-Dead Inside-

-ElvenHope-

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Part Three

"You have to stop worrying," Erestor said fixing the elven lord with his dark gaze. "You'll make yourself ill."

Elrond stood gazing out of one of the picture windows in his study, his eyes fixed on the road going out of Rivendell across the bridge. He didn't quite know what he was waiting for. Anything, news, one of his family returning, anything. Waiting was one of the hardest things to do. He pitied those who had to wait for operations to be done on loved ones - especially when it was a life threatening operation. But then again, he knew how that felt.

"My whole family has gone missing, tangled up with orcs and I don't know what else, and you tell me to stop worrying!" Elrond snapped turning on his advisor. "I should have gone, I should be out there with them, but I'm not! I'm here, where I won't be any use to them." He sat down at his desk, his head held in his hands. "I should be out there with them, I should be doing something…"

"You know why you stayed," Erestor tried to reassure him. "If Celebrían is brought back here whilst you are out looking for her then you would only blame yourself."

"And if she dies out on the slopes of Caradhras when I could have saved her had I been there then I will never forgive myself." Elrond looked up at the advisor, his face wan, his eyes dark.

Erestor sighed and sat down opposite him. "You carry the weight of a realm and a lot more," Erestor said glancing at Elrond's index finger where Vilya lay hidden. Few knew where it was few even knew that Elrond had it, but Erestor did. "And as well as all that you have a family to look after. Elrond, you have to stop blaming yourself."

"How can I?" Elrond asked crossly. "If I had just gone with Celebrían in the first place, if I had sent more guards with her then this wouldn't be happening."

Erestor sighed, there was no point in trying to reason with Elrond when he was in this frame of mind. "Do you want some tea? I can go down to the kitchens-"

"I'm fine Erestor," Elrond said brushing him off then added, "thank you."

There was a pause, Erestor looked around the study at the various books and papers scattered about the place. There were bottles of ink opened on the Elven Lord's desk, quills dripping the black liquid onto the carpet of paper that lay strewn across the old mahogany furnishings.

"When was the last time you ate something?" He asked slowly trying to look Elrond in the eye.

The elf dodged his gaze. "I can't remember."

"Making yourself ill will not help the situation," Erestor said exasperatedly. Trying to reason with Elrond when he was in this mood was like trying to convince an oliphaunt that it could fly.

"Elves don't get ill remember Erestor?" Elrond asked looking up at him tiredly. "We don't get ill and we don't get old and we don't feel the cold so you have nothing to worry about."

"You're exhausted," Erestor snapped. "You have to rest or by the valar I will force you to, what was the point in staying here if you are going to act like this?"

"You're right Erestor," Elrond said his eyes roving over his cluttered study. "I shouldn't be here I should be with my sons', I was so stupid not to listen to them. I just wanted them to be safe, but now they've done what I should have and gone to look for Celebrían and I have to wait, because I made the wrong choice twice and didn't see it until it was too late. And now I have another choice to make, but this time I'm going to make the right decision."

With that the Elven Lord stood and walked briskly to the door, suddenly stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Elrond," Erestor protested.

"Would you like to keep your arm Erestor, or is it coming with me?" Elrond asked turning on his advisor eyes flashing.

"You're being unreasonable," Erestor said stiffly.

"Am I? Because from my point of view this is the first time I've made sense in a very long time," Elrond replied. "There is no sense in instinct, in love, but that's the beauty of it. Sometimes you just have to let some other power guide you and I've been preventing that from happening for far too long. I don't care about Imladris at the moment, all I care about is my family and getting them all home safely before something bad happens; because if it does then it will be my fault, because I should have trusted my instincts sooner."

"We need you here," Erestor said earnestly. He saw the sense in what Elrond was saying, even though there was no sense in love, but at the same time he knew that if something happened. If Vilya was found then Imladris would fall along with her Lord. "What if something happens to you?"

"What if something happens to Celebrían or one of the twins?" Elrond asked eyes set, an odd silver fire dancing in them. "What if I loose one of them because of my own foolishness?"

Erestor let his hand slip from Elrond's arm, knowing he would not win this argument, knowing Elrond was right. "Take guards with you," he begged. "Don't be a fool twice in one week."

Elrond nodded. "Alright, as many as I can gather in the next two hours."

Erestor grimaced, knowing that no matter what Elrond said he intended on making the journey alone.

