier says.
Remy retorts, "Ah, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking."
Xavier says happily, obviously almost drunk, "Aye, that'll about do it." He takes Remy's offered hand and stands up.
At this time, Sam has the bucket and throws the water on him.
Xavier glares at Sam, who smiles sheepishly, and says, "Blast! I'm already awake, Country Boy!"
"That was for the smell," Sam chooses to ignore the nickname and smiles.
The scene changes to a bar, where Remy is walking carrying two mugs of tea that's supposed to be ale. He walks next to Sam and says, "You keep a sharp eye," then heads to the table where Xavier sits.
Sam watches men fighting and notices Mystique looking drunk. Keyword: looking.
At the table, Xavier asks, "Now, what's the nature of the venture of yourn?"
"I'm going after the Black Pearl." Remy states simply.
Xavier nearly chokes on his Pepsi.
"I know where it's gonna be, and I'm gonna take it."
"Remy, it's a fool's errand, you know better than me the tales of the Black Pearl."
Remy nods, "That's why I know what Lensherr's up to. All I need is a crew."
"From what I hear of Captain Lensherr," Xavier responds, "he's not a man to suffer fools, or strike a bargain with one."
"Well then, I'd say it's a very good thing I'm not a fool," Remy replies, to which Rogue chuckles and mutters.
"Prove me wrong," Xavier growls. "What makes you think Lensherr will give up his ship to you?"
"Let's just say it's a matter of leverage," he nods in Sam's direction.
Sam looks over at them, he clearly overheard the words, but chooses to ignore them for the time being. Besides, Mystique is headed his way and she is still pretending to be drunk. He begins to get scared.
Xavier grunts, he doesn't understand.
Remy nods more dramatically at Sam. He nods again at the dumb look on Xavier's face and the shaking of his puzzled head. It takes two more nods before Xavier catches on and looks at Sam.
Sam is standing next to Mystique, looking even more scared by the second.
"The Kid?" Xavier asks.
Gambit nods. "That is the child of Bootstrap Tom Zebulon. His only child, savvy?"
"Is he, now?" Xavier asks, looking at Remy again.
Sam is still scared and now twitching occasionally. He looks over at Raven, who's now flirting with a drunken extra.
"'Leverage,' says you," Xavier spits out. "'I think I feel a change in the wind,' says I. I'll find us a crew. There's bound to be some sailors on this rock as crazy as you."
"As crazy as him? I'm not crazy!" X-23 shouts off screen.
"It's in the script!" Xavier cowers.
"One can only hope," Remy says. "Take what you can," he raises his glass.
"Give nothing back," Xavier says with a smile. They cling they're glasses together, and they both drink the rest of the tea in one gulp, managing to slam the mugs down at the same time.
Pie cowers and runs off screaming about crazy people.
"And cut!" Ellen and Ray yell once Pietro is far enough away.
Sam collapses on the floor. Amara rushes over to him.
"Y' know, I'd be scared too if Mystique tried to come on to me," Remy mutters.
"You're gonna regret sayin that!" Mystique shrieks.
"Run, Remy, run!"Rogue teased as she watched Remy run away from Mystique.
"I'm gonna go now...Bye," and with that Ellen gave Ray a kiss on the cheek, yet again.
(1) According to the Marvel comics site thing, Thomas Zebulon is Sam's dad, although he's deceased.
Hope ya like it! Sorry it took so long. I had a lot of things to do the past week, so I barley had time to get on the computer. Soon, I'm gonna start my parody of Bambi, with Piotr as Bambi and Kitty as Feline. Oh and Ray's Thumper, Sam's Flower, Forge's the Owl, Ororo is Bambi's mom, Logan's Bambi's dad, Lance is the mean deer who thinks he owns Feline, and everyone else is little cute animals. Skysong and I are doing a tagfic with this, and I'll have the first chapter, sadly. I'll update soon.