Hey, next chapter up! This one's a little different than the first one. I promise, I'll do my best to stick to comedy. I still don't own any of the stuff from Oz or Wicked, in case you didn't know or didn't read my first disclaimer. If you didn't read the first one, I hopeyou read this one becauseI'mnot writing any more. On with the show!
I decide to stop near a grove of apple trees to try and get my bearings. So let's see, the yellow brick road leads to the Emerald City and it's going that way. So, in order to get to my house in the west I go . . . wait, this road isn't precisely strait, so this might just be a bend and I'm actually sending myself North or South instead of . . . I want to go West, right? Or maybe it's East . . . I can't remember. All this hard thinking is making me hungry. I think I'll eat an apple.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" says the tree, slapping my hand away. "My goodness, your skin's as green as my leaves."
"Yes, I know. And before you ask, I'm not motion sick, yes I've always been this way, and no I did not eat grass as a child. . . wait, did you just talk Mr. Tree?"
"Of course I talk." he answered.
"Oh. In that case I'm awful sorry. I'll be on my way then." I say, turning to leave. Oh look, it's that girl, and she has that scarecrow from the field. Wait, that thing's walking. I think it might be a Scarecrow! Wow, I've never met one of those before! That's so cool!
Haha! She just picked an apple off of Mr. Tree! Now she'll get it! No good brat. Hey, the trees are throwing apples at her! Sweet, apples! I pick up some behind a little cottage. One seems to have rolled under the door.
"Well, hello Elphie!" I look up to see . . . Munchkin-guy-I-know-from-Shiz. What was his name again?
"Don't you remember me? It's Boq." Riiiight! I remember now! Glinda called him Biq and he hated it!
"Of course I remember you Boq!" I hope he didn't notice my mind blank. "Long time no see! How are things?"
"I just heard about your sister." he said sorrowfully, putting his hand on my shoulder (something of a stretch). "I'm so sorry, really I am."
"Nessa, really? Is something wrong with her?" I ask. Oh no, did something happen? . . . Now he's staring at me weirdly. Did I say something?
"Didn't you just come from there? I thought you knew." he answers. I shake my head, still looking worried. "I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, but she's dead." He looks down at the floor.
Tears well in my eyes, but I force back the burning. I close them tight shut. No, no it can't be true! Never, never, she can't go! I sink to the floor, clutching my head and pulling my hair in my face.
"Elphaba? Are you okay?" he asks, bending down onto my level.
I shake myself and jump up again. "Of course I'm okay, Boq!" I say in my usual happy manner. "I really did just come from there, a house fell on her right? But I expect she'll get out of the hospital any day now. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go deal with the brat what's-her-name and her Scarecrow. The Scarecrow walks, and I bet it talks too! Did you ever hear of such a thing?" I turn to leave, but Boq says something that makes me pause.
"Elphie, you can't just forget everything."
I keep going. It looks like I must have walked in during the middle of a conversation. There looks like a Tin Man among them. He's speaking.
"But, suppose the Wizard wouldn't give me a heart when we got there?"
"Oh, but he will! He must!" How can she say that with such enthusiasm, so young. "We've come such a long way already!"
Now that's just not true! She has no conception of Oz geography! I guess it's time for Elphaba to the rescue! Another smoke bomb within my coat pocket (how many did I make, again?) to help for a theatrical entrance.
"Ha! You call that long! Why, you've just begun!" I cry, appearing on top of the roof of Biq's (or was it Boq's?) cottage.
"It's the Wicked Witch of the West!" what's-her-name squeals.
"Is it West? Thanks, I was wondering about that." I decide to clear something up. "We haven't met properly have we? Well, you seem to know me but I don't even know your name."
"Don't tell her, Dorothy." warns the Scarecrow. "She'll use your name to put a spell on you!"
"So, you're name's Dorothy, is it?" I say. The Scarecrow hits his forehead, making a little fwump of hay.
"I really need to see the Wizard to get a brain." he says regretfully. "Sorry."
"It's okay, Scarecrow." she says, patting his arm understandingly.
"Oh, so you're helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentleman? Well, stay away from her!" Why do I seem to hate this little girl so much? "Or I'll stuff a mattress with you!" I say, pointing at the Scarecrow. My, that would be one uncomfortable mattress! Can't imagine what I'd ever do with it. "And you! I'll use you for a beehive!" I point at the Tin Man. He's clanking with fear. I really do need another beehive, those bees are getting restless in their tight space and have started stinging my monkeys.