It was on the fourteenth day that the completely exhausted peredhil twins reached the beginning of the Red Horn pass only a little way from Eregion. Elrohir looked up at the snow capped mountains, his keen eyes picking out the black red veined mountains of Caradhras. He shivered, the mountain looked as though it was stained with blood as the sun rose from the east, shining over the side and bathing the mountain in the early morning light.

"What does that mean 'Dan?" Elrohir asked staring at the mountain, knowing his brother had seen too.

"It always looks like that," Elladan said quietly as they walked slowly up the mountain side leading the horses with them. It was almost impossible for the horses to walk up the rocky slope, and so the pair of them had consented to leading the beasts up the hill and waiting for the land to level out. "Ada told me about it once, don't you remember we've seen it before when we went to Lorien to see Arwen and grandmother and grandfather."

Elrohir sighed. "I can't remember, I don't think I was paying attention…" Elrohir could remember that day exactly though now, clearly as though it was just yesterday. He had been riding beside his mother, talking with her, too engrossed in tales of the golden wood to pay attention to the mountain.

"I think it's a sign," he whispered. "We shouldn't have come this way 'Dan, we can't fight orcs. Not lots of them, we've not had that much experience fighting animals that can actually think."

"Trolls think," Elladan said thoughtfully.

"Yes, but they don't think very much, and Glorfindel dealt with it before it could attack us," Elrohir answered remembering their one and only visit to Troll Shores. Elrond hadn't let them go back there after that, not when it got dark, the road was swarming with those creatures at night, it was most certainly not a good idea. Elrohir looked down at his feet. "This was such a stupid idea! We can't save her by ourselves, we're just going to get ourselves caught like Ada said and then we won't have any chance of saving her! Why are we so stupid? Why don't we think!"

The younger twin collapsed into a sitting position in the snow, pulling his knees up and resting his forehead against his knees. Fourteen days they had been travelling, barely sleeping, barely eating and they had done nothing to help her, the journey was going to get even more difficult from here on and there was no way the pair of them could take on a group of orcs by themselves. Dreams had haunted the younger twin and as Elladan looked down on him he saw how tired he looked, the rings around his eyes, the way his bones seemed to stick out far more than usual in his wan face. The way his eyes had been dulled slightly by exhaustion and worry.

Elrohir's horse brayed softly, noticing his masters obvious sadness and Elladan dropped down beside his twin pulling him close.

"We'll find her Elrohir, we'll find Nana," Elladan whispered. "She's out here somewhere and she's holding on because she knows we're coming for her. I'm not going to let her down."

Elrohir nodded sniffing back tears he would not let fall. He couldn't help being like this, he knew he shouldn't cry, knew that it made him look weak. But he couldn't hold back the tears, Elladan didn't have to deal with the nightmares like he did. Elladan didn't have to watch…

"You're right," Elrohir whispered blinking rapidly. "We'll find her somehow."

Elladan looked back at the mountain, and his face visibly paled. He ran a hand through his jet hair, revealing a scar on one side of his head which had never left him, though the hair which had been cut away had long since grown back.

"Now we just have to deal with this mountain," the elder twin sighed helping his brother up. "I can understand why the dwarves think it's evil."

Elrohir snorted with something which sounded like laughter. "Elladan where exactly did you learn that?"

"A book I think," Elladan answered really not knowing where he knew that from.

"It figures that the only book you would ever read would be one about dwarves," Elrohir commented. "You act just like one."

"May I remind you muindor that we are twins and anything you say about me often reflects on your own nature," Elladan said following Elrohir as he continued on up the mountain.

"I don't think so," Elrohir said grinning. "I think you were switched at birth. Living in some mountain somewhere is one very sophisticated dwarf and I get stuck with you."

"Charming," Elladan replied, trying to imagine a sophisticated dwarf and finding it incredibly difficult. From his experience - though this was mainly from books and tales, he had seen a dwarf once before at one of his father's council meetings. He and Elrohir had hidden hoping to hear what was so important that wizards came to Imladris to talk about. Everything had been going perfectly and the meeting had been about to begin when the dwarf had marched over to the bushes they were hiding in, axe in hand, and stabbed at the foliage with the handle of his weapon.

The creature had managed to whack Elrohir over the back of the head with it and Elrond had immediately marched them back to the house where they were then given strict orders to stay put unless they wanted to end up cleaning the stables for the rest of the year.

The twins still didn't know what his father spoke about to the wizards who came to Imladris occasionally, but they were determined to find out one day.

The journey up the mountainside was a slow and tiring one and when finally night came they weren't even half way up the peak towards Caradhras, not even close.

After finding a good shelter and lighting a fire, Elladan appointed himself the cook and set about skinning the fish they had caught in the Bruinen some nights ago whilst Elrohir looked after the horses.

"Should we send them back?" Elrohir asked thoughtfully stroking Mereet's mane.

"Who?" Elladan asked looking round at Elrohir then noticing Lowyth and Mereet. "The horses?"

"Yes," Elrohir answered. "They know the way back, and I wouldn't mind them running wild either - it's better than them freezing on this mountain."

"What if Nana can't walk?" Elladan asked quietly, his eyes meeting his twin's and the silence in that unspoken horror filling them.

Elrohir shook his head and looked away. "I don't know," he looked up the mountain at the treacherous road before them. "They're not going to survive going all the way up there."

"We'll just have to hope they can," Elladan answered finishing one of the fish and chucking it in the frying pan over the fire. He walked over to Lowyth and stroked the horse's silver mane looking him in the eye. The horse knew what he was talking about, understood. Elladan didn't want anything to happen to the mare, Lowyth had been a good friend for years, he didn't want her to die a terrible death. "I know how you feel 'Ro," he said absently promising the horse with his eyes that he would do his best to protect her.

"We should start looking for caves," he said going back to the fire and laying out his bedroll. "Naneth could be in any of the caves from here to Dimrill stair," Elladan looked at Elrohir. "Do you know where she is?"

Elrohir shook his head sadly wondering over and laying out his own bedroll glancing absentmindedly at the fish as it cooked. "I don't have a clue, I wish I did. I hate this, I can see everything happening to her, and it's too real to be a dream, but I don't know where she is."

"We'll find her," Elladan was reassuring himself now more than his brother. He wasn't cold - elves didn't feel cold - but he shivered anyway. "We have to."

"It's getting closer," Galadriel whispered to the elleth that sat beside her in the gardens of Lorien. "I can feel it."

"A patrol has been sent out for Caradhras, your husband is with them-" saidOriele. The younger elf.tried to help her lady, to reassure her that everything would be alright, but Galadriel would have none of it.

"They will not be fast enough," Galadriel snapped, her knuckles white as they gripped the wooden arm of the chair. She had been sitting there most of the day, listening to the wind, trying to get some idea of what was happening to her family.

"You have seen no more than what you have before?" Oriele asked referring to a very vague vision Galadriel had had in the middle of the night - one that the Elven Lady had told her young friend about. She had not been able to explain who it was in her vision, and had not made much sense of it, but the meaning was clear. The omen was bad, something terrible was going to happen, and she didn't know how to stop it.

Galadriel sighed shaking her head. "No, nothing. The mountain is keeping its secrets."

Five days later they lost the horses. Lowyth slipped and fell on the narrow slippery slopes, luckily whilst Elladan was not riding her - she had broken her leg. It had taken them a while to figure out what to do, Elladan had been quick to draw his sword in an attempt to put the creature out of her misery, but Elrohir had caught his hand before he could deliver the fatal blow. An argument had ensued then, Elrohir determined to save the horse, and Elladan knowing that there was nothing else they could do for her.

Deep down Elrohir had known that they were just wasting their time arguing, time that they didn't have. He had also known that Elladan was right, he didn't want to see the horse starve on the mountain side, but at the same time he knew he couldn't just let her die. Eventually Elladan had killed the horse quickly, driving his sword straight through its temple. Meanwhile Elrohir sent Mereet off back down the mountain, not wanting fate to befall her in the same way.

Elrohir sat by the fire a little way up the mountain from where Lowyth had fallen waiting for Elladan to return. Eventually the elder twin wandered into the ring of firelight looking haunted, his sword dripping blood on the snow. He wiped it off quickly, removing his scabbard and sheathing the sword, sitting down beside his brother.

"I'm sorry 'Ro," Elladan said softly, his voice oddly distant.

Elrohir shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, it wasn't even my horse, I should be the one comforting you."

"You spend more time with the horses than I do," Elladan answered. "You looked after Lowyth as much as you did Mereet."

"I hope she's alright," Elrohir sighed wearily and rested his head in his hands.

Elladan nodded, knowing that Elrohir was talking about the horse, but his mind straying to his mother.

"Maybe we should walk on a little way," Elladan suggested. "There are caves up ahead, and the sun is still out."

The sun was just setting over the edge of the world, beyond the sea, casting a fiery red light upon Caradhras, making the mountain flicker a glowing blood red once again.

"Yes you are right," Elrohir said, he turned suddenly to look down the mountain, at a twist near the base before the road began to climb into the hills. There was a figure there, riding fast up the mountain side. "Who is that?"

Elladan turned, caught sight of the horseman. "Glorfindel," he answered finally. "The horse is too fast to be any other than Asfaloth."

"All the more reason to get moving then," Elrohir said standing and quickly kicking out the fire hoping that Glorfindel hadn't seen.

Thy wandered on through the pass for a long while, sidetracking through caves and passages carved into the mountain side. They lost recollection of how long they had been walking in the dark and how many caves they had searched. They all looked the same - but none of them were inhabited by orcs.

Elrohir sighed, wondering if he had been wrong, but a strange sense of knowing over riding his doubts.

"We should rest now," Elladan said finally looking around tiredly. "We're not going to find her tonight."

"There's a cave up ahead," Elrohir protested not wanting to stop, not caring how tired he was. All he cared about right now was finding his mother and rescuing her from what torment she had been going through.

"There are thousands more caves left to search," Elladan said finally giving up for the night. As much as he wanted to find Celebrían he knew that there was no chance they would find her tonight.

"But it's not very far, just this last one," Elrohir begged pleading with his eyes. "Please 'Dan and then if she's not there I'll rest. It may be the last one we get to search though before Glorfindel finds us."

Elladan nodded his head slowly. "Alright, last one."

Elrohir sped on ahead whilst the elder twin followed behind him, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. Half of him hoped that he mother wouldn't be in the next cave, and half of him already knew she wouldn't. It was the most unlikely thing that the last place they looked that night would be where their mother was. He grimaced, he didn't think he could handle a bunch of orcs at the moment anyway.

He quickened his pace and caught up with Elrohir one hand resting on the pommel of his sword, just in case.

The Balrog Slayer had though, he saw the flickering light on the mountain top before the fire was extinguished. His elven eyes caught the sight of the two shadowed figures making their way up the mountain. He was certain that the twins had seen them, and he was certain that they would do their very best to out run him.

He wondered idly where their horses had gone, for both the figures he saw now were walking along on foot and their were no horses in sight. It was only a matter of time now before he caught up with them, they would not be able to keep ahead of him now.

As they drew closer sounds echoed from within the depths of the mountain side and Elrohir shivered turning to his brother eyes questioning. Elladan drew his sword silently whilst Elrohir nocked an arrow on his bow. The cave was well hidden against the rocks and snow, the entrance turned back on itself, so that if one was not careful they would miss it entirely. As the twins turned the corner peering round to look at the entrance of the cave they saw firelight dancing on the shadowed walls.

Elrohir swallowed hard and back peddled suddenly feeling incredibly uneasy and stupid. They were so close now, they had found what they were looking for, but they couldn't just run in like this. They couldn't stand up to a whole camp of orcs on their own. He looked at Elladan, his breathing shallow as he tried to keep as silent as possible.

Elladan saw the question in his brother's eyes and nodded slowly in understanding, closing his eyes and letting out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in. They couldn't do it. They had to wait. Now that they were so close they had to wait unless they wanted to get caught. Their father had been right, but at least the pair of them weren't stupid enough to simply rush in to a cave swarming with orcs.

Just as the pair of them were turning to leave, slipping away silently into the shadows they heard a sound that made them stop. A heart wrenching cry followed by echoed sobbing. A call for help, a plea for mercy… a cry for death.

A/N: I don't know if dwarves were ever invited to meetings of the White Council, I really do not recall, and I think that they would be far more certain that their meeting was in secret, but call it poetic license. By the way if any one cares I am not making the common mistake that Elrohir's name translates as something horse, I have just always thought Elrohir to be the more sensitive of the twins :p

Thankfully I finally got Microsoft word installed onto my computer, so now I do have a spellchecker - although my experience with them is that sometimes they cause more problems than they solve.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!

All reviews are welcome!

ElvenHope